March 31

[II]

By Tsmrhara

He didn’t know how fast time would pass, until he’s regret. Once, his lover was always with him, now the reality of time had snatch his lover away.

No matter how hard he cry, no matter how hard he tried. There’s no way to turn back the time, treasure it or lose it.

When reality hit on him, he had chosen to avoid it. He had created an illusions but it will never turn into a fact.

There’s only two ways for him now. To remain in his illusions fantasy forever or accept the fact and this had come back to the beginning again, time was the only thing he needed in order to decide.

“ Kaoru! Kaoru!”

Toshiya happily walks to his ‘lover’, clutching onto Die’s arm. He smiled sweetly at him then to Shinya who is also around before greeting the later. Die manages to smile back.

“ Shin-chan, ohayo!”

Shinya did not look at Toshiya but still greet him back. It had been a few months since Kaoru accident. Die had fully recovered but had now turned into ‘ Kaoru’ just for Toshiya. Toshiya had been calling Die as Kaoru even the others tries to explain to him, but only to get big fuss from Toshiya.

The doctor told them to give in to Toshiya, at least for now. Toshiya’s mental condition is critical, he may broke down anytime, Die doesn’t want this to happen, Shinya and Kyo had agreed with Die.  As day passed, Shinya realize it may not be a good idea to continue giving in to Toshiya.

Shinya had brought up the topic to Die and Kyo. Kyo agreed with Shinya but Die refuse to take the danger to excite Toshiya. He had killed Toshiya’s lover, he does not want to destroy Toshiya whole life.

I’m willing to be Kaoru forever if Toshiya wants… forever even if he never remembers there’s someone name Die.

Shinya and Kyo give in after Die end their discussion with this sentence. They understand, they know Die was trying to make up for Toshiya no matter what it will cost even letting the man he love to forget Die existing.

As long as you are happy, Totchi…

Die is aching, whenever Toshiya call him Kaoru. Die existing had been erase totally out of Toshiya.

One would never understand how it feel when the one you love don’t admit your existing until you met it… 

Toshiya had decide to move into Die apartment, he had always wanted to do so but he didn’t because Kaoru doesn’t agreed with him though Kaoru did allow Toshiya to live in his place for a few days sometimes. These few days will never be enough for Toshiya, the bassist always wanted to stay beside his lover, to see Kaoru everyday.

Due to all these reason, he still obey his lover, Toshiya always listen to what Kaoru said or what Kaoru wants.

Now Toshiya had moved into Die’s place. To Toshiya, his wish had come truth because ‘Kaoru’ finally let him to but in the others view, this is just to give Toshiya a chance to fulfill his wish that will never have a chance to come truth.

Everyone knows it is just something that will never have a result again. They give in; all they see is how happy the bassist was when he moves into his ‘lover’ place. The others was happily helping Toshiya to move his belonging, the joy is only from their face but not in their heart. Deep inside all of them, they felt sad for the bassist.

Toshiya is ecstatic that day.

For the first few days, Toshiya and Die sleep in different rooms. To Die, it is clear to him that he is only an illusion of Kaoru so he never thought of touching Toshiya.

Shinya was also afraid on this matter. They let Toshiya to live with Die, they want to fulfill his wish but Toshiya did not know whom he is really living with. If Die didn’t want to touch him, it will be like Kaoru not wanting to touch him in Toshiya view.

Kyo suggest Die to do whatever needed.

Die didn’t have any idea.

Shinya utterly turn down Kyo’s idea.

The result come out to become they will remain whatever the same situation now as long as Toshiya did not suspect anything.

Kaoru… Kaoru where are you going? Toshiya was yelling when Kaoru starts to disappear. Toshiya and Kaoru were together in an empty room, a cold and deserted room. Toshiya was afraid but with his lover around, he feels relax. Just then Kaoru starts to fade away, Toshiya was frighten and start yelling then he felt someone calling him.

“ Toshiya? Toshiya?”

Toshiya open his eyes, he stare at the top ceiling first, blankly then his sight turn to the person sitting in front of him. His mind start clearing then he smile at that person, he sit up and hug him.

“ Kaoru… I thought you are leaving me, it just a dream but it’s scary.”

Die hug Toshiya back, knowing that Toshiya is feeling worried. The bassist was sweating, afraid when Die enters the room as he heard Toshiya yelling.

“ I’m here. I won’t leave you.” Die pad on Toshiya back.

The bassist was not trembling now; he was enjoying the companion of his ‘lover’ instead. Die just embraces Toshiya and both sitting on the bed. “ Promise you won’t leave me Kaoru?”

