Presidential Election Recap

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AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE

The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you come on stage and light all the candles."

"I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the one picked.

Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made his interest.

The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat again, and gesture for a louder line, which the choir gave him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy.

The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and the choir thundered into the line - the curtains belled slightly from the sound - "...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!"

And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right "...and the cat peed on the matches!"

(Jokes Plus)

TRIVIA AT USELESSKNOWLEDGE

DESCRIPTION: A Useless site for Trivia Quizzes, Trivia Fact of the Day, Quote of the Day, Word of the Day, Today in History, Useless Discussion Forum and more. If it isn't here - it isn't trivia. The site has more than 20,000 facts, plus 3,500 quotations and 25,000 trivia questions. Updated daily! AUTHOR and PUBLISHER: Joe Edelman; TheWebPro.com LLC, Lansdale, PA, USA.
http://www.UselessKnowledge.com

TRIVIA QUESTION:
Who invented sunglasses?
(answer at end of newsletter)

BASIC RULES OF EMAIL ETIQUETTE

• 1. >>>>Mail Forwarders......>>>>>>>(Don't you just hate those >>>> things) If you are one of those people that forward mail to others, be courteous enough to remove the headers and the >>>>s from the previous recipients. Its seems like AOL folks are the worst violators. There is nothing more exasperating than paging through five pages of headers just to see one short paragraph of text. By not removing the headers, you will be sending my email address to other folks I don't even know..... and I will probably start getting email from them or someone they forward mail to. IFa message is worth forwarding, it is worth your time to remove the headers. I have gotten to the point that if I don't see the body of the message on the first page, I trash the message and don't look any further. If you don't know how to remove the headers, ask someone who does.
• 2. Don't use all capital letters. All caps means you are SHOUTING!
• 3. If someone sends you a message, joke, or funny story, take care not to send the same message back to them as you forward the message to others.
• 4. Remember that some folks pay for their time on line by the minute or hour, and might not want to pay for the time it takes to download a large attachment. Make sure all your recipients want attachments before sending attachments to a large group. Also, it is a good idea to limit the size of attachments to 500k or less without first asking if it is OK to send.
• 5. Make sure your attachments are virus free. If you don't have good, up-to-date Virus program on your computer, don't put others at risk by sending them files that haven't been checked for viruses.
• 6. Suppress your recipient list. (This message was sent to about 50 people) If you send a message to a lot of people at once, put them in the "BCC:" field instead of the "TO:" field. By doing this, all of the recipients don't see each other's email addresses.

If your looking for a great little program that will clean up those forwarded e-mail's, there is a free and easy to use one called 'eCleaner' that you can download. Just select the text, copy, paste into 'eCleaner', click the little yellow smiley button at the top and wa-la, all cleaned up.
http://members.tripod.com/schin26/index.htm

(Thanks, Mike)

THE PLAN

In the beginning was the PLAN.
And then came the ASSUMPTIONS.

And the PLAN was without form.
And the PLAN was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the WORKERS.
And they spoke among themselves, saying "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."

And the WORKERS went unto their SUPERVISORS and said, "It is a pile of dung and we cannot live with the smell."

And the SUPERVISORS went unto the MANAGERS and said, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it."

And the MANAGERS went unto the DIRECTORS and said," It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the DIRECTORS spoke among themselves saying unto one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the DIRECTORS went unto the VICE-PRESIDENTS and said unto them, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."

And the VICE-PRESIDENTS went to the PRESIDENT, saying unto him, "This new PLAN will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."

And the PRESIDENT cast his gaze upon the PLAN, and saw that it was good.

And the PLAN became POLICY.

And this is how SHIT happens.

