WEDDING

During the weeks before Brenda's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making mistakes at the ceremony.

The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and that she would do just fine.

"All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....Then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong."

The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear.

When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn."

At that very moment, the bridegroom realized that his friends who had warned him about marriage were correct, as her thoughts which he could now hear quite clearly - "I'll alter him. I'll alter him."

KIDS SITES

Welcome to the yuckiest site on the web. From Discovery.com.
http://yucky.kids.discovery.com/

Kids play safe here. Interactive games, Cards, and clubs. Up to age 6.
http://www.boowakwala.com/

Kids love a mystery. A new mystery activity every day.
http://www.kidsloveamystery.com/

Hidden Net Treasures
send a blank email to: treasures-subscribe@topica.com

DON'T SPREAD THAT HOAX!

For the last few years, the internet community has endured a wave of e-mail hoaxes and pranks, exploiting users' unfamiliarity with how the internet, and computer systems in general work. With the explosive growth of the internet and its popularity, more and more new users are "getting online" and becoming targets for pranksters. "Ancient" myths, like the cookie story, are just waiting for a critical mass of people who have not been exposed, so that they can go streaming across the net again. There is no technical solution to this problem. Even when users become experienced enough to be able to tell a silly message when they see one, anyone can get suckered sometimes. It seems that all users of the internet will have to put up with a certain amount of nonsense. Generally, these messages are only an annoyance, but internet hoaxes have already cost victims property, reputation, and even endangered their lives..

Experienced users call these problem messages Junk-mail Viruses, because they act like other computer viruses, only they use people as the method of infecting new systems. Users of the internet must learn to be skeptical, and think carefully before spreading a message to new users. There are some simple things you can do to avoid being a carrier for Junk-mail Viruses.

http://www.nonprofit.net/hoax/hoax_big.html

Noises From The Basement - Copyright (c) 2001, Dave Gretz
mailto: signup@BasementNoises.com?Sub-news

SAFARI HUNT

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovered he was lost. Wandering about he noticed a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thought, "Oh boy, I'm in deep doo-doo now."

Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dog exclaimed loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this the leopard halted his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror came over him, and slinked his way into the trees. "Whew", said the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he went. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat was furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

The dog saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thought, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers pretending he hadn't seen them yet. Just when they got close enough to hear, the dog said, "Where's that monkey. I can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back yet!!"

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS FOR KIDS

PICKS FROM MOUSE-CLICKS

Internet Bumper Stickers
Grab yourself a bumper sticker to use in email, messages, or web pages.
http://www.internetbumperstickers.com/

Chemistry for Kids
Kapili:Welcome to Chem4Kids.com! Your Chemistry Web Site!
http://www.chem4kids.com/

50's Jukebox MIDI's
http://www.loti.com/jukebox.html

Christian Screensaver
http://www.christianet.com/christianbusinesses/screensaver/index.htm

MotherRed's Southern Country Kitchen
Very nice recipes site. Lots of yummy stuff here, even some Old Timey recipes.
http://web.dbtech.net/~suncastl/kitchen.htm

St. Patrick's Day
Neat stuff to make for St. Patty's Day There's Leprechaun Pudding, a suncatcher, barrettes, potato people, 3D Shamrock and more.
http://downloads.excite.ca/tukids/crafts/stpat.html

To Subscribe:
Mouse-Clicks-subscribe@topica.com

BUNCH OF SHORT JOKES

On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor. "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle.

After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'.

The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am, its all in perfect working order'.

A woman is getting a sentimental feeling while watching a beautiful love scene in a movie.

Her husband leans over and whispers those three little words that are on his mind: "Pass the popcorn."

"Sir, if we do happen to step on a mine, what do we do?"

"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air, and scatter oneself out over a wide area."

Driving our family to a new restaurant, I took several wrong turns. When I finally found the right road, I asked my husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"

"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."

Deciding to take up jogging, Jim was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

FOUNDATION FOR CONSUMER RIGHTS

{Protecting your interests} I won't argue about whether Nader would have made a good president, but give the guy credit for bringing consumer rights to everyone's attention. "What? I have rights?" Yeah, as a taxpayer and a consumer you have a ton of 'em. Of course, I'm talking to Americans on this one. Seems that certain people don't want to make it easy for you to find out what your rights are. Been duped by the system? This team may have the answer for which you've been searching. You'll probably even find out some things you didn't know before -- things that'll make your life as an employee a lot easier. Ah... thank goodness I'm self- employed.

http://ratepayerrevolt.org/

GnomeFAVORITE http://www.lockergnome.com