SHINYA NO OKURIMONO

by Akauzu-kun

Yo-chan turned 36 on Nov. 20... Happy Birthday! I haven't 
seen any Yoshiki fics lately, so he's getting lonely over here
on my side of the Pacific. There's a little plot, but it's a
lemon... *Akauzu and Shinya faint* Microsoft randomly screwed with 
the punctuation, so I hope it's okay.


~ Nov 20, 2001


"I'll just be gone for a few days, ne, Miyu-chan?" 
Shinya's dog looked less worried than the drummer himself. 

"Remember Mrs. Kurosaki from across the hall? She's going to take 
care of you while I'm away." The little dog ran back to her 
anxious puppies, leaving Shinya to collect his few pieces of 
luggage. Normally, he hated travelling, but this was a special 
occasion. The phone's bright ringing interrupted his thoughts.

"Moshi moshi. Shinya desu," he answered rather abruptly.

"Hi, Shinya. It's Kaoru. Just letting you know that I 
had that photo session rescheduled for next Friday, if that's 
alright with you."

"Mmm. That's fine. Kaoru - I'm sorry for taking
time 
off, but..."

"It's nothing. You're the only member who's
always on time, never takes a break, and is always ready. If 
anything, I should force you to take a vacation. You make the rest 
of us slackers look bad." Shinya smiled. Kaoru exaggerated, of
course.

"Okay. I'll be back in three or four days. Just going 
out of town to visit a friend."

"Have fun."

"Yeah. Ja!" Shinya put down the phone with an uneasy 
smile. It wasn't like him to simply take off for some foreign
city for no real reason. Or, at least for a reason that he couldn't
put into words. He picked up his carefully wrapped birthday present 
and headed for the door.

Shinya had always been a big fan of X-Japan, so when Yoshiki 
became Dir en grey's producer he was understandably elated. 
Even after the band had sought their own musical direction, Shinya 
still felt that they owed a lot to the former drummer turned 
producer. Now that it was Yoshiki's birthday, he felt an 
inexplicable urge to visit him, despite the difference of one largish 
ocean. Shinya caught a glimpsed of himself in the hall mirror as he 
walked out of his apartment and stopped to smooth his hair.

"Damn it, Shinya, you're a rock star. You're allowed
to do something spontaneous and irrational every so often!" Miyu 
looked questioningly at him. "See you in a few days, Miyukkoro.I'm 
going to Los Angeles!"


Airports were always confusing, especially when in an 
unfamiliar country, but Shinya managed to get out alive and 
relatively unharmed. Due to one of the world's strange paradoxes, 
American cab drivers seemed to speak every language except English. 
Clutching his bags to himself, he told the driver Yoshiki's Los 
Angeles address.

It was already dark - Shinya had forgotten to adjust his 
watch for the time difference, but he estimated it to be about nine, 
local time. Oh well, at least he wouldn't wake Yoshiki-sama up
in the middle of the night. That would be embarrassing. There would 
be time to grab a motel room after he said hello - no one ever slept 
in LA, right? For some reason, Die had enjoyed the strange American 
city. Shinya found it foreign and uncomfortable. Thinking of Die 
made him homesick, despite the fact that he had only been there for a 
few hours.

Shinya leaned his head against the cab window. Die... he 
couldn't believe it, but his missed Die's teasing. Lately,Die 
hadn't taunted him at all. Shinya frowned, wondering what that 
meant. He had always harbored some secret affection for Die - and 
secret it would stay, since the guitarist didn't even like him 
enough to bother teasing.

"You in love or something, pretty girl?" asked the cab 
driver in flawless Japanese. Shinya looked up, surprised.

"I don't know. I don't even know who I..." 
The driver laughed, undoubtedly finding Shinya's predicament very 
amusing.

The cab reached Yoshiki's home, not far from the studio 
where he worked, so Shinya had to pause a moment to calculate 
payment. In the end, he just thrust a handful of bills to the 
driver, hoping that it was enough. Apparently it was, as the cab 
sped off. 

"No going back, now," whispered Shinya to himself. He 
wondered why he was suddenly so frightened to be standing outside 
Yoshiki's door. Certainly, he had idolised the man since high 
school, but that hardly explained the floating feeling in his 
stomach. What would he say? "Oh, I happened to be in the area
and I thought I'd drop by?" No, that was stupid. Shinya shook his 
head and walked up the steps to Yoshiki's door. He had a beautiful 
house, one of the old brick ones that had a romantic, old-fashioned 
look. Shinya rung the doorbell hesitantly, still unsure of what he 
would say. The door opened slightly, so he was out of time.

"Um, hello, Yoshiki-san..."

"Shinya?" Yoshiki unchained the lock and threw the door 
open. "What are you doing here?" Shinya blushed.

