Title: Ai o Osorete
Author: Scarlet Kozi

Not too much had been planned for the next day. Several days ago, before any of this had happened, Kikasa had agreed with Sakito that today, the day after the bathroom incident, they would go out together and shop a little bit. Sakito had wanted to buy a new jacket, and Kikasa never minded tagging along with him, even before he'd begun feeling uncomfortable when around Sakito.

Going to sleep last night had been difficult, but he had frantically pretended to be asleep when he heard Sakito come back into the darkened room from the shower. Sakito had only crawled into his own bed and gone to sleep, but Kikasa, facing the wall, had been thinking rapidly.

‘What the hell just happened in there? That wasn't normal... That shouldn't have happened at all. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away! But then, he was the one who did it. It was the alcohol, that's all. Nothing more than that. Why did I enjoy it, anyway? It's not as though I... wanted him to do it... But he did it all on his own.' For some reason, it was too hard to try to blame the alcohol for Sakito's actions. ‘Does that mean that he's been thinking the same things...?'

In the morning, Kikasa woke up to find that Sakito wasn't in the room. That wasn't too unusual. Sometimes Sakito would wake up early and go to get a cup of coffee in the lobby, without waking him up.

Therefore, Kikasa got himself ready for the day, checking the time and realizing that he was supposed to go out with Sakito in about half an hour. He dressed himself in a pair of black pants, boots, a dark red shirt, and a black jacket, with a pair of dark sunglasses because he was afraid of letting Sakito see the embarrassment and distrust in his eyes.

To his surprise, Sakito had left a note on the inside of their room door.

After Kikasa had been about to go out and look for Sakito, he'd seen, blinking, that a small piece of paper had been taped to the door. He peeled off the paper and studied it. It said, in dark red pen, "Surprise!"

Kikasa blinked. "Nani?" He was confused. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

When Kikasa heard footsteps out in the hallway, coming closer, he abruptly stuck the piece of paper in his pocket, choking down his anxiety.

The door opened and Sakito reentered the room. He was already dressed and ready himself, and Kikasa had to wonder how early he'd gotten up that morning. Now he was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a button-up white shirt, and a matching denim jacket. His hair was combed perfectly and hung slightly over one eye.

He saw Kikasa standing there. "Kika-chan, you're up already?"

"W-Well, we're supposed to go out pretty soon... You remember, right?"

Sakito smiled. "Of course." Then he blinked. "But it's a little cloudy out today... What's with the sunglasses?"

Kikasa felt embarrassed, so he took off the shades and tossed them onto his bed. "Nothing. You're right."

Sakito just shook his head, letting the matter drop, and gestured towards the door again. "Well, if you're ready, do you want to just go?"

For a few moments, not sure what to do, Kikasa just looked at him. The vocalist seemed perfectly normal, as calm and composed and humorous as always. Why wasn't he even mentioning anything about the kiss last night? Or about the note he'd left on their door? He wasn't even /looking/ at Kikasa any differently than before.

However, it seemed as though Sakito had forgotten that the entire incident had occurred. Of course, this wasn't really the case, but Kikasa had to wonder about everything as they discreetly exited the hotel and got onto a train heading towards their destination. He wondered why Sakito wasn't acting any differently than usual, even after their stolen kiss in the bathroom. For Kikasa, that had been a disastrously significant event, but maybe for Sakito, it wasn't that significant.

‘Maybe he really /did/ do it because he was drunk...'

The train rumbled underground, charging forward in its rapid journey. It was very crowded, and Sakito and Kikasa had been lucky to snag seats towards the back of the train, right next to each other. A temporary silence had settled over them, as Sakito glanced around at all the people and as Kikasa sat there timidly gazing up at the advertisements on the ceiling, thinking to himself.

‘And maybe I'm just overreacting about all this...'

But then he felt something strange.

Something on his thigh, pressing down gently but suggestively, causing him to jump a bit. Whatever it was, it was deft and apparently knew what it was doing. Also, it was quite high up, but not dangerously high yet. Kikasa looked over with wide eyes and saw that Sakito had rested his hand allusively on Kikasa's leg, fortunate to evade attracting notice from the dozens of other passengers. Immediately Kikasa began to flush a bit, as he unconsciously backed up against the seat a little bit, staring down at Sakito's hand.

