Corrupt the Agitator
by Indira Neill
----
Agitator 3
Comments: Yeah, uh. I haven't gotten many comments on the last pov yet but
I figured I'd go ahead and start the next on. Aiji's pov. Yeah, Aiji has to be
the hardest person for me to write for. And remember its your comments that
keep me going
--
I wish Jun would just relax a little bit. He's been so on edge lately. I'll do
anything to get him to just relax. I thought I'd bring him out to a club or something.
Damnit, I just want him to be comfortable around me for once. Sometimes he
can be so playful and adorable but then he's so serious and a pain to get
to say anything. Damn boy and his racoon like attention. He's hardly noticing
me.
What has Kirito done to him over these years? He used to be so happy. Damn.
I just really want him to be happy. And I want to be happy. And I want Kirito
to be happy too. Can't we all just fucking get along? I'm trying my best to
seduce Jun right now but its just not working. All of my pratice goes right down
the drain. He just keeps looking at me with those innocent little eyes. But I'm
starting to realize something. Starting to realize how in control Jun really is.
Its not me taking advantage of Jun or Kirito controling Jun, he's getting
exactly what he wants from both of us. What he needs from both of us.
We're the ones getting toyed with here. I don't really mind it though. I like
being taken advantage of.
Maybe thats why on occasion I would try to attract Kirito's attention. I want
someone to make me feel damn submissive. Jun, as in control as he is doesn't
have a dominate bone in his entire body. I need someone to dominate me.
I need someone to make me feel weak. I love Jun, and I always will. But if
only he could give me the other things I need. You really can't help who you
fall in love with. I wouldn't have picked Jun. He's too perfect and I realize I'll
never deserve him. Kirito sure as hell doesn't deserve him either.
Maybe, we should both forget about Jun and try each other out. Show Jun that
we're in control too. I won't be a passive player in whatever game he's got
planned. I want Jun to make me feel weak.
--
He wasn't very excited about my new idea. In fact he did all but reject it
completely. But I need this. I need to have him dominate me. It goes aginst
his personality but its something I can't do without. And I am a selfish princess
after all. I need Jun to be my knight for once instead of the other way around.
Very sledom do I not get my way.
The innocent knight approching the demanding princess. An unwilling knight.
Fuck, I really don't know what's going on anymore. All I know is I want this.
I really want this.
I kiss Jun lightly on the shoulder. His skin is a bit more tanned now and doesn't
hold its milky compextion much anymore. He's shaking, nothing has really made
him this nurvous before.
There is a small glint of metal in his palm. An unsheathed pocket knife. The knight
comes armed.
"Ne, Jun, what's that for?" I know the anwser already, but I'm not sure if I truly
want to hear it. I know what he and Kirito do behind closed doors. I've seen those
little marks on Jun's back. They were getting deeper too, before Kirito abandoned
his little follower.
I love Jun and I love Kirito too. They're both such good people. But their ideas
about what is normal are so twisted it scares me. Not that I'm the most normal
person in the world. But, they hurt themselves so much.
It took me awhile to realize it. I mean, just now it all came into focus. Jun, clasping
the knife in his hand. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Jun and Kirito
really are the same. They're the same and they fit together. This isn't Kirito abusing
and using Jun. This isn't Jun manipulating Kirito and I, this is the three of us not
realizing the truth in front of us. Realizing what we are and what we need.
I need Jun, Jun needs Kirito, Kirito needs Jun, I need Kirito, Kirito needs me needing
Jun. We're all connected. If one piece was to fall none of this would work anymore.
So we'll continue in this endless cycle of abusing each other and loving each other
and complementing each other. I am very much a piece of this.
Masochism really isn't my thing. Of course, I've been hurting myself this whole time
now. But I mean in the physical sense. Jun never made me hurt him, he never hurt
me. We have morals. We don't do this kind of thing. This kind of thing is wrong.
Can't Jun see its wrong. Normal people don't do things like this. Normal people
don't like pain. As fucked up as this relationship is I like to keep a bit of normalacy
in it.
