To Be .....part 1

Author: Mana Crystal

(Written in 1999)

*'s mean thoughts
#'s mean lyric's
*'s and words in Italic's are ssssssoooooommmmmmeeeeeeooooooonnnnnnneeeeeeee inside Die and Shinya's head. Try and figure it out before I tell you at the end ~_^

(Opening scene WAS meant to cut in at the end of the Sex. Will mean something later in the story. Pay attention.)

"SHINYA!!!" Die screamed Shinya's name as he came, spurting his seed deep inside his lover.
"Die.....oh...Die..." Shinya gasped and trust his hips down against Die burying the other man's sex, deep inside of him. Groaning Die held Shinya against him waiting for the shaking to subside and the calm to set in. Collapsing next to Shinya Die pulled out of his feminine looking lover and gathered the other man into his arms.
"I love you Shinya. So beautiful..." Die mumbled, pressing his lips against his lovers neck.
"Die.." Shinya wanted to tell the other man that he loved him too, seeing as this had been the first time Die had said the words that Shinya had been feeling all along, but he was so spent that all he could do was cuddle close and groan in pleasure. Rolling over onto his side Shinya snuggled close to his love and closed his eye's. Not wanting to sleep but understanding that his lover was not meant to be used as one of Willy Wonka's ‘Everlasting Gobstoppers' Die held the petite man against his chest. He would be satisfied tomorrow. Die smiled and couldn't wait to see the others.

