Bound by Blood
by Misery
Warning: okay, I warn everyone once again: This fic contains INCEST, two
brothers will be having sex, so please don't read on if
this offends you. I don't want to be flamed. I know already that I'm sick and
insane ^__^
Dedications: This fic is dedicated to Llaurie and Lady Sakura. You're great.
*glomps*
Comments: Hmm what can I say?....I wrote this fic because I wanted a
KiritoXKohta pairing and it turned out to be a
lemon, because I'm a hentai who can't write anything else^^;;
don't flame me ^_^
this fic is written from Kohta's POV, and for those who
don't know Pierrot too well: Shinya is Kirito's real name
ENJOY!
Bound by Blood
I watch him.
I'm always watching him. Secretly, from the corners of my eyes.
Following each of his movements, admiring his grace, his beauty.
Nii-chan.
My brother.
We're playing a concert. A fucking great concert. The audience is raving and
screaming.
They love us.
I watch him as he sings, being the centre of attention on stage, all the little
girls looking up to him with those admiring, longing looks on their little
faces. Stretching out their hands to him, hoping that he touches them only
once, screaming hysterically when he looks and smiles at them.
Stupid little girls.
What do they know?
They believe that they love him, that they want him. Unhappy, because they
think he's out of reach.
They have NO idea what it means to be truly in love with a man who will stay
out of reach forever.
To be so excruciatingly close to him and still so far away. Longing for his
touch every second of my life and having to watch him touch other men.
He runs up to Aiji and kisses kim passionately.
The girls scream for more.
My heart breaks.
It always breaks anew whenever I see it, but I keep watching nonetheless. Why
do I do this to myself?
It brings only pain and misery and still I can't help it. I love him.
So I watch him, seemingly just as cool and collected as ever on stage, face
expressionless, while my heart is torn to bloody little shreds inside.
I'm glad that I'm wearing sunglasses. So noone can see my eyes. They would give
my emotions away instantly.
But I can never, ever let anyone know what is going on inside me. I'm all alone
with my agony and anguish, and that's probably what I deserve anyway.
I must be sick to love and desire my brother. What is wrong with me? Am I crazy?
Ah, I don't care. I only care about him, my Shinya, my beloved nii-chan.
I feel tears welling up and force them back immediately. I can't afford to be
weak. Not on stage and even less in everyday life.
We're in our second encore now and the concert is almost over. It's a great
concert, the atmosphere is boiling over, the fans are singing along with every
song and screaming excitedly at each movement we make.
I almost enjoy it.
Then the grande finale. And Kirito gives it all once more, running around with
ceaseless energy, swaying his hips at us and the audience with this sexy smirk
playing around his eyes and the corners of his mouth, stretching his hands out
to the girls below us, flirting with them, giving them something to remember.
Mouthing sweet words at them. Drinking in all the attention that is directed at
him.
He loves it so much. He lives for it.
And then it's over. We leave the stage one by one after throwing out bottles of
water and guitar-picks and drumsticks out to the hysteric girls. Their screams
echoing in the large hall and in my tingling ears.
The other guys are all laughing and chattering happily, congratulating each
other to another fantastic crowd-pleasing concert. Thank god that nobody
notices how silent I am tonight, I'm not feeling particularly cheerful right
now and the last thing I want is Jun or Aiji coming up to me and asking why I
am so down.
I couldn't bear to see their concerned faces hovering in front of mine, not now.
And I don't want to spoil this evening for them, they're my friends and it's
not their fault that I'm in love with my brother.
Takeo, who is walking in front of me towards the dressing rooms, turns around
and smiles at me.
I force the corners of my mouth to move up in return, creating something that
is supposed to resemble a smile.
It seems to be good enough for Takeo, as he turns back to Jun again and lays
his arm around his shoulder chattering and giggling happily all the time.
Next to those two Kirito and Aiji are walking, joking and fooling around
playfully like two kids.....
and I am walking behind them all, on my own, alone, watching Kirito's ass move
in those tight as hell leather pants, caressing the firm curves with my eyes,
wondering how they would feel in my hands.
