Drowning in the Deep End

by H.

Authors notes: This part has been through countless revisions and re-
revisions *L* but it's finally done. *H. heaves a sigh of relief* I
know it's long, but I really didn't want to break up the action.
Also, I really have no clue how much flowers cost in Japan so just go
with it. This story is really turning into a labor of love for me so
I really hope you all enjoy it. Thank you bucket loads to all those
who have commented so far. You guys rock!

Part VI

"Moshi, Moshi" The blonde mumbled into the receiver of his mobile
phone.

Toshiya had put his teacup down on the table and was now intently
staring at his lover, mouthing "Who is it??" while flapping his arms
wildly to get the vocalist's attention.

Shooing him away with his hand, Kyo turned his back on the bassist
and covered his ear with his palm. "Yes. Oh really?"

The blue haired one stood up and bounced over to his lover, kneeling
down and pressing his ear as close to the phone as he could. Kyo
shot him a stern look of reproach and twisted in his seat again.

"Is he ok?" He spat out through clenched teeth. The nosy bassist
was now trying to grab the phone out of his hands. "Hold on a
second." Turning around with lightening speed, the smaller man
grabbed his lover's ear.

"AHHH!! Damnit Kyo! Let GO!!" The bassist screamed as he was
dragged by the ear into the other room and unceremoniously dumped on
the floor.

Returning to the kitchen, Kyo continued his conversation. "Hmmm.
Yeah, I'll let him know. Ok. Thanks then. Bye."

The blonde snapped his phone shut and returned it to his pocket as he
began to walk back to the family room. Unfortunately, he came face-
to-face…well, face to chest with a thoroughly annoyed bishonen.

"So! Who was that?" The bassist demanded as he folded his arms
across his chest and glared daggers at his small lover. He was not
amused, and his ear hurt.

"Oh, It was Shinya." Kyo remarked nonchalantly while trying to make
his way around the bassist.

Toshiya stepped in front of him and spread out his arms and legs,
successfully creating an appendage blockade with the
doorframe. "Nuhuh. No TV until you tell me what he wanted!"

Realizing that this was a battle he was not going to win, and that
eventually he would have to tell the obstinate bassist, he
relented. "Alright." He sighed rolling his eyes. "That was Shinya,
duh. He said Kaoru's ill and that practice is cancelled until
further notice. Now will you please move!"

"Kaoru's ill? What's wrong with him? Was he with Kaoru when he
called?" Toshiya returned to a normal standing position and let the
smaller man by before turning to follow. "Kyo?"

Flopping himself on the couch, Kyo grabbed the remote and began
flipping through channels, successfully ignoring his lover's
queries. Seconds later the blue haired man sat next to him and
snatched the remote out of his hands.

"Totchi!"

"I asked you a question, Kyo. What's wrong with Kaoru, and was
Shinya with him?" He asked again while concealing the remote behind
the pillow he was leaning on.

"That was two questions."

"Don't change the subject."

"I don't know. I didn't ask what was wrong. It sounded like Shinya
was with someone, but I couldn't hear who. For all I know it was
puppy. Jeeezzzus are you happy now?!" The frustrated blonde hoisted
himself off the couch and returned to the kitchen to finish his now
ice cold tea and call the other member of their band.

Toshiya continued pouting on the couch, muttering under his
breath. "_I_ would have asked what was wrong, and if he was with
Kaoru. His royal shortness didn't need to get bitchy with me."

A teaspoon flew from the kitchen and smacked the bassist in the back
of the head.

"I heard that!"


____

The petite man set the ivory receiver back into the cradle, pausing
to stare at it momentarily before he felt arms encircling his waist
from behind. Shinya let his body melt into the contours of his
lover's frame. He sighed dreamily.

"So, did Kyo have anything interesting to say?" The older drummer
purred as he brushed a few stray locks of hair away from his lover's
neck and began gently nibbling.

