raison by Jennifier D. -Author's Notes: Okay, this thing was haunting me when I'm trying to do my school assignment... Here it is. Uh... the story centres on Toshiya. It might be a little confusing initially, but once you guys get the drift, it should be okaaaay.... Thanks to Llaurie for her support!! *glomps Llaurie and gives her sweets* Please write more of your wonderful fanfics! Especially KaoruxDie! I think the two of them look damn good together... Uh... it'll be good if you're listening to 'riyuu' when you are reading this too ^^; Disclaimers: All characters inside do not belong to me. They are real people and they belong to themselves. I'm really, really sorry for using you guys as victims in my fanfics but I have no choice! *bows before DEG members* Date started: 040801 -------------------- "[君を抱いて] [君を見つめ] [君を愛し] [君を想う]" ----- '理由', Dir en grey Prelude: He swing his legs idly, the heels of his shoes hitting the edge of the rooftop in soft, rhythmic motions as he softly hummed to himself the tune of 'riyuu'. Tossing the pick from one hand to another, he thought about all those times he shared with the owner of that pick. All those times where he would end up either bruised or in tears. All those times when he was bent and broken like a marionette. Like he was his doll. Initially, he was overcome with joy, thinking that the other had finally noticed him and realised the depth of his love. Yet, he was disillusioned just as quickly as he had gotten his hopes up, and his heart would wrench in pain whenever he thought about how the other had treated him. Realising that all along, the other was only using him. Using his body, using his dreams, using his beliefs to get what he wanted. Distorting his life, crushing his dreams like they were fragile fireflies which hovered in the darkness. Breaking his heart. He... he didn't love him. A tear slowly trickled down his face even as he flung the pick away from him, as far and hard as he could manage. Throwing away his lies... his laughter. Everything which held memories of him. "I hate you!" His cry... lost to the wind... The tears came on more fiercely now, and with each tear, a bad memory would be awakened and washed away, cleaning his heart of memories and sour illusions. Letting him remember, then forget those moments... When he hit him for no reason... ...shouted at him for wanting to get close... ...slapped him for telling the others what happened... ...nearly strangled him when he was caught flirting... There were so many things... he had chalked up enough incidents that it was no longer possible to count all of them. So much bitterness had clogged up his heart that he could no longer think or function normally. That all he wanted was to get out of this living hell; his world of desecration and decadence brought about by the existence of him. To get away from all these torture which he allowed the other to inflict upon his body and soul willingly. He wanted to die. Stop breathing. Stop ticking. Stop crying. Stop bleeding all over inside every time he was hurt. He couldn't take all these anymore. This love... he didn't want it anymore. It was true that a long time ago, he was so hopeful. So hopeful and full of illusions of the twisted truth of their relationship. So unaware of how much he had fooled himself into believing that everything was right when they were actually all wrong. He took in a deep, shuddering breath, then let it all out with a huge sigh of relief, as though he had finally freed all his demons. He had finally grown his own wings. And now... he was going to fly. Off this rooftop, to whatever place his fragile, paper-thin wings could bring him. To the paradise his mind could see but couldn't reach. Just as he was going to slip off the ledge, the door to the roof burst open and the person he was waiting for finally arrived. His dream finally came alive. With a sad twist of his lips upwards, he turned to face the other before sliding off. Lips parted, but no sound came out of them. [Aishiteru. Itsumo.] He then spread his wings and flew, in a never-ending descend to his heaven. And he realised, without regret, that he could now hear the voice he loved-- finally calling out for him; that voice he savoured, coloured with the only emotion he wanted to hear. Love. "Toshiya!" Then the sky became comfortingly dark. End: Prelude next reason? Date completed: 310801 Date revised: 310801 Footnotes: Eh... make any sense? *laughs, embarrassed* Well, if it doesn't... urm, hopefully it will become more clear as the story progress. So... you guys do know _who_ was the one who jumped right? After all, there was only one name.... *suddenly feels very stupid for asking that question* Additional notes [21112001]: I'm not continuing this fanfic anymore ^^; My most sincere apologies to those who are waiting for this. I'm really sorry ^_^;;; (VM: jennifier changed her mind totchi: stop inserting comments in people's fics!!!) to be continued back to deg fics pg 3 |