Longing hearts

by Toyo

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[edited by Arna]

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Part two

Shinya sat down beside the stranger. His look was fixed on the bar-table. The young man gave a sign to the barkeeper and a minute later he put two drinks in front of them.

"I wasn’t sure if you would noticed me. I was looking at you for some time but…" the strange man had a beautiful voice "but it had worked. You are here!" The man smiled at him again. "What’s your name?"

Shinya said nothing. His mind was still with Die and that made him angry. Why must he feel sad? He wanted to have some fun. Why not with this guy?

"I’m Shinya. And what is your name?" Shinya turned to face the young man; it was the first time that he saw his complete appearance. He didn’t look bad. Shinya smiled. He wanted to have fun. Fun with him!

"I’m Ken!" the man said and answered Shinya’s smile.

********************

Ken was not a smart guy, but it was easy to have some fun with him. They talked a lot, drank a lot and made jokes. Shinya laughed so much that he began to wonder about himself. Shinya giggled as Ken told him that he had been trying to get Shinya’s attention from the time he entered the club. But Shinya didn’t noticed Ken’s flirt-tries.

"I began to think that the small guy was your lover!"

"Oh no!! He is just a friend." Shinya giggled.

Shinya didn’t talk much about himself and he said nothing about his friend or his life with Dir en grey. After some time Ken pulled Shinya on to the dance floor. It was fun, and he enjoyed the attention he was got from Ken. At a slow dance Ken and Shinya danced with their arms around each other, their bodies close together. Shinya even allow Ken to put his hand on his ass.

"Come with me!" Ken whispered suddenly into Shinya’s ear. He didn’t wait for Shinya’s answer and pushed him with him through the crowd of people to a door behind the bar-table. "One of my friends works on the bar. He allows me to use this room." Ken pushed Shinya in and closed the door. Before Shinya could react he was pinned on the wall with Ken’s body. Shinya didn’t know how to act and against his will he melted into Ken’s kiss. Shinya broke the kiss for a moment to breath and Ken took the opportunity to slide his tongue into Shinya’s mouth. Shinya began to answer the kiss, their hands touched and explored their bodies. Shinya was surprised, it was so easy.

Suddenly he felt Ken’s hand open his pants. Scared he pulled Ken away.

"What are you doing??"

"Isn’t that obvious, my little beauty-boy?" Ken wiped the saliva away from his lips. His voice was threatening and had lost his beauty. His eyes turned into animal like, dangerous and horny. "Come on. Don’t be that shy…" Ken said as he began to open his own pants "I know that you want it too!!!"

"No!" Shinya got panic. He wanted to run away, away from this horrible guy. But before he could react Ken managed to push him down, he grabbed Shinya’s waist and held him fix. He kissed and licked over Shinya’s face, till a hand hit his face.

"Get off me!!" Shinya screamed and tried to get free. Ken was surprised that Shinya the thin and slender boy was so strong.. He grinned at Shinya and pressed him again brutally against the ground.

"Oh, the little sweet Shinya can fight. That’s brave!!" With dragging grips he remove Shinya pants and shirts. He was about to take Shinya’s dick in his hand when his fist hit his face with force. For a moment he was dizzy and blood flowed over his lips.

"Let me go, let me go …" Shinya screamed but his voice died down as Ken slapped his face. The pain, hurting in his cheekbone and his brain.

"You little slut." Ken hissed and saw the blood on the floor that dropped from his lip. "You little slut! Let me see if you were still brave after this." Ken pulled his dick out and forced Shinya’s leg open. He pressed his dick against Shinya’s ass.

"Aaaaahhhhhhh…" Shinya screamed as loud as possible as he felt Ken’s dick on his leg and on his ass. Could he look in Die’s eyes after this?

"Aahhh …." He didn’t knew if he had screamed real or only in his mind. He felt Ken get into a good position … Shinya closed his eyes.

#KLIRR#

Shinya heard the sound of broken glass, and a second later he felt a slack body fall on his.

**********************

Shinya still had his eyes closed. He was afraid of what he would see if he opened his eyes. He felt tears running down his cheek which caused him to open them against his will. He saw Ken’s slack body lying on his. He tried to push him away but had no strength.

Suddenly he noticed a familiar shape at the door.

"Kyo ??" Shinya stuttered.