"What... I mean... What the fuck are you...?" He tripped over his own words, gasping.

"You're stuttering a lot recently," Sakito remarked slightly under his breath without removing his hand.

Kikasa blinked. "Ano?" He realized that it was true. He'd been acting oddly due to anxiety recently, especially around Sakito.

"Don't worry about it," Sakito dismissed him.

The train kept going, and though Kikasa's eyes danced around nervously, he saw that none of the others around them really noticed what was happening. Primarily, however, Kikasa's mind was on the hand that was very, very slightly stroking his thigh through the denim, just remaining there carelessly as though its owner barely noticed. Kikasa continued flushing, glancing from Sakito to Sakito's hand to Sakito again.

"So," Sakito then said, his lips parting for a moment. "Are you really surprised?"

"S-Surprised?"

"Last night," the vocalist answered simply.

Kikasa cleared his throat, looking down. So Sakito /had/ been thinking about it also, he /hadn't/ just forgotten about it as though it was another little token of useless affection, shared with anyone who came into his path. That note should have told Kikasa this. "W-Well, hai," he muttered, shyly admitting it. "I didn't... expect it."

"No?" Sakito grinned playfully at him.

"No."

The vocalist paused for a moment. "Kika-chan..."

Kikasa looked at him. "H-Hai?"

"We're friends, ne?"

Surprised, Kikasa nodded quickly, his eyes widening, almost forgetting that Sakito's hand was on his thigh. He tried to laugh, but it came out nervously. "Of course we are!"

"Well, then cut the shit. I know what's going on."

Kikasa stopped. "...Nani?"

For a moment Sakito didn't answer, and then he looked over at Kikasa again, with a slightly raised brow and a little smile on his face that almost seemed timid, for a change. "I know you, Kika-chan. I can tell when something's on your mind, and something has definitely been on your mind lately. Did you really think that I wouldn't notice how you're always staring at me, and will barely say anything to me anymore? For a while I thought you were mad at me."

Kikasa felt his blush spreading. "I..." He averted his eyes.

"Daijoubu. I understand." Sakito hesitated. "Have you ever... ano... felt like this before?"

Kikasa was confused, and said, "I don't know what you mean."

"Think about it." Sakito eyed him, only glancing at the road occasionally. "I know how inexperienced you are with this kind of thing. So have you?"

Suddenly, upon realizing the meaning of the vocalist's words, Kikasa felt a little spread of panic. ‘He's trying to say that I'm gay!' his mind cried out, forcing him to freeze up. ‘He's trying to tell me that I'm attracted to him. That's what he means! Inexperienced? Of course I am! I'm straight, after all. Who the fuck is he to accuse me of this? He's the one who...'

Kikasa decided to voice these thoughts aloud, as he shot a frown over at Sakito, and just in time he remembered to speak in a low tone of voice. "What are you talking about? /You're/ the one who's been coming on to /me/!"

Sakito waved his free hand at him. "I know, I know, I'm the one who kissed /you/, and it's /my/ hand practically in your pants, but... you're dodging the subject. I've seen some strange look in your eyes lately, and I know what you're thinking." He paused. "I can tell that you're attracted to me. I didn't know what to think at first, but... really, I don't mind it." He managed a smile, trying to reassure Kikasa, hiding his own inner emotions.

Kikasa felt like sputtering. He wanted to protest these accusations, but for some reason couldn't find the words. "N-No?'

"No." Sakito shook his head. There was a short silence, until Sakito stole a glance over at Kikasa and saw that the bassist was concentrating entirely on looking away from him, still flushed. Sakito realized again just how attractive Kikasa was. There was something charming about the way his hair fell across his face slightly, colored that dark rich hue except at the roots, where it was black. "And..."

Hearing his voice again, Kikasa cleared his throat. "What?" He almost snapped it, so off guard was he by everything that had happened, and everything that had been said.

"You know, it wasn't the alcohol, last night... that made me kiss you."

Again there was silence, as Kikasa only stared at him with his mouth open.

