Author: H.

Band: Dir En Grey

Pairing: DiexKaoru, KyoxToshiya, ShinyaxYoshiki

Rated: NC-17

Genre: Drama, Angst, etc.

Authors notes: Ok, I'll write a note at the bottom…take heed though, this is not over *H. grins and bounces off*

Part IX

Kaoru raced down the concrete stairs to the parking lot, taking them two by two. When he reached the last flight, he vaulted over the railing, stumbling a bit as he landed with shaky feet on the pavement below. The other three, being rather encumbered by their platform shoes, took the stairs one at a time as quick as they could manage. Shinya led the way, followed closely by a sobbing Toshiya who kept blowing his nose in his handkerchief as he pulled the slight vocalist, who by this time was choking on the remnants of doughnut and trying his best to remain upright.

Using the remote to unlock the door, he ran around to the driver's side, jumped in and almost broke the key as he turned the ignition.

Kyo frowned as he caught up with the pink haired man. "Kaoru, you're in no state to drive. Scoot over. I'll get us there quickly." A devilish grin slinked onto his face.

"Oh God." The bassist stuttered through his sobs. "You better let him drive, Kaochan."

"Fine! But were wasting time!" The pink haired man shouted as he maneuvered himself into the passenger seat.

The drummer shoved the hysterical bassist into the back seat and buckled him in. Opening the glove compartment, Kyo retrieved a pair of flight goggles and slid them over his head. After a momentary adjustment, the engine roared and the four sped off at an alarming speed.

Shinya looked nervously at Kaoru in the rear view mirror, trying to convey the 'Kyo is a fricking maniac and we are all going to die' look, but the guitarist was too preoccupied. He had to get there in time. He had to get to Die. Absentmindedly, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the small piece of paper he'd found in the roses that morning.

"What's that?" The blonde queried as the car made a sharp right turn at approximately 100 kmph.

Pulled back to reality by the voice, Kaoru shook his head. "Oh, some note that Yoshiki left me in these flowers he brought over." He put the note back in his pocket.

"Kaoru?" The small drummer called apprehensively from the back, while attempting to loose the dismayed bassist's grip on his waist.

The auto made another sharp turn, this time to the left.

The guitarist looked behind him.

"Yes Shinya?"

"Um…Yoshiki told me what happened with you last night. He didn't bring you flowers. They must have been from…" He was cut off by the persistent wailing in his ear.

"Waaaa…they must have been from Die….waaaaa!" The blue haired one glomped onto the drummer with even more force.

The guitarist took a few moments to contemplate this latest revelation before he pulled the note out and slowly opened it. Tears fell from his eyes as he read each heartfelt word.

~Kaoru,

For some reason I can't seem to express my feelings for you with my voice. I know this is a poor substitute, but I want you to at least be able to read the words I'm unable to speak. I am love with you. I know that your heart belongs to Shinya, but I just wanted this one chance to let you know how deeply I care about you.

-Die~

"Die…" He whispered through his soft sobs. "Die…I love you too."

Kyo gently placed a comforting hand on the pink haired man's knee. "Kaoru, your in love with Die?"

Shinya leaned forward in his seat and attempted his best to explain. "Kyo, too make a remarkably long story short. Die loves Kaoru and Kaoru loves Die. I love Yoshiki, and Yoshiki loves me, and all of this has been one big misunderstanding."

"It's all my fault! I'm so sorry!" The blue haired man wailed.

"Shhhh…It's all of our faults, Toshiya. We should have been honest with each other from the beginning." The slender drummer cooed as he stroked the bishonen's hair lovingly.

"No. This is my fault, Shinya. I should have told Die how I feel a long time ago. I have to make it right." The guitarist pounded his fist on the dashboard. "Damnit!" He put his head in his hands and wept; his mind reeling with possibilities and fears.

The small car turned 180 degrees as Kyo spun into the parking lot of the redhead's apartment. The guitarist didn't even wait for the car to stop, as he opened the door and hurled himself onto the pavement. Running through several hedges, he made it to the entrance of the complex and threw open the door.

The vocalist left the engine running as the other three trailed after their leader, following him up several flights of steps and down the corridor to the redhead's apartment. When they finally reached Kaoru, they noticed the man turning a folded sheet of paper over and over in his hands.