"Oh finally … the attention of that jerk’s is hard to get!" Kyo looked at Shinya. His look was worried. Kyo pulled Ken away from Shinya by grabbing one of his legs. At his moment Toshiya entered the room.

"What the hell is going on Kyo? Why can’t you let us …." Suddenly his voice died down as he saw Shinya on the ground, the ripped pants and the unconscious guy with the open pant beside him. Kaoru, a little bit confused, entered the room too and looked at his lover. Kaoru looked at the room, he was to ask Toshiya about the situation when Toshiya went quickly to Shinya and knelt beside him. He took his shirt off and covered Shinya. Then he warped his arms around Shinya, pulling him into his arms.

It was if the event from the last minutes came back fast into Shinya’s mind. He felt tears flowing down his face and he began to sob uncontrollably. Toshiya stroked Shinya’ hair.

"It’s okay. I’m here … don’t cry Shin-chan." Toshiya’s voice sounded soft and reassuring in his ears, although this wasn’t the voice he wanted to hear. With Toshiya’s tender touches and strokes, he calmed down. He began to nuzzle against Toshiya’s chest. Toshiya looked at Ken and wondered.

"What happened with that jerk?" Toshiya asked and looked at Kyo.

"His head said hello to my empty beer-bottle." Kyo said and knelt beside Toshiya.

"Arigato Kyo…" Shinya sobbed out of Toshiya’s arms, his eyes red from crying.

"Hey, no big deal, ne!" Kyo said and squeezed his cheek, smiling at him widely.

"I think he is getting up." Kaoru said all of them turned around to face him. On the ground Ken started to move, he made moaning sounds and rubbed his head. He needed some time to got back on his feet he saw the pieces on the floor, again he rubbed his head. Then Ken noticed that he wasn’t anymore alone with Shinya. Ken looked at Shinya, who was hide himself in Toshiya’s arms, then he looked at Toshiya and Kyo. They looked at him with disgust.

"You little slut!!" Ken said with an arrogant voice "So your friends have saved you from me. But why? You wanted someone to fuck your brain out. I saw it in your eyes." The room was filled again with Shinya’s sobs. Toshiya pulled him nearer to him to hide him from Ken’s looks. "You slutty bitch. You…"

Suddenly Kaoru grabbed Ken’s collar. They stared in each others’ eyes, and the evil smile on Ken’s face disappeared. Ken was petrified under Kaoru’s gaze. Now Toshiya, Kyo and Shinya also watched Kaoru’s expression. Kaoru was more serious then ever. His look was colder then ice.

"Shut the fuck up, you little piece of shit. If you open your mouth again it would be a pleasure for me to beat the shit out of you. And when you see Shinya sometime again, you better run away, if I hear that you touch him by mistake, I’ll find you and then I will kill you. Very, very slowly." Kaoru’s voice was as cold as his look and on his lips was a devilish smile. Ken’s face was as white as a ghost, his look caught by Kaoru’s eyes.

"Kyo, would you please go and get the manage." Kaoru said still in the same cold voice. Kyo stared in wondered at Kaoru; after a few seconds, he stood up and left the room to get the manager. Toshiya and Shinya watched Kaoru as if they had seen a ghost. Was this really their leader-san??

"Don’t move!!" Kaoru said and threw him on the floor. Ken didn’t move. His gaze was still fixed on Kaoru; Kaoru went to Shinya and Toshiya, his eyes with the icy look again on Ken. He knelt besides the two and took Shinya’s pants. "Put this on before the manager comes!" his voice and his eyes changed completely. His voice was like honey, his eyes looked warm and friendly, on his lips a sweet smile. He stroked Shinya’s hair gently.

A few minutes later Kyo arrived with the Manager.

******************

Kaoru sat down in the living room of Toshiya and his appato. He took a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. This night was more stressful than 10 hours practice with Yoshiki-san. But he was lucky that things had finished this way. It probably could have ended in a bad way for Shinya and the band. Shinya had escaped rape and nobody, not even the club-manager or the police recognised them as Dir en grey.

Kaoru heard a door closing and his eyes opened. Toshiya moved to him and sat beside him on the couch. Kaoru put an arm around the bassist.

"He’s sleeping now." Toshiya said. "I’m so happy that Kyo saved him. I could not bear the thought that he possibly could been raped." Toshiya nuzzled his face on Kaoru’s shoulder.

