HOW TO WOO MEN

by Nika

Pairing: Aiji x... Kohta x... Kiritox...
Everyone seems to fancy someone else...


Uhm, yes I'm working on No Heart...but it'S kinda depressing and I need a
short break every now and then.
So I write this little comedy...
It's dedicated to J & C and Zoe...probably the only ones who enjoy this story

We left off after a very baaaad concert....

Part 5

"Kaa-san?", Kirito asked into his mobile. He had made it all into his
hotel-room before the others could notice. They were probably already
sitting somewhere decent brooding over some drinks.
"Shinya? Why are you calling? Did something happen to you or your brother?"
Panic rang in the voice of his mother.
"No we are perfectly alright, please don't worry, okay?"
"What a relief, you really got me worried there. So why are you calling?
Aren't you supposed to have a party or anything you guys do after a concert?"
Kirito cleared his throat: "We didn't do too well this evening, so there
isn't much to celebrate..."
"What happened? Love problems?"
[How does she know?], he thought releasing a little awkward noise, which
made her laugh: "Oh, I see."
"You do?" Kirito asked, thinking: [I certainly don't.]
"Kaa-san, I really need to know something about cooking", he said then,
trying to sound as neutral as possible.
"Good idea, impressing someone with cooking is always a good way to go.
You're really smart. What is it you want to know, love?"
"Well, uh...", Kirito bit his lower lip.
Great, now his mother assumed that he was in love. Probably calling him
twice a day asking about any progress.
"Actually it's about your Onigiri. I need your recipe."
"But those are Kohta's favorite!"
"Kaa-san, please."
"I see. Got pencil and paper?"
"Right here." Carefully he wrote down the instructions.
After he said his good-byes to his mother, he read them again. Seeing the
ingredients he really hoped, that the clarification of the love-problem
also meant the solution to the band-trouble.

When Aiji's mobile rang, they were already on their way back to the hotel:
"Hello?"
"I've got the recipe. Where are you guys?"
"We're heading back", the guitarist said. "I'm not in the mood to party
anyway. See you later."
The tall guitarist gave a disturbed glare to the couple in from of him.
Kohta and Jun were close and the blonde was whispering sweet nothings into
Jun's ear. [To hell with love], he thought and closed himself off to their
obvious happiness.
"So you're going to help me write that letter, right? Please with sugar on
top, Jun," the bassist whispered in his friend's ear urgently.
Jun only sighed deeply. [Another love-letter? Hell, I really don't want to.
It's all Kirito's damn fault! I should really kill him this time.]
"So, I'm coming over to your room later, okay?", Kohta asked, tone a little
husky and urgent, making the tall guitarist behind them ready to drown love
in a pool of broken hearts. But outwardly he just seemed tired.
Jun felt like he really didn't deserve all of this love-letter writing. He
wasn't even in love himself, what a waste of time.

When they arrived at the hotel, Aiji went straight to Kirito's room,
knocking at the door impatiently. The door was opened by a rather
disheveled Kirito, who had been running his hands through his hair while
studying the recipe.
"Aiji!"
"They're going to do it tonight!", the taller man whined.
"Who is doing what?", Kirito inquired puzzled.
"Sex!"
Kirito chuckled: "Many people do that, Aiji. You should know *that* by now."
"Man, don't play stupid, you know pretty well that I'm talking about Jun
and Kohta!", Aiji cried out for the whole world to hear, his face grim and
pained.
Kirito's hair rose in shock and he pulled the guitarist in his room with
determination, closing the door behind them: "Not so loud, idiot! Do you
want to rise their attention?"
"Doesn't matter anymore anyway...!", Aiji kicked the couch, which happened
to be red this time and snorted in pain. "They're an item!"
"Shh, calm down, Aiji", Kirito patted his friends arm, "How can you be sure
about that?"
"Kohta said he would be joining Jun tonight in his room, that is how I can
be more than sure."
"Did they say that they were going to have sex?", Kirito cringed inwardly
imagining his brother having sex and with another man to top that thought.
[Well, aren't you helping Aiji to get with Kohta yourself, dear Kirito?]
[Shut up, conscience. It's Aiji, what else could I do, huh?]
[Point taken.]
Kirito frowned, while Aiji paced through the room.
"Didn't need to anyway, it was as clear as daylight. They are in love, okay?"
Kirito pondered that statement for a moment, his finger lazily tracing his
lower lip, considering the resistance of Jun against the idea of being in
love with Kohta the night before, then the literal lamp lit up over his
head: "We'll see what they're up to."
"Yeah, like how?"
"We'll sneak into Jun's room and see what'll happen."
Aiji was silent for a few moment, not knowing if he wanted to laugh at
Kirito or gut him.
"NO WAY!" he finally pressed out.
"Mou! Any better ideas, Mr. Loverman?", the singer mock-pouted a little and
crossed his arms over his chest. But Aiji had run out of ideas before and
just grumbled: "None. That's why I'm here, you lousy bastard. And how on
earth should we get into Jun's room anyway? You know him, the indoor-king."
The guitarist grinned a little when Kirito nodded slowly: "And the main
point...", Aiji continued, "I have no desire at all to be present when they
are getting it on, you know..."
"Me neither", the singer admitted and sighed. "We should just eavesdrop
until we are sure", Kirito dished out the next idea. "We're avoiding the
sex-part and the sneaking in and still get to find out, na."
Aiji sighed, finally letting himself drop on the couch tiredly, Kirito
plopping down beside him, leaning closer, when the taller man said: "I
can't believe I'm saying this, but...okay."
"Great. We should set up watch and see when Kohta sneaks in, okay? I'm
going first."
"You? You're going voluntarily?
"Hey, why not?"
"It's not like you, Kirito." Aiji smiled in a forgiving way at his friend
who wore a hurt expression, melting away under the smile. The singer
cleared his throat, made a silly heroic pose and pointed towards the door:
"Now, I will go and seek out the enemy!"
Aiji laughed and it pearled through the room into the singer's awareness.
"I'm going with you. When you stand around like that you'll get napped and
end up in a sentai-show."
"Mou!"


