by Mana Crystal

Pairing: um... hehehehe read it.

Rating: PG

Comments: MY MUSE IS WORKING AGAIN!!! He's gotten off his lazy ass, stopped Listening to the Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack and started to inspire me. This has kinda been brewing for a while, if you want to read anything else I have to say....read the end comments. WARNING: BOUNCINGNESS AHEAD!!!

Strange Yesterdays

~~~~

Yesterday was a strange day,

a strange day indeed.

I caught the express up to 34th and main.

~~~~

I run across the platform and jump into the express train just as the doors close. Sitting down I sigh happily. There is only one other person in the car. I don't really pay attention to who it is. I sigh and run a hand through my wet hair. I have a schedule to keep, now that I'm in a band. I Haven't eaten breakfast, I suddenly remember but neither breakfast nor wet hair will keep me from getting to me friends house for practice. I lean back and closed my eyes. Frowning I open my eyes and peer towards the other member that occupy's the express car.

~~~~

On it saw someone I think I slightly know,

He was beautiful skin like Ivory and a body of a god

He looked almost female, but I know that his isn't.

~~~~

With another small frown, I look closer. *I swear to god I know him* I think to myself. *He looks so familiar, where have I seen him?* He's so pale. He's skin looks smooth like ivory. I wonder what it would be like to touch that skin. He looks so feminine. If I wasn't myself I would think he was a girl. Long hair like that. What a beautiful color.

~~~~

I forgot his name, how strange.

I Knew it yesterday.

~~~~

For some strange reason I feel funny. I know his name. I have to. I KNOW his name, dammit. No. I've forgotten it. I wonder, what is it? I swear that I knew it yesterday.

~~~~

Could it be that I'm losing my mind.

Or maybe I just forgot,

Strange though I think he was important.

I know that I should remember him.

~~~~

I feel like I'm losing parts of my mind. I should know his fucking name. He's looking at me. Watching me. He smiles. Dammit. Maybe I just forgot, nothing big...but it feels important. Like I need to remember this for the rest of my life. I know I should remember him. His face is floating in my mind. He's so beautiful. I want to know why I can't remember him. It's so strange. So strange. I'm feeling like I want to cry. Why can't I remember?

~~~~

But each moment makes a little more disappear.

He said hello and asked me how I was,

I told him fine and asked him his name.

~~~~

How strange....Every second I don't think about him, it becomes that much harder for me to remember who he is. I can barely see him. He's coming towards me.

‘Hello...are you watching me?' he asks me.

‘Hello...yes.' I blush as I reply.

‘How are you doing?'

‘Um...I'm fine....what's you're name?'

~~~~

He almost looked hurt but then something changed.

The glint in his eyes twisted and turned,

until I swore I was falling. Look a bottomless pit.

~~~~

He looked pained. I swear he did. Why? I don't know. He looks like he knows me. I'm looking at the floor now. I hate making people feel pain. I have to look up, I don't know why but I feel like I need to. Looking straight into his eyes I feel like I'm falling. There isn't anything for me to hold onto. Oh my god, it's a bottomless pit. I'm spinning and falling into his eyes.

~~~~

He smiled a pretty little smiled and touched my long hair.

He leaned in real close and said in a whisper,

that his name was not for my ears.

~~~~

He smiled. He's smile is so pretty, no not even pretty, beautiful. What's he doing? I'm blushing as he leans in close, right next to my ear. I can hear him breath.

‘If you've forgotten, than my name is not for you're ears...' I don't know why, but once again, I feel like I'm going to cry.

~~~~

I blinked an pulled back then looked in his eyes.

He smiled real soft and reached up, touching my cheek.

I blushed and leaned into his touch.

~~~~

Blinking away the tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes, I pull away from him and stare into his eyes. He smiles again, fuck I love his smile. That much I remember, that I love his smile, from whenever I knew him before. This beautiful man lifts up his hand and touches my cheek, usually when someone raises their hand I flinch away. I feel so at ease with him. I'm blushing again. I can feel it. I lean into his touch. It feels so right.

~~~~

He moved in close and kissed my lips.

I could feel his breath as he slowly exhaled.

