Are you able to forget this?

Part 2 

by heath

******* 

It was about late in the morning as heath woke up in his bed. The shining sun caused his eyes feel hurt. Heath shut them up with his hand and raised his head from the pillow. Maybe he should not do it, coz he felt a terrible hangover from the last evening. It was definitely too much. May be enough for Pata to be fresh the very next day (I mean.. fresh as Pata always looks like.. i.e. sleepy), but still too much for the younger men. Pata…

at the very moment all the thoughts returned to his mind. Still not opening his eyes he felt that there was no one else in his appato. Somehow this thought hurt.. hurt too much as he could have ever imagined before.

So…

It was still reality. This beautiful feeling of the last night.. was just a dream, an illusion. It was just a sex. Not 'like' love. He woke up in his bed and Pata had left without saying a word.. Heath tried to make himself sit then laughed quite sarcastically..

Well it was all he had expected. Not more and not less. How should it have been different? It was so silly of him to make some hopes..

Hopes? What kind of could he ever have? As heath realised the only person he loves is Pata? 'Fuck!!..' his fist stroke on the bed angrily. 'Hiroshi, come on.. it was just a one-night-stand!!' but, he couldn't lie to himself.. it was much more than this. It felt like love.. and it felt.. so hurting.. heath realised that he just couldn't see his room anymore. To hear only his own breath. To be lonely.

And.. there was still this fascinating smell.. of Pata… it was everywhere making the all his senses confused… in the air, in the bed, on his own skin. He couldn't bear it anymore… it was still everything as it had been. They would practise, perform together.. maybe standing near each other. But still so far, an endless space between their hearts. 'well, Hiroshi… you just couldn't have done it. You are sexy , yeah.. but still not able to make someone stay near you.. it is just a fact and you can't do anything!'---

His heart almost stopped of this thought of hopelessness. Stay near me, kiss me, make love to me… love me, please… please…. .. Heath's breath was wrapped away by the desperate tears, which were stucking in his throat. He tried to catch more breath but he couldn't because of these tears. Heath collapsed on the bed, he felt just the pain, as it was teasing his heart. He couldn't stop crying. He didn't remember himself ever crying before, and this voiceless feeling was killing him now.

*********

It was rather a long time before heath had realised that he fell in love with the guitarist. As he was searching for a new band to play in, he met some of his old friends, hide. The pink-haired guy told him, the previous bass-player has left X and the band-members would like to invite some new person. At this time he was living a bit at hide's home.. it was the REALLY experience to live with this pinky rockstar. Therefore heath was very happy getting found his own appato!! At least there WAS enough space for his beloved PC and the stuff.

And his first rehearsal - Yoshiki wanted him to play some of his scores to decide whether heath was good for X. heath remembered himself being very confused to meet the legendary band-members, much more than normally-as he's being very shy- .. he could only bring some words out. Hide was stucking somewhere, and he felt helpless meeting X's Taishô. It was not a very big room they were practising in, but heath felt uncomfortable.

As he turned around looking for an amplifier to plug in his bass, he saw a longhaired man sitting in the corner with an acoustic guitar. Heath was a bit surprised coz he hadn't had noticed the man before, concentrating his attention on Taishô.

'it must be Pata, the second guitar' heath thought. 'he looks a bit sleepy, funny..'.

Pata caught his gaze though and looked back kindly with a friendly cute smile. 'this smile matches him so' heath automatically noticed. He got some pleasant convenient feeling of Pata's smile and felt more free than before.

Heath played his score-part, not very loud still than he heard himself accompanied by Pata's guitar. He caught the new rhythms immediately and enjoyed himself playing so matching each other with Pata. It was the new melody for him, but it was still easy to find the harmony. Heath felt as if he knew each next sound of Pata's guitar. Concentrating himself on the play, he noticed with his sight-view the satisfied smile on Yoshiki's beautiful face and understood that he became now the new member.

Taishô waited till they finished to play, than shook his hand. 'hide had agreed before and I think Pata too. xone more sweet smile from Patax And me and Toshi think u r great, heath!' Heath's heart jumped in his chest. The way home was so light for him, the world seemed to be kind to him. And the sweetest memory of this day was… Pata's smile. It would be so great to be in one band with him!.

Heath was relieved to find friends in his new bands at the new place. But soon he understood, that he liked Pata the other way.

Than.. the numerous days of performance, producing. Pata found himself enjoying the company of their cute new bassist- not at least because of him accompanying Pata in the pubs. The young man was not very talkative- as Pata himself- and a bit shy, it felt good being around him.

****

Not daring to touch him, to feel him by my side… why should it come this way??

After shedding the tears, heath felt exhausted but not relieved. It turned to be so much worthier. Heath was angry with himself too, for going so mad as just for a few minutes.

The phone rang, heath pressed his teeth together and took the phone.