"It's for you…" The pink haired man muttered as he handed the note to the bassist.

"To Kyo and Totchi" The blue haired man read as he broke the tape seal on the paper. He was silent for a few seconds as he perused the note before he finally spoke, "Oh God." He shuddered and began sobbing again as he handed the note to the blonde. Shinya wrapped his arms around the distraught bassist.

The blonde looked at the note precariously before he opened it. "Dear Kyo and Totchi" He read aloud, glancing forlornly at his fellow band mates. "I'm sorry to do this to you. I just can't live with the pain any more. I know Kaoru loves Shinya and I wish them the best. Please don't tell them why I did this. I don't want anything to mar their happiness, but I know you two know that I can't go on like this any longer. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love Kaoru, and I'll take that simple fact with me. Yours forever, Die." The vocalist looked to the other members when he noticed a pink blur rushing by.

"Kaoru!" He shouted as the man exited the floor.

"I know where he's going!" was the last sentence the three in the hallway heard as the leader ran out. The other members hurried after him. They reached the outside in time to see Kyo's red auto speed off haphazardly into the oncoming traffic.

"I'm calling Yoshiki." The drummer stated nervously.

"Kyo…Oh God. It's all my fault." The blue haired bassist clutched onto his koi for support.

"Shhh…Angel. Kaoru will get there in time." The vocalist soothed, praying inwardly that he was right.

___

Die picked up the second to last bottle and opened it slowly, sighing as the moisture that had accumulated on the outside dripped gradually through his fingers. After prying off the top, he drank down the warming liquid quickly, letting the stagnant brew sooth his abused throat.

"Kaoru…I love you…please don't hate me for this." He whispered as he brought the bottle to his lips again. "I love you." He cried as he downed the remnants of the bottle and reached for the last one.

___

"Damnit Die! Don't fucking do this!!" The pink haired one screamed as he tore down the highway toward the beach. He knew where the redhead would be going. It was their place. Theirs alone, where years ago he had made the other man a solemn promise. He began to think back to that day…so many years ago.

//"Get off me fucker!!" The pink headed man screamed through his giggles as his friend held his hands to the sand beneath them.

"Not until you promise!" Die countered, his hips riding high on his friend's chest. "Promise me, or I'll keep you here!" He giggled as the other man struggled beneath him.

"ARGH!!" Kaoru screamed, trying to dislodge the stronger man and realizing it was to no avail. "Fine, FINE!!!" He screamed as he felt the younger ones' fingers release his wrists and begin to tickle his sides. "I…heehee…I…I… promise!!" The elder man relented through a torrent of giggles.

Soon after the tickling digits ceased. The leader noticed that his friend's face had moved within scant inches of his own. He could feel the warm breath striking his cheeks.

"Do you really promise, Kaoru. Promise that even if our band doesn't work out, that you'll still be with me?" The redhead whispered, his lips mere millimeters from Kaoru's.

The pink haired guitarist had wanted to grab him, kiss him hard on the lips right then and there, but he was too afraid, afraid Die would reject him, hate him, and think he was a pervert. Instead he blushed deep crimson and turned his head to the side, while knocking Die off with his freed hands.

"Of course I promise, Die no baka!" He shouted while heaving a handful of sand towards the other man.

The redhead gave a malicious grin before heaving armfuls of sand on the other guitarist. "Thank you for promising, Kao-chan" He laughed as he threw another mound on his friend.//

Kaoru noticed the familiar exit in the bend coming up. "Die!! I love you, you fucking moron!!" He screamed as he turned down the narrow, gravel road. 'Just a few more miles.' He whispered to himself.

____

"Yo-chan was at the studio, upstairs. He'll be here in a few minutes." Shinya informed his other band members as the three huddled outside Die's apartment.

"But…where did Kaoru go??" The bassist moaned helplessly as he buried his face further into the vocalist's neck.

Kyo stroked his koi's head comfortingly as he remembered. "Hold on a sec, Die told us awhile ago that there was this spot by the beach that he and Kaoru used to always go to before we started as a band!" He pulled up the blue haired one's head slowly and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Do you think that's where Die is?" The bassist queried, hope gleaming through his tear stained eyes.