"Yeah, but I can’t understand why he was with this son of a bitch. Shinya is normally a very shy person. I feel so guilty, I hadn’t pay him much attention. I think there is more behind this story than we know. Maybe it’s a love-problem." Kaoru kissed his koi’s forehead.

"Do you think so? But who can it be? Maybe a friend of his family he’d met a month ago on this family-party where he was."

"I don’t think so. It must be someone in our surrounding. Why would he else acted so strange with us."

"Someone from the producing-team, oh … perhaps Yoshiki-san. Shinya always had a crush on him!"

"Could be!" Kaoru lit a cigarette and took a deep puff. Toshiya took the cigarette off his lover’s hand and took a puff too.

"But you are thinking of another person too, ne?" Toshiya asked with a big smile on hi face.

"Nani…" Kaoru raised his eyebrow.

"You can tell me!! I know that Die is in love with Shinya and I’m sure that he talked with his best friend about it, ne?"

"How do you know?" Kaoru asked very surprised.

"As we went to this live-show in Sapporo, I shared a room with Die in the hotel. What he doesn’t know is that he sometimes talk in his sleep. I woke up due to some strange noises; he was crying, maybe having a bad dream or something. But all the time he called Shinya’s name. It was easy to come to a conclusion. I was sure that he talked to you about his feelings, because of the call you made some weeks ago. You told me you spoke with your mother, but would you say "See you at the practice"? And if he hadn’t asked you to keep this between you two, or it were Kyo or Shinya on the phone, you would tell me the truth." Toshiya grinned at Kaoru as he stared his lover with open mouth.

"That’s a great shock for me, ne … my koi the Sherlock-Holmes-clone."

"I’m beautiful, but I’m not stupid!" Toshiya pulled his tongue at Kaoru, "And am I right?"

"Yeah you are right!" Kaoru moaned, preoccupied "But don’t tell him you know. He was very down in the previous weeks, drank and smoked too much. I was very disquieted. I think he’s now back at a good level and I hope that this story will not put him down again. I tried to call him, but it seem that he is not home, maybe with that girl."

"And you hope that Shinya could be in love with Die, so all the problems they have would be solved by itself!?"

"Exactly!"

"But do you think he could be really be in love with Die. To me, it seems to be a good friendship … but love? Shinya has a very delicate character but isn’t an emotional guy. He is the exact opposite of Die." The two were silent for a minute before Kaoru grabbed the telephone.

"I’ll talk to Yoshiki-san now and tell him the story. I will cancel the practice for tomorrow. Would you please send Kyo a message on your mobile?"

*************

In the bedroom of Toshiya’s and Kaoru’s appato, Shinya was having bad dreams. In his dreams he saw Ken again and again. Always behind him, trying to catch him and rape him. Shinya screamed Die’s name, but Die didn’t come to save him.

Tears rolled down Shinya’s cheeks as he whispered.

"Die …. Die…"

*************

Die woke up very early. He glanced at the clock; it was 6 a.m. He rubbed his eyes, rolling over and trying to sleep again. His thoughts went back to the last night. The night he passed with that girl. He remembered that he was in her appato. They talked a lot and drank a lot. Then he remembered that the girl began kissing him and that his hands were on her breasts teasing her nipples. He wanted to fuck her, but his mind was with Shinya all the time. He saw his eyes looking at him and the girl, he felt guilty touching her. He felt no love. He had left the girl without saying a single word of excuse to her. Why was Shinya still in his mind, taking control of his feelings? Could he never have sex in his life again without Shinya’s face haunting him? Why must love be so painful? No, love was not painful, only his love. He was a coward; he never had the strength to tell Shinya how he felt. Now he was in the same situation like Toshiya and Kaoru months ago, but in his case he saw no happy-ending. After a couple of minutes he drifted back to sleep.

He woke up again with the doorbell. He tried to ignore it but the person outside the door was stubborn. He moaned loudly and with frustration as he gave up and went to the door.

"Ohayoooooooo, Die-chaaaaaaaaan!" Die looked at Kyo’s grinning face.

"What are you doing here? It’s too early for little devils like you are awaken. I must still be sleeping." Die let Kyo into his appato.