Die felt pain in his heart. Toshiya was not talking him, he was talking to Kaoru, to the person whom Die had causes his death. “ I promised.” He is feeling more painful when he answers Toshiya because he had lie to Toshiya.

Kaoru had left Toshiya, he didn’t keep his promise and Die was the main causer who had lead to all this, he is the one who had cause Kaoru to break his promise to Toshiya. In either way, he will hurt Toshiya deeply.

Please allow me to change my life with Kaoru… I’m willing to die in Kaoru’s place! Why did you take him instead of me?

“ Kaoru?” Toshiya was staring at him when he heard the bassist calling him. “ What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“ Nothing! Nothing!” Die exclaim suddenly, pulling Toshiya into his strong arms. “ I never leave you, I won’t let you to be sad again.”

Die was hugging Toshiya; very tight just like he was afraid Toshiya might disappear if he let go. Die’s eyes was redden, a drop of tear drain down Die’s face again. He was hurt, pain, very painful, Die was hurting like hell.

“ I know, I know! You will keep your promise!” Toshiya was wiping the tear from Die. “ I believe you, that’s no need for you to cry.”

Toshiya’s eyes were reddening too; he was so touch by his ‘lover’ love for him. He never knows Kaoru love him that much until now that he see Kaoru cry for him. “ I love you Kaoru!”

Die look at Toshiya the moment Toshiya say that. How he wish these sentence will be say to him instead of Kaoru, how Die wishes the one Toshiya love will be him.

“ I love you…” Toshiya was now kneeing in front of Die, his lips was on Die’s.

There is no reaction from Die; this is too sudden for Die to react. Toshiya starts to deepen their kisses; he was now sitting between Die’s legs. His hands starts to unbutton Die’s shirt and trouser, his hands was now touching Die’s body. Toshiya was now passion; they had not been doing anything for the pass few months due to Die injured.

Finally Die starts to react, he seem just to realize what Toshiya wants to do.

He was not moving at first until Toshiya starts to unzip his pant. Die caught hold of the bassist’s hand and push his hands away follow by his body. Die was not looking at Toshiya when he did that.

“ Sorry.” Die left the room leaving this word and a daze Toshiya. 

Die went back to his room. Burying his head under the pillow, keeping him-self cool. He would have lost control just now and have sex with Toshiya if he did not hear Toshiya calling him Kaoru. He may have made another mistake if he has sex with Toshiya.

After a while Die finally cool down. His mind had cool down but not his body, he was still feeling hot from Toshiya kiss. He ended up doing it him-self that night. It was a long night for Die.

Toshiya was still sitting on the bed not having any idea why his ‘lover’ rejected him. After a long nonsense thinking, he come out with a conclusion that his ‘lover’ was introverted because they had not done it for a few months.

All he could think of now was something that will console him. Toshiya soon fallen asleep.

The next morning, they blush when seeing each other. Besides having eyes contact when they greet each other good morning, they did not look into one another eyes the whole day.

Shinya was the first one to realize it when he meets them. He asked Die about it but did not get an answer so do Toshiya who decide not to tell Shinya anything.  

Shinya doesn’t like the feeling when he felt the two had something to keep away from him. He was feeling sour in his heart, he was jealous of Toshiya.

As days passed, the incident had happen a few time but always have the same ending with Die running away from Toshiya. Toshiya did not feel anything suspicious at first but not now.

Die had told Shinya and Kyo about it when the matter happens the second time. They had an argument during that discussion, Shinya believe that it will be better to tell Toshiya or to force Toshiya to accept the truth but was again rejected by Die with the same reason he had give earlier on.

Shinya give up.

Die continues his ‘job’.

But things don’t seem to work very well now. Die could feel that he is hurting Toshiya every time he reject him, he didn’t give Toshiya a reason. Die had been trying his best to make Toshiya happy other than having sex with him but Toshiya did not think that way.

Toshiya was unhappy now.

Toshiya was guessing now, about his lover.

Toshiya discuss the matter with Shinya who had already known about it. The only answer he gets was not related to Die but he could felt Shinya was treating him coldly. He doesn’t know why. He didn’t get any outcome from Shinya so he decides to ask Kyo about it.

The only thing Kyo told Toshiya was that Kaoru love him.

Kyo ask Shinya about why he is treating Toshiya like that, he didn’t have an answer so Kyo tell Die about it who turn back to Shinya asking for an answer.

“ ENOUGH!” Shinya exclaimed.

