RiddleNut.com

#1 - My thunder rolls beneath me, my lightning flares above. I dust the crust, and when I bust, all I touch will I shove. What am I?

#2 - I weaken all men for hours each day. I show you strange visions while you are away. I take you by night, by day take you back, none suffer to have me, but do from my lack. What am I?

Answers at the bottom

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INSIGHT

I gaze at the brilliant full moon.

The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me.

I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition.

I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia and I show him a copy of the Constitution.

I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table.

Then I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one.

They gasp with wonder.

We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

MOUSE CLICKS

Grab your mouse, your surf board, possibly a bathing suit and come surfing with us. We send out links to a wide variety of sites found around the web. The following links are from the Mouse-Clicks Newsletter and there are so many more.
http://hometown.aol.com/mouseclicks1/list.html

KIDSDOCTORŽ
What every parent needs know is all right here at Kid Doctor. Searchable, easy to use web site for medical information about kids.
http://www.kidsdoctor.com/

INSPIRATION LINKS CENTER
You will be inspired by some of these great pages.
http://www.reale.org/inspiration_link_page.html

STORIES FOR EARLY READERS
Stories online for early readers. Lots of them.
http://www2.arkansas.net/~mom/story1.html

CANDY USA
Like candy? It's all here: Candy recipes, trivia, history, the truths, the myths, and more. Satisfy that sweet tooth!
http://www.candyusa.org/

POST TURTLE

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said "Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".

So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle" was.

And he said "When your driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down."

THE ART OF BEING NICE

The Internet is bringing together people who would never have met otherwise. It's actually pretty cool when you stop and think about it for a second. The problem is: face-to- face interaction doesn't happen all that often in cyberspace. Words won't always convey true meaning; it's not a bad idea to bone up on your netiquette. Ya know, online courtesy. Don't abuse e-mail, don't type in ALL CAPS, don't post without lurking... but remember that everyone else is a person -- just like you. Well, maybe not JUST like you (but a person, nonetheless). Check out what Virginia Shea has to say. Even if you know the unspoken rules, you probably know someone who doesn't know.

http://www.etiquette.net/

FINAL WISH

A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.

This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.

"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.

The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp, he learned that Bill Gates was indeed, the richest man in the world.

"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"

"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."

"That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.

The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl--nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a girl magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy could not find anything that warranted using his third and last.

"Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later?"

"Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, and I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp.

The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so-valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns on the radio to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.

After that, he pulls off the beach and heads south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he's up to 60, then 70, and then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy is so happy that he begins to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio.

"Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..."

- Thanks, Rick

CNET Review

Hate taxes? Wish the IRS would just go away? Get in line, friend. Tax season's looming, and with it, the most obnoxious financial chore of the year: your annual tussle with the 1040. Luckily, tax preparation programs make it easy to automate filling out and filing your return. They take you through a step-by-step questionnaire, make all the calculations and carry over numbers from one form to another, review the results for accuracy and missing figures, and print out your return or file it electronically with the Internal Revenue Service.

To find out which tax preparation program you'll want at your side, we looked at the three leading packages available: Intuit TurboTax Deluxe 2000, Block Financial TaxCut Deluxe 2000, and 2nd Story TaxAct Deluxe 2000. (Last year's Microsoft TaxSaver gave up the ghost.) Although each of these programs gets the job done, one emerged as the leader of the pack. To get the scoop, read on.

http://www.cnet.com/software/0-3725-8-4419846-1.html?tag=st.sw.3662.tpg.3725-8-4419846-1

By Gregg Keizer

THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Naked men elicit laughter from women.

Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: Little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh and exciting.
Male cheerleaders are scary.

PROBLEMS ANYONE????

Don't worry if you have problems! Which is easy to say until you are in the midst of a really big one, I know. But the only people I am aware of who don't have troubles are gathered in little neighborhoods. Most communities have at least one. We call them cemeteries.

If you're breathing, you have difficulties. It's the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be good for you! Let me explain.

Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. "I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," a traveler observed. "Why is this?"

The guide gave an interesting answer: "The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces." Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism."

That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness.

So, you have problems -- no problem! Just tell yourself, "There I grow again!"

RELIGIOUS MAN

A little girl came running in the house and said, "Mommy, I met the most wonderful man this morning. It was the garbage man, and he was carrying a big bag over his head, and it broke and went all over him. And, you know, Mommy, he just stood there and talked to his mother, his son, and God."

RiddleNut.com Answers

#1 - A Volcano

#2 - Sleep

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