Title: Before We Say Goodbye...
Authour: lotrfan
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Frodo/Pippin
Summary: Before Frodo leaves for the Grey Havens, he and Pippin
make some realisations about their feelings.
Okay, I don't believe I'm doing this but
I was talking to Duff Chick when she thought of a
Frodo/Pippin pairing...and then I thought of this...wow I don't
believe it...um...yeah, read
and review? *nervous grin*
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Tolkien and his Estate, but
he probably doesn't want
them after what I've done to them...
Oh, and put this on any Tolkien slash site you want, just I want
to know where, and have
my name next to it...
Sam had come to Merry and me the night before - he and Frodo were
going to go on a
little travel together, see the Shire, maybe it would help bring
the light back into Frodo's
eyes, the light that had been so dulled on the quest. The light
that made my heart quiver
and my knees go weak whenever I saw it. The light that could make
me feel so
insignificant - but so wanting - not knowing what it was I wanted...I
don't know what's
wrong with me. Frodo's just so sad lately...it makes me want to
just embrace him and tell
him everything's alright...I care for him so much - not care -
more like love...
Whoa, Pippin. Where are you going? You've got Diamond to think
about. She's a fine girl,
after all. And such a thing is unheard of - how could that work?
I'm being silly - but what
could I do, seeing him look at all of us, so scared and helpless?
And now to see his sad
face look haunted and twisted, especially during those spells of
illness he gets - I never
told anyone about the time when I snuck into his room and held
his hand all through the
night...I think it helped him, for his breathing would become
more normal and he wouldn't
move so restlessly...Merry and Sam would think I was off my
rocker if I ever told them....
You're being a "fool of a Took", just like Gandalf said.
Good old Gandalf. So glad he told
Merry and me what Frodo was up to...
~*~*~*~*~
Merry and I were over at Bag End. Rosie had taken her and little
Elanor out to a sewing
circle, and the four of us were gathered in the study. Frodo
seemed listless, and was in a
darker corner of the room. I sat close to him, telling myself
that I was merely doing so to
keep an eye on him...
but admit to yourself, why don't you, that you feel safe so near
to him? I
shuddered...even with the tales Sam had told me, about how the
Ring had warped him,
made him so fearful that only Sams blind loyalty kept him to
Frodo? What if that had been
I? Would I have been able to hold on? "Love conquers all"
Such a true saying. I did love
him. Romantically. Maybe such a thing was unheard of, but that
was the way it was. I
snapped my head up as a feeling that I was being watched came
over me. Frodo's eyes
were on me. Something I had never seen before was in them - it
made my stomach
flutter. I nervously turned my head to Merry and Sam, but they
were both silent,
contemplating something. I glanced up at the clock. Almost
midnight. Where was Rosie?
"Well," I said lightly, "I think its time to hit
the sack." I turned to Sam. "Now where's
Rosie?"
"Oh," he said dismissively, "she often'll stay
overnightwomen love their gossiping." Merry
laughed.
"Hope she doesn't say anything too personal," winking
at Sam then making a quick exit as
Sam attempted to punch him on the arm.
Frodo smiled. Even that was rare for him now - at least genuine
smiles. Weak movements
of the mouth didnt count. I looked at him carefully, but shifted
away when his eyes met
mine. Sam left the room, to kill Merry, most likely.
Embarrassed, I turned to Frodo and hastily said "goodnight,"
then tried to hasten away.
"Wait," Frodo said softly.
I was drawn to him, I suppose. I returned to my seat and faced
him, my eyes unable to
tear away from his. "Pippin," he began, seeming
reluctant to say the words, "Gandalf has
told you what I plan to do, right?" I nodded wordlessly.
"I want you to understand that
that that its not because of you, or anyone...but I fear that the
Ring has gotten a cruel
hold on me, and I have to go before I do something I regret."
I don't know how I did it. I dont even know why perhaps it was
because I didn't want to
hear the words, or I wanted to comfort him...I really dont know.
Just suddenly my lips
were on his and it was the most amazing thing I'd ever
experienced.
Frodo wrenched away in surprise. He looked at me in wonderment,
then ran a finger over
his lips, then looked at it. He returned his gaze to mine.
Immediately I flushed. What had I
been thinking? A million names that the Gaffer would have given
Sam passed through my
mind. Then I saw the look in those clear blue eyes - it made my
insides churn. That look
was of desire.
Such a knowledge made my head spin. Frodo wanted...he wanted me,
of all people. Of all
the maidens that swooned over his good looks and mysterious
demeanor, he wanted me,
a smart-mouthed little cousin who was known for getting into
scrapes. Suddenly I didnt
know what to do. I stared into my lap.
"No," he whispered. "Don't hide from me anymore."
He pulled me to him. Suddenly, his
arms were wrapped around me and I was sitting in the armchair
with him. He kissed me
passionately and held me to him as tight as he could, as if I
were the only one who could
save him from drowning.
He began to cry softly as I placed gentle kisses on his cheek and
neck. Startled, I
stopped. "No...please, please," he exclaimed in a
whisper, his eyes big and dark. "Dont
stop. Please don't. Not ever...hold me...don't let go."
"I won't," I assured him, and held him tighter.
"Not...not here," he scrambled from under me. He took
my hand and led me down the hall
that was Bag End and paused outside his bedroom. Suddenly he grew
shy again and put
his face against my shoulder. I could feel the heat from his
blush.
"Do you want to...are you sure you want to...to do this?"
I asked. My fate was
determined on his answer. Frodo looked up at me, his eyes huge,
fumbled for the
doorknob, and whispered, "I've never wanted anything more in
my life," before pulling me
into his room.
~*~*~*~*~
Around three o'clock in the morning I woke up. For a moment I had
to remember where I
was, then I saw Frodos face across from me in the big bed of his.
He and I were in the
middle, embraced so tightly it was hard to imagine we could
breathe. His breath was
sweet, and his cheeks were flushed. He looked like a young child
in slumber, and I felt like
the older one, though I was 21 years his junior. I softly stroked
his cheek, knowing I
would have to leave soon, lest we get caught. Gently I pressed my
mouth to his and tore
myself from his embrace, making my heart heavier, but knowing it
was for the best. "I
love you," I whispered then clothed myself and went to my
own room.
~*~*~*~*~
Merry and I were lucky that we got our chance to say farewell to
Frodo the day he left
us forever, never to return. I was crying horribly, but somehow I
managed to hide my true
feelings and laugh.
"You tried to give us the slip once before and failed, Frodo.
This time you have nearly
succeeded, but you have failed again. it was not Sam, though,
that gave you away this
time, but Gandalf himself!" This I said for the benefit of
Merry and Sam, for Frodo gave me
a knowing look as Gandalf rambled off something I didnt catch.
Frodo then kissed each of us, and I noticed that his lips stayed
decidingly longer on mine
than on Sam and Merrys and that his eyes were on me as he went
onto the boat.
If Sam thought that he was
wounded as Frodo left Middle-earth forever, then I was
murdered. I dont rightly know how I managed to laugh and joke
with Merry as we returned
to Crickhollow. I dont know how I managed to go through and be
happy with Diamond
after those years.
My heart
still is heavy when I think of him - and I know he thinks of me.
~*~*~*~*~
Finis