Drowning in the Deep End
by H.
Pairing: DiexKaoru, KyoxToshiya, ShinyaxYoshiki
Rated: NC-17
Genre: Drama, mildly angsty
– Ok, this isn't really a songfic, but I wanted to include the
lyrics
of the song "Drawn to the Deep End" (note: hence the
variation on the
fic title) by a UK band named Gene. It's a hauntingly beautiful
and
morose song and it really fits the current mental state of poor Kaoru
in my ficcy. Song lyrics are in //'s
PART IV
How long he'd been lying there, covered in the drying life that
covered his legs, feet and stomach he wasn't sure. An hour, a
day, a
week…did it matter?
Did he care?
No one else cared…
// You can feel every pulse of your blood
Reminding you that days slip on by
As they should
But nothing has been done
You rarely see the sun.//
Slowly, he managed to uncurl himself, bringing his knees down from
his chest. His throbbing head reminded him of the oceans of tears
that had fallen from his miserable eyes earlier. Another shard of
glass grazed his arm as he managed to hoist himself into a sitting
position. He looked out the window on the gray cityscape. Rain
tattered and exploded on the thin glass pane.
// A house barely clean, never could
Bring yourself to rise for a life
Fantasize
Of diving in the deep end
The water offers changes.//
The stinging in his protesting feet reminded him of what he'd
done.
Dead hands reached down to extract the remaining shards from the
abused soles of his slender heels, causing more crimson droplets to
rain down upon his torn clothes, upon his scarred skin.
// I can feel every twisted dead bone
I have seen the city it's young
Their hopes
The town boys roaring by
Sometimes I want to die.//
Looking down upon his broken body, pierced and cut, Kaoru began to
laugh. A long sickening guffaw, that eventually sent his slender
form into violent coughing fits.
//Long to live? Tell me why should I leave
The comfort of my room with its dirt
Inches deep
So why do people bother
I have nothing to offer//
Spitting up more of the sanguine life, his thoughts began to slowly
take shape in his tormented psyche. `You can't even kill
yourself.'
More sickening laughter, more blood spat out through stained
teeth, `You don't even deserve to die. That's the easy
way out, you
fucking coward! Always too weak… No, you deserve to continue,
live
in this pain, in this wretched shell of a body. This life is your
atonement for your sins. Your scourge…your pathetic life…'
// Everyone has a place, I know mine
In bed where I was born, where I'll live
Where I'll die
The longing is long gone
I'm boredom's latest son.//
More hysterical laughter broke the still of the early morning as the
guitarist brought his trembling frame to his tattered feet. He
placed a cool palm on the translucent window pain, tracing the
outline of his small fingers.
// Do you cry for a life ever spring
Where winter is a fading and dim memory?
Go take what you have not
And leave me here to rot.//
More coughing as his protesting stomach rallied against him,
proffering its contents onto the stained carpet, stinging and burning
his maltreated throat. The pink haired man wiped his mouth with the
back of his hand before turning and stumbling down the hall,
clutching the walls as he went, anointing them with deep scarlet
marks.
// I can feel every twisted dead bone
I have seen the city it's young
Their hopes
The town boys roaring by
Sometimes I want to die.//
Throwing himself onto his futon, he brought his knees up to his
aching chest, drawing them in closely with interlocked fingers. He
willed his tired eyes shut, as a disturbed sleep began to envelope
his senses. `Fuck practice…fuck everything…I'm just
too tired…too
tired.' He thought as he drifted off, tears returning to the
corners
of his eyes.
****
"Umpf!" Kyo yelled as he was again crushed into the wall of
the
narrow hallway. "Explain to me _why_ exactly we have to bring
him
back to our apartment?" The vocalist whined as he and the
bassist
managed to hoist the red head back into a standing position and
continue down the hall. He was tired, he had a headache, and his
earlier arousal had not been quelled, hence, he was also extremely
frustrated.
The blue haired one rolled his eyes. "Kyo! It's late and
Die is in
no condition to be by himself right now. Now, quit your moaning and
hold him while I fish out my keys." Toshiya reached into his
pocket
to retrieve said item while Kyo held the guitarist against the
doorframe.