The two stalkers tried to be as unsuspicious as possible, lurking around in
the corridor before Jun's room, hiding behind a handy corner as soon as
someone came up.
Finally Kohta came up and the two men, pressing against a wall around the
corner, heard him knocking: "Jun, it's me, Kohta."
"See?", Aiji whispered into the singer's ear.
"Shh, I'm not seeing anything yet", the leader retorted, suddenly quite
aware of just how closely he was pressed to the lean and enticing body of
the guitarist, but Aiji's attention was entirely focused on his brother.
The door to Jun's room opened, Jun mumbling something none of them could
understand properly and then Kohta cheered: "You're the best."
Aiji sighed and hit the back of his head on the innocent wall. He looked
like a child, who had to watch while someone else got the candy.
Together they sneaked closer to the door, pressing their individual ears to
the wood.

Jun hovered over just another piece of paper, thinking of another sappy
love-letter, that wasn't even for himself.
His friend peeked at him from under blonde bangs and called out: "I love
you!", making Jun almost jerk at the suggestion.

But not only him, but the two stalkers in front of the door also suffered
different degrees of a shock.
"See?!", Aiji croaked out.

"Kohta, don't you think it's a bit too quick to say just that?", Jun tried
to calm his excited friend down, "Maybe something more along the lines of
'I have to think of you all a lot.'"
Kohta shrugged: "That sounds as romantic as a cold shower."
The guitarist sighed and shook his head [Almost as bossy as his damned
brother!].
"How about: "I admire you every day and really like to get to know you
better."?", Jun suggested and absently he scribbled something on the
otherwise still untainted paper.
"Do you go for that?"; Kohta asked in a curious voice. Jun only groaned and
began to bang his head on the back of the sofa.

Kirito grinned up to his partner in crime and whispered: "See, not
everything is lost yet. We just have to make him see that you are the
better choice."
Aiji seemed a little less hopeless than before their stalking-mission,
nodding and sighing at the same time.
[I just don't understand what Aiji sees in my plain little brother...],
Kirito quickly tossed the thought in the back of his mind and smiled
encouragingly.
"Let's go back, okay?"; the taller man hushed and they sped back into
Kirito's room.

"Ha! I told you, Aiji!", the leader squeaked triumphant. "They're not
lovers yet. And I know just the thing to prevent them from becoming
involved, ever!"
"Like what??"
"Come over to my place when we're back home and I'll show you", Kirito
promised with a sweet smile, which frightened Aiji a little. Such a smile
never meant anything good, as far as the tall guitarist could recall.
"Okay, but I'm not going to do anything that involves cleaning your the
mess in your closets."
"Mou", Kirito protested, having seen a good chance to get some chores done
by Aiji. Another smirk crossed the singer's face, before he received a
whack: "And I'm not definitely not going to strip!"
"Spoil sport!", Kirito murmured, but then he saw the face of his friend
grow somewhat lonely and desolate.
He had to make this work.



to be continued

back to pierrot fics