Both Die and Kyo was stunned. They did not know Shinya would have such big temper. Shinya was now trying to cool him-self down when he see the expression on his bandmate face. “ Let’s tell Toshiya the truth!”

Die rejected again.

Kyo not giving any comment this time.

“ Why you always want to tell him the truth, you know it might excite him and he will…” Die trying to give a reason to his rejection.

“ So what you intend to do?” Shinya was furious. “ Keep on rejecting him when he want to have sex? You know you’re hurting him, you are making him thinking that you don’t love him anymore!”

“ But…”

“ But what?” Shinya cut into Die word. “ You thinking that you might as well have sex with him and turn into his real lover? It won’t work Die, what if Toshiya come to remember everything one day? He will never love you, never forgive you for cheating him.”

Die was speechless. What Shinya say is correct, he can’t do that to Toshiya because he had hurt him more than enough. Kyo also agreed to what Shinya had say but how should they tell Toshiya about it? It was their biggest problem now.

They decide to bring Toshiya to Kaoru’s grave. Then they are stick to this because they did not know how to tell Toshiya about it when they are there. Mostly afraid that don’t know what may happen to Toshiya if he is being told.

As they are glue to how should they tell Toshiya about it, days was passing fast and soon Die start to revert in not telling Toshiya anything. Shinya could feel that Die may not want to tell Toshiya anything now, believing that Die starts taking advantage of the situation to be with Toshiya.

Die love Toshiya, everyone knows about it even Kaoru know when he is alive but no one knows how much Shinya was in love with Die. Shinya had been keeping his feeling, not wanting Die to know but he never felt jealous because Shinya know that Toshiya would not love Die. But now the situation is different, Toshiya is taking Die as Kaoru, he will love Die and they would be together if Toshiya never remember anything.

Shinya was struggling in his heart. He was jealous, he wants to tell Toshiya everything or at least let Toshiya to know that Die is not his lover. He may be selfish to do that but from the other point, Shinya believe that he is helping Toshiya.

Shinya never made up his mind until that day when he saw Toshiya and Die kissing in the car. He could not believe that Die had allowed Toshiya to do so. He wants to tell Toshiya now, he had decides.   

“ Where are you bringing me to?” Toshiya asked when he walks down of the car.

Shinya didn’t answer and Toshiya just keep following Shinya. They stop at a grave, Kaoru name was carve on it together with a picture of him. Shinya did not say anything but quietly let Toshiya explore the surrounding and get the idea where he is at now before they tell him anything.

“ Why are you bringing me here?”

Shinya finally break his silent. He point to the grave of Kaoru to Toshiya. Toshiya just stare at the grave with doubt. “ Who is he?” He ask after a few minutes of thinking.

“ Kaoru!” Shinya mainly answered.

Toshiya was smiling thinking that Shinya is joking with him.

“ The Kaoru you are with now is Die! Remember?”

“ Die?”

“ The real Kaoru is death! Your lover Kaoru is death!”

Shinya starts to tell Toshiya everything starting from the day Kaoru meet the accident until now.

“ Get it now!?” Shinya shaking on Toshiya who start to reject to what he had heard from his friend. “ You must face the reality!”

“ Let go of me, it hurt!”

Shinya let go of Toshiya knowing that he had hurt the bassist. Toshiya was looking angry; he was staring at Shinya looking very angry. “ I don’t like this joke! Don’t you dare cursing Kaoru again!”

“ Toshiya! Wait…” Shinya shouted at Toshiya who had run away.

Toshiya was walking lifeless on the street not knowing where he is going until he found him-self standing in front of a house. He looks up and found the place look familiar to him, he seem to know this place but the memory is blurred. He tried to recall a thing but his head is killing him with pain every time he tries to.

After a while he give up and sits on the floor in front of the door. Toshiya didn’t know why but there is tears dripping down his face, he was feeling sad suddenly like he had lost something that is very important to him.

Toshiya had been sitting there the whole day until Die called his handphone. Die was worry sick when Toshiya had not return home at this hour and was fear that something may happen to Toshiya when Shinya told him that he had told Toshiya everything.

“ Toshiya, where are you?” Die was shouting at the other end when Toshiya answer the call.

“ Kaoru?” Toshiya voice was quivering. “ My head is hurting…”

“ Where are you? You wait for me and I come over to fetch you.” Die felt him-self almost dying when he hear Toshiya voice.

“ I don’t know this place… I was walking and when I realize I’m already here…” Toshiya was now sobbing. “ I could only see a very tall yellow building in front.”