I've fully believed love is love is love and gender has nothing to do with it. And I'm
willing to sacrafice everything for love. Sacrafice the band for Jun. But how do
you rationalize masochism?
"I thought you wanted this, Aiji..." the end of my name breaks off. He can't even
look me in the eyes right now. "I thought you wanted me to dominate you." There
is more confidance in his voice now. A confidance that makes my blood run cold.
Funny, he wants my blood, thats not what I ment by domination. I didn't want
him to drink my blood. But if that is what it takes, what choice do I have?
I lay on the bed on my back. He raises his eyes a little to look at me. His newly
red hair contrasting with the deep blue sheets I'm laying on. I'm glad we came
here. I don't need to see Jun's blood on the walls as he lets mine. I don't need
his blood mixing on mine. Because I know its there. And I know how Kirito yearns
for it.
He brings the cold knife to the center of my chest. A single line of metal touches
my skin. He doesn't apply any presure at first. He lets it warm until the single line
matches my body teperature. All I can feel now is a slight presure but nothing
more. His breathing slows and mine quickens. Perfect compliments. Always perfect.
The blade rests in the soft area between my navel and ribcage. Its almost as if
I am numb. I can't really feel it. But I can feel Jun's light breath as it rolls over my
skin. He's still clothed and I feel a bit ackward naked, vunerable. But I wanted it
like this way. I wanted to lose control.
His hands are as icy as my blood. He takes one of my hands in his own and brings
his lips to mine. A slight bit of presure is added to the blade as he pushes in my mouth.
His tounge sliding against mine. It feels so right to lose control. The blade in my flesh feels
so wrong. I don't like this. I love the way Jun's body is covering mine, I love the way I can
taste him, I love how his hair is brushing against my forehead. But I hate the knife.
I use my free hand to push his arm away. The knife brushes over the skin but doesn't break
it. There is a sense of frustration on Jun's face. How badly does he want this?
"Please...Aiji...please." There is a desperation in his voice I've never heard before. Like
he needs this to survive. Like pushing his hand away would have been the same as my
laying my own hands on his neck and refusing him a breath. He needs this, he needs
this because this is what Kirito gives him. To Jun, this is right, normalicy is wrong.
As much as I hate it I again take his armed hand and place it on my own flesh. Somehow
within those few short seconds it has become cold again. And so has my blood. Any warmth
I regained was just sucked from my body. Jun takes this gesture as his cue and draws a line
of red against my skin. I'm numb but it still hurts. It hurts so much because I don't want it. I
don't want Jun this way. I'm afraid.
Its a dull burning at first. Dull and numb. Its a single straight line. Only deep enough to draw
blood. His face is blank, expressionless. It scares me. I'm so afraid. He draws a second line,
paralel to the first, deeper this time. God, it hurts. Like all the feeling is rushing into my body
at once. I can't help my body tensing. I can't help whimpering. Why did I let him do this? Is
this what it takes to love him? My angel, Kirito's angel. God it hurts. He's bringing the knife
to my skin again. Shit shit shit it hurts so much. I'm crying. Oh shit I'm crying it hurts so much.
He's still cold now. Staring at the wounds. Can't he hear me cry? Can't he hear me? I'm
so weak. I love him so much but I can't take this. I can't fucking take this.
Third cut. Crossing over the first two. I keep trying to jerk away but I can't. Jun is so much....
--
When I woke up in the morning Jun had left for the studio. I can't believe I blacked out.
God, I'm such a whimp. But I know how far Jun made it. The pain is a test for that. I hope
that was the best god damn sex he ever had. I bandaged the scars a bit before running
out here to the studio. I desided not to bring up last night.
There was that plastered innocence again. I welcomed it. It was the Jun I knew. The Jun
I loved. That I still do love.
I need to touch him. And I know Kirito can see us. I know who corrupted my innocent angel.
I know who did it. And I need to corrupt him. Show him that I can save Jun. In my own twisted
way I can save him.
Blood is still seeping onto the once white gauze around my chest. God it hurts.
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