I make myself stop thinking these thoughts....they're useless and only inflict
more pain anyway.
But it's not easy, they keep creeping into my brain again and again no matter
how often I try to distract myself.
We reach the dressing rooms and head for the showers immediately. I go last
after all the others are finished, because I don't think I could bear the sight
of a naked wet Kirito now, standing unter the jet, head tilted back and eyes
closed as the water runs down his body.
How would it feel like to be one of those drops, running over the pale skin,
meeting and joining other drops on my way down and the be swept away through
the drain?
There, my thoughts start wandering off again....I can't help it really.
As I come out of the shower the others are already done and waiting for me. I
feel uncomfortable as four pairs of eyes watch me as I grab my clothes and
start dressing. Thank god I had already put on my underwear in the bathroom
right after the shower.
"So, what's planned for tonight?" I ask nervously.
I wish they would stop looking at me.
"We thought we should go drinking somewhere to celebrate the concert today, ne.
That would be a nice way to end the day, don't you think?" Aiji suggests.
"Yeah, fine. Just let me get my stuff and then we can go, okay?" I reply as I
stuff my things into my backpack, paying special attention to remembering my
cigarretes.
"Okay, I'm ready.... let's go then." I manage to say rather lightheartedly.
I've become pretty good at hiding my feelings due to the help of my good
friends the sunglasses.
We leave the hall through the back, creeping out like thieves who don't want to
be discovered....there are still lots of fans gathered at the front and we
don't want to run into them.
Then we just walk into the first pub we see, a nice and friendly place with a
comfortable atmosphere,
and head towards a secluded corner.
We order a large mug of beer and a round of shots.
As soon as the alcohol has arrived each of us grabs his shot, raises it and
then as if by some magic sign we all tilt our heads, down our glasses
simultaneously and put them back down on the table with a loud BANG!
It's our little tradition to do this whenever we go out together.
We grin at each other.
Even I grin. And it doesn't feel too bad and misplaced on my face either. My
mood starts to lighten, believe it or not.
We all lapse into lighthearted conversation full of jokes and laughter and
occasional teasing, and for a few blissfull hours I forget my misery and join
the fun.
I feel pretty good actually.
For the first time in weeks.
Maybe the beer is helping a little. I don't know and I don't care either.
I'm not even drinking that much.
I've never been much of a drinker, instead I smoke constantly the whole evening
and watch the others gulping down amazing amounts of beer, cocktails and shots
as if there were no tomorrow.
It's not much of a surprise that they can't keep up with this pace for too
long. It doesn't take long and Jun's eyes seem to slip shut and his head falls
onto Aiji's shoulder repeatedly, although Aiji pushes him away several times.
"Mmmmhhh, I'm tired...I wanna sleep" he mumbles, slurring the words rather
strongly. "Aiji....I wanna sleep...."
"Oh, Jun! Don't fall asleep on me and drool all over my shirt!" Aiji shrieks.
"But Aiji-chan...you're so comfortable and cuddly." Jun replies and cuddles
close to Aiji with a content smile on his lips...just ignoring Aijis slightly
disgusted face.
"Uwahahahaaaa" Takeo bursts into hysterical laughter as he watches this little
scene unfold and Kirito and I join him. His laughter is contagious and Jun
cuddling up to a less than pleased Aiji is just a sight for the gods.
Aiji starts smiling in spite of himself. "I guess someone has to put our little
baby to bed, ne. I think Jun-chan here and I shall go back to the hotel now, if
you don't mind. I don't feel that energetic myself anymore." he says with an
apologetic shrug.
He gets up, dragging the half conscious Jun with him.
"Yeah, I think you two lovebirds want to be alone now, ne" Kirito says with
this blatantly sexual undertone only he can produce and grins.
"And don't worry about the money, it's my treat tonight. Just take care that
you have enough for the taxi, okay?"
"Ah, okay. Ja ne!" The two guys stumble and stagger to the bar and ask the
bartender to call them a taxi, then Aiji waves one last time -Jun seems to have
passed out- and the two of them disappear through the front door.
