Dreams and Time
by Maharet
Part 7
Die woke up slowly, it was really dark, so he thought it should be around midnight or something, how many time had he slept for, or what had happened, he didn’t know the answer to those questions, absually he didn’t know the answer to any questions at all, everything in his mind was a disaster, walls falling down, crystals exploding, pure chaos, but still everything abt him was beautiful
(somethings never change no matter what…… ~Mahy~)
he felt warm and complete, but he didn’t know where did that feeling come from, he looked down and saw a sleeping Shinya curled up against his strong chest, so peaceful dreaming there on his lap, surrounded by his muscular arms.
"Shinya……" he whispered sadly caressing softly the velvet pale cheek of the bishonen.
he didn’t want to wake up the drummer so he carefully took him in his arms, and went slowly to the bedroom, the bed was a mess but he thought it didn’t matter at all for once, and so he placed the slender body there very softly and covered it with the blankets lovingly, Shinya was still asleep he didn’t even move a bit in the new position, he just laid there in the same way that die had left him, like a lifeless but incredibly beautifull porcelain doll, so fragile.
The curtains were open allowing the moon to illuminate the dark room, and it was shinning directly over the younger man’s form, emphasizing his factions, the sweet lips that looked as a cute rose blossom all the time playing with light and forms, that begged to be caressed.
The perfect nose not too big neither too small, just so right in the poetic harmony of his face.
Pale skin everywhere to be seen, touched, kissed, tasted.
A pink shade on the cheeks, that contrasted with the pale skin, autumn hair and the pale pink of the lips beautifully.
And then was when Die noticed the marks of tears still tainting the softeness and tonalities of the gestures on Shinya’s face.
And he remembered everything.
Bitter tears started falling from his dark eyes, so much pain screaming to be released, running free through the tears, lowering the despair that was crawling over his heart………
But pain’s always there, pain never dissapears no matter how many time passes nor the turns that life may had, tattooed inside me painfully.
That’s just how life works, mankind stupidly created time to smooth things, but that never happened they only made things worst, time’s there now, always haunting us, wasting everything, stressing our lifes, making us conscious of our own fragility and short existence.
Pain’s there in every soul that knows and feels, it’s the undeniable punishment for see things how they really are, the reality beyond our own noses.
A dark destiny.
He couldn’t stand anymore the sight of the bruise, so he got up slowly and decided to go to buy some thing to eat, who knows since when were they sleeping anyway and he felt really hungry, so he thought it would be nice to surprise shinchan with a beautiful dinner after all that had happened.
"Bye beauty" he whispered tenderly kissing shinya’s forehead before walking away slowly.
The air against his skin was dense, and his body felt heavy and tired now, while he walked toward the door of the tidy apartment entering into the shadows of night more and more, it was as if each step away from shinya was darker an darker each time incresing the weight of everything upon him.
Of corse it is that way you baka, cause the curtains of shinya’s bedroom were letting the moon light in, and the living is the opposite, just darkness covering everything, swallowing the air.
That’s why.
He let the logic lead his thoughts, but deep inside even if he was unaware of it, he knew that it wasn’t just that, but that was shinya’s light the one he needed and missed now walking away.
He took a deep breath feeling the density of the air around him, sticky bitter air filling his lungs hastily.
And in one slow move he opened the door and left the apartment, entering in the clear corridor, Just one look into the heart of the night inside the apartment, and then he closed the door locking the darkness safetely behind him and walked away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shinya opened his eyes slowly, painfuly.
He had been crying and his face sore, his beautiful almond eyes were red and hurt.
He felt cold and lonelyand completly isolated, as if the only thing he really wanted was to go on sleeping, forever and never have to wake up again.
"Nothing’s worth of it" he said sobbing softly at the sight of the moon outside the window, white greyish moon glowing beautifuly over him, but so cold and meaningless.
he couldn’t stand it.
It was everything so useless, no matter how many beauty or poetry there’s on display the feeling of emptiness was always there.
Even his beloved aesthetic at the end could be the most cruel bitch sometimes.
I guess nothing can be perfect and good all the time.
He thought looking at the clouds playing in the stary night.
Sometimes it fills me, warms me, comforts me, but i knew from the beginning how things work so i just shouldn’t be surprised, we make our world, so it’s not even it’s fault it’s mine………
I do the things the way they’re.
A painful sigh escaped from his pretty parted lips tiredly.
"Die……" he knew that Die was with him before, he fell asleep on his arms, but now he knew he was alone, he didn’t need to check the other rooms, he could feel it.
Why?
Why did you left me alone right now?
It felt so beautiful to be there wrapped in your arms, so right Die, how can’t you see it?
He touched his cheek carefully, the pain was so strong, not just in there but more than anything inside him, the usual knot on his throat was killing him, the air wasn’t almost reaching his lungs at all, but he just didn’t care, not even a bit.
The phone rang in the living room, but he didn’t want to answer.
What for? It’s always the same, nothing important, meaningless things filling everything, trying to, absually, just trying to fill the empty spaces.
He didn’t need that, he didn’t want to be alone anymore, he was tired, all this time hadn’t changed anything, of corse he knew it was going to be that way, he wasn’t a fool, but there’ was hope even if he tried to shut it down.
"at the end hope’s the last thing you lose i guess" he said softly hearing his own voice so strange to him.
The phone just keep tearing the peace of the night apart, so he got up and ran to answer quickly, maybe it was important after all.
The living was in complete darkness, but he didn’t stumble nor doubt at all making his way through the messy room ‘til the little table where the phone was.
