RIDDLENUT.COM

1. You have 10 trees you need to make 5 rows of 4. How do you do it?

2. A man lives on the 45th floor of an apartment building. On rainy days, he takes the elevator to and from his apartment, but on sunny days, he will take the elevator from his apartment to the lobby but walks up the 45 flights of stairs when he returns home. Why doesn't he just take the elevator all the time?

3. What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don't want to use it?

4. What won't break if you throw it off the highest building in the world, but will break if you place it in the ocean?

5. If seven people meet each other and each shakes hands only once with each of the others, how many handshakes will there have been?

Answers at the bottom of the newsletter/

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TIPS FOR HEALTHY LIVING

Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you a full 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer, that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q. Is beer or wine bad for me?

A. Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A. Well if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ration is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ration is two to one, etc.

Q. At the gym, a woman asked me to "spot" for her while she did the bench press. What did she mean?

A. "Spotting" for someone means you stand over her while she blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the only reason why you're going there, you probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program.

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A. I can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain - No Pain.

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A. Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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A STORY OF FOUR WIVES

Once upon a time...there was a rich King who had four wives. He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the third wife very much, and he was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his second wife. She was his confidante and was always kind, considerate, and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.

The King's first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the King fell ill, and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and pondered, "I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.

Thus, he asked the fourth wife, "I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing, and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "Absolutely not!" replied the fourth wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the third wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No," replied the third wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!" His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the second wife, "I have always turned to you for help, and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time," replied the second wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." Her answer came like a bolt of thunder, and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out. "I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was so sad and thin, she looked half-starved. Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"

In truth, we all have four wives in our lives: Our fourth wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

Our third wife is our possessions, status, and wealth. When we die, it will all go to others.

Our second wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

And our first wife is our soul, often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power, and pleasures of the ego. However, our soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. So cultivate, strengthen, and cherish it now! It IS your greatest gift to offer the world.

SOME SHORT FUNNIES (or funny shorties)

Clinton is in the supermarket picking up some things for the new office when a stock boy accidentally bumps into him.

"Pardon me," the stock boy says.

"Sure," Clinton replies, "but it'll cost you."

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"

"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."

A young woman is widowed after only a few years of marriage, and it is not long before her friends begin to ask her if she is thinking of marrying again.

"Right now, no," the young woman answers. "I've hardly begun to enjoy using the remote control."

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back.

In filling out an application for a factory job, a man was puzzled for a long time over this question:

"Person to notify in case of an accident."

Finally he wrote, "Anybody in sight."

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"

A NEW TWIST ON THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

A little pig walked into a tavern, walked up to the bar and ordered a beer. He drank it with one big gulp. He then asked the bartender where the bathroom was. He went into the bathroom, came out, and walked out the door.

Soon a second little pig walked into the tavern, walked up to the bar and ordered a beer. He drank it with one big gulp. He asked the bartender where the bathroom was. He went into the bathroom, came out, and walked out the door.

Soon a third little pig entered the tavern. He also ordered a beer, drank it with one big gulp, got up and started out the door. The bartender yelled, "Aren't you going to ask me where the bathroom is?"

"Oh no," replied the third little pig. "I'm the little pig that goes wee, wee, wee, all the way home."

RIDDLENUT.COM - ANSWERS

1. Draw a star and put a tree at each intersection of the lines.

2. He's a midget. On rainy days, he can hit the 45th button with his umbrella and of course he can always hit the lobby button because its so low down, but on sunny days, he doesn't have any way of hitting the 45th button so he just takes the stairs.

3. An Anchor.

4. A Tissue.

5. Twenty one. Most people would think there were 42 handshakes, but when A shakes hands with B, B has already shaken hands with A and need not do it again.

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