Sakito would have let him think about that for a while, but he decided to make the next move, knowing that Kikasa never would. He hoped, inwardly, that he could get past all of Kikasa's pre-existing biases, somehow, with his own appeal. Smiling very slightly, Sakito let his hand wander up just a little on Kikasa's thigh, his fingers gentle but massaging, to the area where Kikasa's leg joined his hips.

"S-Saki!" Kikasa jumped suddenly, then quickly looked around to make sure that no one had noticed. Fortunately, they hadn't, so Kikasa shook his head, nearly hissing, "I don't... I can't."

Sakito tilted his head. "Why not?"

‘It's not right,' Kikasa thought to himself in a rush, among a dozen other reasons, but the only one that he could really think to use now, when speaking to Sakito, was Atsuko. Averting his eyes again, trying to will the color out of his face, he said under his breath, "A-Atsuko and I... broke up last night."

Sakito's eyebrows raised, and immediately he took his hand away from Kikasa's thigh. He felt overtaken with guilt.

Kikasa breathed out a sigh of relief and tried to cross his legs.

"Gomen, Kika-chan," Sakito instantly apologized. "I didn't know, I really didn't."

"That's fine," Kikasa disagreed, shaking his head. Part of him was still upset with Sakito for making such suggestions, and accusing him of such things, but he knew that the best thing to do was pretend that it had never happened. "You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault. It was meant to happen anyway."

They sat there in general silence yet again, until the train pulled to a stop in the station, and the two of them had to push their way through the crowd to get out. Then they walked to the little boutique that Sakito had intended to search, until Sakito picked out two jackets that he liked. Their conversation ended on a note that suggested that nothing else would happen between them, at least for a while.

Even though Kikasa felt somewhat reassured by the notion that he'd have some time to collect himself, more thoughts and questions swarmed around in his head. Did all of this mean that something was wrong with him? Did it mean that if he let himself get carried away again, to a greater degree, he would change, or his friendships with the others would be destroyed...?

~*~

But that night, Kikasa's timid mind was made up for him, with a little help.

He was sitting in the hotel room. His slender, graceful form was propped back against some pillows, pondering over a graphic novel that Miyabi had lent him and insisted that he read. He didn't understand much of it, but he had nothing better to do. He'd already practiced bass, and now his fingers were slightly sore.

The rest of the time he'd spent with Sakito that day had been surprisingly normal, at least. After hearing that Kikasa and Atsuko had broken up, the vocalist had backed off right away, and had been as friendly and normal to him as usual. Like they'd been before Kikasa had found out that he was attracted to Sakito. But he had noticed Sakito's eyes on him again a few times, and had instantly frozen up, feeling nervous.

‘Is he... Is he checking me out? Damn him for saying all of that on the train! Now I don't know what to think anymore... not that I ever did. What if this means that now he's going to start chasing me, and I'm going to have to start running?'

The only problem was that Kikasa wasn't sure he'd be able to run if he was chased.

Sakito had fortunately gone out to take a walk with Kazuki earlier that evening, and Kikasa had welcomed the time to himself. It was a calming influence on him, after how fast his heart had been racing that day. As he sat there, studiously reading the graphic novel and pushing strands of black and red hair from his face, a knock came on the door.

Kikasa blinked and looked at the clock. It was about ten o'clock. He put the book aside and went over to the door, opening it.

"Oi, Kika-chan."

The amiable greeting took Kikasa by surprise, but not as much as the sight of Sakito standing there, looking at him. Of course, it wasn't that unusual, but Sakito had never knocked to come into his own hotel room before. Kikasa hadn't expected to see much of Sakito for the rest of that night, for soon he intended to go to bed, and had anticipated that Sakito would return after he fell asleep. "Saki," Kikasa answered almost uncertainly. "How come you knocked?"

Sakito stuck out his tongue sheepishly. "Forgot my key."

Kikasa inwardly sighed in relief. "Oh." He searched him almost warily. "Come on in, then."

He moved out of the way and let Sakito inside, shutting the door after him. However, he noticed that Sakito was regarding him oddly, and wondered almost nervously whether the vocalist was upset with him. He chose to pretend that nothing had happened earlier, because after all, none of it had been his fault. Sakito had brought it all up. "Is something wrong?" he asked, as Sakito walked in and took off his jacket.

