by VanillaMint

VM: a short sad fic…When I started writing, it was not meant for this pairing but somehow, I just put Kaoru and Toshiya inside…^^; Maybe one day I'll write a fic for the original couple I meant to use~ Please comment!!!

" I love you…"

Those false words…

The violent howls of wind on that rainy day made me realize the truth. I stood there as the rain poured onto me, slowly opening my eyes, too shocked to resist as sorrow drowned my soul. I did not move until you went in, disappeared behind the door with that woman and child. But even then, I lost count of time; did not know how many tears fell from my eyes, did not know when the rain stopped pouring and came down in a misty drizzle, embracing me with their sympathy.

Now I can say my suspicions were true. You were seeing someone else. But I was too blind. All the time I had thought that someone else was trying to steal you away from me, trying to destroy the happiness we built together in our hearts. Desperately I clung to the word 'love', for I believed if there was love, no one could take you away from me.

Those words you whispered to me…

" I love you."

But today I saw with my own eyes. And finally I realized it was all fake… even those words, right?

That someone else wasn't who I thought she was.

In fact, now the truth seemed so clear.

From the start, you never belonged to me totally. From the start, the 'love' that you promised me was spun from threads of lie. No matter how desperate I clung to it, as time went by, it unravelled bit by bit.

When I was standing in the rain, I finally saw it. From the start, I was the third person.

For that one moment, I despised you with hatred that was deeper than the wound you inflicted upon me. But only for that moment. For when that moment passed, I still felt my love for you. In my heart, there was no one else except you. And there never will be anyone else. That place in my heart, I had already reserved for you.

Perhaps…

Perhaps we were not fated. Perhaps she was better for you. Perhaps I was really a selfish person.

But those words that I said to you…

" I love you."

I meant it.

Tonight, you came over to my place as usual, greeting me with that kiss. Your lips on mine… I wrapped my arms around your neck and stared into your eyes, searching for something deeper than I can see.

Even till the last moment, I wondered if you meant those words although I already knew that you did not. Even though my heart was numbed with the sorrow of a broken heart and the anger of betrayal, my eyes still shed those crystal tears as I plunged the knife deeper into your flesh.

You seemed surprised as you fell to the floor, your blood seeping out and staining your shirt crimson red.

" To…Toshiya…why?"

Because I was selfish. Because I loved you too much…too much to see you find 'another happiness' with someone else.

Through pain-hazed eyes, you stared at me. I dropped the knife after cutting my own wrists. Both wrists, slit open; the blood dripped onto the carpet. I settled next to you, cupping your face in my palms as I gently kissed your sweet lips.

" Because I love you, Kaoru."

' I love you…' How lonely those words would sound without you.

Perhaps my love was wrong.

But…

Kaoru…

I...

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