"I... I wanted to wish you a happy birthday." Yoshiki 
shook his head in disbelief. Short blonde hair brushed his 
shoulders, making Shinya gasp involuntarily. He was as beautiful as 
he had been ten years ago.

"I know you hate phone calls, Shinya, but..." Yoshiki 
smiled. "Why don't you come in? The indies band I'm currently 
producing had a small party for me already back at the studio, orI'd 
invite you."

"No, I really shouldn't come in..."

"I insist." Shinya couldn't have said "no"even if he 
had wanted to.

Yoshiki's home was much as Shinya remembered it from when 
Dir en grey came for recording, save the addition of a few new 
photographs. Members of Dir en grey, Luna Sea, Glay, VelvetUK and 
others were framed on the wall near the doorway, but Shinya noticed 
none of X-Japan. Painful memories, he reasoned.

Yoshiki, too, had not changed. He still had that aura of 
being commanding yet gentle, not to mention desirable. Shinya's 
face flushed a deep pink at that thought. So that was how the fan 
girls felt, right?

"Would you like something to drink?" Yoshiki held up a 
bottle of wine, something French that looked expensive. Shinya shook 
his head hastily.

"Uh uh. I just wanted..."

"You're always welcome here." Yoshiki sat down on a sofa 
and motioned for Shinya to do the same. He began pouring wine into 
tall glasses despite Shinya's protestations. "Otherwise, I'm just 
a lonely old man with nothing better to do than sit around and 
drink. It sounds better if I have company."

"You're not old!" added Shinya, quickly.

"I feel old!" laughed Yoshiki. Shinya laughed as well. 
He had never expected Yoshiki-sama to be so normal - so human. Part 
of Shinya's mind still thought of him as the untouchable,fragile
looking doll at the heart of X-Japan. He should have been imposing, 
aloof and cold, to match his image. Instead, the real Yoshiki was 
warm and personable.

"I... remembered that it was your birthday, and I wanted to 
do something... so I..." Yoshiki silenced Shinya with an 
imperceptible wave of his hand.

"I'm just glad you're here, for whatever reason."

"I brought you a present!" Shinya opened his bag and 
pulled out a small box wrapped in colored paper. Yoshiki opened it 
carefully, not wanting to spoil the paper. He pulled out a silver 
bracelet strung with purple stones,"

"The other guys took me shopping and I thought this looked 
like something you might like..." began Shinya.

"I love it. Amethyst. My... favorite." Yoshiki
wrapped the bracelet around his wrist. Shinya belatedly realised 
that Amethyst was an X song... so he didn't know much about gemstones.

"Sorry."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe that kind of stone brings back old 
memories, or something..." Yoshiki smiled as he sipped his wine.

"You've always been so cute, Shinya!" Shinya's eyes 
widened at Yoshiki's unconscious choice of words. "You always want 
to please everyone."

"I want people to like me." Shinya shrugged, finishing 
his wine. It was very good, although Shinya felt a little guilty for 
bothering Yoshiki. 

"People do like you. You hide behind the drums, though, 
and they never get a chance to see you!" Shinya giggled softly.

"You sound like Die-kun! He always teases me for being 
shy."

"How is Die-kun? And everyone else?"

"Die's okay, I guess." Shinya wondered about the 
guitarist for a moment - lately, Die hadn't teased so much. Maybe he 
had found someone better to mess with. "Toshiya's still hitting
on Kaoru, but he just does it to annoy Kyo. Not a whole lot has 
changed... we have a new album coming out next year, and we think
it will do really well." Shinya leaned over Yoshiki to refill his 
glass, but the older man gently grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"I'm the host, I should do that." Yoshiki poured the 
wine but did not let go of Shinya's hand. Yoshiki's
fingers were warm and slightly rough. With his hand trapped in such 
a way, Shinya realised that he was pulled much closer to Yoshiki. So 
close, in fact, that Shinya was practically laying over the other.

"Um, thank you." Shinya took a drink from the glass in 
his unoccupied hand while looking into Yoshiki's eyes. Perhaps
it was the alcohol, but he was not afraid at all.

Even when Yoshiki pressed his lips lightly to Shinya's, the 
young drummer did not pull away. Yoshiki tasted of expensive wine, 
thought Shinya, a little sweet and a little dry. On the TV dramas, 
people always kissed with their mouth open, so Shinya ran his tongue 
over Yoshiki's lips. Yoshiki returned in kind, pushing his tongue 
into Shinya's mouth.

Shinya's mind was in confusion, but his lips knew how to 
respond; the two men entangled their hands to draw closer. When they 
finally broke the kiss, Shinya was flushed from more than the wine.

"I... I should go before the hotels close!" he
stuttered.