'Hi, here is Yoshiki. heath you were late! Had you forgotten? We had a practise at 10 a.m. Please come here as soon as possible' 'Hai..' 'heath? Is everything ok? You sound very strange..' Yoshiki's voice turned from one of the 'taishô' to be very caring. 'No no.. its ok.. I am coming soon!' 'Don't drink to much, ne? Pata said you ve drunk much yesterday, so I didn't call earlier xfriendly of yo!x' heath swallowed 'yeah? Did he said anything more?' 'no why? Ok we are waiting. Mata ne' Yoshiki hang the phone.

**** 

everything inside of heath became frozen. He was afraid of seeing Pata now. How would he react?

The young bassist knew almost for sure what would he hear. Something about, hi heath, do you feel better? Or maybe Pata would hate him for having done it? Of coz, he has played with, but for sure only to get some new experience.. and alcohol. Well Pata drinks a LOT. And he would have enough time this morning, returning to his wife to understand, that was not a good idea to sleep with a man. At least he is married!!! One more desperate thought came into heath' mind letting the hopeless tear run down his cheek again. Maybe Pata thinks, it was just a game from heath' side and heath wanted just to fool or to test him? If he is angry with him now?

And.. what do the others noticed? Pata doesn't speak a lot either, but hide can be a good friend and you begin to trust him automatically. The pinky guitarist not only speaks a lot himself, he also is good of hearing other people's problems.

Problems? Heath had to laugh ironically about this thought. No no.. if it is a problem for Pata than he takes it seriously, and the young man was sure, it had not that meaning for Pata as for him!!! Heath would give everything he has to change this fact, but he understood with the clear part of his mind, it was hopeless.

Well, Pata was a good friend of him and so on. The bassist felt he could trust him. But in this case? Why should it happen this way? In the small part of his mind heath knew he was planned this all not only to have something in his memory after, but to try to reach something more. But he had dreamed too much to believe in his own dreams. And now all was shattered into pieces, which made his heart bleeding so much.

Or maybe Pata would just pretend nothing at all has happened.. Being friendly as always. But Heath would never be able to stay near him not thinking about this one night.

Heath was very unsure in what he should expect from this practising, and he couldn't decide which of the variants is better- to try to speak with Pata once more and to apologise himself or just not to say anything at all. He wondered whether the others could recognise what happens in his soul?

Now..

He has to go there. One more time.

****

Heath came in, his heart rushing in his chest. He had never been so nervous before, fuck!

Yo-sama and Toshi were sitting near each other, discussing some place in Yo's scores ('I tell u, this is ok!'-'hai hai, Yo, as u wish ;-)'), their heads close together. Hide was talking around, Pata responding him in a few words and not seeming being really present. Heath blushed as he saw the older man, and turned his gaze to the side. …during practise they had no possibility to speak with each other and Heath decided, Pata didn't wish to do it either.

hide was definitively not in his serious mood this day, just kidding around. He tried to sing instead of Toshi (who had caught cold and couldn't sing this time) wracking his voice and making wild screams. Heath was deep in his thoughts and played false on some places, only Pata seemed to act normal, but looked so unpresent, so Toshi had to tell him 'wake up finally' before Taishô would do it instead, that all made Yoshiki going mad and screaming around. (it was his musician's mood, that no one liked)… he dropped the sticks and told everyone to come the next day.

Heath was afraid of Yoshiki in this kind of mood and he was afraid of meeting Pata either, so he was hurrying to get to the garages as soon as possible. Than maybe to go home.. no not there, where everything reminds him of Pata, just some other place.

There he would drink till unconsciousness and try to forget everything. It would be better to avoid Pata at all. But he wished to see him one more time, just to see him smiling!!…

He heard the steps behind him and refused turning around. He knew for sure whose steps were that. He took a breath, the thoughts of excuse-words rushing in his head…no, I need a little bit time more to be able to meet you... I am begging you.. don't hurt me now, please.. the heart of the young bassist shout voiceless.

'heath…'- the soft voice behind belonged to Pata. 'why have you gone so soon?'

'Why? I am gonna home… Yoshiki-sama was angry now and I didn't want to meet him' now he was standing face to face with the long-haired man. And he knew for sure too, that was not the topic of the conversation that interested the both men. Now heath felt himself really at the end. What comes now?

'Well.. ano…. ' Pata seemed to be very unsure looking for the words. He tried to find right words to start talking and not to hurt somehow Heath first, who looked really nervous now. Pata was also a bit surprised to see heath SO out of his normal mood. He didn't look even shy, he looked as if he was gonna run away from all the people around. Pata sighed and began to speak.

'I am.. I had to phone you I guess ..I.. I mean.. anooou.. I am not good at such things you know…It was somehow wrong of me to leave just so, I dunno why I have gone..'

'No, why than? It was ok, no one expected something else. I hope you at least enjoyed last night'- heath spoke, trying to seem cold.

'Oh heath, not that!!!'- Pata seemed to be rather excited as normally. 'You…what happened yesterday, it was.. you told me that you love me!!!'

