Worship: Angel
by Meerchen
April, 1999

Walking down the narrow path, barely a foot wide, for the last time that day in August, the wind from the ocean stole inland between the high dunes and played with his pale locks in the late summer afternoon sunshine. My Quatre, his hair a golden halo, and as the wind tousled it by its own free will he laughed, brushing it back only to have it wild and free again moments after. The contented sound faded away, melted into a loving smile as his warm hand grasped to hold mine. I stopped, and pulled him closer, placing a fleeting kiss on those smiling lips. I wanted time to stop, reality to cease existing. Only him, me, and the sky above was needed. But silently whispering my borrowed name, he tugged me onwards, never losing eye contact or the ever-present smile. This day was special.

 
He clutched the blanket in his other hand tighter to his chest in the chilly air as we made our way down from our mountain cabin onto the hilly plains of the desert stretching into the ocean beyond. I laced his fingers with mine and marvelled at the miracle of life without war, of life with him and no one else. Life with love, instead of death. So fragile, yet strong, this bond between us, life being the weak link. He never ceased to amaze me, beautiful, intuitive, and wise beyond his eighteen years.

Had it not been for the songs of the seagulls farther away that filled the air with life and our senses with an alternative measurer of time, we would have been lost in the endless dunes stretching into the horizon and the fathomless depth of the crystal blue sky above. Without the birds' cries, time didn't exist, only us, the dunes, and the sky. Only too soon we heard other cries, more joyous laughter of playing children and the sound of waves breaking against the pier.

The dunes opened up in front of us, and the track faded into trodden footsteps onto the beach, quickly vanishing in the soft sand. The wind blew stronger there, coming in directly from the ocean, cool and heavily laden with the moisture of gathering autumn storms. I shaded my eyes with a hand to scan the horizon but found no traces of clouds. The wind would die down, the sun set in the ocean without interference. It would be the perfect day.

A glance at him was all I needed to find out his wishes, and as he took my hand again, we made our way onto the beach, moist sand digging in between our bare feet. We navigated easily between the few remaining families on the beach, until we found a secluded cove among the dunes, open to the ocean and the beach, but surrounded on three sides by sandy slopes. He threw out the blanket in the middle of the little basin, and settled down onto it, beckoning me to join him.

Stretching out on the soft fabric, we felt the lingering heat of the sand warming us up from underneath, and the heat of our bodies as we cuddled up close and relished the rare serenity of the moment, the cold fear of the past war fading to only half forgotten nightmares in the dark corners of our minds. Willing the last clammy grip of that old fear of loss away, I found myself in a near desperate need to have him closer, and I struggled with this fierce emotion before I caved in to the desire-- no... need to touch him. Draping an arm across his body, I pulled him on top on me, hugging him close and buried my face in his sweet smelling silken hair.

Despite myself, a little quivering sound escaped my lips, the most desperate of sounds in its pathetic smallness, but he understood it without words. A hand reached up to rest beside my ear, tracing soothing patterns with his small fingers on the nape of my neck. My racing heart gave in to the inevitable, and slowed down to follow the pace set by his, beating strongly against my chest. The moment of weakness passed, and he raised himself on an elbow to gaze down at me.

A smile played across his lips and he leaned down to kiss me, to brush his lips against mine ever so lightly before more firmly devoting himself to my yielding mouth. Tongues brushed past each other in an open-eyed kiss, playfully teasing and touching, before he nibbled on my lower lip and withdrew. The smile was still there, lips painted with a sheen of moisture, and I smiled back at him, the barest upturning of the corners of my mouth. His finger traced my lips, tender and light, before his hand found his way down the back of my neck and pulled me up sitting.

Warm hands reaching around my waist grabbed the washed out green T-shirt, and tugged it upwards with one hand, while the other sneaked inside to caress my back. The soft fabric was discarded, rolled into a little ball to use for a pillow, and then he pushed me down onto the blanket again. Laying back down, his hands traced my sides upwards, and he nestled his head against the crook of my neck, sighing softly. Our bare legs twined together, and the fabric of his shirt felt cool against my bare chest.

Silence descended over the beach as the afternoon drew closer, and the timeless dunes pulled us into their grip, made us lose track of all direction of thought, of time itself. His rising and falling chest slowly tuned in with mine, his breathing settling into a shared rhythm, slowing down into the pace of peaceful sleep. The sun's fading rays bathed our half naked drowsy bodies, and we fell asleep, secure in the arms of each other.

Hours later I woke up again from sunfilled dreams as a warm gust brushed past our cove, bringing with it scents from the ocean - saltwater and seaweed. The breeze from before had died down with the oncoming night, and I smiled as I wrapped my arms tighter around the blond haired boy resting on my chest. I sat up, careful not to wake him up, and he turned in his sleep, murmuring my name.

I considered this miracle resting in my arms, realizing I could never stop admiring him. I used to think it was a weakness, this hold he had on me, the things he could make me do by only touching me, whispering soft pleas in my ear. Never asking much, I found myself willingly giving him anything I could offer, anything he would never demand of me. He always gave more than he took. So pure, so free, so innocent. A true angel... And then one day he told me he loved me, that he couldn't live without me.

The words frightened me, he believed in my ability to love when I did not myself. But the words of angels are supposed to be listened to in belief, and if he trusted me, who was I to dispute this truth? No one. Nothing. And yet he told me I was everything. My heart finally listened. I loved him then, and I love him now.