"Nope, you are awake like I am. I couldn’t sleep, so I came over to visit you. We have a free day and I don’t have planned anything!" The two sat on the living room.

"A free day?" Die asked, "Why? Normally Kaoru is very economic with free days."

"Ah, you don’t know. Yes, you left an hour or two before this happened."

"What happened, get someone poisoned with alcohol?"

"No!" Kyo’s face turned serious. "Someone tried to rape Shinya!" Die stared, shocked at Kyo.

"What??"

"A guy invited him for a drink. I don’t know any details. But he brought Shinya to a closed room behind the bar and there he tried to rape him. I woke up because I had to go to the toilet and then I saw him go with that jerk into that room. I was curious. As I heard him scream I went in and bought him down with an empty bottle of beer. It was almost too late. 10 or 20 seconds later and he would have fucked … raped Shinya." Kyo silenced. Die was shocked. He looked at Kyo, but Kyo was not joking. Someone had tried to rape Shinya, to rape his secret love. He would kill him!! He felt tears flowing down his cheeks; he went back to his bedroom before Kyo could notice that he was crying. He put on some clothes. He was so angry and sad at the same time. He wiped his tears way before he went back to Kyo.

"Where is he?" Die asked.

"Nanda?" Kyo looked up.

"Where is Shinya? Where the fuck is he.?"

"He is at Toshiya’s and Kaoru’s appato. Toshiya didn’t wanted to leave him by himself." Without a good-bye Die left his appato.

Kyo looked after Die and raised his eyebrows. This guy was really acting strange. He went to Die’s bedroom and let himself fall on the bed.

* Mhhm, comfortable!!" He thought and immediately he fell asleep.

*****************

Die ran down the street. His mind was clouded with many emotions. He was practically crying again, but the rage held back his tears. The thought passed trough Die’s mind to kill that jerk, who had dared to touch his beloved Shinya. He would blow his head off, or cut his and up with a knife. But then another thought passed his mind. Why was Shinya with that jerk? He drank with him, talked with him, perhaps tried to seduce him to let him fall down. Maybe he had kissed this guy in free will and that made him think that he was easy.

* And I felt guilty because of the girl … stupid. Shinya is not mine, he had showed me with that. Possibly he would like to screw another man, but not me. Someone who lets himself be taken behind the bar to a quiet room in such a club, and not realise what the other was planning was … ridiculous! *

His rage turned to Shinya. It was his fault, his fault. Die found himself ringing the bell of Toshiya’s and Kaoru’s appato. After a few seconds, somebody opened the door. Die stared into Toshiya’s eyes.

"Ah, Die-kun. What are you doing here? Come in!" Toshiya let him entered. From the kitchen came Kaoru’s voice.

"Who is it??"

"It’s Die. Please bring something to drink." Toshiya was disquieted. Die was so silent. He lead him to the couch and took the place in front of him, to face him. "You know, ne?" Toshiya asked. Die only nodded. Kaoru came with three beer, his eyes met Toshiya’s for a moment. He sat down beside Die.

"Calm down!" Kaoru placed a hand on Die’s shoulder. Die felt his rage explode and he hit Kaoru’s hand away.

"Calm down?! I am down." Die saw the pity in Kaoru’s eyes "I am down Kaoru! And I tell you something, someone, who goes into a quite room in a club with a horny guy he doesn’t know, is either also horny to be screwed or is a stupid fool. He should have been raped, so he would know the rules now, and …" Die’s words were cut by the sound of broken glass. Shinya stand on the door at his feet the cup, that Toshiya gave him last night, broken. The tears rolled down Shinya’s cheeks, he looked at Die and he felt pain in his heart.

* He should have been raped! * A voice creamed in Shinya’s head.

"Shinya…" Toshiya was the first one who found his voice again.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t want to break your cup. I’m going home now. Sorry that I have disturbed you." Shinya said and look a last time at Die before running out of the appato. Toshiya was about to follow him, but Kaoru stopped him. He looked at Die angrily.

"Follow him. Now!" He sounded angry. "You follow him, and talk to him. It is time that you faced your problem. I understood that you are angry, but you hurt Shinya and I don’t know how he will take this. Go! And if you hurt him more, I will hurt you, but in another way!"

Die smiled at Kaoru, he understood. The two hugged each other and Die left.

