Submission to the Follower
by Indira Neill


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Follower 3

Band/Pairing: Pierrot AijixJun
Comments: Yes, I have finally decided this is the "Follower - Agitator - Creative Master" series.
Damn I'm so unique with titles </scarcasm> This is the Aiji pov. Although there will be more
after this. Yes, Aiji is made rather, insane. This has been the hardest one to write so far. 
Kirito is so much easier to write for >_<

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I want to do everything to make Jun happy. But at the same time I know he loves Kirito right now.
I need to convince him that Kirito could never make him as happy as I do. I know that he cries
with Kirito and relies on me to pick him back up. I know these things. He wants Kirito more 
because he doesn't have Kirito. Well, he 'has' Kirito, rather Kirito 'has' him. But thats not
the point. I'll make him happy and he knows it. He fucking knows it. Thats why he keeps comming
to me. We're all in this god damn mess together. Well, Kirito doesn't suspect anything. He 
doesn't know how much Jun loves me. Jun loves me, he loves me, he's mine. I make him feel
importaint. I tease and reward him. I'm the one in control of Pierrot now. Not his beloved 
'leader' that he admires so much. Not his beloved 'leader' who doesn't give a fuck about him. I'm
the one in control here. Kirito doesn't know how when he kisses me I think of Jun. Of as when he
kisses Jun he thinks of me. I know he thinks only of me. But he's suck in a habit. A habit of
submission to his 'leader.' 

Leader leader leader. 

I play along with this little game of Jun's, I play along with Kirito's as well. I'm the one in 
control here. 

Leader leader leader. 

Everything is fine on the outside isn't it? Kirito and I are buddies, we tease Jun to no end. 
But I'm the only one who fucking delivers. He may spend the night with Kirito, but he loves me. 
Kirito fancies himself a dictator, what a fucking joke. He thinks everything is about him. 

Leader leader leader. 

I push my tounge into Jun's soft mouth and let my hands roll along his body. I know
where he likes to be touched. I bet his leader doesn't. I doubt his leader even cares. His 
leader doesn't love him. A regular tragedy. I'll lead him if he needs someone to follow. I'll 
be more then his leader, I'll be his master. I've tried being gentle up til now. But he still 
holds on to his leader. 

Leader leader leader. 

He always tastes so good. He's everything, he doesn't realize how fucking amazing he is. 
I need to prove it to him. I need to prove I'm the one who completes his vision for Pierrot. It 
wasn't Pierrot untill I was there, untill I showed him what Pierrot is. I'm amazed how he never
pushes away. Thats how I know he wants me. He thinks he wants Kirito but its all a fucking lie.
I need to show him the truth. Why do I always get like this when I'm around Jun? This feeling of
ultimate power comes over me. I am in control. He and I are everything right now. 

Leader leader leader.

I want to show him what I've been praticing, I want to show him. I want to impress him. I want
to control him like Kirito does. One button, two buttons. Does he know I'm doing this for him
and only him? I hope he knows. I want him to know everything about me and I want to know every
little detail about him. If only he would forget about his obsession. Obsession is not the same
as love. Why doesn't he see that? Why doesn't he see me?

I can't breathe.

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Why do I always have thoughts like that? Why is it one second I'm this crazed fool and the next
second I revert to my 'princess' mentality. I prefer playing the part of the princess. I like
talking with Kirito. I like how Kirito and I complement each other. When I'm with Jun I feel so
different. Maybe its my lovestruck self. I really do love Jun. And I know, somewhere, Jun loves
me. But he's so shy. And he's afraid of Kirito. Well, thats partly my fault. I tease him as much
as Kirito. But when we're alone I tell him I didn't mean a word. I feel like shit.

What are the two of us doing to him?

Jun doesn't understand, does he? I realize he's no innocent, but he's blind. He's blind and we're
tripping him with every step he takes. Kirito and I are pulling him in two directions and he
doesn't know which way to go. So he goes with Kirito because thats where he's gone since the
beginning. He goes to Kirito out of habit.

Then why is it I've offered myself to Kirito? Is it because I want to hurt him like he hurts Jun?
He's my friend and I don't hurt my friends like that. So why. I'm attracted to him, yes, but
he would never be able to love anyone. Jun's been trying for years and can't get him to crack.
Jun and I are the same. We both need to be loved.

