Apassionata
A story by InSilence
Comment: Dedicated to Callista-chan and my lover, wherever far you are now - my love is always with you.
Listen to: 'Mysterons' - Portishead

Inside your pretending
Crimes have been swept aside
Somewhere where they can forget 
Divine upper reaches
Still holding on
This ocean will not be grasped
All for nothing
Did you really want
Refuse to surrender
Strung out until ripped apart
Who dares, dares to condemn
All for nothing

Noday in late november. Dirt washing over early snow. Last leaves rotting between litter and watery thin ice; dull indicators of color in indifferent layers of grey.
A man watching the street from a poorly lit window.
A cigarette between pale trembling fingers, his whiskey bottle forgotten, pouring out its contents over the creamcolored carpet and his other hand on his crotch. Waiting in anticipation.

A figure creeping over the snow-kissed ground. His hands burried deep in the warm pockets of his expensive coat. The man whisled as he approached a grafitti-smeared building and watched his white breath in amusement. The stairs groaned noisily under his heavy step and the melting snow on his boots washed ugly stripes on the dusty floor. He stood long infront of the red painted door before he finally knocked.

The boy lay lazily on his bed as he heard the knock. He was a daysleeping youth and had forgotten the time. He streched catlike before he lifted his fragile frame and threw a last glance on the mirror close to the huge bed with pink pillows. He combed his long fingers through his thick red hair and ordered his long silk nighty. He jawned tiredly berfore he stepped carefully on the cold tiles of the corridor.

The young man felt the hard recoil of the gun against his shoulder after he pulled the trigger. And then again. Only to make sure.

A green bench in the soft darkness of winter. The small man turning his head in indifferent interest as the shots tear his silence. Stuffing green bills into his pockets he slowly stood and walked away. To whatever place he would call home for the night.

The man at the window grunted in disgust as he fumbled himself feverishly. His eyes ever fixed on the couple in the room opposite the street. He watched the thin redhead serve the tall stranger who soon threw himself on him and took him with brutally impassionate thrusts. The man tasted the weird culmination of disgust and utter lust in his mouth and climaxed hard into his hand as the stranger came with the scrawny boy, who he soon regardlessly abandoned. Leaving green dollars on the white torso and turning with no word or last glance.
The man at the window shivered and felt his bowels rebell inside his body. Soothingly he closed his eyes and started licking his wet fingers.

The boy still lay naked on the bed as he heard the door slam shut. He was soaring above the bed, looking down on his pale limbs, the strawy red hair and on the stains of red and white along his legs. There was no way of getting used to this. Only a way of forgetting it happened to you. He was still not with himself as he climbed into the steaming tub and washed the blemish off his hurting body. By the time he combed his strands at the vanity and watched color return into his white cheeks he slowly retreated. Became one again with the thin boy in girls' clothes.

The tall stranger entered his appartment and saw his brother sitting forgotten at the window. Dark stains of whiskey on the new carpet. He kicked the bottle in anger and pulled back the other men's long filthy mane. He stared into the two empty large junkie orbs and saw a grimace of a grin creep over his harsh traits. It felt good to slap his bony cheeks. The man laughed as he was hit by his younger brother. He laughed and the words where sharp as they stumbled out of his broken lips.
'Is this as good as fucking little boys, he Die?' He cried under laughter, and strangely there was also no pain as he was violently pushed on the ground.
'You poor piece of shit..' Die growled as he slammed his boots into his brother's groins.
Tears were streaming down his face and he howled still laughing. This time he might be killed he thought. And the thought was somehow funny to him.
'Yes beat me you sick bastard. Punish me lord, as I have sinned.' He shrieked as Die noisily broke his nose. 'Or maybe you'd like to screw me like that faggot bitch of yours...' He slurred before the world went strangely dark for him.
'Kaoru, you poor asshole...' Die mumbled as he kicked his brother's twitching form. His eyes rolled back into his had, showing the white.
'Damn. The carpet..' was the last thing Die thought as he watched Kaoru throw up and faint on the creamcolored softness.

The young man felt the gun in his bag slam against his back as he rushed up the stairs. Taking three at each step. He quickly turned the keys and stood silently in the bedroom where he watched the redhaired boy sleep peacefully on the freshly made futon. He slowly approched him and combed his silky hair out of his face. He studied the pale beautiful face with the the full girl's lips and the long powdery lashes. He touched his elegant long fingers and felt the warmth, the opposite of death. And he cried silently to himself not knowing really why.

The short man with wild dyed hair entered the smoky bar close to the harbor. Carefully he rated the whores gathering in the back of the room. One of them was brunette, skinny with heavy bones and  a sly smile. He could like that tonight.