Die was mute, he know actually where Toshiya was. “ I know, you wait for me there.”

“ Where is he?” Kyo asked as soon as Die hanged up.

Die was not looking good at that moment. There is worried, fear and doubt in him. “ He’s at Kaoru’s apartment.” Die simply answered.

Shinya and Kyo look disbelief at Die.

When they reach Kaoru apartment, they found Toshiya sleeping there and Die carries him back without waking him. Shinya was keeping quiet the whole time, he know Die was angry with him. He was wondering had he did the wrong thing this time?

“ I think we should stop here!” Die walks out of the bedroom closing the door lightly behind him after placing Toshiya in the bedroom.

Shinya and Kyo look at Die, wondering what he is referring to. “ What do you mean?” Kyo asked.

“ Just let the matter end like this, I don’t want anyone to tell Toshiya anymore thing about Kaoru or me!” Die sound like an ordering. “ If Toshiya did not remember anything forever, I don’t mind being Kaoru for my whole life just for him!”

They finally understand what Die was referring to, Die had decides and not discussing with them now. He was going to stop them from telling Toshiya anymore thing. Shinya was discontented, he understand he may have use the wrong method in telling Toshiya this time but that doesn’t mean they had to end what they had agreed with each other earlier about telling Toshiya the truth.

“ But Die…”

“ You shut up!” Die yell at Shinya who was trying to talk. “ I will never forgive you if something really happened to Toshiya today.”

Shinya was stun, sad and painful out of the sudden. This is the first time Die had talk to him like that, Die never yell at him before or say thing that sound like warning to him. He was disheartened and painful, Shinya felt like crying but he didn’t, he was trying to keep him-self cool down.

“ Why are you so keen in telling Toshiya?” Die asked suddenly using a lower tone.

Shinya look daze at Die, he didn’t expect Die would ask him such question after yelling at him. He looks down to the floor and think, while later he speak up.

“ I know I may be selfish, I wanted Toshiya to know the truth, partly it that I really wanted him to get well or to accept the reality but mainly it because of… you.”

Die was wondering what Shinya was saying.

“ I don’t want to see you two getting closer and closer as day pass, I don’t want you two to really for in love because Toshiya might remember all thing someday and when it comes, you will get hurt.”

“ It doesn’t matter if I get hurt, if that all you thinking, I hope you will accept what I wanted to do.”

Shinya shake his head. “ I don’t want to see that! You two getting closer…”

“ Why? It doesn’t hurt either of us now?”

“ I like you… because I love you…” Shinya was muttering softly.

“ What?”

Kyo seem to have heard what Shinya had said.

“ I SAY I …I love you… since long ago… I had fallen in love with you.”

Die stared at Shinya with widen eyes.

Shinya was blushing.

“ Kaoru… Kaoru… KAORU!!!” The sound coming from the bedroom breaks the stillness in the living room.

Die rush into the room to see what going on with Toshiya. He enters the room and saw Toshiya sitting on the bed covering his head with the blanket and seem like he is crying.

“ What happened? Are you alright?” Die walk to Toshiya and ask him, taking the blanket away from his head.

Toshiya did not say anything; all he did was embrace Die tightly when Die takes the blanket away from him. His eyes was red, tears was on his face. Die look at Toshiya caringly not noticing that Shinya was staring at them depressingly.

“ Don’t leave me Kaoru…” Toshiya mutter. “ You say you won’t leave me.”

“ I won’t. Promised.” Die pad Toshiya on his back lightly. “ I’ll be here with you.”

I will never have a place in Die heart like Toshiya have… I’m a total loser. Shinya left the room quietly. Kyo follow him and they leave together without telling Die.

The next morning, Toshiya wakes up and find his ‘lover’ sleeping beside him. He take a glimpse at Die who is sleeping peacefully then he walks out of the room, thinking of making some breakfast for his ‘lover’. Few minutes later, Toshiya enter the room again. He changes his clothes and went out to but some food instead as there is nothing in the fridge.       

Toshiya was wandering at the street thinking what to buy and when he come to realize, he was standing in front of that building where he was found yesterday again. It was wired as this building is not really that near to where he is staying but he didn’t know why he had ended up here again.

As he is already here, Toshiya went up to the same place again. He just stand in front of the door staring at it although he didn’t know why he is doing this or what making him to do so.

After a while Toshiya left. 

From that day on, Toshiya had been coming to this apartment often, standing in front staring at it then left after a while. He did not tell anyone about it even his ‘lover’.