**********

Shinya reached his appato. His tears hadn’t stopped. He heard Die’s voice again and again in his mind. * He should have been raped * After closing the door Shinya collapsed on the floor. Another voice came back to Shinya’s mind screaming: *You little slut. I saw it in your eyes. You wanted it! * Shinya came back to his feet. He went into the living room.

* I’m a slut. They all know it. That’s why nobody cared about me or loved me.. Die thinks I’m a slut, maybe he’ll like me when I really am one.*

***********

Without a single word Die entered Shinya’s appato. The room was dark and cold. The thought passed through Die’s mind that this was the first time that he was in Shinya’s appato. Something inside him started to get warm. He saw Shinya standing on the window of the living room, the dim light shines of Shinya face, his cheeks glittered, wet with tears.

"Why are you here?" Shinya asked, his voice sounded strange to Die, if he was talking to a stranger who only looked like Shinya. "Are you here to give me more help?" he made a lunatic smile, his eyes dead. Die looked at the carpet, he had not the strength to look at Shinya in this moment.

"Shinya … what I have to say is … I had not mean it like that. I was confused … angry … and sad. I didn’t know what to say … I’m stupid. Please, would you forgive me?" Die looked at Shinya, his eyes still looking mad.

"Why are you asking me to forgive you? You were right!" he made a smile a showed Die his teeth. "You were right. You have spoken the truth. He should have fucked me. I know it now, I wanted it to be raped." Shinya walked from the window to the table and sat on it.

"What are you talking about Shinya …???" Die could not believe what he heard from the drummers mouth. He still stared at him.

"I know it now! I’m a slut … a bitch. People like me don’t love and don’t receive love, they only fuck and get fucked. The feeling in my heart are not right, sluts like me are not worth to have such beautiful feeling." Shinya’s eyes became a sad look that broke Die’s heart into million of pieces, but on Shinya’s lips he saw again the lunatic smile. Shinya sat fully on table and began to spread his legs. Die blushed as Shinya placed one hand between his legs, rubbing over the textile of his pants.

"Die? Do you like what you see?" Shinya said in a seductive voice as he saw Die’s blush. He giggled. "Do you want me? Do you want to fuck me? Come over. Fuck me senseless, Die-sama. Rape the innocent Shinya and make his body like his soul. Make me into a real slut." Shinya saw Die getting close to him, after a few steps Die stand between his legs. Shinya closed his eyes and laugh madly, he moves his head back. "Yes, Die-sama, rape me!"

Shinya felt a pain on his cheek and opened the eyes. Die slapped him. He was getting angry as he saw tears in Die’s eyes.

"You’re not Shinya." Die said his voice cold and sad. "You’re not Shinya. The Shinya I know is a gentle person, shy with his feeling and cute. He has a beautiful soul, an innocent smile and he sees the world with this look full of energy and happiness. You’re not Shinya." Die turned back and began to walk out of the room. Shinya saw the back of Die’s body and feel as cold as ice. He saw Die pick up his jacket.

Die heard a scream. Shinya sank to the floor his eyes began to tear again and sobs came out of his mouth. Die turned back and saw Shinya on the floor between tears and sobs. HE wanted to go, this wasn’t Shinya, but then he looked into Shinya’s eyes and saw the light that was typical Shinya. He knelt besides him and wrapped his arms around the little sobbing ball, trying to comfort his band-mate.

"Shhh… don’t cry!" Die whispered.

"What can I do? I don’t care!!" Shinya pulled back, away from Die. "I’m alone! Nobody wanted the old Shinya, nobody cared about the old Shinya. He lost himself in his memories and in his love. He was not strong, he lost himself. The new Shinya is strong, the new Shinya don’t care about the others, he can live alone. But see, nobody likes the new Shinya, even the old Shinya hates his new way of thinking and Die hates him too. What can I do? Please don’t hate me … don’t hate me." Die was shocked. He saw Shinya talk to himself, loosing his being. His broken heart hurt, he wanted Shinya to be happy. He reached for Shinya a second time and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him deep into his embrace.

"Shinya, you not right! You have friends and all of them loved and cared about you. They all love Shinya, our Shinya. The shy and strong drummer from Dir en grey. Nobody wants to loose the old Shinya." Die caressed over Shinya’s hair.

"I don’t care about the others.!" Shinya hissed.