My thoughts dwindled into nothingness and I became aware of my surroundings again, his solid warmth against my chest, and his heart beating slow and evenly of sleep. His head rested against my shoulder, arms loosely crossed in his lap, peaceful. I traced his naked arms downwards, over the thin fabric of his shirt, and onto his naked legs, still warm by the lingering sunlight. The rhythm of his breaths changed by this small touch, and my body reacted along with it, aroused by his warm nakedness. I placed a feather light kiss below his ear, an instinctive reaction to the firm pressure of his back between my legs. He stirred, awoken by touches interfering with his dreams.

There was no hurry, no need to break the spell of timeless intimacy, although I knew he could feel my physical desire pressing crudely against him. The slight breeze from the ocean ruffled his hair as he noticed the absence of intruding onlookers. He traced his fingers along my arm, up and down again, before he finally stood up, back still against me. Standing up on the blanket, he stretched his arms outwards, letting the wind grab his T-shirt, tossing it around playfully. Then he lowered his arms, and turned around to face me, smiling lovingly as only he could.

As my angel slowly turned around, I knelt down in front of him and gazed up at him, worshipping his mere presence. He moved closer and I put my hands on the back his naked thighs, felt their perfect smoothness against my skin, and followed his slender body upwards with my hands with sensual, slow caresses. Over his naked buttocks, squeezing gently, over his narrow hips, and - as I got up on my knees - over his back, under the T-shirt. I wrapped my arms around his waist, not wanting to ever let go of this image of perfection. Once again he stroked my hair, slow, soothing. He always understood every unspoken word.

For a few endless moments, I held him tight, before I slowly sat down again, rubbing my forehead against his lower abdomen, my hands reaching around to caress the soft insides of his thighs. His heartbeat quickened as I gently ran my hands over his skin, tracing circular patterns where his legs met. He wrapped his arms around me, and put his hand on my head, carefully brushing through my hair. Then he lowered himself into my embrace, straddled me with his legs splayed widely on both sides of me, and put his arms around my neck to steady himself. My head resting against shoulder, I stroked his naked back.

"I need you Quatre... Now," I murmured into his neck, my voice thick with barely concealed desire and longing.

"I'm yours Trowa... Always," he replied softly, as he slid down from my lap, gracefully divesting of his only article of clothing in one fluid movement. He lay down on the blanket, legs spread wide on each side of me, before stretching out his pale hand for me to take.

Watching him through half closed eyes, I accepted his invitation and gently lay down on him, careful not to cause him discomfort when I covered his slight body with my larger frame. Our bodies pressed together and he gasped at the intimate touch of our newly woken desires rubbing against each other, an exquisite touch, little jolts of fire fluctuating through our nearly joined bodies. Sliding down his warm skin, I pressed my mouth to his neck, nibbling at the little lively vein under my tongue before kissing my way down to his collarbone, relishing the taste of the flawless skin. He wrapped his legs around my waist in response and pulled me closer, arching up to rub his velvety soft skin against me with eager movements. I could feel his growing, warm hardness rub against my stomach, and closed my eyes as our lips met in a kiss with increasing heat and hunger.

When it ended, I put my fingers to his mouth, letting him suck on them for a while before I reached down between our bodies and inserted them into him, one by one, stretching him, doing what I could to prepare him for the inevitable pain. The little crease between his brows appeared as it always does, and his mouth was set in a concentrated line. Moving my mouth to his, I give him some of my fire with our merging lips, slow and deep. His frown faded away under the attack of tingling nerve ends, and he gasped as I licked at his lower lip, slowly. Putting my hands under his buttocks, I lifted him up a bit, then hooked my arms under his legs and pushed them upwards towards his chest, a not entirely comfortable position. Looking for acknowledgement, I gazed into his green-blue eyes, and the burning brightness pouring from them filled me with the only answer I needed. His silent smile told me more than any words ever could, 'make love to me'.

His smile faded fast, and he squirmed under me as I finally pushed myself into that tight, hot space. Slow, steady movements, I knew I was hurting him and I hated myself for it, but I also knew that he gladly accepted the pain, wanted it, and asked for it again. I bent down and kissed away the stray tears that trailed down his cheeks, smothered out the crease that once again appeared between his brows, silently asking for forgiveness.

He finally relaxed a bit, and let out the breath he had held while being entered, split open, by something too big. Encouraged by his urgent kisses, I moved out of him gently and paused, careful not to hurt him with any abrupt movements as I thrust in again. Soon, his soft moans underneath me reverberated through the cove, and I increased the force of my thrusts. He cried out, and threw his head to the side, exposing his naked neck for me to kiss and I savagely took advantage of it, mindless. His tightening grip around my neck brought us closer as he arched his back towards me, and his hips pressed up to meet the force of my increasingly erratic thrusts. He yearned for more, craved more, demanded more. I obeyed.

Afterwards, we lay in each other's arms, his head rested on my shoulder, his hands stroking my sides and our softening bodies melting together into one warmness. I was content with spending the remaining part of our last day here on the beach, with his weight covering me, his naked legs laced between mine. Our warm bodies pressed together as I traced my hands down his back, enjoying the little contented sighs they elicited out of him, and wished the day would never end. The sun had set and we watched the stars, listening to the eternal waves of the ocean, the remnants of our shared passion still coursing through our veins. The slight breeze from the ocean had subsided completely, and the moonlight caressed our skin as we fell asleep.

-end-