The boy awoke into the tight embrace of his lover. As he shook sleep out of tired limbs he had his worried dark eyes on him. Eyes which always reminded him of a dark night under stars, which rain upon you like huge soft pearls of foam.
He jawned and moved closer into the embrace of the young attractive man who smelled of the city and faintly of freshly fallen snow.
'Hmmmm... Toshiya. Finally you're home...' He whispered leaning into a deep kiss with the darkhaired boy.
Toshiya ran his hands over the small pale back and drank the perfumed sweetness of the mouth opening to him. A familiar anger surged through his veins as he stroked the boy's thin body and he felt that dangerous twiching in his fingers. Appruptly he broke off.
'Who was with you today...hmm. Shin-chan. Tell me.' He demanded gently and watched the color drain out of the beautiful face with the pouty lips. 'You know I don't like to talk about this. You know, we never do. I also don't ask about your day...do I?" Shinya asked carefully, combing his fingers through Toshiya's rough cut hair.
'Oh, well... If you need to know. I just perforated some fat dealer's skull tonight in the park...nothin more. And you?' An amused smile sneaked over Toshiya's traits and he giggled as Shinya gave him an annoyed elbow.
'Oh shut up.... That pervert was here today... You know. That giant with the dumb face, the one who likes it...hard. You know...' Shinya whispered into the sudden screaming silence.
'You know if I find him, I'll kill him for you Shin-chan...' Toshiya spoke and it made Shinya tremble.
'I really will...'

The small man felt it comming soon as the brunette woman was riding him. He was annoyed by her musky smell of sweat but he liked the way she screamed and seemed to enjoy it. He liked that kind. Pleasing only yourself became boring at some time. He grabbed her bony buttocks as he felt the heat rush through him. And he heard the door being opened suddenly and saw that fat fucker with a toothpick between his lips standing in the middle of the room.
He threw the graoning whore off him and pulled up his pants, quickly grabbing his gun and pointing it at that fat sucker, called Groby.
'Whassettt..Kyo...?' The whore slurred covering herself with the sheets.
'Just shut up dolly...' Kyo murmured as he saw tears in Groby's eyes.
'They've got your man, Kyo.' Groby cried. 'Shot him tonight in the park. Two bullets from behind in the neck. From behind, Kyo, man. From behind.'
'Who?' Kyo managed to press out.
'Say, that queer killerboy. You know...Kyo. Man. They shot him...'
Kyo gathered his clothes and flew out of the door leaving the confused girl with the crying Groby behind.

Toshiya focused on the tall man sitting in the dimmly lit room opposite the street. He liked the slurring klicks of the rifle as he adjusted the binoculars. Closer, closer, zooming in the dumb flat face of the giant. Toshiya smiled as the red spot danced over Die's traits. His fingers twitched close to the trigger. He still smiled as he carefully inserted the bullets.
'This is for you, asshole.' He grinned as he shouldered the gun.

Shinya knew it was too late as he heard the door being shut carefully, yet too loud, somewhere in the back of his mind. Strangely enough he turned, returning to sleep. And then again, anything of this really happened to him.

Die spat on the grey dirty snow as he inserted the coins into the vending machine. The mashine graoned silently as the tin noisily fell into the flap. A clattering sound of metall and the shiny coins plopped out of the mashine again, into the dirty snow close to Die's heavy boots. He grinned and bowed to pick up the meatal reflecting the dull city lights. The snow was cold on his fingers and the coins felt cool and steady between them. 'Cool' Die said, not yet knowing it was his last word, until the world became strangely bright. And he realized the brightness was pain and somehow the coins slipped out of his fingers he couldn't feel anymore while he watched blood color the snow. And then it was dark. And then nothing was anymore.

Toshiya was sweating inspite of the chill as he aimed at Die's big head. Sweat ran down and burned his eyes and he closed them slowly imagining how the big man climbed up the dusty stairs of their home and how he raped and abused Shinya. Hate and disgust filled everything of him as he felt the wellknown cold heat, which made his fingers twitch. His eyes were still shut as he pulled the trigger and heard the echo of the shot resound in space. He watched Die's plumb form sway and collpase and he smiled. He was still smiling as Kyo's Baretta tore his skull to pieces. Toshiya smiled as he died, falling face down into the dirty snow.

Kaoru shivered in the coldness of november night as he kicked his brother to his side. A long fine red line ran out of his mouth and over his chin, which was very white and hard as Die's large glassy eyes. No more lively than two huge doll's eyes and Kaoru thought that if he touched them they would be as big marbles laying in his brother's transparent skull. Kaoru spotted the tin laying in the red snow, which he opened and quietly began to drink as he watched the thin red-haired boy next door rush into the deserted street. And he looked pretty that way he was, only in that white frill and his naked white feet in the snow.

Shinya carefully kissed Toshiya's cold face while his warm blood spilled over his legs. He smiled and looked almost happy opening his dark mysterious eyes to Shinya and Shinya saw all the stars on the dark far away nightskies as he embraced his lovedone, caressed his unruly hair and was for the first time with himself. Only himself. Watched his ruined clothes and his white feet in the snow, and this was him and no body without soul, no puppet to be played by others.
And it was only him in this world. All alone with his lover in his arms. The only people alive.

Kaoru shivered while hot tears streamt out of his eyes. They melted the snow and turned to ice. He cried about love and then about beauty, but mostly beacause he couldn't feel anything.
Anything at all.

And the skies wept pearls, falling as soft stars upon the lovers and the lonely and lost.
Big stars of foam, exploding on the ground.

[FIN]

A story by InSilence
Comments please to: insilence@tokyo.com
http://www.oocities.org/cytomi/

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