FROG GETS A LOAN (GROAN)

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. The frog asks, "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, that his dad is Mick Jagger and also that he knows the bank manager.

Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant and asks, "What in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says... It's a knickknack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

THIS WEEKS PICKS FROM MOUSE-CLICKS

THE BALD SONG (ROGAINE) (TOTALLY FUNNY!!!)
http://fanatic.terrashare.com//rogaine/ro.html

GUIDE TO SHOOTING RUBBER BANDS
includes safety tips on how not to sting yourself.
http://hometown.aol.com/morganbolt/

NC LEGENDS & GHOST STORIES
Ready for some chills...... North Carolina Legends & Ghost Stories There's some other neat links on the side of this site too..NC Fun & Games, lighthouses, waterfalls, homework help, recreation and fun facts.
http://www.secretary.state.nc.us/kidspg/legends.htm

TRUE GHOST STORIES
And if that's not enough bone chilling reading.... check this one out!!!
http://www.creepyweb.com/creepyfolder/Ghost

VIRTUAL FOOD FIGHT
the fun part is..you don't have to clean it up!!!
http://www.virtualfoodfight.com/

WELCOME TO STORIES.COM
Looking for a good story? Over 39, 221 stories to browse thru, or write your own.
http://www.stories.com/

MANAGE YOUR MOUSE CLICKS SUBSCRIPTION
http://hometown.aol.com/kitte500/manage.html

SHORT FUNNIES (or funny shorties)

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "what would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.

"What's it for?" one asked.

"I don't know," the other replied. "I think you stand on it and it makes you mad. At least it does that for my Mom and Dad."

SO SAD !!

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power. I was proud as Mr. Bush took his oath of office.

I was sad as I watched Mr. Clinton board Air Force One for the final time.

It may surprise you that this made me sad, but watching this part of the day's festivities, I saw 21 U.S. Marines, in full dress, with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the outgoing president.

It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated....Every last one of them missed.

- Thanks, Bubba

"A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS"

Maalox and nosedrops and needles for knittin',
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin's,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food nor food cook'd with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'.
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I'VE HAD
AND THEN I DON'T FEEL SOOOO BAAAAD !!!!

- Smiles Rick

HYMNS FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

The Old Rugged Face

Precious Lord Take My Hand (and help me get up)

It is Well With my Soul (but my back hurts)

Nobody knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

Amazing Grace (considering my age)

Just a Slower Walk with Thee

Count Your Many Birthdays (name them one by one)

Go Tell it on the Mountain (and please speak up)

Give Me That Old Timers Religion

Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah (I've forgotten where I've parked)

TOP 35 OXYMORONS:

- Smiles Rob

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS FOUNDATION

The Kindness Movement was sparked by Anne Herbert's phrase "Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty" and has grown internationally, spreading through classrooms, churches, hospitals, businesses, municipalities, and service clubs.

http://www.actsofkindness.org/

NOW EVERYONE REPEAT AFTER ME:

"I won't get bad luck, lose my friends, lose my mailing lists, hear any music or see a cool pop-up screen if I don't forward this. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me and Ford will not give me a 50% percent discount even if I HAVE forwarded my e-mail to more than 50 people. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons or freebies from Coke Cola, Cracker Barrel, or Old Navy if I send this to 10 people who don't know who I am anyway.

I will NEVER see a pop up window if I forward this....NEVER!!!! My phone will not MYSTERIOUSLY ring after I forward this. There is NO SUCH THING as an Email tracker, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding this to 10 or more people.

There is no kid with cancer through the Make a Wish program in England collecting anything. He did when he was 7 yrs old. He is now cancer-free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANYMORE POSTCARDS, CALLING CARDS OR GET WELL CARDS!

The government does not have a bill in congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that if passed will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every sent e-mail.

There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flower, character, or program I will receive immediately after I forward this. People are just trying to talk me into doing it to make me look like a fool.

The American Red Cross will not donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of-before disease for every email address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations, they don't donate!

And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things on to my friends for fear they will think I am not their friend.

- Smiles Lara (TAG, YOUR IT!!!)