Heath looked so as if he was going to cry every moment. His eyes were filled with tears. Now it was clear, he had to keep silence about his feelings. Maybe Pata would not be angry if it had been just the sex, but now he knows, Heath loves him and it just made him confused. Pata would surely not like to have to do with such feelings of him.

Heath cast his eyes down to the ground, his voice becoming darker 'It's ok, Pata.. you don't have to apologise, I didn't have to tell it. Don't matter ne. Forget it better'

'Oh Heath, I am so sorry! I didn't meant it that way! I am always doing everything wrong..'

At this very moment he felt the strong arms hugging his slender body. The breath of the guitarist was caught in his black hair, smelling so.. Pata-like.

Heath felt his knees getting soft and he couldn't stand without leaning on Pata. One word of the guitarist and Heath felt, he could really lose the consciousness, so nervous he was. His heart was beating fast inside his chest and he could almost hear the heart of his friend.

He was damned confused now, by his own state and by Pata's words, but he felt again so close to the happiness. It seemed as if there still was some hope, but Heath didn't dare to believe it again.

'Hiroshi…' the sound of his own name from Pata's mouth made his heart melting away. It could be.. So close..

He found himself in Pata's arms, the guitarist covering with such tenderness his cheeks, his lips with kisses. Heath closed his eyes not wishing to look at Pata once more to find there rejection. Pata tried to hold on, to say something to heath, but he couldn't stop, feeling this wonderful strong body so close to himself.

Finally he got himself apart from heath' soft lips. 'I like you so much. I admire your beauty' Heath blushed a bit by these words hearing it from his friend. 'and heath, I've thought really much about it… ano.. you told me to forget it, but I will never do it, because it was the most wonderful thing I ever heard. I'd like.. to hear it again from you, and not only few times.. anoou.. and I want to be with you, every day. And going to the practise or to the recording, I want to return home. And to see YOUR face meeting me. I finally realised what I was looking for, even if it took a long time. xhey Pata it's a rather long speech of you nex.. and my right place is near you.. if you wish I mean..'

Heath thought that no one could be so happy as he now. But his second thought was more realistically 'come on Pata.. you have a family. Such double-life would be really shit!'

'I don't care about my wife. We don't love each other. Neither my wife nor public will notice… it wouldn't be a big problem to be together in peace.. you know.. anou, hide is spending also a lotta time by Sugizo and nobody notice this..' Pata smiled 'anou, hiroshi, we are not even so famous. And even if it come to public … I don't care! '

Instead of an answer, heath pulled his head closer to himself and gave Pata a deep kiss more. Looking deep in his dark-brown eyes and finding there the warmth and kindness. That what he loved at Pata.. what he was searching for. And no one else could give it him but his friend.

He felt the long hair of Pata on his cheek and the soft voice whispering in his ear. 'I am so sorry.. I've hurt you somehow.. please forgive me for that…'

'Pata.. it is ok now, don't worry… I love you.. I love you so much!..'

Pata took his hand and kissed the thin fingers, which made Heath' cheeks blurrying red even more 'I love you too, my dear Hiroshi. I won't make you cry more.. I promise.. I love you…'

'Thank you, Pata..' heath could only whisper. Pata's fingers were tender touching Heath' face and neck, there followed first soft than passionate kisses. Heath stepped back a bit and sat on the red smooth surface of his car. Pata's body was still very close to him, to feel this strength, this sexy warmth, the memories of the last night returned in their minds as if nothing was in the time between. Heath felt the burning desire to have Pata inside, to let out this emotions. xno no they CANT do it in the underground-garage!!x

'Let me drive you home, koi' Pata smiled *****

***** 

##################### -X-tra- 

Yoshiki and Toshi were sitting in Yo's car. Taishô was busy with eating his big hamburger, Toshi speaking quietly to him 'well it was not SO bad today.. the guys have just had a hard day'

'mampf'

'ne, I know. But was it good of leaving them alone? And where is hide gone?'

'mmf.. dunno, I guess, he told something of visiting Sugizo…but Pata went after heath to the garage I saw'

Toshi's arm around slim waist of Yoshiki.

'These both..kinda sweet, don't you think, Taishô? Just like we ne?'

.. Yoshiki felt a soft familiar kiss on his neck and touched gentle with his free hand Toshi's lips.

'You are right, Toshi .. just like you are' he made his head convenient on the Toshi's shoulder 'but still.. you saw, THAT accord was really matching there?'

'ya damned workaholic ya..^^'

#Owari#

------------------------ 

so, the Part II is ready!! xmiddle of the night and having eaten lotta liquer-candies!.x written this time more from heath' point of view. You should read it hearing Vanishing Vision and Jealousy- at least it was written with that music! PS. It was my first fanfic!!! At least a part of a fanfic^^'… I am gonna sleep now…….xfalling asleep in front of the screen…x

Note by Toyo: Thank you soooooooo much heathy for writing this lovely part to my fic^^ It's soooooo cool!!!! Dai suki da……

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