Shinya sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes looking around. It was morning. The sun was shining through the window, Birds were chirping....Annoyingly. And Die was gone. Shinya frowned and looked around then heard the shower shutting off and smiled. Snuggling back into the pillows on the bed Shinya pulled the blanket up around his chin and watched the door to his bathroom. Die came out towel drying his hair wearing -nothing-.
"Ohayou, mai bishounen...." Die smiled and crawled onto the bed sitting next to Shinya and reaching out to trace the younger man's lips and eyebrows.
"Ohayou." Shinya smiled and pulled himself out of the blanket's. Crawling over Die he reached down and grabbed some of Die's ripped pants and one of his own shirts. Pulling them on and jumped out of bed and stretched trying get the kinks out of his back. Die, smirking, came up behind him and grabbed him around the waist. Giggling Shinya jumped away from Die and ran out into the kitchen. He swung around and shut the door, laughing as he heard Die slam into it. Turning around Shinya got the stuff for Eggs (AN EGG OR TWO!!!- MC) out and began fixing his breakfast. A few minutes later Die came into the kitchen and grabbed Shinya around the waist again. Burying his face into the crook of Shinya's neck Die nibbled on the tender flesh.
"That wasn't very nice Shin-kun..." Die mumbled. Shinya smiled and didn't reply. Scrambling the egg's he dropped them off onto two different plates and plopped them down on the table.
"Eat, the food Die, not me." Shinya laughed and kissed Die before pushing him down in a chair.
"Oh but Shin-kun, you is just SO tasty..." Die mimicked the cosplayer they had met in the bar the other night and laughed while shoveling food into his mouth.
"Yeah well we have a photo shoot in a little while so you better hurry and eat." Shinya sat down and began eating. It only took about five minutes before they were done and walking out the door to drive to the studio.
"Shit..." Die mumbled and looked at his watch as they got out of Die's car and walked towards the room the Photo Shoot was in. They could hear yelling from almost the second they walked in. Shinya entwined his fingers with Die's and they walked down to the room. When they got there they noticed right away that things were royally fucked. Toshiya and Kaoru were sitting on the floor, Toshiya on Kaoru's lap, making-out. Kyo was hitting on one of the assistance, and the photographer was sitting in the middle of the room covered in papers and screaming in German. Die snickered and arranged himself behind Shinya so that Shinya's back and pressed against his front. He reached forward and entwined their fingers and then wrapped his arms around Shinya's waste. Kyo looked over at them and practically bounced over, babbling about the Photographer having a breakdown and calling them all completely worthless. Kaoru and Toshiya stopped kissing and motioned for the other three to come and sit on the couch they had been sitting next to.
"Ohayou, Totchi, Kaoru, Kyo....er.....Totchi, why were you and Kaoru on the floor....the couch was right here..." Die snickered and sat down pulling Shinya onto his lap.
"Hai, the couch was here but mister "I'm-the-photographer-and-I-know-a lot-of-cool-shit-that-you-can't-possibly-understand" guy over there kept throwing Paper at us telling us to stop kissing and get up for the group shot's. We kept TRYING to tell him that he couldn't take the group shot's with only half the group....but he wouldn't listened, er.....maybe he couldn't understand. But after about a five minute yelling match he finally gave up trying to make us understand and sat down on the floor and has been screaming in German since about ten minutes ago." Toshiya laughed and snuggled against Kaoru. Glancing over at Kyo , Shinya noticed that the older man kept making ‘eye's' at one of the young assistant photographers. Die noticed too and poked Kyo with the toe of his boot.
"So..." Kyo turned back and looked at Kaoru who had his hands up Totchi's shirt and was kissing the bass player with a very involved smirk. "SO! Leader-sama....what do we wear today?" As if on cue the German photographer stood and gathered his papers. Walking over to the band, with the boy Kyo had his eye on, he spoke in a deep voice and addressed them all in....German. Kyo snickered. The younger boy stood at the Photographers side and tried to translate the best he could from German to Japanese, while standing so close to a guy who had been so obviously flirting with him. Shinya giggled a little and decided that the people who helped them with choosing their clothes for the shoot would know who was going to wear what. Smiling a little he got up when the Photographer was down and started towards the dressing room. If he listened he could some music coming from down the hall, somewhere. It was English.
#I'm running out of room, don't make me say it...# Shinya frowned as the music failed, then: #I hate my life, I hate my life, never want another life, I want the life you think I had, think I had, think I had, think I had...# (No the song has absolutely nothing to do with the Story. I'm just listening to it right now and wanted to work it in. ^_^;;- MC) shrugging and not really understanding all of the music, Shinya walked into the dressing room and was handed a dress to put on. Grunting at the style, Shinya looked around and, noticing there were no dressing stalls walked to a corner and slipped out of his clothes. Struggling with the zipper of the dress Shinya attempted to keep his back towards the other men. He heard Toshiya whisper something about him to Kaoru and heard them both laugh.
"Embarrassed to show them your stuff?" Die came up behind Shinya and slipped his arms around the naked man. Blushing Shinya struggled against Die for a moment then sighed leaning back onto the older man with a nod.
"I don't need them looking. They see to much of me as it is. It's not like I want to see their "Stuff'." Shinya mumbled and struggled with the Zipper some more before sighing in defeat.
"Well they seem to want to see you." Die smirked and leaned down kissing Shinya's exposed neck and moving his hands down to rest on the insides of Shinya's thigh's.
"DIE! Not here!! We don't wanna see you two going at it!" Kaoru yelled and threw a pillow that he had taken off the couch in the main room of the Photo studio. Looking over his shoulder Die blinked innocently, gave him a "Oh-look-whose-talking" look and noticed that Toshiya was curled up next to Kaoru on the small make-shift dressing room couch. Grinning a bit he also noticed at Kaoru had ‘something' making a little tent in his pants. Noticing Die's stare Kaoru tried to casually place an arm on his lap. Totchi, noticing Kaoru's embarrassment and figured it was because of the look Die gave him or because he interupted Die and Shinya's little convo Toshiya, crawled onto the other man's lap to block Die's view of his lover, when he did so he gasped, as he didn't know Kaoru was aroused. Toshiya turned bright red and Kaoru's cheeks were dusted with pink. Die and Kyo thought it was all loads of fun and almost rolled on the floor with laughter. Shinya, finally getting the zipper unstuck pulled the dress on and scampered away to one of the make up mirrors to allow the embarrassed make-up artist's to work their magic. Not noticing Die who just happened to sit next to Kaoru and whisper something in his and then Totchi's ears...