"Why do you said something? You don’t like your friends?"

"I love them, but it’s not the same I feel for you. I know you just pity me because you say that in front of Toshiya and Kaoru. But you don’t like me … you don’t love me!"

"Shinya .. I…"

"But I still love you so much. It hurts." Shinya bury his face into Die’s –shirt. Tears came down from Die eyes as he looked at this beautiful and lovely crying in his arms. Die’s soul was between pain and happiness. Pain, because he ignored and hid his feelings from Shinya , but he was happy too, the man he loved had confessed his love to him. Shinya was loving him back.

"Who says that? Who said that I don’t care about you? Who said that I’m not loving you?" Die whispered in Shinya’s ear. Shinya’s sobs stopped he looked up to Die.

"I thought … you always …" He was confused, looking in Die’s ever-brown-eyes. He had not thinking about his words as he confessed Die his love. I just spoke without thinking. And now … could it be? Die took Shinya’s face in his hands and quizzed his cheeks. Shinya saw Die closed his eyes and then he felt his lips brush against his. Die was giving him a kiss.

"I’m sorry!" Die said quietly after he broke the kiss. "It was all my fault. I had hidden my feelings from you. Please forgive me. But I say it now: I love you Shinya!! Would you accept being the lover of such a big baka like me?" Die smiled. Shinya nuzzled his face at Die’s shoulder.

"Yes!" This time the tears in Shinya’s eyes were tears of happiness. In the moment when he thought that he had lost himself, to be alone till the end of his life, the one he loved came and saved him. It was like in a fairy tale.

Die stand up, bringing Shinya with him.

"Shinya, where is your bedroom? You must relax now and sleep some time, ne." Shinya smiled and pointed at the door of his bedroom. Die lent him slowly and placed him careful on his bed. "Now, sleep my darling Shin-chan." Die kissed his forehead and was about to leave the room, but Shinya held him.

"please Die, don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone now." Die smiled at the sweet drummer. He allowed Shinya to pull him to the bed. Shinya nuzzled his body against the body of his lover. He could feel the warmth of Die and could smell Die’s perfume mixed with the smell of his skin and the smell of cigarettes.

Die saw Shinya in his arms, his heart beat faster and his mind was drunk with love. He laid he arms around the drummer bringing him closer to him. Shinya felt the sleep came over him.

"Ai shiteru, Daisuke.." he whispered before falling asleep.

"I love you too, Shin-chan!" Die felt asleep too.

***************

Shinya woke up in the next morning, the memories of the last day come back into his mind and he smiled. He opened his eyes and saw to the place on the bed where in his memories Die had to be. But there was nobody! Tears began to flow and Shinya laughed. This was the most beautiful dream he ever dreamed. This was the first time that he dreamed that Die had loved him back. He turned around and took a deep breath, then he saw a note on his night-table. His heart nearly lost a beat when he saw his name in a familiar handwriting on the note. His hands shivered as he took the note.

In love … yours Die

Shinya read the note again and again. He was so happy, and he had the biggest smile of his life on his face. Suddenly Shinya heard a door opened and his heart began to beat fast.

"Shin-chan!?" He heard Die’s voice, he stood up and ran into the living room. Shinya saw Die putting some bags on the table, as he turned to him Die held a big brunch of red roses in his arms. "Ohayo, Shinya my love." Die said, his voice was soft and full of love. He held his arms out for Shinya. The two embraced and kissed each other. After the kiss broke Shinya looked into Die’s eyes.

"Ohayo, Die-chan!"

****************

Kaoru placed his guitar on the stand. He smiled and looked at his band-mates.

"OK, practice is over for today. You were really good, especially you two." Kaoru pointed to Die and Shinya. Shinya came out from behind his drums, he also smiled. Die closed his arms around him, after he put his guitar in its place, and the two shared a sweet kiss. Toshiya wrapped his arms around Kaoru’s neck and whispered:

"Aren’t they sweet, ne?" Kaoru brought their faces closer and gave Toshiya a kiss on his cheek.

"Come on Die." Kaoru said "We have to talk to Yoshiki-san before we can go out!" Die nodded and gave Shinya a last kiss before leaving the practice room with Kaoru. Toshiya was again fiddling with his bass, to try out some new notes that Kaoru wrote for him, as Shinya wandered behind his drums to get his favourite drumsticks. He felt hands on his shoulder, as he turned back he saw Kyo’s face near his.