"Nothing, really," Sakito said vaguely with a glance over his shoulder. He looked at Kikasa silently for a moment, contemplating whether to sit, and then decided to do so, carefully lowering himself onto the edge of his bed. "While I was out with Kazu-kun, I was thinking about today. I just wanted to talk to you about some things, I guess."

Kikasa nodded, having expected this, but he looked down, mentally cursing. "Hai."

"First of all," Sakito began, in his charismatic, assured manner. He'd started with acting normal again, convinced that he would control himself also, but all of a sudden he'd noticed how good Kikasa still looked, and now he felt that he had to talk to avoid silence. "I know we talked about this earlier, but I really /am/ sorry about you and Atsuko."

Kikasa shook his head. "It's okay, Saki. It's not your fault." Wanting to lighten the mood slightly, he forced a smile and tried to joke. "It's not even Miyabi's fault."

Sakito laughed. "Actually, it probably /is/ Miyabi's fault, after that stupid trick he pulled on the phone last night!"

Kikasa put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile. "Well..."

Sakito's laughter eventually faded, but his eyes never lowered themselves from Kikasa. At last, still smiling a tiny bit, he became serious. "Also, I want to say that I'm sorry, again, if I made you... uncomfortable. Last night /or/ today. I really didn't mean to. I just couldn't help myself."

Kikasa blinked suspiciously at him, still standing. "You...?" he trailed off questioningly.

Sakito shrugged his shoulders, heaving a confessional sigh, and looked off to the side. "Well, you remember what we talked about on the train," he said in a low tone, and that Kikasa's face fell at the mention of it, but didn't stop. "Listen, I know you're not really used to talking about this. But I want to know how long you've been... feeling this way about me."

Kikasa bit hard on his lip to keep himself from shouting curses at Sakito. Why did he have to bring this up now? Hadn't he already tried to tell him that he wasn't gay? He shook his head, feeling the anger and frustration well up inside him again.

"Let's get one thing straight. I never said I ‘felt anything' for you, okay?" Something inside him tried to get him to be honest in at least one way, as he said, "I've felt /uncomfortable/ around you for a few months, if that's what you want to know."

"Oh." Sakito nodded. He had expected that Kikasa would react like this, and wasn't offended in the least by his inability to be open. "The thing is... I've been attracted to you for even longer, Kika-chan. Maybe since the beginning."

Kikasa froze suddenly, feeling something change inside him. For some reason, even though he wanted to be upset to hear this, part of him gave way as though he was relieved. But how could he be relieved about it? Sideways, he gaped uncertainly at Sakito. "Y-You have?"

"Yeah, well..." He shrugged again, smiling. "Guess I'm just better at hiding it, ne?"

Kikasa flushed a little bit, then quickly looked down, barely able to comprehend this. He continued to stand there for a minute, a couple of paces away, and after that time, Sakito looked at him with an expectant expression. He seemed to be waiting for Kikasa to sit down, or say something else, but Kikasa felt a bit hesitant to do that yet. His throat felt dry suddenly, so he said, "I'm going to go get a glass of water... Do you want anything?"

Sakito thought about it, and nodded. "Sure."

"Then what would you like?"

"A beer, if we have one."

"O-Okay, hang on."

A moment later, after drinking some water and refreshing himself, Kikasa returned with a can of beer for Sakito. Personally, he didn't usually like beer too much, but sometimes he would drink it with the others when they had little parties or celebrations, and so he and Sakito had some left in their little hotel refrigerator.

When Kikasa reentered the room, he saw that Sakito immediately looked over in his direction, suddenly surveying him with his large eyes. The bassist felt self-conscious again.

‘Why do I always get excited whenever he's in the room?' he thought, exasperated.

Attempting to hide this so-called excitement again, Kikasa crossed the floor and stood to the side of the chair that Sakito was sitting in. He tried to smile as he held out the can to Sakito, having already opened it for him in a gesture of courtesy, as he tucked another strand of red and black hair behind his ear to clear his view. He only wished that this conversation wasn't taking place at all.

