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KIDS

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"

When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy.

When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him.

But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped.

Hello again from snopes.com, your corner of urban legends sanity on the World Wide Web!
http://www.snopes.com

If after this update you're still left wondering about something newly arrived in e-mail, we hope you'll feed a few keywords from it to our search engine at
http://www.snopes.com/info/search

Yes, a film about serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka is in the works.
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/bernardo.htm

Will a Congressional bill require you to obtain a prescription for herbal remedies?
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/herbal.htm

No, the Clintons aren't charging their Secret Service guards rent.
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/landlord.htm

Forget about helping the students of Taylorsville Elementary School collect e-mail messages for a school project -- they don't want any more mail.
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/taylor.htm

Were "brass monkeys" small brass plates used to hold cannonballs on the decks of sailing ships?
http://www.snopes.com/spoons/fracture/brass.htm

snopes@snopes.com.

THE LADIES AT LUNCH

Jill: I just can't believe you've been married three times and had three live-ins!

Mary: Yeah, well, I was young the first time...

Jill: Uh-huh.

Mary: Then stupid...

Jill: Uh-huh.

Mary: Then lonely...

Jill: Uh-huh.

Mary: Then desperate...

Jill: Uh-huh.

Mary: Then needy...

Jill: Uh-huh.

Mary: Then stupid again.

Jill: UH-HUH!

Mad-Cows

Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."

The other cow replied, "Heck, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."

cartoon

HOTMAIL DUMPING MESSAGES

Microsoft's Hotmail throws away email sent to and from sites hosted by ISPs known to distribute spam. And some Hotmail customers -- just now learning about it -- aren't happy. Hotmail has been dumping email for at least five months. The practice started when the email service enlisted in the Mail Abuse Prevention System, an organization that keeps a list of ISPs that host sites of major spammers. The system blocks mail to and from those ISPs, including sites that don't send spam. Customers claim Microsoft is treading on freedom of speech rights.
Click here for the rest of the story:
http://www.zdnet.com/zdnn/stories/news/0,4586,2675891,00.html

- ZDNet News

SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS

  • 1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
  • 2. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
  • 3. I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
  • 4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
  • 5. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
  • 6. I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day!
  • 7. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
  • 8. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
  • 9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
  • 10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
  • 11. COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
  • 12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
  • 13. If you don't like my standards of cooking ... lower your standards.
  • 14. You may touch the dust in this house ... but please don't write in it!
  • 15. Apology ... Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.
  • 16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
  • 17. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
  • 18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  • 19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • 20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  • 21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
  • 22. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
  • 23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
  • 24. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
  • 25. Gardening forever . . . Housework, never!
  • 26. Dull women have immaculate houses.

    • QUICK WIT:

    A little boy went up to his father and asked:
    "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

    The father replied:
    "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

    Before children: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.

    After Children: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time. Now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.

    ODDLES OF FUN SITES TO VISIT COURTESY OF MOUSE CLICKS

    Risa Song Lyrics Archive
    Find the lyrics to your favorite and not-so-favorite songs. Lyrics to various rock, pop, country & easy listening songs are archived here.
    http://www.risa.co.uk/sla/

    Ol' Paw's Fishin' Page
    There's over 700 links on this page to other fishin' pages all around the world. You can find out everthin' you ever would want to know about fishin' by visitin' these here sites so make a bookmark for my page and make it your jump point for fishin' info. Ol' Paw.
    http://www.pagebiz.com/pawfish.html

    The Bad Fads Museum
    Browse thru some really bad fads and fashions at the Bad Fads Museum. Some of this stuff I wouldn't have been caught dead in...
    http://www.badfads.com/home.html

    BrainMania
    Free personal help for school assignments and homework. Ask a volunteer for help, visit the message boards or obtain help from other students in chat.
    http://www.brainmania.com/

    A Cracker Barrell Moment
    Jim offers links to computer stuff, book reviews, children's tales, food, helpful hints, games, daily funnies and more. A variety of things to check out here. Visit the cracker-barrell.
    http://www.fortunecity.com/marina/anchor/1976/

    The F.U.N. Place
    Here's a great site for families to enjoy together. Offers something for everyone. Around the house tips, home repair, recalls, pets, recipes, raising teens, crafts, fables, quizzes, postcards to send, chat and way to much to keep mentioning.
    http://www.thefunplace.com/

    LIFE CLINIC
    Life Clinic offers information about controlling blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, and risk of stroke. Health calculators, recipes, and more to keep you healthy.
    http://www.lifeclinic.com/

    Mouse Clicks Daily Links
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