The slender drummer grabbed the blonde roughly by the collar. "Kyo! Can you remember where that is??" He asked anxiously.

Furrowing his brow in concentration, the vocalist kneaded his temples with his hands. Toshiya glanced at the drummer in anticipation.

"Hmm…lemme see…it's been a few years." Kyo murmured as a large black limo pulled into the lot. "AH! YES!! I remember!" He shouted as he was pulled into Yoshiki's waiting car.

The elder drummer spoke tersely. "One of you, give us directions. Where has he gone?"

__

The forlorn guitarist took the last sip from the final bottle he'd brought with him. Staring mindlessly into the midday sun, he began to walk into the warm, enveloping water. His heavy clothes guaranteed that it would not take long before the siren of the sea called him into her dark depths.

"Just a bit farther now." He murmured as his waist felt the cooling lap of the surf at his well-toned muscles. He began to cry again, cry for the love that he would never realize, cry for the days upon months upon years he'd spent pining futilely over the one he loved.

Suddenly, strong arms caught him from behind. The redhead yelped in protest. "Leave me the FUCK ALONE!" He screamed trying to wrest himself from the firm grasp, his arms swinging madly. He felt a strong fist impact with his cheek, and everything started to blur.

The redheaded man stumbled backwards in wonder. "What the FUCK are you doing!" He screamed as the salt water assaulted his eyes, preventing him from seeing his attacker. He felt determined arms dragging him backwards as he kicked and screamed against them. "Let me GO!! You don't know what's going on. Just leave me ALONE!" He felt his heels dragging against the wet sand.

"Who the fuck asked you. Leave me alone! I have to do this!" Die screamed as he was pulled onto the shore. Suddenly a pair of lips crashed down upon his with brutal force. He was helpless to do anything but envelope the warm tongue that invaded his mouth. He sighed longingly and kissed back with fervor, pulling the other man's mouth harshly against his own, pretending it was Kaoru. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"Kaoru?" He mumbled completely befuddled by the incident. "How..why…I…"

"Shut the fuck up Die and kiss me!" Came the response as the leader pressed his lips against the redhead's, letting years of pent up passion erupt as he moved sensually upon the other man, his aching erection straining against an equally hard bulge in the other man's pants. Time ceased. For each of them the years of longing, wanting and needing exploded in each slight nip of teeth, each strong swipe of tongue, each wanton moan that escaped their lips. They lost themselves in the reality of each other.

Finally Kaoru broke their kiss, "Die…you fucking moron! I thought you were dating Shinya. I thought all my love for you was in vain!"

Die stared at the man hovering above him in wonder, "But…aren't you dating Shinya?"

The pink haired man let his hand drop down to the other man's crotch, massaging slowly. "It was a big misunderstanding, Die-kun, and I should have told you years ago. I've loved you from the time we first met." He brought his mouth down for another scorching kiss, tasting Die and wanting Die through each impassioned moan.

"Oh God…Oh, Kaoru…" Die purred as he flipped them both over, pressing himself hard into the man below him, feeling the other moan beneath him.

The two continued to taste and tease, touch and feel as the surf lapped at their backs. They were oblivious…oblivious to everything but each other, and all the time that they'd lost.

___

"We're here!" The blonde screamed as the foursome jumped out of the limo and ran to the cliffs below.

Toshiya gasped as he stared at the sight below them. "They've finally got it!" He noticed the two guitarists making out in the surf below. He grabbed his koi and kissed him roughly.

The small drummer felt a warm set of arms embracing him from behind. He leaned back into the touch.

"Do you think they'll be ok now, Yo-chan?" The slender man whispered.

"I think they'll be just fine, my beautiful Shinya." The older man remarked before turning his lover around and pressing his lips to the bishonen's.

~Almost the end..~

Hiya minna! *waves* well, here comes the big LEMONISHIOUS part up next. I warn you now…our three couples will have major s*x coming up in the epilogue so…if you're not into that…just consider the story done for now…BUT…if you are into that, expect a YoshikixShinya, KyoxToshiya and a major DieXKaoru coming up next.

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