We still giggle a bit after the two 'lovebirds' have left and then lean back in
our seats continuing our conversation from before, which was about our new
songs.
After a little while and a few more beers Takeo starts making sounds about
going back to the hotel as well and gathers his stuff. He really looks pretty
tired....oho, big surprise, he's been banging away on the drums for hours like
a madman. Of course he's tired.
He gets up and leaves with a "Ja, see you tomorrow."
Now it's only Kirito and me.
My heart starts beating faster as an uncomfortable silence sinks down on us and
chokes any coherent conversation.
Two brothers sitting there like strangers and not knowing what to talk about,
funny isn't it?
Yeah, so damn funny that I want to cry.
What has happened to us? When did we lose this ability to communicate on a
deeper level?
When did we grow apart like this?
It causes me unbearable pain to see us like this, looking at each
other.....having no idea what to say.
"Umm, so what do you think about the concert tonight?" Kirito asks finally.
"Oh, it was really cool. You were pretty good. The girls loved you." I answer.
Then silence again.
God, that's just pathetic.
We just sit and stare at random spots on the table as if it were the world's
greatest piece of art.
Several awkward minutes later Kirito yawns.
"I think we should get going as well. I'm pretty tired. And I'm going to have
one bitch of a hangover tomorrow, that's for sure."
He smiles and streches lazily, closing his eyes as he does so.
I can't refrain from watching every single one of his movements. How he lifts
his arms above his head, how he arches his back towards me and tilts his head
backwards, revealing the milky skin of his neck.
And then this little moan comes from his throat.
Oooh.
I think I'm licking my lips.
Kirito's eyes open again and he prepares to get up.
I grab my cigarettes and lighter hastily and get up as well.
Suddenly Kirito staggers on his way around the table and I have to bend forward
and prevent him from falling. I end up embracing him.
He's so warm and soft and his hair still smells like his shampoo.
I feel the need to pull him even closer but instead I let go of him quickly,
feeling rather embarassed. But why? He's just my brother...there's no need to
feel embarassed just because I embraced him.
But I better be embarassed at the wave of excitement that slashed through me in
the second I held him in my arms....it's supposed to be wrong, you know?
Fortunately Kirito doesn't notice my burning face as he pays for tonight's
drinks and asks for a cab, while I am standing around feeling pretty useless.
We walk out to wait for the cab outside and to get a bit of fresh air.
"Shit, I feel seriously wasted."
Kirito leans back on the wall for support and inhales the (more or less) fresh
air deeply into his lungs while I dig out another cigarette and pop it into my
mouth.
"Kohta-chan, you should enjoy the fesh air instead of polluting your poor lungs
even more."
He giggles. "Youre such a pathetic nicotine-junkie."
I laugh bitterly. I am pathetic in more ways than you want to know my dear
Kirito.
But I reply, "What good do you think you're doing to your lungs when you inhale
this so-called fresh air? We're in the middle of a big town full of cars and
factories. I bet my poor lungs are better off with the smoke Shinya-CHAN."
He looks at me with this wondrous look on his face and then suddenly the
sweetest laughter emerges from his mouth....the pearly giggles are contagious
and soon I join in, not able to resist even if I tried to.
I'll be damned if I know why exactly we are laughing, but it feels great
nonetheless. Soon we are clutching each other just not to fall over on the
boardwalk, knees weak and rubbery, bellies aching and tears flowing down our
faces.
It feels damn fantastic.
This is like the old times when we were giggling away for hours over stupid
jokes or without any reason at all...the good old times when everything was
still uncomplicated...when we were just brothers and friends and not brother
and secret admirer.
The laughter dies away in my throat rapidly. Soon Kirito stops as well and we
both sit down on the boardwalk, waiting for the cab to arrive.
We're silent again...but now the silence isn't uncomfortable anymore, as if
this unexpected outburst of silliness has worked some kind of magic between the
two of us.
Kirito lays his head on my shoulder.
"Hmm, Kohta...I'm so tired. I wish this supid cab would come now, I want to get
in my bed."
"I'm sure it'll come any minute now." I reply trying not to think about how
close his mouth is now to mine.
