Author: H.

Band: Dir En Grey

Pairing: DiexKaoru, KyoxToshiya, ShinyaxYoshiki

Rated: NC-17

Genre: Drama, Angst, etc.

Authors notes: Ok, short part this time, then only two more to follow. Thanks again to all who have commented!!! *hands out pocky*

Part VII

The young drummer took off running down the hall, down the stairs, out into the rain. The discarded roses were no more than a red blur to his sodden eyes. Finally arriving back at his car, he picked up his mobile.

____

Kyo stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed and into the awaiting arms of the beautiful bassist. He rested his head on Toshiya's smooth chest, listening intently to the strong rhythm hidden underneath.

"Kyo?"

The vocalist lifted his head, staring lovingly at the blue haired man. "Yes, angel?"

The bishonen giggled and ruffled the blonde tufts of hair. "You're crazy."

Sitting up and crossing his arms indignantly, he feigning being horribly insulted. "I am not!" His eyes softened and his hand reached out to caress the other's cheek. "You are my angel. You know that." He leaned in and ghosted his lips across Toshiya's.

"Mmmm…" The bassist sighed as the warmth of the lips was gone; his worried thoughts forgotten by the simple touch.

However, the smaller man knew instinctively that something was bothering his love. "Totchi, what's wrong?"

"I'm just worried about Die. Maybe we should give him a call."

Kyo glanced at the clock. "It's nearly midnight. Let's leave him be for tonight, he's probably sleeping. We'll call him first thing tomorrow, ok?"

The bassist smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on the blonde's pouty lips. "Ok."

____

"What'll it be, friend?" The elderly bartender looked at his newest patron with concern. The redheaded man had obviously been crying.

"Three shots of Glenlivet." Die didn't even bother to look up, he just sat there staring at the fading wood of the bar top. "Make those double shots."

The bartender pushed several locks of silver hair out of his face as he reached for the bottle and poured three neat shots. He lined them up in front of the guitarist, watching silently as each glass was downed and replaced with a smack on the bar top.

"Three more." The guitarist choked out. Again the bartender complied quickly, lining up another trio.

He downed a fourth, and reached a shaking hand in his pocket for a cigarette. He hadn't noticed when he came in, but the silence that permeated the small tavern signaled that he was the sole customer. A rasping voice woke him from his reverie.

"Well son, you're either stupid or desperate to come out in this weather." He chuckled as he poured himself a shot and moved around the bar to sit next to the redhead.

Die cracked a weary smile, "How about stupid and desperate." He held up his cigarette pack in a silent offering.

"Thanks." The barman took a cigarette. He lit it slowly, as if contemplating the deep meaning behind the gesture. "Well, I'm not sure what's wrong, but I was your age once." He took a long drag and exhaled wispy white smoke before downing his shot. " And I remember that most problems at your age stem from one thing."

The guitarist downed his fifth shot, grimacing as the liquid hit his abused stomach. "Yeah, so what's that?"

The barman gave a soothing smile before continuing. "Well, from the look on that face of yours, and from the number of these you've ordered I'd have to guess it's women problems."

Die gave a sullen laugh before downing his sixth. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Take my advice son, move on with your life. It's no use getting yourself in a state over the one that got away. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and believe it or not, years down the road, you'll have trouble even recalling her name." He gave the guitarist a friendly pat on the back. "Best thing for a broken heart is time and distance."

The guitarist stood up abruptly, pulling several bills out of his pocket, and shoved them in the general direction of the bartender. "Thanks for the drinks." He called out as he stumbled towards the door. "And for the advice" He whispered before he stepped back into the rain. He looked back and gave a final nod to the man before heading off into the night.

"Kaoru." He sighed longingly before shaking his head in an attempt to banish any thoughts of the other guitarist, "No. I have to do this." He whispered. "I have to."

____

After speaking with his distraught koi, Yoshiki caught a cab and headed downtown to visit a certain morose guitarist, but not before he picked up a couple of items on the way. Arriving outside Kaoru's apartment, he paid the cab driver before making his way up the stairs. At the entrance to the guitarist's floor he found the discarded bouquet. He picked them up gingerly and placed them in his bag.

BANG

BANG

BANG

"Fuck off!" Kaoru screamed at his second uninvited visitor of the night.

BANG

BANG

BANG

"Damnit. Go away Shinya!" The guitarist furrowed his brow. He had had just about enough of the slender drummer for one night. He didn't need his pity or his gestures of friendship and kindness.

"Kaoru, it's Yoshiki. Now open this damn door before I break it in!"

"Fuck" He muttered as he stomped over to the door and twisted the knob roughly. "What do you want?" He spat out at the elder drummer on his doorstep.

"To talk. I brought scotch and cigarettes, so I assume you're going to let me in." He smirked as he held up the paper bag as proof. He knew he'd won that round.