After the shoot Kyo suggested they go out for a drink. Kaoru looked at Toshiya, then at Die and smiled slightly.
"I'm in." Die nodded and picked up his guitar.
"Me too." Toshiya nodded and Kaoru slipped his arms around Toshiya waist from behind, an obvious agreement to come along. Everyone looked at Shinya who was busy leaning over a pad of paper busily writing and erasing. Kyo cleared his throat. Shinya looked up.
"What?" Shinya blinked and pushed the pad into his bag and walked over to the rest of the group.
"You wanna come with us and get a drink?" Kyo asked looking at Shinya.
"I don't know...I have some stuff I need to do...." Shinya smirked slightly to himself. Saying this only to appear resistant. If he went along with the guys all the time they wouldn't find any joy in it anymore. He had to make them feel like they needed to convince him it made them feel important.
"Oh...you should....um...come with us." Die said and shot a look towards Kaoru and Toshiya like he was actually worried that Shinya would accept. Frowning Shinya rethought his plan to go with them. That look had not been the...best look that Shinya had ever seen. Snickering slightly Shinya decided to go home just to piss them all off and he really didn't have any urge to find out, if he would have anyway, why Die had sent that look towards the other two men.
"No. I really do have some stuff to do at home. You go with them and maybe later you guys can all come over and whatever." Shinya gave a slight wave and headed towards the door. Frowning Die blinked for a second then glanced at Kyo. Kyo blinked back.
"Well I actually can't go out. I just remembered I need to go and see someone. Later." Kyo ran out of the studio.
"Hey Die! How bout we just have Kaoru and Toshiya over." Shinya smiled and turned to look at Die.
"Well....okay." Die smiled a bit shrugging and opened the door for Shinya who walked up getting into Die's car massagers side.
"Good. Kaoru, Totchi? You can get into the back seat. You'll probably spend the night. I don't want you driving home drunk anyway." Shinya said out the window noticing that the other men seemed a bit standoffish. Die jumped into the drivers seat and waited for everyone to get seated then took off towards his apaato.