“ Toshiya-kun?” Someone calls Toshiya when he was at Kaoru apartment this time.  “ How have you been?”

Toshiya know this person, he was Kaoru’s neighbor but what is Kaoru’s neighbor doing here? “ I’m fine. How about you? What are you doing here?”

The neighbor looks at Toshiya confusedly. “ I’m fine too.” The person reply politely. “ And I live here, have you forgotten?”

“ You live here? So you have moved here…”

“ Toshiya-Kun, are you alright? I’ve been living here all the while.”

The neighbor was concern for Toshiya, realizing something is wrong about him. He knows Kaoru is dead and he had not seem Toshiya since then but that didn’t matter much as Toshiya didn’t live here so it is apparent that he did not appear since Kaoru is dead. 

“ I understand that your best friend is dead, please don’t take it too hard.”

Toshiya was confused too. What is Kaoru’s neighbor talking about? He is Kaoru’s neighbor and should be living at where Toshiya and his ‘lover’ is living now but he say he live here and had not moved his place either. And what does he mean by don’t take it too hard on my friend death?        

They starts clearing their doubt with Toshiya going after that person for an answer.

“… so since that day I had not see you coming here. It rather normal cause your friend did live here any longer.”

“ You mean I been living here… with Kaoru? He is… dead? How can it be possible? I’m living with him now and… and I was with him this morning…”

Toshiya was astound in what he had heard, slowly he starts to recall what Shinya had say to him earlier where he was brought to the grave of…

Kaoru? How is it possible?

Toshiya stop his step in front of the grave, the one where Shinya had shown him. He did not feel it that time, but now when he look at the picture, he find that person look rather familiar to him.

The mixed feeling… warm… happy…sad…painful, all sort of feeling occurring in Toshiya.

I know this person…

Die was busy looking around for Toshiya again. He had called Toshiya handphone but it was switch off, he had tried asking Kyo or Shinya but they did not see Toshiya either. Now the three of them was searching for Toshiya. Nightfall but they did not find him, worried ascend.

“ Is there any other place we have not search?”

They think for a while, then both Die and Shinya recalled a place. “ Kaoru apartment!” They exclaimed together.

It was already very dark at the cemetery. Toshiya was still sitting in front of Kaoru’s grave staring motionlessly at the grave. It was clear form his face and eyes that he had been crying for a long time. His eyes were red.

Kaoru… you lying to me… you say you’ll accompany me for the whole day… but you just left me.

March 31.

Several months ago, that day was his birthday.

They had quarrel over a small matter and Kaoru just left the house in anger. He wanted to stop Kaoru but he didn’t because of his stupid pride and he never have a chance… Toshiya had forgotten what they were quarreling about that day, all he know was that the price he pay was too high.

“ He is not here either!”

Die and Shinya was at Kaoru apartment but they did not see Toshiya. Kyo is staying back at Die place just in case Toshiya had returned. Die squad down beside his car, he had no more strength to stand on his feet after searching for Toshiya the whole day and dashing up the stairs just now.

“ Are you alright?” Shinya asked concern.

Die didn’t say a thing, he slightly nod his head to represent his answer. Die was panic and worried, he looks scary now; just like he would kill anyone who disobeys what he had say. “ Where have you been…?” Die muttered.

“ Aren’t you Kaoru’s friend?”

Die and Shinya look at that person who approaches them.

Toshiya was starting to get cold. The wind was too strong at the cemetery especially at this period of time. Toshiya did not have any thicker clothes with him, he was shivering but he did not care, he just lay his head on Kaoru’s grave.

If you really so cruel to leave me alone… I coming to find you, I want an answer from you!

Toshiya felt like sleeping, he was tired, cold and hungry now. Maybe it will be the best way to end his life like that was the only thing that is in his mind.

He closed his eyes.

// Toshiya wake up! Toshiya heard Kaoru voice and he open his eyes to see Kaoru standing in front of him. Kaoru was smiling at him, a very warm smile, a smile that Toshiya loved to see.

Kaoru! Toshiya was overjoyed and he embraces his lover tightly.

Don’t sleep here Totchi! There is many people concern about you; if you die they will be very sad.

But Kaoru… I want to be with you.

No. Listen to me! You must continue living, for yourself and for me! Please Totchi. I will never forgive you if you end your life like this. 

Toshiya refused. He was too stubborn but this time Kaoru push him away and faded in front of Toshiya.