"Mmmmmm…No, not really. Just that he'd see me later. Oh, and he
agreed to call Die." The mere mention of the red head's name made
Shinya's heart sink. He felt like collapsing into Yoshiki's arms.

As if he was reading Shinya's mind, the older man gave him a firm
squeeze and held tight to his trembling form. "Shinya, Kaoru sounded
horrible. Why don't you stop in and see him on your way home
tonight. I think helping a sick friend will help take your mind off
of this."

"Yes. I think I will."

____

The red head was pacing at the bottom of the stair well on the third
floor. `Ok, how do I do this.' He sighed and rubbed his
temples. "Ok, Kaoru, I know you're in love with Shinya, but you need
to know how I feel about you." He paused mid step to mull over his
words. `No, No, No, to sappy.' Taking another deep breath he
started again, "Kaoru, I need you. I want you. You're everything to
me…..ARGH!!" He banged his head against the cool plaster
repeatedly. `NO! You sound like a stalker you moron!' He punched
the wall in frustration. "Ok, Kaoru, I love you. I…"

His phone rang.

After successfully jumping approximately four feet into the air, he
fumbled in his pockets for his mobile phone.

"Moshi, Moshi."

"Oh, Hi Kyo. No, I'm fine. The ring just startled me."

"Oh. Is he alright?"

"I see."

"Lunch tomorrow? I don't know…"

"Look, I'll think about it. I'll let you know tomorrow."

"Ok then. Bye."

Die slumped down to the floor and cradled his head in his hands. His
heart was in turmoil; just at the moment he was determined to confess
his complete and utter adoration to Kaoru, Kaoru becomes ill.

"It's just not meant to be!" He screamed. His trembling fist rained
harsh blows on the cement floor, over and over, harder and faster,
until he finally noticed the crimson streaks that snaked through his
fingers and down his wrist through his tear stained eyes. "Fuck it.
Fuck it all. Fuck everything." Hoisting himself up with his good
hand, he managed to navigate his way back down the staircase and back
out into the downpour.

____

"You didn't tell him did you?" The blue haired man was still pouting
while rubbing the back of his head.

"Tell him what?" Kyo turned to face his lover and rolled his eyes at
the obviously phony `pain' the bassist's head was feeling. "Stop
rubbing your head. It was a spoon for fucks sake. It couldn't have
hurt that badly."

"I have a fragile disposition." Toshiya huffed, "Anyways, you didn't
tell him that Shinya's with Kaoru, right?"

It was Kyo's turn to bang his head on the table.

"NO! I didn't tell Die that Shinya is with Kaoru because I don't
_know_ that Shinya is with Kaoru. I'm not having him get all upset
over some scenario you've concocted in that twisted little mind of
yours."

"Oh now _I'm_ the one with the twisted mind?! Fine, be that way
asshole. I was just asking a question." The last of the bassist's
syllables turned into sobs as he stormed out of the kitchen, down the
hall, and slammed the bedroom door.

____

The drummer had the windshield wipers on high, but the heavy drops
still managed to askew his view. He leaned in close to the steering
wheel and peered out the only small patch of glass that was not
covered in fog. The darkness of the sky coupled with the continuous
torrents of water ensured there were few other motorists on the
streets allowing Shinya to drop below the speed limit, and scan the
passing buildings carefully.

"It's around here somewhere." He mumbled while pulling the small
auto into a vacant lot. He reached for his umbrella under the seat,
but remembered he'd left it at Yoshiki's the week before. Still
resolute, he pulled his collar up, and prepared for the soaking of a
lifetime. Surveying the area on foot was not much better then
surveying by car as sheets of rain distorted his vision of the
uniform blocks of apartment buildings.

He stopped in front of one and read the nameplates on the
mailboxes. "This is it."

He looked down and realized his pants, his shirt, shoes, everything
was already completely soaked through.