Finally, the door swung open and the three men tumbled forward into
the darkness. "Come on, let's put him in the spare
room." Kyo
suggested in a hushed voice.
The bassist stood up, placing his hands on his hips. The action
unfortunately put all the guitarists weight on the smaller man, who
promptly toppled over, landing with a thud under the taller
man. "What do you mean spare room? We don't _have_ a spare
room you
idiot!" He huffed before reaching down to help his koi out from
under the unconscious man.
"Totchi! I mean your room! It's not like _you_ sleep there.
Let
Die-kun have the bed for the night." The vocalist straightened
himself and glared at his lover.
"Oh..Heehee…" The pretty one blushed, "You're right
Kyo-chan." He
giggled before bending down to help their friend up.
"Argh!! Don't call me that!! Come on, let's just get him
into bed."
He sighed as he threw Die's arm over his shoulder as the three
men
continued down the hallway.
The two finally managed to get the guitarist into Toshiya's bed
and
covered up. The vocalist knelt on the mattress besides his friend,
lovingly brushing a few idle strands of hair out of his eyes.
"Good
night, Die-kun." He whispered as leaned forward, placing an
innocent
kiss on the guitarist's cheek.
Die stirred and yawned as he threw his arm around the smaller
man's
waist, nuzzling against his warm neck. "Mmm…good night
Kaoru." The
semi conscious man pulled Kyo down to his chest and held him tight.
Toshiya glared as Kyo threw him a deer in the headlights look.
"Emr…
Die…" No response. "Die-kun…" A tight squeeze and a
light peck on
the vocalist's lips was the only response the smaller man
received.
The bassist had seen enough. He slid his arms around Kyo's waist
and
roughly pulled him out of the guitarist's embrace. Die stirred
slightly, turned over, and fell promptly back to sleep, but not
before muttering a barely audible "I love you, Kaoru."
The two men smiled sweetly down upon their friend, forgetting the
previous awkward moments. "Come on. Let's let him rest.
He's gonna
have one hell of a hang over tomorrow and we have practice." The
smaller man whispered as he grabbed his lover's hand and led him
out
of the room, shutting the lights off as they left.
****
Kyo finished locking up the apartment and turning off the lights
before he entered the bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and
yawned before his tired body padded over to the bed quietly. He got
under the covers, pulling them up over his small frame before
reaching over to turn out the light on the nightstand. He heard the
bathroom door open, and soon saw his lover appear in the doorway. He
thought better of turning out the light.
Toshiya posed sexily against the doorframe, clad only in a
translucent dark blue nightie with a matching blue scarf wrapped
around his forearm. "Mmm…" The bassist sighed, pushing
himself from
the wall and strutting over to the foot of the bed.
"Kyo…remember
earlier before Die got to the bar? Remember what you said?" He
whispered as he crawled onto the bed, slinking slowly towards his
lover, hips rolling sensually, the look of overwhelming lust evident
in his eyes.
The usually ever-present thoughts of sleep quickly vanished from the
smaller man's thoughts as he watched his lover continue to prowl
up
the sheets before straddling his hips while practically purring. The
blue haired man began rubbing his dripping arousal against his
lover's trapped flesh, eliciting a throaty cry from both men.
The vocalist grabbed the back of his lover's head, pulling him
forward, forcing his tongue into the sweet mouth while his other hand
found its way under the hem of the nightie, and began teasing the
hard length with feather light touches.
Toshiya pulled back and moaned as the vocalist reached lower,
fondling his balls before slowly circling around his tight
entrance. "Please…Kyo…" He panted desperately.
The vocalist smirked as his lover trembled under his skilled touch.
He bit down on the tender flesh of his neck before gently soothing
with his tongue. "Oh, I remember what I said earlier,
Totchi." He
whispered huskily into the bishonen's ear, running his tongue
around
the pink shell before gently teasing it inside. Taking his hand off
the slender neck, he reached down, unwinding the silken material of
the scarf from the bassist's arm. "Kneel in front of me,
Toshiya."