(This wasn't posta be a drunk scene it was just supposed to be Die, Toshiya and Kaoru tell Shinya what they are going to tell him. So sorry if it seems a little....Off.....-MC)
"Hey Shinya! While your in there can you get the drinks?" Kaoru yelled the question from the sitting room of the apartment.
"Yeah sure." Shinya mumbled and loaded up a tray with drinks and snacks then walked into the sitting room to find Toshiya laying on Kaoru kissing his neck and Die sitting on the floor in front of the t.v. watching some show Shinya hadn't seen before. Putting the tray down Shinya threw himself down into a chair and nibbled on a chip while sipping his beer.
"Hey Shinya, what do you think about a threesome?" Toshiya suddenly asked after about four or five drinks and a shot or two of vodka or something else that Die had magically produced out of his bedroom, pulling his face away from Kaoru's neck, where it had been planted for a good part of the night.
"Between who?" Shinya pushed a hand through his hair and chewed on his lower lip.
"Me, Kaoru, and...Die." Toshiya stopped after that figuring through his drunken sense's that this was probably not the best way of going about this. Die coughed and sputtered as his beer dribbled down his chin. Shinya just stared at the t.v. and Kaoru just looked a bit embarrassed. They were all more or less drunk and if they had not been Die would have probably killed Toshiya for dropping the ball and telling Shinya what had been going on between the three of them, Kaoru would have stopped Die from killing Toshiya but would have said something besides just sitting there looking embarrassed. And Shinya would have just killed them all.
"Oh...I dunno." Shinya shrugged and stood walking back into the kitchen to grab a bag of chips. *Threesome? So I'm not good enough anymore? He doesn't love me. I knew it would end sometime. But....Kaoru and Toshiya? Wasn't it Die that told me never to get in the middle of a relationship? What gives him the right to?" Shinya fumed and stacked another tray high with food and more drinks. Walking back into the living room he found Die laying on his side next to Kaoru and Toshiya watching t.v. *they obviously are drunk enough to fuck right here. I wonder what's gonna happen when we all sober up* Even though the conversation had sobered Shinya right up, he still wasn't thinking clearly enough to do anything. Wincing at the scene Shinya sat in a chair as far away from the other three as possible and started eating ships watching t.v. an attempting not to even glance at the other three men. After drinking about three more beers and taking a shot of Vodka Shinya dumped the tray off his lap and stormed out of the sitting room, down the hall and into the room he shared with Die. Slamming and locking the door he picked up the phone dialing Kyo's number.
"Moshi Moshi?" Came Kyo's sleepy sounding voice.
"Kyo? It's Shinya." Shinya sat down on the bed and glanced at the door, hearing three sets of footsteps enter the room down the hall. Blinking back tears Shinya laid back on the bed.
"Hai, Shinya, it's me. Who else would it be? What's wrong you sound upset..." Kyo trailed off as Shinya sobbed into the phone.
"Die....Kaoru....Totchi..." Shinya sobbed and held tightly to the phone.
"Ah...Shinya? Stay where you are. I'm coming over." Kyo said then hung the phone up before Shinya could reply.
"Shinya??" Die voice came from the other side of the door as the older man knocked.
"Hai?" Shinya looked at the door hoping that Die wouldn't try to open the door seeing as it was locked.
"Are you crying?" Die asked.
"No...er...I was. I hit my knee on something really hard. It hurt. But I'm okay now. Um...Kyo is coming over to talk to me. So whatever you guys are doing down in that room be quiet..." Shinya swallowed still to drunk to be completely aware of anything but the fact his life was fucking -some- other people. Hoping that Die would tell him that they were just joking. That Kaoru and Toshiya didn't want to and hadn't ever had sex with him. That Die was really just for him. And that he hadn't been have a threesome with the other two.
"Um...Yeah. We can be quiet. Right guys?" There was a pause and Shinya realized that Kaoru and Toshiya were standing with Die outside the door.
"Yeah sure we can." Toshiya voice drifted through the door.
"Hai. We'll be quiet. Won't make you scream too loud, Die" Kaoru whispered this and snickered softly.
"Hai. We'll be quiet. You wanna....OUCH! Totchi.... that was my.... Yeah okay. Well, see you tomorrow Shinya." Shinya took a sharp intake of breath and tried not to start sobbing again. *So they really don't want me. That's okay. I'll just....sit here and...cry....* Shinya let the thought trail off and stood wiping at his eyes and going towards the door. Unlocking it he stepped out into the dark hallway that led to the Sitting room. He could hear people moving around on the bed in the room a few doors down the hall. He walked past it and went to the couch laying down and turning the t.v. on. A few minutes later the door bell rang.
"Come in Kyo. It's unlocked!" Shinya yelled and heard the door open and Kyo's footsteps as he closed the door and walked into the sitting room. Glancing away from the t.v. Shinya watched as Kyo sat down on the floor next to the couch and looked at him.
"So, Where's Kaoru and Totchi?" Kyo asked lifting an eyebrow.
"In the bedroom down the hall with Die." Shinya spit out and tried unsuccessfully to hold back tears. Sitting up on the couch Shinya put his face in his hands and sobbed again. Kyo scooted up and sat next to Shinya wrapping his arms around the younger man, letting him cry on his shoulder.
"You want me to go break it up?" Kyo pushed a bit of hair out of Shinya's face as he pulled away to stare into Shinya's face.
"No. They would know it's me. I'm so ashamed. I thought Die loved me. But I'm not good enough for him..." Shinya clung to the older man desperately holding on to him.
"Ah....Shin-kun, it's not your fault. Maybe Die just needs to have a different experience. He'll be back to you tomorrow.
"Hai, Kyo-kun. I know he'll come back...But can it be the same? He's done it for more times then tonight." Shinya looked up into Kyo's face.
"I don't know, Shin-kun, if it can ever be the SAME, but maybe it can be better instead. Come on. You can sleep at my house. You don't need to be hearing that. I'll drive you to practice tomorrow and you'll see that Die does love you." Kyo stood and helped Shinya out the door and to his car.