____

The fates had dealt the red headed guitarist a harsh hand. He had
tried to get away from Kaoru's apartment, but somehow his body kept
leading him around in circles. The streets of the city were
abandoned, depressing gray buildings, cold and silent seemed to be
closing in on him from above with an unspoken familiarity.

He looked up just in time to see a young man running towards him,
holding something in one hand while his other was holding his jacket
above his head.

Collision was inevitable.

Die attempted to side step the boy, but only succeeded in blocking
his path even more. The two bodies impacted, and they landed rather
harshly a few feet from each other.

"Hey, you ok?" The guitarist called to the dazed and dripping young
man.

The boy stood up slowly. "Yeah, I'm alright. Sorry about that. I
could barely see anything through this rain." He bent down and
retrieved his parcel and jacket. He looked with concern at Die's
injured hand. "Are _you_ ok?"

"Heh…Don't worry about it." Die chuckled and hid his hand in his
pocket. "Say, what's that you've got?" The hastily wrapped package
caught his attention.

"Oh, this?" The boy brought the package to the red head for
examination. "It's stupid, I guess." He grinned sheepishly as Die
gingerly pulled aside the folds of paper.

"Oh, They're beautiful." Die exclaimed after uncovering the
breathtaking bouquet of crimson roses. "Who are they for?"

The boy shuffled nervously. "Well, my girlfriend and I kinda got
into a fight. They're sort of an `I was a dickhead, please forgive
me' gift."

The guitarist's eyes lit up. "I'll give you 25,000 Yen for them."

____

BANG

BANG

BANG

"Totchi, come on. Pllleeeeaassee open the door." The blonde one
whined as his palm slapped the wood grain surface over and over
again.

"NO! FUCK OFF!"

Kyo heaved a morose sigh, "Please, I said I was sorry. What can I do
to make it up to you?" He rolled his forehead back and forth on the
door.

Suddenly he felt his body lurch forward several inches as the door
cracked open and the tear stained face of his lover appeared. "Hmm…
let's see. You can go into the living room, open the window, and
take a flying leap asshole!" He screamed while attempting to slam
the door in the smaller man's face. Unfortunately for Toshiya, Kyo
had managed to wedge his foot in the door, and unfortunately for Kyo,
Toshiya was still pushing all his weight against said door.

"Tot..chi…This really fucking hurts. I really don't need a broken
foot if we have a live coming up so please open the door." He
muttered through clenched teeth.

The blue haired man gave in and stepped away from the door as his
lover stumbled into the bedroom. Crossing the room, the bassist sat
on the window bench, his back to Kyo.

The vocalist sighed and followed him, placing his hands tentatively
on the other's shoulders.

"Please Totchi. What can I do?"

The bassist made a halfhearted attempt to scoot away.

"Look, would it make you feel better if I called Kaoru to make sure
he's ok."

Toshiya gave a small shrug and slowed his sobs.

"And I'll ask if Shinya is there too, ok?"

The bishonen's sobs ceased completely as he turned to embrace his
lover, smile radiating through the tearstains.

Kyo flipped open his mobile and dialed Kaoru's number.

____

Kaoru had managed to pull on a crumpled t-shirt and an equally ragged
pair of black jeans. He wandered into the living room and flipped on
the television, but all it revealed was flickering white fuzz. The
storm had knocked out the cable system.

He didn't care. He continued staring at the mosaic of monotone that
seemed to move like a chromatic pond.

`White noise like bathroom graffiti can be implicitly ironic.'

A small smirk at his witticism graced his features as he continued to
stare; trying to lose himself in that sea of inanimate multiplicity.

A harsh knock on the door roused him from his pseudo-philosophical
reverie.

"GO AWAY!" He shouted, eyes still focused on the tv screen.

"Kaoru, It's Shinya. Can you open the door?" Came the reply.

"No, I can't so just go!"

He felt the all too familiar tears begin to form at the corners of
his eyes. `Yeah, go back to Die and leave me the fuck alone. Go cry
on his shoulder about what a bastard Kaoru is and let him kiss your
tears away.'