KAORU! Don’t go…

I love you Totchi! Forgive me for breaking my promised and continue living for me! Goodbye… //

“ To… Toshiya…!” Toshiya opens his eyes slowly; there are tears in his eyes.

Toshiya recognize the two people who are yelling at him. He did not say a thing, he was still recalling his meeting with Kaoru earlier on, it was just a dream but he had see Kaoru, he had speak to Kaoru and hug Kaoru, everything seem so real but it was just a dream.

Toshiya smile slightly. “ I’m alright!”

Die enters the bedroom gently, walking as soft as he can not wanting to wake Toshiya but he stops his action when he saw Toshiya opening his eyes looking at him.

“ You’re awake.”

Toshiya nodded.

Die did not know what to say now. He did not know whether Toshiya had remembered everything or whether Toshiya had already know that he is not Kaoru. 

“ You’re feeling better now?” Die asked again trying to find a topic.

“ I’m alright. Thank you for your concern…Die.”

Die stare at Toshiya. So you have remembered everything… everything and you won’t need me anymore. You will hate me because I had kill Kaoru?

“ You know I… have causes… Kaoru death, you remember everything now…”

“ It not totally your fault, I understand. It was just an accident.” Toshiya continue after a pause. “ I know, I have told myself that I will never blamed you for this but… at the same time I will never accept your love whether it is now or the future.”

“ Why? If you doesn’t blamed me then why?”

“ Because being with you will let me remember of Kaoru’s dead. I won’t blame you for it but I also don’t wish to remember it all the time and starts hating you when time passed.”

Die did not persuade further, he understand what Toshiya was trying to say. Toshiya had forgiven him but they will never be together, Toshiya does not hate him but he will also never love Die in the future.

This is my punishment for killing your lover… I love you but I can’t be with you… I see you but can never touch you.

“ Sorry Die, I know your feeling for me but I can’t accept it.”

“ I understand…” Die reply softly.

 They look deep into one another, feeling sorrow in one another, not knowing when the pain will end. They still need each other to overcome all this.

Die walks out of the room. Shinya and Kyo look at him but did not mutter a word; they just remain silent as Die walk pass them and into the balcony. The two look at one another wondering who should go to Die and comfort him, this is the first time they see him with tears.

All they need now is time, as one say time will cure.

March 31, the following year.

 “ Leader-sama, please stop them from picking at one another!” Shinya was putting his hand together pretending praying.

Die and Toshiya stop their argument when they heard Shinya say that and stare at him who was pretending to be annoyed.

“ See Die, I think Shinya need some massaging from us.” Toshiya was giggling.

“ Agreed!”

Shinya was already out of their sight. “ Shinya!!” They yell like crazy and run around.

“ Please forgive the three of them, Kaoru.” Kyo was the only one there that look serious and did not fool around with his other bandmate.

A while later, all of them was back at Kaoru grave. It was the first anniversary of Kaoru death and they had come together to pay their late leader a visit.

“ We would start searching for a new guitarist, Dir en Grey will be ‘alive’ soon.” Kyo start telling Kaoru. “ We had decided Shinya to be the leader of the band.

Shinya was shaking his head vigorously.

“ Yes… yes! As you know KaoKao, Shinya was always like a mother, isn’t he?” Toshiya was still giggling. “ So we decide to let him be the leader.”

“ He was the only who refuse, three votes against one so he had to be the leader.” Die added, grinning.

“ I refused!”

Since the day Toshiya remembers everything, he starts recovering fast. At first there is some uneasiness between Die and Toshiya but Toshiya had done a great job in turning their relationship back to normal. There was a clear knowing between the two of them now; they understand clearly that they will ALWAYS be friend.

After getting the point clear, they start opening their heart to one another, soon their uneasiness is gone and they starts picking on each other like the past.

Shinya still love Die but he never mention about it again since the day he know there is only one person in Die heart and that was Toshiya whom can never be replace by anyone. All he wish is to stay beside Die as a bandmate and friend and goes to him when Die needed someone to chat.

I have kept my promise Kaoru, I have live on and I would live well for you. I would be happy and enjoy life for myself and for you. You can rested now, my love…

Toshiya was looking far at the other end of the sky with his back facing Kaoru grave, thinking. The others were about to leave and were shouting at Toshiya to go. Toshiya nod his head in acknowledgment, he turn back and look at his lover grave one more time with a sweet smile then he run after his bandmate.

I will visit you again KaoKao!

I love you!! Goodbye~!

Owari

++ I love feedback so if you happen to read this fic, please give me some feedback so that I know there is someone reading it! Thanks you! ^__^

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