Wake Unto Me

by Amethyst

Notes: Erm, I'm on crack. ^_^v Not responsible for the crazy things that come from my head, but it's been a while since I've done a DEG fic and may as well go for the angst.

********************

Part 1

It was one of those moments when everything happens too slow and too fast at the same time. I saw you turn, far too slow to react properly; your face was almost beautiful except for that expression of horror gracing your gorgeous features. I ran toward you, knowing I wouldn't be in time to save you. My legs felt like they had cement blocks around them. The car was braking, again too slow to stop in time. I prayed it slowed enough to prevent any serious, critical damage. And then it happened. Too fast to comprehend, but slow enough to wonder if I could have saved you.

So now I sit here, gazing at you as you lie in the small hospital bed, looking so pale and fragile and so unlike the strong-willed person I know. Your usually pale skin is almost chalk-white, your hair and lashes in startling contrast. Your small hands...I'm afraid to even pick one up, scared you might break, you just seem so fragile lying there.

I cried for almost a day straight here next to you when you didn't wake up. Do you know that? You would probably laugh at the thought of me crying. I'm supposed to be the joker, trickster, playful, laughing one; I'm not supposed to be reduced to a sobbing wreck at your bedside. But, damnit, I shouldn't be AT your bedside! Even now, though, hanging on to life by a fucking thread, you are still beautiful. The doctors didn't cut your long hair, thankfully. But it has lost its life, its shine. Now it is just a dark blotch against the sterile whiteness of the hospital room.

I can't...I can't be you. I don't know how to keep all of us together. Goddamnit, I just can't. But I'm trying. For your sake and our sanity, I'm trying. Toshiya..he won't even leave his bedroom, much less his apartment. And Kyo is always with Totchi, just being with him, making him eat, all that stuff. Shinya...He..I don't know what has become of him. He's suddenly this cold, unfeeling person. It's almost like he shut down. Yoshiki-san is with him right now, I think. He collapsed from sheer exhaustion the other day and is a few rooms down resting, doctor's orders. Yoshiki-san does what he can with Shinya. He's the only one who's even gotten Shinya to talk in two weeks. And me? I don't know what else to do. I've run out of options. So I sit here with you, watching you sleep, memorizing your sharp, beautiful features in case the next hour's the last. God, I can't even believe I'm thinking like that! You will wake up, damnit! I just want to grab your slender shoulders and scream at you to open your eyes, to look at me. But I won't. I doubt it would do any good. If the best doctors in Japan can do nothing, what good is a skinny guitarist?

We can't do this without you. You have always been our strength, the bond that held the rest of us motley crew together. Without you we are falling apart at the seams. We--I need you to wake up. I can't keep putting on this show everyday. I'm not strong enough to do it. Please, wake up, Kaoru.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The doorknob turned with a soft click. A mop of tousled blonde hair poked through. "Come in, Kyo," a quiet, worn voice spoke up. The vocalist stepping inside and closed the door quietly. Die looked up from his spot to the right of Kaoru's bed, as far away from the machines as he could get and still be able to touch the prone guitarist. Kyo's heart wrenched at the site of his friend. Die's usually bright red hair hung limply around his face; his eyes were bloodshot; and Kyo probably could have packed the bags under the tired brown orbs. Not to mention Die looked as if he had lost weight he couldn't spare. Kyo was wordless as he walked to the guitarist. Die looked slightly befuddled as the shorter singer crouched and wrapped strong arms around his shoulders. Kyo buried his face in Die's hair.

"Die, go home, go to the lounge, but go get some sleep, please," Kyo whispered into the rough red locks. He pulled away slightly to stare at Die's face, his arms still locked around the guitarist's neck.

"No. I won't leave him. I--" Kyo silenced Die with a finger on his lips.

"I'll stay in here, Die, but this isn't healthy!" Die frowned at Kyo. "You want to end up rooming with Shinya? Because that's what's gonna happen," Kyo persisted, face almost furious. "Now, go get some food and some fucking sleep before I have one of the doctors admit you for your own health."

"Kyo, I'm fine. Really. I have eaten today." It was a lie, and Die hoped his stomach didn't attest to the fact with any loud rumbles.

"Bull-fucking-shit, Daisuke. Don't you dare lie to me," Kyo spat. "I'll stay in here with Kaoru, but you ARE going to eat and rest for a little while. Twenty-four hours won't kill you," Kyo continued as he pulled Die up from the chair. Die was no match for Kyo at this point.

"No, but it might kill him." The guitarist's words hung heavy in the antiseptic hospital air long after Kyo had shooed him out the door. Kyo bit his lip hard enough to draw blood as he gazed at Kaoru. He placed a gentle kiss on the pale, pale forehead and sank down into the seat he had removed Die from. And cried for the first time in two weeks.