"Ohayou Kaoru, Totchi, Die." Shinya nodded towards each of the other men as he walked into the studio for practice. Stretching and yawning he flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes tiredly. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before at Kyo's house. He was crying for most of the night and the other part's he was thinking about what he had done wrong.
"Ohayou..." The three men replied looking at Shinya's rumpled clothes and tired worn out appearance. Kyo walked in and realized what the others must have been thinking. Sitting down in a chair he decided not to correct them and that if they wanted to think that Shinya had, had a night of pleasure with him then that was fine by him. Served Die right. Maybe he would think twice about who he slept with from now on. Kyo smirked to himself and closed his eyes. What with Shin-chan crying and the neighbor dog barking his ass off Kyo hadn't gotten much sleep either, he was asleep in a half minute..
"So, Shin-kun, where did you sleep last night?" Totchi smirked a bit and sat on the floor next to the couch where Shinya was laying.
"Kyo's couch. I couldn't stay at the apaato. It was....uncomfortable." Shinya said quietly then turned over and closed his eyes.
"Oh...so what happened with you and Kyo?" Totchi asked. Shinya turned back and stared at Toshiya.
"Nothing. Why?" Shinya was aware that everyone in the room was watching the exchange.
"Oh, no reason. I just thought that maybe you were a bit jealous or something. So maybe you decided to get back at Die for fucking with me and Kaoru..." Toshiya smirked down at Shinya. (I feel like making Toshiya evil for a bit in this. ^_^;;; -MC) Toshiya was so occupied with making Shinya mad he didn't even see Shinya's hand as it slapped him across the face. Shinya stood and walked away still speaking.
"No, Totchi. I didn't do anything with Kyo. I don't cheat on my "attachment's" I'm not a slut, like you, either. Don't bother coming over to my house. Any of you. Right now the only person I'm not afraid I might kill is Kyo. At least he knows how to be a friend. Practice is over." Shinya grabbed Die's key's of the table and walked out of the studio, slamming the door. Kaoru blinked and shrugged.
"Yeah. I guess practice is over. You okay Totchi-love?" Kaoru looked at a stunned Totchi and frowned.
"Hai. I'm fine." Toshiya leaned against Kaoru and held a hand against his stinging cheek.
"You know, maybe I should talk to him...he did say he was okay with it. And....he kinda stranded me here.." Die watched the door hopefully looking like he was sure that Shinya would walk back in.
"I've seen a lot of stupid ass things in this world but you three take the cake. Shinya loves you Die. He didn't actually think that you, Kaoru and slut boy over there would fuck. He trusted you and you totally screwed him over. I'm embarrassed to be any of your guy's friend. You all need to clean it up and decide what's more important, This band, my friendship, Shinya's friendship, and Shinya's love for you, Die. Or the sex that you three have decided you want to have with each other, which won't last long if Kaoru and Toshiya really love each other. Whatever you guys do, is going to affect this band. I don't know about you but I could make it on my own as a solo singer, so what it really affects is your part of the band and Shinya. Figure it out." Kyo glared around the room and then left, angry, not only because of what had went on but that once again this little "Problem" had woken him up.

Part 2.

This takes place two weeks after the end of the last part. Shinya hasn't been seen by any of the other members of Dir en grey. He hasn't come home to the apartment he shares with Die and he hasn't called or shown up for band practice. His Cell phone is off and after he drove home , ate , and packed some clothes he took his car and left. No one has seen, heard or spoken to him. Everyone is worried and Die, Toshiya and Kaoru have stopped having sex. Toshiya feels really bad about driving Shinya away. Okay. That covers all of the two weeks I'm not writing about. ^_^;;;

