Author: H.

Band: Dir En Grey

Pairing: DiexKaoru, KyoxToshiya, ShinyaxYoshiki

Rated: NC-17

Genre: Drama, Angst, etc.

Authors notes: Major angst alert in this part!! HUGE thank yous to everyone who's commented on this ficcy. It's almost done!! ~_^

Part VIII

Slivers of morning light shone through the blinds as the petite drummer awoke. He rolled over to the other side of the bed. It was still warm, and still smelled faintly of his lover's cologne. Untangling himself from the sheets he stood up and gave a languid, cat-like stretch before pulling on his robe and sauntering into the kitchen.

He couldn't help but laugh at the sight that greeted him upon his arrival. Yoshiki - spatula in one hand, bowl in the other, a frilly white apron over his pajamas, and batter all over the place.

"What in the world are you doing?" He managed to choke out through giggles. Gingerly he tiptoed across the gooey floor and kissed the older drummer sweetly on the nose.

Yoshiki blushed, "Erm…I was trying to make you breakfast in bed, but it seems you're out of bed, and this…" He sighed while he gestured to the globs splattered all over the kitchen, "is not much of a breakfast."

"And why were you trying to make me breakfast?" He snickered as he wiped a spot of batter off the older man's cheek.

Yoshiki looked deeply into the younger man's eyes. "I wanted to thank you, Shinchan."

The slender man looked quizzically at his lover.

"Thank me? For what?"

"For loving me, despite all my faults." He shrugged and laughed, "One of which being that I can't make pancakes worth a damn."

The younger gave a feral smile as he took the bowl and spatula out of his lover's hands and set them on the counter before he leaned for a scorching kiss. Tongues tasted and teased for several minutes. When the two finally broke, the older one looked slyly at the bishonen.

"Want something else for breakfast?"

"Only you." Shinya whispered.

____

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP

"Argh…" Kaoru muttered as he picked up the alarm clock and sent it sailing across the room. He had a hell of a hang over. Forcing his body back to life, he stumbled into the bathroom and fumbled in the cabinet for a few asprin while the shower water heated up.

After his shower he pulled on a pair of black jeans and a t-shirt. He walked into the hallway and looked in the ornate mirror, memorizing his sullen features while speaking aloud words of self-encouragement.

"Ok, today is work. Just work. Die is your coworker. Focus on the band…focus on the music." He sighed at his unconvincing words as he continued down the hall. "Who the fuck are you kidding?" He cast a casual glance at his watch.

"Shit!" He yelled in frustration as he noticed it was 10 after 9. He ran into the kitchen, and grabbed an apple. He noticed the wilting bouquet in the middle of the table and a small piece of paper peeking out from between sanguine folds.

"Yoshiki must have left these for me. What a sap!" He whispered, but his watch beeped at 15 past the hour, reminding him of his pressing engagement.

He picked up the note, stuffed it into his pocket and ran out the door.

___

"Why don't you call him?" Toshiya suggested to the vocalist. They were outside the studio, smoking and waiting for Kaoru and Die to arrive. Shinya had gotten there before any of them.

"Which one?"

"Both!" The bassist whacked the vocalist on the head with his cigarette pack. "I've already tried calling Die three times this morning though." He cast a nervous glance at his koi, and began biting his nails.

"Ok, ok! I'll call them" Kyo pulled out his phone and dialed their leader's mobile with one hand as his other batted the pretty bassist's fingers away from his mouth.

"Don't chew your nails that's…"

The pink haired guitarist answered his phone much to the blonde's surprise.

"Hey, where are you?"

"Oh, right."

"See you in a few then."

The vocalist flicked his cigarette butt into the street. "Kaoru's on his way. He just overslept. Here." He handed the phone to the blue haired man, "Try calling Die again, I'm going to see if I can scrounge up some food in this place." With that the blonde disappeared back into the building.

The bassist dialed the redhead's number. His voice mail came on immediately.

"Die, this is Toshiya. We're practicing today. Um, I hope you're ok. Call us when you get this message. Bye."

___

The pink haired guitarist had just arrived, and began unpacking his guitar when he noticed the slender frame of their drummer trying to conceal himself behind his drum kit. 'Fuck…Shinya probably thinks I hate him from the way I acted last night.' Resigning himself to his fate and reckoning that he deserved every bit of the younger man's contempt, he approached the sullen drummer.

"Um…Hi Shinya." He forced an awkward smile onto his face.

The slender man looked up in surprise, so startled he took a few steps backwards. "Oh, Kaoru…hello."

The guitarist shuffled his feat a bit before continuing, "Look, about how I acted yesterday…I…well…I was an asshole, and I really didn't mean any of it. I was just frustrated and I took it out on you." He peaked through his bangs at other man. "Well, anyways I'm really sorry."

"Kaoru…" The young man whispered as he stepped out from behind the drum kit. Tentatively, he encircled the guitarist in his arms. Kaoru froze at first, but slowly he accepted the small gesture of forgiveness, letting himself melt into the embrace.

