NEW 'HOMEPAGE' VIRUS OPENS PORN WEB SITES

This is for real, so please be careful. Jim & Lucy

The e-mail arrives with the subject line "Homepage" and the attachment "HOMEPAGE.HTML.VBS." The message of the e-mail reads: "Hi! You've got to see this page! It's really cool ;O)"

Unlike some predecessors, a potentially destructive new computer virus doesn't use sexual intrigue to entice people to open infected e-mail. Instead, this worm, once unleashed, attempts to open numerous X-rated Web pages. Known as "Homepage," the application has been rated a serious threat by Internet security professionals.

CNN.com / Sci-Tech News for April 9, 2001
http://www.cnn.com/2001/TECH/internet/05/09/homepage.virus/index.html

WE TRY

These are notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well-meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.

Monday A.M.
Dearest:
1. Sleep late. Everything under control.
2. Lunches packed. Kids off to school.
3. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator (fruit-cup, finger-sandwiches).
4. Thermos of hot tea by bedside.
5. Menu for dinner planned See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.
Honey:
1. Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Make a note to yourself to buy a new mop. I couldn't get the egg rinsed out of the old one.
2. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this.
3. Dinner may be a little late. I forgot to return the hamburger to the freezer last night that I was thawing. Must make a trip to the store after I do your door-to-door canvassing for liver research.
4. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like canned chili.

Wednesday A.M.
Dear Doris:
1. Why in the world would you put sugar in the flour canister and flour in the sugar!!!!!
2. Chris is missing his shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and under the sofa. By the way, did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? They may be calling you about this too.
3. There's some cold pizza (delivery) for you in a napkin in the oven drawer.
4. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meat packing house.

Thursday A.M.
Doris:
1. Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight.
2. Please pencil in answers to following:
  A. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? Will it run if it is full of smelly things?
  B. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?
  C. How do you remove marks made in lipstick on the palm of a small boy's hand?
  D. Are those leftovers in the fridge supposed to be green?
  E. I don't know what you're having for lunch! Or for dinner! Where is the number for chinese delivery?

Friday A.M.
Hey:
1. Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white.
2. Everything's under control again. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, house cleaned and dinner on time - I called your mother

  - Smiles, Brenda

PICKS FROM MOUSE-CLICKS

Crazy Images...
(I think I'm gonna need glasses sooner than I thought)
http://www.crazyimages.com/

Did You Know?
Nope I sure didn't. But now I do...thanks to fascinating facts and amazing stories.
http://www.didyouknow.com/index.htm

COMPUTER HOPES FREE COMPUTER HELP
Computer Hope......for those that think learning "puters" is hopeless. Free help, virus info, Internet help, tip of the month and more.
http://www.computerhope.com/

FREE CRAFT PATTERNS AND PROJECTS
Neat site......offering free patterns for scroll saw painting, quilters, stained glass, needlecrafts and crafts for kids.
http://www.freepatterns.net/

HER TIPS
You'll find new tips here each week.
http://www.hertips.com/

Subscribe, unsubscribe, hold my mail... It's all right here in one spot. Managing Your Subscription
http://hometown.aol.com/kitte500/manage.html

SOME SHORT FUNNIES (or funny shorties)

A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Missouri town.

"I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?"

"Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."

On television, my 88 year old stepfather and I saw an attractive woman wearing an evening gown with leg openings going all the way up to her waist.

"Why do they wear gowns like that?" he asked.

"Maybe that style makes their legs look longer," I speculated.

"No," he said," I think it makes the men look longer."

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time. As he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel. This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.

One day as the young man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him: " Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to let you know that the price of pretzels has increased to 35 cents."

Freddie ran into the kitchen crying and cradling something in his hands. "Mommy, my turtle is dead," Freddie told his mother as he held the turtle out to her.

His mother kissed him on the head, then said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. I don't want you . . ." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Freddie, your turtle is not dead after all."

"Oh," the boy said. "Can I kill it?"

FUN AND INTERSETING WEB SURFING

Lost in Translation
What happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth between 5 different languages? The authors of the Systran translation software probably never intended this application of their program.
http://www.tashian.com/multibabel

Search Shots
A great search engine that brings up images next to each of the search results giving you a preview of the website. Very neat!
http://www.searchshots.com/

A.I.R.
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a humor magazine of science, medicine, and technology. AIR is known for (a) funny genuine science; (b) deadpan satire; and (c) the Ig Nobel Prizes. About a third of what we publish is genuine research, about a third is concocted, and about a third of our readers cannot tell the difference. (In the print magazine we always indicate which items come from the supposedly serious research journals -- and we even give you the info to go look those things up and see for yourself.)
http://www.improbable.com/

BOUDREAUX AND CLARENCE

Boudreaux live across de bayou from Clarence who he don like at all. Dey all de time yell across de bayou at each other. Boudreaux would yell to Clarence, "If I had a way to cross dis bayou I'd come over dere an pass my fis by you jaw good, yeah!" Dis went on for years. Finally de state done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses and Boudreaux's wife Marie say, "Now is you chance Boudreaux. Why don you go over dere an beat up Clarence lak you say." Boudreaux say "ok" and start across de bridge but he see a sign on de bridge an he stop to read it and then he go back home. Marie say, "Why you back so soon?" and Boudreaux say "Mais Marie I don change my mind about beat up Clarence. You know Marie dey got a sign on dat bridge what say Clarence 13' 6". You know, he don look near dat big when I yell at him from across de bayou...!"