"Ne, Kohta......is it only me, or did we grow apart a lot lately? It's been
ages since we have laughed like this."
It isn't only you.
But I'm glad that we've come a bit closer again.
The blessed appearance of the taxi spares me from having to answer him and we
both get up and climb in. I tell the driver the name of our hotel and he speeds
off immediately.
We sit in the back of the car silently as we are nearing our destination,
Kirito is leaning against me and breathing steadily....he's probably already
asleep.
We reach the hotel soon and I pay the driver quickly before shaking Kirito
awake carefully.
"Kirito...wake up....we're at the hotel....come on, get out of the cab now,
won't you?"
"Oh, hmmm...yes coming, coming."
Don't say that.
He stumbles out on unsteady legs and I have to help him walk to the elevator,
supporting each of his wobbly steps.
By the time we have reached our floor his face has taken on a sickly shade of
green.
He doesn't look too good .
We walk to my room, which comes first in the long hall, and I get out my key
with one hand while the other is supporting my brother.
"Do you think you can get to your room on your own or do you want me to help
you walking?"
"Kohta...anou....can I sleep in your room tonight?"
My heart skips a beat.
"I can take the couch. Please. I don't feel so good. Onegai."
I sigh. He really doesn't look good at all.
"Okay. You can have the couch. Come in."
I have to almost drag him inside and he collapses on the couch immediately.
Poor Kirito, he's totally wasted.
I walk into my bedroom to get a pillow and something to cover him, taking off
my shirt on my way. Dragging my drunk brother around has got me sweating quite
a bit.
The air feels cool on my wet skin as I walk back to the couch where Kirito is
slumped.
He casts me an odd look, his eyes are wandering up and down my bare chest...why
does he look at me like that?
Then suddenly his hand flies to his mouth and he jumps up and runs towards the
bathroom.
Soon violent gagging and choking is heard as his stomach empties.
Not much of a surprise considering the amount and combinations of alcohol he
has had tonight.
Good thing that that murderous stuff is out of his stomach now.
I walk over to the bathroom to check on him.
He is still sitting in front of the bowl, his head bowed and his breathing fast
and shallow.
I kneel down beside him and put an arm around his shoulder.
"Are you okay? Feel better now?"
He nods weakly.
"Hey, I've never felt so great in my whole life."
His voice is dripping sarcasm but he smiles.
Well, if he is able to joke then he must definitely feel better.
I help him up and he walks over to the sink to wash the disgusting taste out of
his mouth, his hands trembling helplessly from the weakness that comes with
vomiting your guts out.
But at least his face isn't green anymore.
I have to smile. How many times has something like that happened before? We've
had quite a wild time as teenagers....a funny and great time, too. Life was
still simple then.
Go and party until you're totally wasted....go home...barf...sleep...get up and
go to another party....
The good old times.
"Kohta?"
I look up at my brother. "Yes?"
"Ahm, can I sleep in your bed to night? Like when we were still kids?"
So you've been thinking about the good old times as well.
"Please, I don't want to sleep alone tonight. And...anou...we haven't been very
close lately."
Do you think that would be a way to bring us closer again?
There's nothing I wish more for than more closeness between the two of us, but
it is probably not the kind of 'closeness' you have in mind. Definitely not.
Us sleeping in one bed is a bad idea. That's what my head says.
But my head is not in charge right now. Another part of my body has taken over
the thinking.
"Yes, okay. You can sleep in my bed."
I've said it. Later on I'll probably be sorry for doing so. So what. Fuck what
happens later on.
I can't stay strong and resist temptation all the time...I need my moments of
weakness as well.
We'll just be sleeping in one bed. It's harmless.
I know this is a mistake.
We walk to my bedroom and surprisingly enough Kirito can walk on his own again.
I feel nervous as we both strip down to our underwear and climb under the
covers, avoiding looking at each other. As if we had reason to be embarrased
about anything. We've seen each other in all stages of undressing already so
why was there this uneasiness? Strange, isn't it? But I've had stranger things
happen to me.
Like falling for my brother.
Oh shit, this is SUCH a mistake.