"Ohayou, Die." Kaoru held Toshiya against him and waved to Die.
"Ohayou." Die sighed and walked over sitting in the chair next to the couple.
"Any word on Shinya?" Toshiya asked softly while looking at the floor.
"No." Die leaned his head into his hands and started crying softly. Kyo walked in and sighed looking at the three men. *They really are broken up. Maybe they understand exactly what they did.* Kyo sat on the floor and sighed. They all knew that they couldn't practice without Shinya. Yet they all kept coming to the studio. Every day.
"Yeah well I hope...he comes back soon." Toshiya mumbled and leaned against Kaoru. Just then the door to the studio opened and slammed. Everyone looked up to see a very Neutral looking Shinya walking into the room and over to his drum set, sitting down and picking up his sticks.
"Ohayou. Let's get to practice." Shinya nodded towards the other Dir en grey members and played out a short beat glad to be back to at least, his drums..
"Shinya! Your back." Die jumped up and rushed over to Shinya. Standing in front of the younger man Die took his hands and kissed each one.
"Shinya!(ECHO.....hoe....hoe....hoe....O_o;;-MC) I'm sorry!" Toshiya Rushed over right behind Die and stood on the other side of the petite drummer. Kaoru smiled slightly from the couch and nodded at Shinya. Shinya nodded back to him, knowing that Toshiya had probably talked him into the Die thing. Kyo walked over and hugged Shinya around the shoulders from behind and chuckled. Frowning Shinya leaned into Kyo's embrace pulling his hands from Die and turning his back to Toshiya.
"Ohayou Kyo-kun." Shinya smiled and patted Kyo on the head then pointedly ignored Die and Toshiya as he walked over and sat down next to Kaoru to talk to him.
"Shinya...love....don't...please don't..." Die walked after him begging.
"Don't what? Don't make you hurt like you made me hurt? Don't walk away from you, like you did to me? Oh no Die. I won't just walk away. No. I'm going to walk away and stay right here. You'll see me, and look at me, and want me. But you'll know you can't have me. You won't be able to touch me, hold me. Nothing. If you still want to live at my apartment fine. That's okay. But remember, I'm not going anywhere." Shinya hissed at Die and walked away from him, leaving him, Toshiya and Kyo staring after him.
"Don't say you didn't deserve this." Kyo growled at Die as he walked past him to sit beside Shinya and Kaoru.
"Shin....chan. Why are you mad at Totchi and Die but not me?" Kaoru asked looking at the other man curiously.
"‘cause. Toshiya" Shinya pronounced Toshiya's with scorn. "Was the one who thought this all up. Him and Die. I know cause I see it in your face. I can see it." Shinya nodded and leaned back against Kyo looking for a bit of comfort. When he felt Kyo's arms snake around his waist Shinya smiled happily and yawned.
"Well you're right. But I wanted to also." Kaoru stated.
"Yeah well you're the Leader-sama. I have to be friends with you. Not to mention the fact that you and I have to work on the songs together for the up and coming live..." (I'm hesitant to say tour because I've never seen anyone call it a tour. Only a live. So you all get the point. Live=tour ^_^;;;;-MC) Shinya looked at Kaoru and tugged on a lock of his own hair.
"Makes sense. Anyway, the live has been moved up. We have to leave in two days. So everyone better be ready. Um...Shinya? I made the hotel reservations and arrangement's before you and Die...yeah, so I have you and him in a room together. Totchi and I, and Kyo has his own room..." Kaoru looked at Shinya. *maybe we can get back together...maybe he'll apologize and make me love him again...* Shinya thought to himself wishfully.
"Well, I have no problem with it if Die doesn't. It's not like were anything but Friends anyway..." Shinya smiled slightly and everyone could almost hear the capitol F of friends. Die winced and steeled himself up. *Well this would be a chance to show him I love him, and if nothing else prove that I'm not that easy to get rid of.* Die reasoned
"No problem what so ever." Die mumbled and walked off down the hall to the wash room.
"Yeah well....I'll be right back." Toshiya sighed and ran off after Die. What he walked into the Wash room he found Die slamming his fist into the wall over and over again. (GAH! I know! I like to put scene's into my story's that happen in a Wash Room. I don't know why...I also like kitchens...Watch for the blender later in the story. ~_^ any of you who actually know who I am will understand the significance....-MC) The wall with starting to show signs of not only cracks but also trails of blood ran down the wall to pool at the bottom. Toshiya ran over and grabbed Die throwing him against the wall pinning his hands to his sides (Could Toshiya do that to Die? You think?-MC)