"Kaoru, we're all worried about you. Now open *aachooo* this damn
*achooo* door!" The young drummer pulled a soggy tissue from his
pants pocket and attempted to wipe his nose. `Damnit, probably
getting a cold from all this.'

Suddenly the door opened and Shinya saw Kaoru's retreating figure.
He followed him silently into the living room.

The only light in the apartment was emanating from the television.
The guitarist picked up a pack of cigarettes, pulled one out and lit
it. He glanced wearily at Shinya.

"It's my apartment so I'll smoke if I fucking want to by the way."

The drummer only nodded as he took a seat on the couch, and watched
the bandleader walk slowly over to the window.

With his back still to Shinya he spoke. "There's some extra clothes
in my room. You can change out of those wet things if you want." He
exhaled a long plume of smoke. `I don't want Die's koibito catching
a cold on my account.'

"Um, thanks." The drummer rose awkwardly and made his way to the
back of the apartment, feeling the walls to find his way. Finally
making his way into Kaoru's room, he fumbled around for the light
switch. After searching through several drawers he managed to find a
pair of jeans and t-shirt that he thought would fit. He sat down on
the bed and began removing his own pants. That's when he noticed the
bloodied sheets.

He changed quickly and found his way back to the living room. Kaoru
was at the window, dying butt of his cigarette singeing his fingers,
staring blankly at the rain.

"Kaoru…" The drummer began tentatively, "What's wrong with you? Why
is there blood all over your sheets?" He crossed the room and
reached out for his friend, but the guitarist shrank backwards as if
his touch were poison. Shinya noticed the marks on his
arms. "Kaoru…"

The phone rang.

"Are you going to answer that?"

The guitarist picked up another cigarette and lit it. "No."

The phone continued ringing.

"Isn't your answering machine going to pick it up then?"

"No. I broke it."

The phone continued ringing.

Finally, the drummer couldn't take the maddening silence punctuated
only by the shrill rings. He crossed the room and picked up the
phone.

"Kaoru's residence."

The line went dead.

____

Again Die was perched in the stairwell of Kaoru's apartment
building. He placed a crumpled piece of paper against the wall and
attempted to smooth it out. He dug a pen out of his pocket and began
to write.

~Kaoru,
For some reason I can't seem to express my feelings for you with my
voice. I know this is a poor substitute, but I want you to at least
be able to read the words I'm unable to speak. I am love with you.
I know that your heart belongs to Shinya, but I just wanted this one
chance to let you know how deeply I care about you.
-Die~

"Perfect" He whispered as he tucked the note loosely into the
bouquet. He took a deep breath and began to ascend the last flight
of stairs.

___

Toshiya looked curiously at his lover. "Why did you hang up?"

Kyo shook his head slowly, "Don't tell Die but Shinya answered the
phone."

___

"Look Kaoru…" The drummer began before Kaoru cut him off.

"No, you look Shinya. My life is none of your god damn business and
last time I checked I hadn't asked for your sympathy or pity or
concern." He crossed the room to the front door and opened it
roughly. "Now, I'd like you to leave."

Tears formed at the edge of Shinya's eyes as he walked somberly
towards the door. He stepped outside the apartment, and Kaoru began
to close the door.

"Wait!" He smaller man shouted, holding the door open with his
outstretched palm.

Kaoru looked wearily at the other man. "What?"

"Only this." The petite man enveloped the guitarist in a warm
embrace, sliding his hands around the startled man before
whispering, "I'm here if you ever need to talk."

____

"Ok, this is it." Die took one last deep breath before twisting the
knob to the entrance of Kaoru's floor. He opened the door and
stopped dead in his tracks.

Shinya was in Kaoru's clothes. Shinya was locked in an embrace with
Kaoru.

Die dropped the bouquet and ran.

Tears melded with the rain.

to be continued

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