Fortunately the bed is large enough for two persons...I don't think I could
bear being pressed to his almost nude body now.
I turn my back to him and mumble "Oyasumi Kirito."
"Oyasumi" the already sleepy reply.
I feel my heart beating loudly against my ribs and my pulse is roaring in my
ears.
How am I supposed to sleep when he is so close to me...radiating his body heat
and scent.
But I close my eyes anyway and hope for sleep to come as quickly as possible.
And finally I feel that I'm slipping into blessed oblivion, escaping this
horrible existence for a few hours, able to forget my unrequited love.
As I'm almost completely asleep I register from a corner of my mind that Kirito
creeps up to me and cuddles close to my back, spooning himself to my body. But
I'm too far in the land of dreams already to panic at the sudden
bare-back-to-bare-chest-contact...it feels sooo good anyway.
I drift off completely with a smile on my lips.
***************************
Something's at my neck.
Something wet.
What is it?
Why can't I just sleep peacefully?
I sigh as I force myself to wake up. Then I understand what the wet thing at
the back of my neck is.
It's Kirito's mouth. And he's kissing my neck.
My eyes fly open in shock.
What the fuck...?!?
Ooooh, it feels so good to have his soft lips against my skin. Caressing it
tenderly.
It's wrong!
I turn around, wanting to ask him what on earth he thinks he's doing...but as
soon as I face him his lips attack my mouth.
And I kiss back passionately....I know I shouldn't ....but I can't help it.
I've been dreaming of this too many times to push him away now.
I feel his lips part beneath mine as his mouth opens and his tongue slips out.
I respond by sucking it in and tasting his unique taste mingled with the
lingering aroma of alcohol. He tastes so good.
I lean in to him and plunge my own tongue into his mouth, wanting more of that
intoxicating taste, and explore the hot wet cavern thorougly, taking in his
scent and taste...his very essence....as deep as possible.
He moves his hands around my neck and pulls me closer, holding me tightly as we
kiss and kiss, and I run my fingers through his silky black hair and bury them
in the smooth strands.
I'm in heaven.
Am I dreaming? Is all of this perhaps just a very vivid dream?
Kirito pulls back a little and sucks on my lower lip, then he bites down on it.
The bite isn't particularly painful, but painful enough to convince me that
this is most definitely not a dream.
Then he pulls back completely, breathing heavily....just like me.
I try to read his face, but it is almost invisible in the dark room. The only
thing I can see clearly are his eyes, they are shining in the dark, reflecting
random rays of light that happen to have found their way into this tiny hotel
room.
"Kirito....why....?" I begin to ask.
I still can't believe all of this is happening.
But instead of answering he turns me on my back and lies on top of me, then he
dives down to my neck and starts kissing it fervently.
And oh, he's so damn good at it....low moans build up in my throat and escape
my lips.
They seem to get him going even more as he goes over to nibbling and biting
now, working every inch of my poor neck...I wonder how the skin will look
tomorrow.
Ah, hell....I won't think about tomorrow now.Right now I don't give a shit
about tomorrow.
He has reached my collarbones now and is heading towards my right nipple
leaving a wet trail behind.
I inhale sharply as his sweet lips envelope it and his hot velvety tongue
starts circling and licking it.
Aaaah......I'm in heaven.
His -very skilled- fingers wander to my other nipple and caress it as well, and
my moans are becoming louder constantly.
It feels so much better than I would've ever dreamed.
After a while his mouth and his hands switch places and now his mouth is
working on my other nipple.
I let my hands roam his body, stroking it lightly as I get completely lost in
the sensations my brother causes to run down my spine and straightly into my
groin.
He returns to my hungry mouth while his hands start tugging at my boxers.
Now it's getting serious.....are we going to have sex?
Yeah, so what....I want it, godammit!
I lift my hips and let him pull the rubber-band of the boxers over my erection
and down my hips until I'm lying beneath him completely naked and without a
second thought I free him of his boxers as well and he lies down on me with his
full weight.
I have no words to describe how it feels to have each inch of my skin covered
by him, our erections pressed together between the two of us.