I should stop drinking.

I can't even remember how many drinks I've had. In trying to stop thinking about our problems
I've managed to get, get what. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about
anything right now. Kirito is probally looking at me like the slob I am. But I don't care. Jun
may be disgusted as well. But he loves me so he won't really care tomorow. I just need to 
distance myself from the problem for a bit.

------

I'm not even sure how I ended up back in my hotel room last night. Oh, Kohta is sleeping on
the floor, did he bring me back? He seemed as drunk as I was. Which is odd since he's not much
of a drinker. My side hurts a little. Maybe I fell on the foor.

"mmh Kohta, Kohta I'm cold."

I really am. He may have given me the bed but he felt the need to steal my sheets. I curl up into
a ball. Its obvious he's still sleeping. The room is still dark. I'm guessing the blinds are
closed. Its like seven in the morning so they must be closed. Maybe I could blind Kohta if I
open them. My head really hurts though. My foot lands on something soft.

"Aiji! Watch where you're stepping."

Ok, so Takeo is here too. That might explain how Kohta and I got our drunk selves back here.
Good old Takeo always knows the right think to do. Probally stayed to make sure we were ok in the
morning. Takeo seems to be the one person in the band we can all trust. He's the one with the
greatest knowledge. He always knows what to say. But then again I suspect he has the least fun.

"Sorry, Takeo."

I have to be polite to him. As much as Kirito fancies himself the leader Takeo is the one who 
makes sure we show up to rehersal, makes sure we're sober. Makes sure we don't kill each other.
We all respect Takeo and Takeo respects us. He really is our father figure. Without him we may
have never gotten this far together.

I pull open the blinds sharply but only a dull light appears. Its raining lightly. I hate rain.
Its so sad. And I consider myself a happy person. I'm happy because Jun loves me and I love Jun.
And I'm friends with Kirito and Kirito is friends with me. And my friend will never know that
I love his toy. And even with all of these complex differences between us. Even with all the
lies we can keep going. I know even if the lies were brought to the surface, we'd still be
standing. Because in the end Kirito is my friend, I respect Takeo, and I love Jun. And well,
Kohta is my friend's little brother so I'm required to get along with him.

"The rain is pretty, isn't it Aiji?"

Takeo isn't looking towards the window but he know's its raining. In the end Takeo knows
everything the rest of us should.

"Its pretty, but I breaks the flowers, if it rains too much the flowers will die. Its sad, isn't
it Aiji? They need rain to survive but too much will drown their roots." 

Takeo knows about Jun and I, about Jun and Kirito. I suspect he's the one who knows everything.
But I don't really want to know everything. I'm happy with my limited view of the world around
me. Takeo knows everything, but he doesn't feel love. At least I don't think he does. He knows
all the rules but I'm not sure he applies them. He's like Jun in that way. Jun knows so much and
uses so little. He won't play his songs for me. No matter how much I ask. But I know he's written
them. And I know they'd put me to shame. I wonder why he hides them from us. I wonder if Takeo
has heard them.

I like looking out the window into the light rain. People are already running from buliding to
buliding. Trying to keep from getting too wet. It's impossible to stay completely dry. But some
people are staying drier then others. The buildings look a little darker with the grey sky
behind them. Drops meld together in little pools on the glass. Like little dimonds. When they
get to heavy they streak downwards under the weight. They're attraction to each other is their
ultimate downfall. If the water didn't pool like that they could retain their possition on the
glass. But its never just two drops. Two drops can hold together. But three or four or five,
they don't stand a chance. Its too heavy then.

I wonder where Kirito and Jun are. I hope Jun is ok. I hope he's figuring out what he can and
cannot see. He's blind but by no means stupid.

The rain has gotten heavier. People are no longer going between buildings. They know they'll get
soaked if they do. And the buildings have all but dissapeared with the darkening clouds. The
little droplets of water cling to each other for protection. Protection from each other, and
they fall together. Faster, faster. Until there is only a sheet of liquid covering the glass.
Too many are invovled for them to keep their indivdual shape.

I can't breathe.

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