Submission to the Follower
by Indira Neill

Band/Pairing: Pierrot KiritoxJun
Comments: Yes, I do tend to pair the founders of a band together more often then other
people. Damnit, if they can get along well enough to form a band they might as well
molest each other. And considering whoever I make uke always comes out sounding like a
manic-depressive bi-polar child who eats small dogs I'm going to try going from the seme
position this time. Ok, so that sounded wrong. Anyway, Kirito's pov. Also for once I get
kinda lemonish. Uh, sm warning as well. Not much but yeah.

----

Follower 2

Band/Pairing: Pierrot AijixJun/KiritoxJun
Comments: Connected to "Submission to Follower" but you don't need to read that one to understand
this one, but it will help and I will refer to things. Jun is a really hard pov to write. Plus
its not a normal view of Jun so, uh, yeah.

----

I'm not as innocent as he thinks I am. Yes, I am naive, I realize that. And I do idolize him
and I do love him. But I'm not innocent. Hell, I've been with him this long how could he expect
me to remain like I was when we met. Its a game, I know he likes it when I play innocent, when
I give him power, when I obey his command. But I do these things not out of innocence or because
I'm naive, but because I love him. Well, at first I was innocent and naive and I didn't love him.
I admired him but thats completely different. The point is things have completely changed between
him and I and he doesn't realize how much has changed. He's just as out of it as I am. He acts
like he knows everything yet he knows nothing about me. I know everything about him. I know
he prefers just to use my body then for me to take an active role. And he doesn't know how
much I hate it.

But the one thing I hate the most is that I'm powerless. Any power I did have I've lost. I've
lost it to him. I let him take it. Aiji.

I had to. Kirito would have left me. I know he would have left to be with Aiji. If I hadn't had
stopped him. Kirito really wasn't into Pierrot at the begining. It was what I wanted. Because
I wanted to be with him. In truth I wanted to be with them both. And now I am. Kirito doesn't
know. Yet another thing he'll never notice. And Aiji is so damn good at lying. He and Kirito
will tease me to no end, act like I'm the stupidest person on the face of the earth. But then
Aiji in secret tells me how wonderful I am and whispers all the things I wish Kirito would tell
me. Because I will never love Aiji. But he makes me feel importaint. Ironic that he's the same
one that makes me feel useless.

I've been writting songs. I've written alot, without Aiji or Kirito or anyone. But I'm not
letting anyone see them. They're my escape. I love Pierrot, there isn't anything I'd rather
be doing, but what I've been writting isn't Pierrot, its me.

Pierrot has become Kirito and Aiji. Its their vision now and I'm not sure how I fit into it.
Maybe I'd be happier not having Kirito but being in control. But right now I'm hurting Kirito
and Aiji.

Aiji is such a dork sometimes. He thinks he's cooler then he actually is. Kirito went to check
what happened to Kohta. He may not act like it but he does care about his little brother. So Aiji
and I are here alone. Teasing my hair like he always does. I'm not quite sure why he's taken a
likeing to me. Perhaps he has some resentment towards Kirito and he wants his revenge. Or, like
he says he genuniely cares about me. He's always telling me that Kirito will never love me.
Maybe it is true because I'll never love Aiji. I don't want to keep hurting Aiji like this.

But I'm so amused by the way he treats me. He makes me feel loved. I'm laughing slightly at him
trying to undo the buttons of my shirt with his teeth. He keeps looking up at me and giving me
silly grins. I can't help but play with his hair. Its soft and wet. It always smells nice too.

One button comes undone without a problem. I could see Aiji praticing for this in his room, 
wanting it to be perfect for me. I wish I could learn to love Aiji, to tell him I love him. I
want him to be happy too. I could be happy with Aiji. Second button. He's better at this then
I thought. Third button.

Ok, so maybe not so great. He starts choking and I don't know what to do. The threads might have
been lose or something. I think he swollowed the button. Oh God. What am I going to do. He keeps
trying to cough but nothing is happening. Oh God. I don't know what to do. I should run, get 
Kirito. Oh God. It doesn't matter if he knows. This is my fault. Oh God. I don't know what to
do. Where is Kirito. Oh God oh God. I shouldn't leave Aiji alone. Its all my fault its all my
fault. 