It is as if our bodies were made for this purpose only, fitting together so
perfectly that it seemed almost unreal.
We continue kissing each other feverishly and with growing desire as we roll
around on the bed, making our erections brush each other over and over
again....until I'm close to coming.
But I want to feel him inside me....I want him so badly...
I stop the rolling around as soon as I'm on top and straddle him.
I lean down and whisper in his ear.
"Shinya...do you want me? Now?"
"Hai....."
I grab his length with one hand -savouring it's silky texture-and spit into my
other. Then I cover him in saliva, stroking him slowly.
It's strange, but right now that it's going to happen I'm not even nervous. I'm
too horny to be nervous.
I lift my hips slightly and position my entrance above the tip of his throbbing
erection. Then I sink down, impaling myself on his member.
I bite my lips to hold back a scream. It hurts. He feels as if he's much too
big for me.
Have I mentioned that I've never had sex with a man before?
I keep on going down and make myself relax and soon he's buried completely in
me. I sit still for a while, just savouring the sensation of being filled out
by him......it makes me feel whole and complete, for the first time in my life
I feel absolutely complete.
I'm so overwhelmed that tears start running down my face....tears of joy.
When was the last time I've shed tears frome pure happiness? I don't remember.
Kirito notices that I'm crying and lifts his hand to wipe the tears away.
"What's wrong?" He voice shows real concern. "Does it hurt so bad?"
"No, no....I'm just so happy."
To prove that it's not the pain that makes me cry I start moving up and
down....only a little and slowly first but then I move my hips higher and
faster and soon I'm riding him, crashing down on him again and again.
I pull him up for a kiss and thrust my tongue into his mouth in unison with my
hips, invading his body everytime his body invades me.
He reaches for my length and strokes it, adapting to the rhythm I have created.
I'm increasing the speed of my movemets as I feel climax coming close.
I'm extatic.
I'm in heaven.
I'm coming.
I let go of his mouth as a cry of lust rips my throat apart and the strongest
orgasm of my life crashes down on me.
My vision blacks out for a second and comes back with little stars blinking
around me as I'm coming all over Kirito's chest. This sends him over the edge
as well and he comes deep inside me with a deep low moan.
I've always imagined him to be more....you know....vocal.
We fall onto the bed, both of us spent and exhausted.
I lay down on my side and watch him, enjoying the tingling in my body that is
fading away slowly.
His eyes are already closed and his chest is heaving regularly. He's sleeping.
I close my eyes as well and just as I'm about to put my arms around him and
fall asleep in his embrace, reality comes back to me.
The cruel cold reality that I had pushed aside returned mercilessly and twice
as ugly as before.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Did I really just sleep with my brother?
Oh my God.
Suddenly I feel sick.
I get out of the bed and run to the bathroom, much like my brother a few hours
before, and reach the toilet bowl just in time.
I close my eyes as the hot burning liquid shoots out of my mouth until I'm just
dry-retching violently, unable to stop....disgusted with myself.
Again and again one question flies through my mind.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
How on earth could I ever have been so stupid and allow it to happen?
I must have been out of my mind.
It was the greatest mistake of my life. Things will never be the same again. I
have ruined it all.
I get up after the urge to retch has ceased and walk over to the sink where I
wash my face and mouth.
I look at myself in the mirror....wondering all the time at my unbelievable
stupidity.
My neck is full of Kirito's marks. Shit.
I've gotten myself in big, big shit this time.
What will happen now? What am I supposed to do now?
My stomach starts fluttering uneasily as I imagine the consequences of this
night.
But then a faint hope starts to rise...perhaps he doesn't remember. Oh, please
God make it so that he doesn't remember anything.
It's my only hope now, so I can keep on living a normal life without a totally
ruined relationship with my brother. Oh, Shinya....why....why did I give in to
the temptation. What if I've ruined it all?
It was fantastic...but it wasn't worth risking our lives.
I grab a towel, wet it with warm water and walk over to my bed where Kirito is
still sleeping peacefully. Then I clean him carefully, moving the towel over
his chest and his limp organ and then cleaning his hands wich are sticky from
my come....tears coursing down my face ceaselessly all the time.