(Thanks, Rob)

THIS WEEKS INTERESTING LINKS

HACKING IN THE HOLY LAND
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict isn't confined to the streets. A cyberwar rages - and though it may be bloodless, the crackers involved are just as passionate as the soldiers and rebels they support.
http://www.thestandard.com/article/display/0,1151,20098,00.html?partner=xdrive
(Intelligent X Newsletter)

VIRTUAL BUBBLE WRAP
It's free, and it's very silly if you ask me, but if you can't resist, go on and push some plastic bubbles, it might make you feel better for a few seconds... just don't become an addict, ok? :-)
http://www.virtualbubblewrap.com/

WOMEN'S FORUM
{Web site for females} The Net is a fascinating world to be a part of; who's running all these sites, anyway? Let's face it, when you surf the Web, you're not exactly bombarded by pages geared towards women. Oh, you see women, but the sites they're displayed on aren't exactly... ummm, progressive? It's more than a girl thing.
http://www.womensforum.com/

(From various sources)

WATCH AND LISTEN CAREFULLY

The man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang. But, the man did not hear.

So the man yelled "God, speak to me!" And, the thunder rolled across the sky. But, the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said, "God let me see you." And a star shined brightly. But the man did not notice.

And, the man shouted, "God show me a miracle!" And a life was born. But, the man did not know.

So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me God, and let me know you are here!" Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.

(Thanks, Don)

TOUGH LIFE

A man was complaining: Oh Lord, please have mercy on me, I work so hard, meantime my wife stays at home. I would give anything if you would grant me one wish, "switch me into my wife." She's got it easy at home. I want to teach her a lesson of how tough a man's life is.

As God was listening he felt sorry for this soul and granted his wish.

Next morning the "new woman" wakes up at dawn, makes lunch boxes, prepares breakfast, wakes up the kids for school, puts a load of clothes in the washer, takes the meat out of the freezer, drives the kids to school, on his way back stops at the gas station, cashes a check, pays the electricity and phone bills, picks up some clothes from the cleaners, and then quickly goes to the market.

It was 1:00 o'clock already, he made the beds, took the clothes out of the washer and put another load in. He vacuumed the house, made some rice, went to pick up the kids from school, and had an argument with the kids.

As soon as he got home he fed the kids, washed the dirty dishes, he hung the damp clothes he had washed on the chairs because it was raining outside, he helped the kids with their homework, watched some TV while he ironed some clothes, prepared dinner, he gave the kids a bath and put them to sleep.

At 9:00 o'clock he was so tired and he went to bed. Of course there was some more duties, like the mattress mambo, and somehow he managed to get that done and finally fell a sleep.

The next morning he prays to God once again: "Oh Lord, what was I thinking when I asked you to grant my wish?" I can't take it anymore.

I beg you please switch me back to myself, please oh please." Then he heard God's voice speaking to him, saying: "Dear son, of course I'll switch you back to yourself but there's one minor detail, you will have to wait 9 months because last night you got pregnant.

(Thanks, Brenda)

A FEW SHORTIES

THE KLOPMAN DIAMOND
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Klopman."

SCAVENGER HUNT
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady, we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone, and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"My goodness," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"

DEEP THOUGHTS WITH JACK HANDEY...
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

There was a great eruption of a south sea island volcano, and the witch doctor appealed to the tribal chief, demanding that a virgin be sacrificed to appease the volcano.
The chief apologized, "I've used up all the virgins myself, so I guess we'll just have to get used to the noise."

(Various Sources)

TRIVIA ANSWER:

It was definitely not some Hollywood movie star. But shades of Tinsel Town, the first sunglasses - there was no single inventor -- were used to hide behind.

Fifteenth century Chinese judges didn't worry about being recognized. But they did care, in the interests of being even-handed, about hiding their reaction to trial testimony. They didn't want people to follow their eye movements so they wore smoked-tinted quartz spectacles to conceal them.

Our modern, widespread use of sunglasses to keep out the glare, however, stems largely from pilots in the 1930s, who began to wear them to shield their eyes from the sun. Civilians quickly emulated the aviators. Some even adopted sunglasses for fashion as well as protection, hoping to make their social life take off.