"Stop it Die. You'll get him back. If he loves you he'll forgive you. Now just knock it off!" Toshiya almost screamed the last few words and pulled Die against him hugging his friend tightly.
"Totchi...Why? I made such a huge mistake..." Die mumbled and held onto his friend.
"Die, Listen, You wanted something new. We all did. It's my fault. I shouldn't have suggested it, unless we included Shinya. It wasn't anything...he should know it was only sex." Toshiya glanced at the door to the washroom sure that he had heard footsteps.
"Toshiya, I love him. I've fucked up royally." Die buried his face against Toshiya and held tightly to him. (I can't really honestly see this happening but I like it. :)-MC)
"Die..." Toshiya held the other man tightly in his arms and frowned, at a complete loss as to what to say. He really wasn't very good with this love stuff, until it came to Kaoru, that is. Toshiya knew exactly what to say to Kaoru to make everything alright. Knew what to say to make him feel loved. Toshiya smiled to himself then snapped his attention back to the present as the door to the wash room opened and Shinya walked in. The younger man took one look at Die and Toshiya could see the pain in his eye's, having to watch his former and still wanted lover cry, in the arms of another man. Shinya knew Die was crying for him, but he wasn't going to forgive him that easily. Sighing, Toshiya pulled back away from Die.
"Die...are you okay?" Shinya knelt by the other two men and looked at his love.
"Yeah, Shin...chan. I'm fine." Die looked at Shinya attempting not to sound bitter or sarcastic. Pushing the tears off his cheeks Die stood and walked out of the Wash Room leaving Shinya and Toshiya alone.
"Shinya? Talk to me. Please..." Toshiya stared at Shinya's back as he started towards the door.
"Why should I? After what you did to me..." Shinya tried to keep the pain out of his voice but he could hear a bit of it slip though anyway.
"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. Die loves you Shinya. He was crying for you, He's sorry too." Toshiya grabbed the other man and held him against a wall with his face a half an inch from Shinya's.
"I know. But I don't know if I love him still. Not after what you did." Shinya glared at Toshiya.
"You said you were okay with it you little ass!" Toshiya shook the younger man.
"I didn't think it was actually going to happen!" Shinya growled into Toshiya's face and got his arms free of Toshiya's grip right before slamming the other man in the other wall with a force that no one would think could come from such a petite looking man.
"Then you didn't think!" Toshiya sneered and winced as he slammed down on to the floor with a tiny yelp. Shinya left the room without a word and walked down the hall back to the Practice room. When he got there he found Kyo and Die off in a corner talking quietly and Kaoru fiddling with his Guitar. He walked over and sat behind his drums twirling his drumsticks and drumming out a beat ever other dozen twirls or so. A few minutes later Toshiya walked in limping with his shirt and hair tossed about, looking like he had been in a rather small but bad fight. Shinya sighed to himself *There is no way I made him look like that. All I did was throw him against the wall.*
"What happened to you?" Kaoru looked at the bassist with a frown. Toshiya walked over and sat on the couch. Kyo and Die looked over at him and glanced at each other in slight alarm. Shinya just went on playing various beats on his Drums. Everyone turned to look at him in more or less, surprise when Toshiya informed the group that it had been Shinya. Keeping his head down Shinya didn't even look up as Die walked over to him. Didn't pay attention when Die grabbed his wrist's and held on to them. Frowned slightly not really caring when Die pulled him up and away from the drums, with everyone else watching. Paid attention when Die landed a sharp slap to his cheek then kissed him hard. Shinya blinked and felt and urge to respond to Die's lips moving against his and for a moment relented and kissed back, letting his tongue slid over Die's parted lips. Then remembering that he was supposed to be MAD at Die pulled away and ran out of the studio mumbling something about beer, t.v. and drunk. Grabbing his keys he slammed the door and was gone, leaving the others to gap at Die and then at the door. "Nice, Die." Kyo sighed and walked out as well knowing nothing was going to happen today anyway and he might as well call up a man he had met a few nights earlier and get some action before they left for their live.

End part one

Please send comments to author: Mana Crystal

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