"Hello?" he said softly into the receiver.
"Miyabi-kun……i don’t know, just i haven’t had time to think about it right now, No, this has nothing to do with Die! Hear me, if we keep together, or anything after all, you gotta understand that Die’s my best friend and that i love him, but he just doesn’t feel that way, so there’s no reason for you to feel threatened, you need to understand that and trusth in me, other way this is never going to work out, and by that i’m not saying that we’re still together, need to think about it, so just give me some space and time by myself, and as soon as i’ll be a bit clearer i’ll rang you, ok?" he could hear the guitarist voice echoing in the room, why did he have to be so annoying sometimes, so possessive and horrible.
A sad smile appeared on the cute little drummer’s face.
I’m pathetic……
Here i am, talking with this man, considering the chance of going back with him, even though he hit me coldly the last time we saw eachother, am i in so much need?
So lonely as to let anyone fill the emptyness that’s eating me away painfully.
If only i could take my mind off missing him, of loving him, this is killing me, i’m driving myself insane, this is only gonna destroy me at the end.
But why? why is he here deep in my heart all the time?
Sad tears started rolling down his beautiful face again, as his slender body shivered with loud sobs.
He could hear miyabi worried voice on the phone, and it only made him feel worst, the boy really cared about him after all, and everything had been his own and total fault.
"It’s nothing, i’m ok, yeah i promise, don’t worry, sure i’ll call you, take care and have fun with the recording and all that" he placed the phone back without even waiting for the other man to stop talking, it was all said by now.
He knew he was going back with miyabi at the end no matter what, after all he didn’t want to be alone anymore, and the one that was now worried about him showing his care was miyabi, Die was who knows where and with who.
He lighted one of the so many candles that were everywhere in his apartment.
There! He smiled satisfied.
That’s much better, at the end a single little light can tear all the darkness apart, such a small difference that changes a whole world.
As always are the small and aparently shallow things the ones that makes the difference, he understood that being extremely young.
"The most small things are the ones that can make you truly happy" he remembered his childhood’s friend’s voice clearly echoing in his ear, one night like this one and that was all, he never saw him again, and neither he ever wondered the reason, it wasn’t important anymore, and his friend also knew it, maybe he had died or he just moved away, but the world was never the same for any of them he had the certainty and that was the only thing that really mattered.
He was glad that he absually had being brave enough to clear the things with him in the lat moment, to understood everything and being able to put it into words.
"……………and so now i truly understand finally, i dont’ care if tomorrow you completly dissapear of my life and i never see you again, if i die or you just forget about me, cause i see the world different now, everything has changed and that fact’s gonna remain over everything else, you show me all this……
and i’m certain that is gonna be that way forever and ever, this feelings are not going to change, even if my whole existence does……" he had said so calmly just a couple of days before he saw him for the very last time, and all had being true, with the pass of time he realized that he was completly right about each single word he had said.
He sighed deeply.
"i never even knew your real name"
he suddenly felt a pair of strong arms around his waist holding him firmly, and warm breaths against his neck.
"Whos real name?" he heard Die’s voice caressing him tenderly.
"Nobody Die, nobody. I’m glad you’re back." His eyes closed in happiness.
I’m not alone, at least for this night i’m not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He felt so good like that, just holding shinya’s body tightly against his own, caressing the silky autumn hair falling freely down shinya’s long neck.
He was very confused, he loved shinya that was the only thing he truly knew, but try to classify that feeling for him was impossible, he loved him just like that.
It was just a brotherly love? Friendly love? He wasn’t so sure anymore………
The sudden appearance of miyabi on the drummer’s life had changed everything, and not just that but even more Totchi’s warnings.
That was driving him insane, and he was terrified to death after what he had seen going on between miyabi and his shinchan.
How could he?
He grunted angrily at the thought of anyone touching HIS shinchan.
He released his hold on shinya’s slim waist and went to the kitchen slowly, while the other man started lighting all the candles.
A beautiful smile formed on his lips.
Shinya was just too sweet, with all those millions of candles everywhere, it’s was just too exaggerated but he had to admit that the spectacle of all of them lighted was incredibly beautiful spc with the younger man between them, it accentuated his precious gestures even more, it was something that could easily leave anyone breathless, but of corse not many people had seen it, as far as he knew he was the only one that stayed ever at shinchan’s place.
Well and now that miyabi.
He felt the anger growing inside him, burning like fire.
So he took a deep breath to calm himself, he didn’t want to worry the slim man even more, he had enough already.
"I went to buy some stuffs to make us a nice dinner, i’m sorry i wasn’t here when you woke up" he said loudly so the drummer could hear him from the other room.
He was starting to take the things out of the bags to prepare the meal when a happy shinya jumped on him placing those beautifully formed arms of him around his neck.
Die almost fall on the floor with the other man on him for the surprise but he managed to cling on the corner of the table and recover his balance.
"Thanks Die-kun, you’re the best ever" and saying that shinya gave him a quick kiss on the tip of his nose before taking a step back and smiled widely at him.
He blinked a couple of times and stared at the younger man stood in front of him that was smiling at him in the most gracious way he had ever seen in his life.
"well beauty, you only deserve the best" he said blushing sweetly before going back to his cooking job.
"let me help you" shinya said taking out the food so he could started with the other things.
The apartment was full of lights and the temperature was perfect, warm, but fresh, while the two men laughed cheerfully just enjoying each other company, forgetting even that there was a world oustide.
to be continued~
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