He commanded as the beautiful man reluctantly removed himself from
the vocalist's lap and maneuvered himself easily into the
requested
position. Removing the covers and his boxers in one fluid movement,
the blonde haired man moved behind his lover, lifting up the negligee
and tossing it carelessly into the corner.
The bassist gasped as he felt moist, hot breath on the back of his
neck, sending erotic chills down his spine, further hardening his
dripping length. Suddenly, he felt his lover bring his slender arms
behind his back, securing them tightly. He whimpered and bit his
lip, as the fabric was drawn tighter and tighter into his delicate
wrists. He shut his eyes and threw his head back, feeling his lover
move around his form again, and scorching lips tease his collarbone,
moving downwards slowly.
The vocalist smiled as he saw his lover's breaths coming in rapid
succession as his mouth traveled over the defined chest, coming to
rest on one of the tawny nipples. Biting down roughly, he caused the
other man to scream at the unexpected action.
"God…Kyo…more…" The blue haired man managed to
whimper as he felt the
hot tongue trace lazy patterns across his chest, raising goose bumps
on the silky flesh. The smaller man's hands traced the wet lines
he'd just made, until both ventured upwards and grabbed hold of
the
pink nipples, pinching them roughly between thumbs and forefingers.
Toshiya bit his lip.
"You like that, don't you Totchi?" The smaller man
purred as he
continued to make his way downwards, suckling and biting on the
sensitive flesh above his lover's hip bones, his hot breath
striking
the bassist's aching cock. Kyo continued tormenting the other
man,
skipping over the straining erection to lick up the pale thighs,
marking each one with a vicious bite on the tender inside. He cocked
his head to the side and gazed up at the blue haired man, his mouth
scant centimeters from his lover's length. "I wonder if
you'll like
this too?" He queried as the pink tongue ran slowly up the
quaking
shaft, his teeth nipping at the sensitive head.
"Kyo…please…" The bassist shuddered, tears forming at
the corners of
his eyes; he needed release so badly. He bucked his hips towards the
warm mouth, hoping to persuade his lover to continue.
Laughing low in his throat, Kyo continued. "I see you like that
too." A dark shadow cloaked his lust filled eyes, as the
vocalist
grinned in smug satisfaction at the responses he was receiving from
his lover. "I wonder…if you'd like this, Totchi…"
He trailed off
before rapidly engulfing the whole of the bassist's dripping
length,
deep throating the squirming man, sucking with all his might as he
pushed a finger past the tight entrance, searching for the spot that
would make the blue haired man scream.
"YES!! More…Kyo…" Toshiya cried as his lover managed
to strike the
spot deep within over and over again. The warm buzzing in his
stomach began to invade his entire body as he felt a second finger
join the first, moving inside him, making his whole being tremble.
His mind lost control, giving himself completely over to his carnal
pleasures, thrusting his hips harder and faster into Kyo's
delicious
mouth. Suddenly the warmth was removed and the bassist was left
panting and shaking. He threw a pleading look to his koi.
"Come for me, Totchi. I want to hear you scream." The
smaller man
growled before enveloping his lover's cock again while using his
fingers to push his length as deep is he could manage.
"Mmm…Kyo…I'm…" Lead by the vocalist's
fingers he fucked the sweet
depths of his mouth roughly. Teetering on the brink of release, he
felt the blonde hum low in his throat, teasing with the final
delicious vibrations that sent him spiraling out of
control. "KYO!!" He screamed as his milky essence flowed
from him.
The bassist collapsed back onto his knees, head hung low, attempting
to regain his breath as he rode out the final aftershocks of
release. He felt strong fingers behind him, freeing him from the
silken confines of the scarf, gentle kisses on his wrists and
forearms.
"On your hands and knees, baby." Kyo cooed as he placed a
warm palm
on the smooth flesh of the bassist's back. Nodding briefly, the
taller man stretched his aching arms out in front of him and leaned
forward on his knees. He heard his lover behind him grasping at
something, then felt two slick fingers return to their previous
position, stroking him deep within, reawakening his spent length. He
thrust back eagerly, pushing the delightful digits deeper, harder…
letting his lover know…he needed it, and he needed it now.