For a moment, Sakito seemed as though he was just going to take the beer and be done with it. But then, all of a sudden, his eyes glanced beyond the can and towards Kikasa's hips, which were almost right in front of his eyes. He noticed Kikasa's arousal quickly. His eyes had traveled down Kikasa's waist, behind the outstretched hand, and then down a little lower, and it was there that they focused now, widening slightly, intently observing the slightly strained area.

Kikasa wondered why Sakito was taking so long to accept the beer, and looked down.

He was at first puzzled, and then severely embarrassed, to see that Sakito was immersed in staring directly at his crotch, with large, bright eyes. Kikasa felt his breath quicken suddenly and a flush come to his cheeks, and he was about to move back, but then he saw Sakito lick his lips.

"N-Nani...!"

After managing to get this statement out in his surprise and embarrassment, Kikasa jumped slightly and tried to back away. In the process, he unsettled the beer can he was holding, and fumbled with it for a minute, succeeding in soaking his entire hand in the process. A stain formed on the carpet below, as the empty can tumbled down and landed there almost silently. Sakito blinked and flinched slightly, glancing up at Kikasa with a rather blank expression.

"Damn it," Kikasa muttered, exceedingly irritated as he looked down at his dripping hand. "I'll be right back—I have to wash this off and get something to clean the carpet..." He turned to head for the bathroom.

"Chotto matte. The carpet can wait."

Sakito's hand suddenly lashed out and grabbed ahold of his wrist, keeping him from walking away, and in his surprise, Kikasa paused and looked down almost doubtfully over his shoulder at Sakito. The vocalist was staring up at him now, as he pulled Kikasa back towards the bed a little bit, and when they were close enough together, Sakito started to consume the alcohol in a different way than expected.

Holding Kikasa's wrist a bit more carefully, he brought it closer to his face and started to lick it. He extended his tongue and touched it to one of Kikasa's slender fingers, tasting the beer briefly.

"Mmm."

He then started to lick up the side of that finger, absorbing all traces of the alcohol, as Kikasa shivered and stared down at him in shock. As he did this, Sakito kept his eyes on Kikasa's the whole time, making sure that the guitarist was watching him. Sakito took Kikasa's entire finger into his mouth after a moment, drawing his cheeks in slightly and showing his cheekbones more, ridding that finger of the beer.

"S-Sakito," Kikasa said, aghast. "Don't...?"

He wasn't sure why he was protesting, but it seemed that something was so wrong about this. Part of him wanted to beat Sakito until he was black and blue, for doing this to him, but the other part of him couldn't move.

Sakito didn't stop, especially when he heard the questioning tone in Kikasa's voice, and when he saw that Kikasa wasn't actively fighting him or pulling his hand away. He then moved to the next finger, his warm tongue licking away the beer, sliding his mouth up and down until he could be sure that it was dry.

When he finished Kikasa's fingers, he took his mouth away for a brief moment. He scrutinized the rest of the hand, tilting his head and passing his tongue over his lips. He turned Kikasa's wrist a bit so that the underside was facing him, and he leaned forward again, starting to lick at Kikasa's palm. There was something the way that Sakito was slowly and methodically lapping the moisture from his skin, about the softness and yet roughness of Sakito's tongue, that made Kikasa feel a little shiver again as he stared at him.

At last, Sakito was done, and he released Kikasa's arm. The vocalist wiped his hand across his mouth and looked up at Kikasa, not saying anything.

Without lowering his hand, Kikasa continued to stare down at Sakito. He was at a complete loss for words, and was shaking a little bit as he stood there. His hand was dry now, that was true, but Sakito had also succeeded in almost doubling the size of his erection. Just what he needed. He couldn't help it, and tried to fight back the blush in his cheeks.

‘No! This isn't supposed to happen!'

Overtaken with fear, Kikasa turned and ran. He saw Sakito blinking behind him, as he hurried to the door and yanked it open, heedless of anything in his path, and he darted out barefoot into the hallway.

End Chapter Two.

Notes: One chapter left after this one! So, what do you think? It doesn't seem like many English-speaking people are fans of Due le Quartz yet, so I probably won't get that many reviews... but I'd like some, please! Just give it a try, ne? I really want some comments! I only have one chapter left!

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