"Why not stay here?"asked Yoshiki, dreamily. Why not, 
exactly? Here, in Yoshiki's arms, Shinya had something he had 
dreamed about since high school. Something he had not even confessed 
to his closest friends, although Toshiya openly threw himself at 
other men. Shinya was more quiet, and usually content to leave his 
dreams as particles of the imagination. This was better than any 
dream.

"I'd like that, but where will I sleep?" he asked, 
tracing Yoshiki's jaw with his tongue and ending at the older man's 
ear. Toshiya had done that to someone, once, and it looked useful. 
Yoshiki's voice grew more breathy as he whispered:

"You can stay with me, if you like." Shinya responded by 
burying his face into Yoshiki's shoulder and holding him tightly.

"Alright," he whispered back. He was surprised when 
Yoshiki rose and began to lead him towards the back of the house. It 
occurred to Shinya's fogged brain that that was probably where
the bedroom was. This was... the first time... Shinya's fingers 
stiffened around Yoshiki's, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the 
older man. Knowing that words would not help, he dropped
Shinya's wrist to run his hands through the drummer's short brownish
hair, drawing his face closer for a kiss. Shinya lost all sense of 
fear. This was something he had imagined countless times, finally 
brought to reality. He returned the kiss eagerly as Yoshiki deftly 
began to work the buttons of his shirt. By the time he collapsed, 
breathless, onto Yoshiki's bed, his shirt was open down the front.

"Mou, I'm too thin!" he cried, laughing.

"You're beautiful," said Yoshiki, leaning his headover 
Shinya's chest. Well, the TV dramas never went this far. Shinya 
was left with a blank as to what to do next, so he simply gave in to 
the sensation. Yoshiki alternately licked and nipped at Shinya's 
nipple, pinching the other lightly between his fingers. Shinya could 
not help but gasp.

Yoshiki's free hand moved lower until it reached the top of 
Shinya's pants, undoing the clasp in a single motion. Shinyawas 
terribly embarrassed, as evidenced by the furious blush on his 
cheeks, but he wriggled out of his pants nevertheless. Now was not 
the time to second-guess every choice, or to worry about what others 
would think. Yoshiki smoothly divested him of underwear as well, 
leaving Shinya with only his shirt. He fiddled aimlessly with a 
loose button.

"Well, it's not fair that you have all your clothes and I 
just have a shirt," he laughed nervously. He picked open the top 
few buttons of Yoshiki's shirt.

"Fair's fair." Yoshiki began to remove his own clothing 
while Shinya took the opportunity to scurry under the sheets. He was 
not entirely comfortable naked in front of another - and what would 
Yoshiki think if he knew how aroused just this had made him?

Probably not much - Yoshiki seemed to be in a similar 
state. How long had the older man been harboring such an erection? 
Shinya flushed and pulled the sheets to cover his red face, leaving 
only his eyes showing.

"So shy all of a sudden?" asked Yoshiki. "Someone so 
beautiful should never cover their face."

"My face is all red!" laughed Shinya, muffled by the 
sheets that he was holding tightly. Yoshiki crawled on top of him, 
much like a prowling cat with an accompanying catlike grin.

"I'll have to tickle you until you let go."

"You wouldn't!" Yoshiki licked along Shinya's earlobe, 
then suddenly plunged his tongue inside. Shinya shrieked and dropped 
the sheet while Yoshiki laughed. The sheets were pushed aside as 
Yoshiki pressed his body against Shinya's more wiry one. His hands 
traced along the flatness of Shinya's stomach until they became 
entangled in soft hair. Shinya arched his head backwards, allowing 
Yoshiki's mouth greater access to his throat. Yoshiki's fingers 
danced along his erection, alternating feather-light touches with 
rougher strokes. Shinya felt himself being pushed to the edge, and 
was barely able to regain the presence of mind to speak.

"Not yet," he whispered in a choked voice. "I want you 
to..." Shinya trailed off. He knew what came next; only it seemed 
so unknown to him. Why did Toshiya, only a year his senior, seem to 
know so much about this? Shinya knew nothing other than that it felt 
right to be here, with Yoshiki.

"Are you sure you...?"

"If I've gone this far there's no going back!" breathed 
Shinya in exasperation. The tightness is his lower body was 
unbearable and he writhed slowly under the older man's body. 
"Please...!"

"I can't argue with that," said Yoshiki with a small 
smile. He fished a tube from underneath the bed and squeezed some of 
the contents onto his fingers. "Close your eyes, Shinya."

"But I..." Shinya hesitated for a moment, but complied. 
He felt Yoshiki spread his legs and instinctively wrapped them around 
the other man's waist. A cold finger traced along the cleft of his 
buttocks, eliciting a gasp from Shinya. It rapidly felt much warmer 
as one finger slid into Shinya's hole.