"What do you want, Totchi?" The vocalist asked while
inserting a
third finger to join the first two.
"Please…Kyo…" The blue haired man panted then cried out
as he felt
another finger massaging him.
"Say it!" The smaller man demanded, his free hand reaching
around to
stroke the recovered, hard length.
"Kyo…Please, I need you…" Toshiya whimpered thrusting
back into the
marvelous fingers and forward into the blonde man's teasing
grasp.
Suddenly, the fingers were gone, the hand was gone, and a warm body
was pressed behind him, hot arousal pressing against the cheeks of
his ass.
"SAY IT! You SLUT!" Kyo ordered while rubbing his arousal
over the
smooth globes.
"God…Kyo...FUCK ME!" The blue haired man screamed as he
felt Kyo's
length pressing urgently into him. There was no pain now, only the
pleasure, only the feeling of this lover's hard cock pounding
mercilessly into him, filling him, completing him. He moved his hips
to meet the frantic thrusts, again and again, Kyo giving all he could
while he took it all, panting, moaning, screaming.
"You're so tight, baby. So good. I could fuck you all
night." Kyo
whispered as his hand reached around to grab the bassist's rock
hard
length.
"Harder…" The blue haired man panted, throwing his head
back as he
felt the warm hand begin to stroke him in time with the hectic
movements.
The vocalist complied, pounding into the tight channel faster,
harder, deeper. Higher and higher the two climbed, spurred on by the
each others erotic moans and pleas. Toshiya felt the familiar warmth
return, sliding down his spine, through his stomach, down into his
dripping desire until finally he threw his head back, screaming as he
came hard into his lover's hand.
The already tight walls became even more constricting as Kyo felt the
bassist's body tremble and clench in pleasure. Thrusting a final
time into the exquisite heat, he bit down on his lover's
shoulder,
his strong arms wrapping around Toshiya's still shaking form as
he
pressed into the depths as far as he could, releasing his essence.
Slowly, the lovers came back to reality as both collapsed onto the
sheets. Kyo pulled the blue haired man into his arms, guiding his
head to rest upon his chest. The bassist grinned sweetly and
snuggled into the warmth.
"I love you, my beautiful Totchi." The blonde man whispered,
gently
kissing his lover's forehead. He sank back into the pillows and
closed his weary eyes.
Toshiya sighed happily and threw his arm around the smaller man.
"I
love you too, my cute Kyo."
Kyo's eyes shot open. "What did you call me?"
****
The red head awoke with a major headache. "Da
mn…hangover…" He
grumbled, hugging the small fuzzy teddy bear into his chest and
nuzzling deeper into the comforter.
`Wait a minute…mind starting to function…' Die opened
his eyes and
glanced at his surroundings. "Where the hell am I?" He mused
aloud.
As he was beginning to reassemble the pieces of exactly _what_
happened last night, the door to the bedroom flew open and in waltzed
a certain bright-eyed bassist.
"Morning, Die-kun." He chirped as he set a steaming cup of
coffee on
the nightstand. "We have practice soon. I figured you might
want to
get showered and changed. I have some extra clothes that are too big
for me that you can wear if you'd like." The pretty bassist
offered
while smoothing Die's hair out of his face affectionately.
The memories of the previous night gradually came back to him…his
phone call to Kaoru, his manic drinking, his admission of his
feelings to his friends…and…falling on Kyo?? The guitarist
felt his
heart sink again as he recalled the phone call. He noticed the
bishonen staring at him with worried eyes.
"Thanks, Totchi. Sorry to be so much trouble." The
guitarist forced
a smile to his face and patted his friend's hand lovingly.
The bassist brightened at the smile and gave his hand a slight
squeeze in return before exiting the room. As soon as he left,
Die's
thoughts turned to their previous musings. `Kaoru…How can I
face him
today? How can I even look at him…or Shinya for that
matter.'