Silence

Coughing. Aiji is coughing, he's going to be ok. I think. Oh God let him be ok. I don't want to
lose him. I can't lose him. Not now not now. He smiles at me for a moment so I know he's going 
to be ok. How did he manage to choke on my button. Oh shit, now its gone. Hopefully Kirito won't
notice. Hell, he doesn't notice anything else about me. 

"Remember Jun" he kisses me lightly. So much softer then Kirito ever does. "I love you even if
you don't love me."

And I don't. At least not now. I want to tell him the same, want to make him feel the way I know
he will if I could tell him the same. But I refuse to lie to him now. I'll tell him whatever
he wants but I won't tell him that. I love the way he treats me, but I don't love him. Not yet.
Maybe sometime I'll learn to actually love him.

He undoes the last few buttons by hand. The incident will keep him from trying that again any
time soon. He only half slides my shirt off. Licks my nipples lightly. First the left then
the right. I can't help but shiver a little. Not the same way I do for Kirito but close. He's
more concerned about me then about himself. My whole body tenses. But we don't have time. I
can hear Kirito comeing and so can he. He pulls away and I button up my shirt as best I can
with one of the buttons now traveling through Aiji's digestive system. I hope Kirito doesn't 
notice.

We're going out drinking. All five of us. I don't want to go. Aiji and Kirito are just going
to cut down my self esteem and then Aiji will bulid it back up and Kirito will cut it back
down. I wish they would all just leave me alone. I wish that but I know I would be even more
mizerable if I was alone. I need someone to make me feel whole. I don't want to be empty. I
don't want to go out drinking. I'm so full I'm going to burst.

--

Aiji got himself plastered like he always does. Lying on the floor like that. I can't believe
Kohta just kicked him. He looked so pieceful. Kohta really is just a kid at heart. I envy
him. I bet he's never been in love before. I envy him. I envy him so much.

--

He wants me to cut him. Does he think these little scars I hold on my back hurt me? They've 
never hurt me because he can't hurt me. If I cut him, what if it hurts? I don't want to hurt
him. I'm so open to him. He can do whatever he wants. When I'm with Aiji I feel in control, I
feel I could leave Kirito. But standing here against the wall, my back bleeding for him. I'm
his follower and I'll do whatever he wants. 

Its the sad truth. Just looking at him makes me want to submit. I want to be weak for him so I
am. I'm so much stronger then this. But love makes you weak. Even if it is one sided. It makes
Aiji weak, it makes me weak. I wonder who Kirito loves.

Can Kirito even love? He can care, but can he love? Or am I fighting a battle I can never win?
Even if I can't win at least I could tie. I can be with the person I love even if he'll never
love me he can still be mine. He's probally sleeping with dozens of other people too. But he
comes to me every night. I get to be near him.

Kneeling in front of him, slowly I cut him right were he cuts me. He likes to tell me he's 
corrupting me. He doesn't know how corrupt I am. He doesn't know what I let Aiji do to me. He
doesn't know Aiji satisfies me more then he ever has. Because Aiji cares about me. Its unfair
to Aiji. I give him as much as I give Kirito. But its not enough because he loves me and Kirito
doesn't. But I love Kirito and not him. I feel awful.

I'm hurting Aiji in the same way that Kirito hurts me. Were all a bunch of happy masochists with
Kirito as the lead sadist. But I'm the one sliceing into his skin. But its his knife. The same
knife that cuts me is now cutting him. I don't want to cut him. I don't need him to bleed for me.
I bleed enough for us both. I bleed every day of my life for us. And Aiji bleeds too. We're
sheading enough blood as it is. Its going to tear us apart. Pierrot is no longer my vision. Its
not Aiji's vision, its not Kirito's vision. Its a blurred mess. Its a blurred mess and its only
getting worse. 

"I want to prove to you we are already the same. You have wings too."

Yours are just black.

to follower 3

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