~~~~

I feel him move and then his lips are on mine. Gently. There is no other real contact, besides his lips on mine and his hand on my cheek. He does not part his lips but I feel love and passion in his kiss. I smile softly against his mouth and he parts his lips enough to breath. I can feel the air slide over my lips.

~~~~

He pulled away after a moment and whispered again,

Love isn't for me not without you. I wish it could be for you.

Even if it's without me. But you'll never let it be.

He turned, walked away and out of the train.

~~~~

I can feel something wet fall on my cheek. I'm crying. He pulls away and looks at me, resting his forehead against mine. He's crying as well. Silent tears falling from his eyes. He kisses me again then whispers softly.

‘There is no love for me. Not unless it's with you.'

‘I can be...'

‘No, it can't I'm not with you. Dammit, I wish you could fall in love again. But you won't let yourself. I wish you would...but it'll never be.'

He places another kiss on my lips then turns and steps out of the train and onto the platform as the train pulls to a stop. A few teenagers get on and sit down at the other end of the car. He stands there watching me as the train pulls away. Dammit I wish I could remember his name.

~~~~

I stood there for a long time, holding my breath,

I wondered what he meant,

When he said love was not for me.

That I would never let it be.

~~~~

I stand there, just holding my breath, wishing he would return. I wonder what he meant when he said that love wasn't for me, because I would never let it be. What did he mean.....?

~~~~

It's only been a day,

But now I know what he meant,

when he said that love wasn't for me.

Because even if I forget him,

How could I ever fall in love,

With anyone who is less perfect than he?

~~~~

It's been a day. I don't even remember what happened, all I know is now it's the next day and I understand, because he's so perfect. I could never love anyone else beside him. And if he isn't with me. And even if I forget who he is again....I'll never let myself love anyone else but him...How could I? With someone less then a soul mate?

~~~~

How could I ever fall in love,

After being kissed by an angel?

......

After being kissed by a dream or should I call it a memory?

~~~~

Yoshiki sat suddenly straight up in bed breathing heavily. *When am I?* looking around he sighs and falls back onto the pillows. It's just his room. It was just a dream. The blond haired man gets up and walks to his lap top bag, pulling it out then climbing back in bed, flicking the switch he turns it on and stares at it as it boots up. With a strangled sob he reads the date and times. :: Thursday May 2, 2002, 9:45 AM:: The past nights dream comes flooding back to him. He sit there for a moment staring at the desktop picture on his laptop at the picture of a smiling hide holding a smiling Yoshiki tightly against him and posing for the camera. How could he have forgotten what today was?

"May second....Jesus...hide...I'm sorry." He knew what the dream had meant. He was forgetting hide. Forgetting his lover and best friend. And even when he did forget, he still couldn't love anyone else. Yoshiki let his head hang as tears fell from his eyes.

"Hide...I love you..." The pained voice of the producer said softly. He sobbed softly before putting his laptop on the floor and crawling back into his bed, shutting off his phone. He closed his eyes and cried himself to sleep, hoping that maybe by going to sleep he could dream of his dead lover. *How could I ever love another after being kissed by you? How could I ever love another after being loved by you, even after 4 years? How could I have forgotten?* Were the last thoughts the he thought before slipping into a painfully dreamless sleep.

~owari~

Comments: Yeah. It's not as good as ‘Pain' I know, and I wasn't going to do a hide remembering ficcy until the 2nd of May but...this just came. I really haven't written anything since ‘Pain' I hate writing something and then never being able to top the damn thing. Oh, go to www.extasyrecords.com and follow all the pretty links and download ALL songs. ^_^ very good bands. C&C?? Anyone? Please?

~Mana Crystal

E-Mail: Toshiya_Mana@totchi.zzn.com 

Blog: www.deadjournal.com/~manacrystal 

P.S. If anyone knows any good DBZ Yaoi fan fics please send me links...I'm on a DBZ and Gundam Yaoi fan fiction binge....SEND ME FICS!!!

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