"Fine." Kaoru moved aside, and let the drummer enter. Sidestepping various take out containers and empty bottles, he made his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light. Yoshiki closed the door and followed him in, setting the bag on the floor, and moving some yellowing newspapers off a chair before sitting. Kaoru sat facing him.

"Alright, now where are the smokes and the liquor." The pink haired man queried, giving the older man a vague and disinterested look.

Yoshiki pulled out the carton of cigarettes, the bottle of amber liquid and two shot glasses. After peeling off the shiny, paper covering, he opened the bottle and poured two shots. The guitarist grabbed it, downed it, and held the glass out for another. The drummer smiled, downed his, and poured two more shots.

After a half an hour of silence, and a half a bottle of scotch, Kaoru finally broke the nonverbal stand off. "So, are you just going to sit here and drink with me, or did you want something?" He held out his glass for another shot.

The older man refilled the glass. "I was waiting for you to talk." He lit two cigarettes and gave one to the melancholy guitarist.

Kaoru laughed, letting the alcohol slowly dissolve his defenses. "You want to talk?" Grabbing the bottle from the drummer's hands, he took a large swig. "Ok, lets talk. Let me tell you a little story, Yoshiki. Would you like that?"

The drummer remained silently sipping his drink, waiting for the inebriated man to continue.

He took another drink from the bottle, and lost his balance, falling backwards into the cabinets. He looked up with glazed eyes at the older man as he slumped to the floor. "Yeah, well here's the story. There was this guy who was completely in love with this other person. But this other person was in love with someone else. And this guy has to see these two people day after day, flirting and stealing looks at each other. So one day this guy just fucking snaps. He loves this person so much that he hurts himself on the outside so can numb the pain on the inside." The guitarist lifted up his shirt and showed the drummer the multitudes of crimson streaks that adorned his pale chest. "And he can't live happily fucking ever after. The end." His head fell forward, and the familiar rivulets of water began to seep from his eyes.

The older man arose and crossed the room, kneeling in front of the sobbing guitarist. Gently, he placed his hand under Kaoru's chin, drawing his face up slowly to meet his gaze.

"Kaoru, know this much. I have been where you are now. And at that point in time I thought I'd never be able to feel anything for anyone else. I hated myself so much that I ended up convincing myself that I wasn't worthy of anyone's love, especially this person's love. Years went by, and I had to see this person day after day, and each day I died a little more inside."

The younger man saw tears now streaming down the drummer's face. He put his small hand over Yoshiki's and squeezed.

"One day this person was taken away from me, and I hated myself even more because I never told him how I felt. And I sat around trying to destroy myself, just like you are now. I woke up each day and it hurt like hell, and he was the first thought that came into my mind. But over time, he was the second thought that came into my mind, then the third, and even now I still think about him, but I was able to put things back together eventually, and move on. Then one day I found someone who fell in love with me despite all my faults."

The young man searched the drummer's face before whispering, "Him? Was it…?"

Placing a finger gently on the pink haired man's lips he spoke, "Shh…some questions are best left unanswered." He gave the younger one a reassuring smile before helping him to his feet.

"Now, seeing as you have a live in two weeks time, I think it's best you start practicing again."

Kaoru nodded in agreement before giving a huge yawn.

"I'll call the others and tell them to be at the studio at 9 a.m. sharp tomorrow. You get some sleep, I'll clean up here and let myself out."

The pink head bobbed in agreement before turning and stumbling into the hall.

The older one smiled as he picked up the glasses and put them in the sink.

"Yoshiki?"

The timid voice coming from the hallway startled him a little.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Smiling broadly, the drummer re-corked the liquor. Before he left, he reached into the paper bag and set the roses on the table. The little, paper note was still tucked discretely inside.

____

"WAHHHHH!!!" The blue haired bassist screamed and jumped on top of his sleeping koi, which caused Kyo to scream and push the frightened bishonen onto the floor.

"Wha…huh…" The vocalist mumbled as he groped around for the light switch. When the lights came on, he noticed the blue haired one on the floor, and flickering lights and rings coming from his mobile.

The bassist grinned sheepishly, "It startled me."

"Urm.." He grunted as he retrieved the phone, "Yeah?" He muttered into the receiver.

"Yeah."

"Alright."

"Did you leave a message?"

"He'll be there then."

"Thanks."

He clicked the phone shut and flopped back down on the bed. The bassist rubbed his eyes, and returned to his side.

"Who is calling at 1:30 in the morning?"

The blonde man yawned and put his arms around the bishonen protectively.

"That was Yoshiki-san. He talked to Kaoru and we've got practice tomorrow at 9." Kyo reached down and pulled the blanket over both of them. "Oh, and he got a hold of Shinya, but Die's phone is off so he left a message."

"Oh." The bassist muttered as the nagging concern for their redheaded guitarist returned.

"Toshiya?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Kyo turned off the light.

___

The redheaded guitarist tacked the note to the outside of his apartment door. With a final sigh of determination, he walked outside to his car, gunned the engine, and began driving.

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