"Shinya…I'm so sorry." He whispered into the young drummer's ear, but his thoughts were elsewhere. 'I hope you and Die will be really happy together'.

___

Toshiya stood in the small kitchenette across from the studio, mindlessly dumping spoonful after spoonful of sugar into a fresh cup of coffee.

"Die, where are you? Are you ok?" He sighed as he picked up the carton of creamer and filled the sickeningly sweet brew to the brim.

Crossing the small corridor, he entered the studio only to find their willowy drummer locked in the arms of pink haired guitarist. Rage replaced all earlier thoughts as he hurled the mug over their heads, sending liquid and shards over the startled men as it exploded against the wall.

"Toshiya!" Shinya screamed as he wiped the scorching brew from his face and arms.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" The pink haired man yelled at the seething bassist.

Toshiya quickly bridged the gap between them and grabbed the guitarist by the collar. "What am _I_ doing?! What the fuck are you doing?!" He began shaking the other man violently. "How could you do this to him? Both of you?"

"Toshiya! Stop!" The slender drummer grabbed the bassist by the waist and wrested him off of the shaken leader. The blue haired one fought back, elbowing the smaller man hard in the stomach. Shinya let go, holding his stomach as the bassist hurled him into the wall, his hands clenched the slender man's shoulders.

"I told you, Shinya. I told you this was killing Die, but you didn't give a damn. I've been trying to call him all fucking morning. Are you fucking happy now?" He began knocking Shinya into the wall, his head punctuating each word with a sickening thud.

Kaoru punched the bassist squarely in the jaw, causing him to topple backwards, clutching his injured face. He wiped the small trickle of blood off with the back of his hand.

"Shinya? Are you ok?" The guitarist looked anxiously at the wounded drummer who could only nod mutely. He turned his attention back to the bassist. "What the FUCK is going on, Totchi? Why?"

He sneered and gave an appalling laugh. "Quit playing games, Kaoru. I know what I just saw. How do you think Die feels, knowing what's going on between you two."

The drummer managed to regain control of his senses. "Toshiya, what are you talking about? You told me Die is in love with Yoshiki. Furthermore, there's nothing going on between Kaoru and I. We hugged. That's it."

The guitarist felt his knees go weak. "Die…Die's in love with Yoshiki…" He stumbled backwards, leaning on the wall for support. "But Shinya, I thought Die was in love with you."

"Me? Why? I thought he hated me because I'm dating Yoshiki." The drummer looked quizzically at the bassist, then back to the guitarist.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Toshiya cried, "Die's not in love with Yoshiki, he's in love with Kaoru, damnit. That's why he's so upset that you two are dating."

Kaoru attempted to rationalize the jumble of words and names that were looming in his conscience. "Shinya, you're koi is Yoshiki?"

"Yes! I thought you all knew."

The blue haired man managed to right himself and turned to the bewildered guitarist. "Right, so let me get this straight. You thought Die was dating Shinya. Die thought Shinya was dating you, when all along he was dating Yoshiki?" He turned deathly pale and began to falter.

"Toshiya!" The drummer screamed in horror as the bassist crumpled into a pile on the floor. He ran to his side. "Kaoru, get some water!"

The guitarist quickly grabbed a bottle of water out of his bag and threw it across the room. Shinya caught it, twisted the cap roughly and dumped the contents on the blue haired man's face. Slowly he opened his eyes.

"Toshiya. Talk to me. You said that Die…Die is in love with me?" He gazed worriedly at the prostrate man.

"Yes. Die is in love with you." He sobbed. "When he thought you were with Shinya he just couldn't take it, and I've been trying to get a hold of him all morning." Panic gripped his already distressed mind, "Oh God. What if he did something stupid?"

The guitarist bolted to his feet, and began to head for the door. Shinya helped the bassist to his feet and they took off after their leader.

The small blonde man had been idly munching a doughnut when he saw three of his band mates running towards him at a frantic pace.

"What'd I miss?" He muttered through a mouth of pastry. The pink haired man grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Kyo! Let me borrow your car." He screamed.

Frantically he searched his pockets, producing a set of keys, which he handed to the shaking guitarist. He noticed the blood trickling out of his koi's mouth.

"Toshiya! What happened."

"We'll tell you on the way! Come on!" He shouted, grabbing the vocalist's arm and pulling him along.

"Where are we going?" The befuddled blonde asked any and all of them.

"To Die's apartment." The bassist confirmed while saying a prayer internally. 'Please be there Die. Please be ok.'

___

The redhead finished the last of the amber liquid and tossed it behind him. It landed in the sand several feet behind him with a small thump. He'd been staring out at the water all morning. He couldn't cry anymore. He couldn't feel anymore. He was empty, a vacant shell like those that were scattered under his feet.

"I'm dead to the world anyway. Dead to Kaoru." He whispered as he picked up another bottle and pried it open. He examined thoughtfully the remaining bottles left in the cardboard carrier. "Two more left. It's almost time."

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