Hi All,

In case anybody noticed, last week I didn't send out the weekly newsletter. I had way too many iron's in the fire and it just didn't get to the top of the pile. One of the cool things I was busy with was a web site for a client that has a really special event coming up this fall over the Labor Day weekend. This place is a really neat vacation resort in our neck of the woods called "Wildwood Springs Lodge", it is located in Steelville, MO and has kept the atmosphere of the era in which it was originally created. Anyway, the event is a show featuring two of the founding members of the group known as the "Nitty Gritty Dirt Band", will be appearing there on Sunday September 2, 2001. You can find out more about the show by visiting http://www.wildwoodspringslodge.com/LaborDay/laborday.html. Spend Labor Day weekend at "The Wildwood", and watch these "Partners, Brothers, and Friends" "Make A Little Magic"!

I'M THIRSTY

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:

"Da-ad . . . "

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad . . . "

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later: "Daaaa-aaaad . . . "

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

"WHERE DO PETS COME FROM?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.

Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.

"And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a diddly whap one way or the other.

WHEN I AM AN OLD LADY

When I am an old lady, I will live with my kids.
And make them so happy, just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they provided,
Returning each deed, oh, they'll be so excited!
When I am an old lady and live with my kids.

I will write on the walls with red, whites and blues,
and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I will drink from the carton and then leave it out,
I will stuff all the toilets, oh, how they'll shout !
When I am an old lady and live with my kids.

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I will get into things like the sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers, and then shake their heads.
and when that is done, I'll hide under my bed.
When I am an old lady and live with my kids.

When they cook dinner and call me to meals,
I will not eat my green beans or salads congealed.
I will gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
and when they get angry, I'll run fast as I'm able !
When I am an old lady and live with my kids.

I will sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click.
I'll cross both of my eyes just to see if they stick.
I will take off my socks and then throw one away,
and play in the mud till the end of the day.
When I am an old lady and live with my kids.

And later in bed, I will lay back and sigh,
and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping."
When I am an old lady and live with my kids.

- Smiles, Kara (dedicated to our brats.)

FUN AND INTERESTING LINKS

Tell-Em-Off
Someone you know having a bad day? Make it worse...
http://www.tell-em-off.com/

Wacky Uses
Discover hundreds of little-known uses for well-known products, by just clicking on a product!
http://www.wackyuses.com/

Fun-Town
Fun-Town is dedicated to bringing you the best in fun content and entertainment!
http://www.funtown.com/

Cooking out in the Land of the Looney Male
One sure sign that spring has arrived is the smell of the first cookout of the season.
http://www.chefrick.com/bestof/article2/article2.html

THE ANGRY ELEPHANT

A hyena is drinking at a watering hole one day when he sees an elephant come for a drink. Close to the water, the elephant stops short and inspects a turtle for a few seconds. Then the elephant rears back and kicks the turtle, making it fly the better part of a mile.

The hyena asks, "What did you do that for?"

"Well," answers the elephant, "About 80 years ago that turtle bit my foot. Today I finally found that SOB and paid him back."

"Eighty years! How in the name of heaven could you remember what that turtle looked like after that many years?"

The elephant replied, "I have turtle recall."

- (GROAN!)

"WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME..."

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

"FIDEL"

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.

Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

"WHICH ARE YOU?"

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil.

In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"

He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?

Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a divorce, or a layoff have you become hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and heart?

Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain, to its peak flavor reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better.

If you are like the coffee bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you.

How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg, or coffee?