I feel so guilty. I feel dirty. I just feel horrible.
I look for our boxers and find them in the corner of the room....after I've
managed to put Kirito's underwear back on and cover him without waking him up I
walk back into the bathroom and take a long shower, my hot tears mingling with
the hot water.
I try to wash all traces of our sex off, but somehow I still feel dirty....and
I'm afraid all the soap in the world wouldn't help to get rid of this feeling.
Oh god, what am I going to do if he wakes up and can remember it all?
I'd just die.
That's worse than any nightmare I could possibly imagine....why...God,
why...why couldn't I be strong?
I never would have believed that one can feel so horrible such a short time
after experiencing the ultimate pleasure. But now it's happening to me. And I'd
give ANYTHING to make this night come undone.
Anything. But it's too late now. Because I have been weak.
I get out of the shower. The clock says I've been in there for over an
hour...but it felt only like a few minutes....time passes quickly when you're
panicking.
After getting a t-shirt and new underwear out of my suitcase I drop down on the
couch and close my eyes.
As if I'd be able to sleep in this condition. How ridiculous. But I don't feel
particularly like laughing right now.
After tossing and turning around on the uncomfortable piece of furniture for
half an hour I decide that it's no good and get up.
It's almost morning anyway.
I search my suitcase for a turtleneck...thank god I've taken one along...and
dress, then I get back on the couch and start smoking.....and thinking.....the
latter rather involuntarily.
I don't want to think about it. I only makes me feel even worse.
By the time the sun is up I've finished one pack.
I put on my sunglasses over my swollen and red eyes. I've been crying most of
the time...the tears just keep on running and running.
By the time Kirito stumbles out of the bedroom I've finished another pack, and
I'm just a nervous wreck.
"Ohayou Kohta." He yawns.
I watch him closely...he doesn't behave differently...maybe...maybe...if I'm
lucky.
"Hell, my head is killing me....what a horrible hangover. Must've been quite a
wild night yesterday, ne.
I have no idea how we got home."
I exhale audibly as a lot of tension leaves my body with those words. I think I
might even manage to talk to him in a normal way now.
"Yeah, you and the other guys did quite a bit of drinking. Hey, we had to
celebrate the concert, ne."
"So, how come I've been sleeping here instead of my room?"
How much can I tell him?
"Well, I you were really wasted and you felt sick, so I decided that it would
be better if you stayed here."
"Ah, thanks. What would I do if my little brother weren't taking care of me. I
love you, Kohta."
He grins friendly and then winces and rubs his forehead.
I love you too.
My heart is clenching painfully in my chest....it hurts so badly.
"Do you have some Aspirin here ore something like that?"
"Yes, They're in the bathroom."
"Ah, okay...I need a shower anyway."
Oh yes, you do.
He walks off into the bathroom and soon the sound of running water is audible.
I lean back back on the couch and sigh as a tear trickles down my cheek. I wipe
it away quickly.
No more tears.
I should be glad that he doesn't remember. Hell, that was close. I'd be in
devil's kitchen if he ever found out what happened last night.
But he wanted it as much as I did.
No, he was just too drunk to know what he was doing. Probably he just needed to
get laid.
So I better forget this incident as soon as possible and thank god that there
won't be any consequences to this horrible night.
The night wasn't horrible.
And there will be consequences. I'll never be able to look at him like before.
It will hurt even more now to see him kissing Aiji.
Now that I know how it feels to be kissed by him.
To taste him.
To smell him.
To be in his arms.
No, I don't want to forget this night. I will treasure it in my heart forever
as the moment of absolute happiness and fulfillment in my pathetic existence.
I will treasure the memory and live from it while I continue watching him from
afar.
Just like before.
Nothing will change.
And it's better that way.
We're not supposed to be.
~~~~~~
Owari
*************************************
So? Comments anyone?
I'm always in desperate need of comments ^__^
*offers lemon-cookies*
and please don't flame me *grins*.....I already know that something's wrong
with my brain o.O
Okay, I hope you liked the fic ne
Misery
(who is hungry)
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