It was unfamiliar, but not exactly painful. He relaxed to 
Yoshiki's touch as he pushed another finger in. That- Shinya bit 
his lower lip at the pain almost hard enough to draw blood, and 
twisted his hands in the sheets. Yoshiki was murmuring something 
reassuring in his ear, but it went unheard. It was near unbearable 
as Yoshiki moved more quickly within his body, until his fingers 
brushed against a spot which sent a jolt of pleasure through Shinya.

"Yo...shi...ki...!" he gasped. "What...?"

"Should I stop now?"

"No! Don't stop...!" Yoshiki's fingers were removed, 
and for a moment, Shinya thought that his former idol had ignored his 
plea. Did Yoshiki think he was too young and inexperienced? Or 
undesirable in some way? Die always made fun of him like that... what 
a strange time to think of Die. 

Shinya's thoughts were silenced by the hardness pushing up 
against his entrance. Wordlessly, Yoshiki entered him. Shinya 
stifled the initial scream in his throat, letting only a soft whimper 
escape his lips. Yoshiki tenderly brushed thick hair from the 
younger man's wild eyes. When Shinya had begun to breathe normally, 
he started to move slowly in and out.

Yoshiki's rocking motions took on a frenzied edge, hitting 
something within Shinya with each thrust. All traces of pain had 
disappeared, leaving Shinya with only a growing pleasure. Yoshiki 
breathed heavily on his neck - were those moans coming from him? 
Shinya could scarcely tell where he ended and Yoshiki began. He felt 
warmth filling his insides, warmth spilling forth from himself... it 
was all too much. As climax faded to deep contentment, Shinya sank 
into the pillows, Yoshiki falling next to him. To have Yoshiki's 
arms wrapped protectively around him, thought Shinya, was some small 
piece of heaven.

"I love you, Yoshiki," he whispered, still bathed in 
ecstasy.

"I wish that were true." Shinya looked up, startled.

"I do!" Shinya unsuccessfully tried to push thought of 
Die from his mind.

"You can't be in love with two people. The more you try 
to love both equally, the more you realise that you are doing no one 
justice." He paused, looking down. "Believe me, I know from 
experience."

"Yoshiki-san, do you mean..."

"Toshi and hide?" Yoshiki smiled wryly. "Was I that 
obvious? Toshi was my childhood friend, and hide was... hide was 
something that they don't have a word for yet. I didn't want to 
lose either of them, but in the end... now hide is gone and
Toshi... I don't even recognise my best friend anymore." Shinya 
pulled the sheets closer to himself.

"Actually, I meant me and you and Die-kun," he said in a 
quiet voice. Yoshiki kissed him on the forehead; chaste in contrast 
to the impassioned embraces of earlier.

"I can't tell you what to do. If I said you meant nothing 
to me, I'd be a liar in addition to my other failings. I care about 
you a great deal, Shinya. You... you convinced me that it's possible 
to feel something even after you've lost everything. You remind me 
of myself when I was younger. What do I mean to say? I can't 
decide for you."

"I'm not a child anymore."

"I know. But you are innocent, and you don't want to hurt 
anyone."

"I..." Shinya would have said "I am not innocent," but 
he knew this to be untrue. In terms of emotions, he was still 
awkwardly learning.

"What if Die disappeared from your life tomorrow? What if 
you never got a chance to tell him that you loved him, and never 
would?" Shinya was silently trying to hold back tears. Yoshiki 
began to whisper. "I blinded myself to the fact that Toshi was 
changing, all those years. Hide... hide loved me, I could tell, but I 
didn't want to lose Toshi. What I didn't see was that Toshi was 
slipping from me anyway, and hide was trying to hide his hurt. He 
always had plenty of women to keep him company, and I thought 
everything would work out in the end. When he died... I can only 
believe that it was an accident, because knowing that I could
have... I realised then that I had never told him that I loved him. 
I really 
loved him."

"Like I love Die," finished Shinya. The words were 
difficult to say. "But I also love you, Yoshiki." Yoshiki looked 
away, but Shinya pulled his face back to him. "There are many
kinds of love, I think. I will always love that Yoshiki-sama who 
inspired me, and even if the real you changes, you'll still be my 
friend."You're the first person I ever fell in love with, so that 
has to count for something." Yoshiki smiled, his features 
illuminated by moonlight.

"I guess it does. I almost envy Die, but I'm happy to see 
you two together. So you'll go back to Tokyo tomorrow." Shinya's 
fingers, still cupping Yoshiki's face, moved to brush his lips.

"I don't have to leave right away."

~o~wa~ri~



*oh, hello to all the people who read all the way to the bottom. 
That was my first completed lemon, so hopefully it wasn't too 
terrible. I'm still trying to revive Shinya, as he passed out 
halfway through reading. ^_^;;; I need a muse with a stronger 
constitution. Comments always appreciated, as they don't pay me to 
write this stuff...

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