"What’s up Kyo?" Shinya asked. Kyo stared at him, his eyes focusing Shinya’s.

"Shinya-chaaaaaaan? Pleeeeeeeease would you answer me a question??????" Kyo grinned at Shinya.

"I don’t know. Ask me and I tell you if I’ll answer it!" Shinya said, knowing that Kyo’s question would either be stupid or perverted.

"Etooo … ano, when you have sex with Die, were you uke or seme??" Kyo looked at Shinya with a big question mark on his forehead. Shinya stood up without saying a single word. "Hey Shinya, answer me," Toshiya looked up at Kyo and Shinya. "Are you uke or seme now??"

"I won’t answer such a stupid question!" Shinya hissed, his face red as a tomato. Toshiya put down his bass and burst into laughter.

"Come on, Shinyaaaaaaaaa…" Kyo clung at Shinya’s waist and nuzzled his face into Shinya’s back.

"Ah baka, let me go." Toshiya fell on the couch, his eyes tearful from laughing. At this moment Die and Kaoru entered the practice room. Die saw Kyo holding Shinya.

"Hey Kyo, what are you doing with my koi?" Die asked and pulled Shinya out of Kyo’s embrace. Shinya hid himself behind the guitarist.

"Die-chan, please save me from that little jerk!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Kaoru asked, sitting down beside his koibito, calming him down because he was still laughing like mad.

"The story’s this," Toshiya said "Kyo wanted to know if Shinya is uke or seme when he fucked Die!" he embraced Kaoru and began to giggle.

"What??" Kaoru and Die said at the same time.

"I just can’t imagine the little Shinya fucking our Die-kun senseless." Kyo said, if it was the most normal question in the world. Kaoru pointed at Die and Shinya and began to laugh.

"You’re right Kyo! I can’t imagine it either!" Die put a head lock on Kyo, rubbing his hair.

"Ah Die, please don’t kill me!" Kyo giggled.

"You little jerk, asking my koi such an Kyo-like-baka-question!"

After they had laughed enough, they planned their evening together. Shinya was in Die’s arms and Kaoru had an arm around Toshiya’s waist. Kyo looked at the couples.

"You could show more confidence for me and stay a little more away from each other!" Kyo interrupted Kaoru. All of them looked questioned at Kyo. "I don’t have a koi. I’m beginning to get jealous." The others began to laugh. "Hey, that’s not funny!" Kyo said sullenly.

"Then you must sleep less and search someone to be your koi. Or do you think it would fall one into your lap." Die said with his typical teasing voice with one finger ticking at Kyo’s forehead.

"You can talk in that easy way Die. You have a koi. But for me it’s very difficult to find someone who accept my personality without thinking that I’m a freak!" Shinya smiled at the vocalist, he passed one hand through his hair.

"Don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t think that you will be without a koi forever."

"Thank you Shin-chan!" Kyo made a sad smile.

You will see. The person you will love will find you. Hey, it could possibly be the next person that come through this door." Shinya pointed at the door of their practice-room and everybody looked at the door. In this moment the door opened.

Yoshiki stand in the door looking at Dir en grey.

"Hey I thought you guys were at home!" Yoshiki said and walked in the practice-room. Toshiya, Kaoru and Die burst out in laugh. Kyo looked sadly at Shinya.

"You see. The destiny gave me a wink that I will stay lonely at the end of my life." Die turned to Kyo.

"Don’t say that. See it in another way!" Die said. "Why not him?" He pointed at Yoshiki.

"Why are you guys laughing like mad?" Yoshiki asked Toshiya and Kaoru. Kyo took a deep breath. And walk over to Yoshiki.

"Yoshiki-san? We go out today to a restaurant. Etoooo … would you date me and go there with me tonight?" Toshiya and Kaoru stared at Kyo as if he had turned into an alien. Kyo just picked at Yoshiki’s blouse.

The silence in the Dir-en-grey-practice-room was deadly. Yoshiki (with sweat-droop) looked form band-member to band-member, at last he looked at Kyo and gave him a sweet smile.

"OK, why not!?"

**********

+OWARI+

lemon … lemon ….

************************

email Toyo

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