Sighing he swung his feet off the bed and padded into the
bathroom. `He probably hates me now. Probably disgusted that
I'd
like him.' Twisting the cool metallic knobs of the shower, he
let
the water heat as he stripped off his clothes. He stepped into the
shower, letting the warm trickles hit his face disguising the tears.
****
"ARGH!! I got up, got here on time only to have _them_ not show
up!" Kyo huffed as he looked at his watch again…yep…2
hours late.
The other two occupants of the room where lost in their own thoughts
–
Toshiya wondering what exactly Kaoru and Shinya were doing for a
whole 2 hours and Die was wishing that he could reverse time, undo
everything that was done and maybe next time around, he would not
fall in love with the pink haired guitarist.
The studio door swung open and a flustered bishonen rushed into the
small room, his thoughts going 75 kmph `Damnit…I can't
believe I
overslept, me! _I_ overslept. Why didn't Yoshiki-san wake me
before
he left this morning?! Damnit…this probably looks really
bad.' He
hurriedly set his stuff down and began to arrange his drum set.
"Well, there's one of them. Where the hell is Kaoru,
Shinya?" The
annoyed bassist demanded, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.
The pretty drummer looked at him quizzically, "How should I know?
He's not here yet?" His slender hand scratched the back of
his neck
then he shrugged. "So are we having practice?"
The red head set his guitar down and looked miserably at the
drummer, "Practice if you want. I'm leaving." He stated
flatly
before walking slowly out the door.
The blue haired one was furious; he felt the anger radiating a
crimson hue upon his cheeks. "Kyo. Go follow Die. I want to
have a
few words with our pretty Shin-chan, ok?" He spat out the last
syllables with extreme spite. Giving his lover a malicious grin, he
began to stalk over to the drummer.
The vocalist gulped, and slowly backed out of the room. "Ok, no
problem." He squeaked out through his dry throat, before turning
and
making a mad dash for the hallway.
Shinya looked up just in time to see a hand flying swiftly towards
his face.
SLAP
The sound of palm against cheek resonated through the room. Before
the drummer even had time to process the assault he was backed into
the wall, a strong hand had a vice grip on his chin. The startled
drummer gave a whimper of protest, but was utterly trapped by the
seething bassist.
Toshiya glared at the younger one, "Now…I really don't
give a SHIT if
you two wanna screw around or date or whatever. What I _do_ care
about is that you walk around here flaunting the whole god damn thing
with out even considering that you might be hurting someone in the
process." The venomous words flowed freely through his pouty
lips.
`Oh god…he knows. He knows about Yoshiki and me!'
Shinya's panicked
thoughts raced through his mind. `But…who is that
hurting?' He
wasn't given the chance to continue his musings as his chin was
roughly pulled to the side, exposing a fresh red mark on the side of
his slender neck.
The blue haired man ran his fingernail harshly over the mark.
"Right
now Kyo is trying to calm Die down. After seeing this lovely mark
it's no wonder he's so upset." He pulled the slender
man's chin back
so he was staring into the frightened eyes. "Now, if you two are
going to continue on with this little liaison, I suggest you discrete
about it. This isn't just about you Shinya, it's about the
band
too!" With that said, Toshiya released the petrified man and
stormed
towards the door.
Unconsciously, the drummer brought his hand up to his reddened cheek
as he watched the retreating figure stomp out of the studio. As the
door closed, he fell into a boneless heap on the floor, tears
beginning to seep from the chestnut pools. He clutched his knees to
his chest as he sobbed and whispered, "Die…I'm sorry. I
didn't
know. I didn't know you're in love with Yoshiki."
****
*cringes* Heehee…a bizarre love quadrangle, ne? Eeep…I hope
you guys
aren't gonna kill me now. Oh, and ShinyaxYoshiki lemon coming
up…
maybe next chapter. Hope you enjoyed the KyoxTotchi one tho. ^_^
Thanks again for all the great comments! *hugs* C&Cs are always
welcome!
~H.
to be continued
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