Part Four

Monday morning, Grace was waiting for Sam outside her office. "So?" the older woman asked. "Tell me how it went."

Unlocking the door, Sam cut Grace a sideways glance. She laughed, rolling her eyes. "You knew more than I did most of the time."

Grace smiled. "Well, John needed a little assistance. And some moral support."

"Thank you." Sam sat down at behind her desk. "Somehow I don't doubt it about the moral support," she added, her eyes sparkling.

"You're welcome," Grace said shortly. "First things first, I want to see this ring I've heard so much about." Sam held her left hand out. "Sam, it's beautiful."

"I know." She pulled her hand back, glancing at the ring. Meeting Grace's gaze, she smiled softly. "The whole evening was, actually."

"Were you surprised?"

"That hardly describes it." Sam laughed, thinking back to his proposal. "And to think you and Chloe both knew before I did."

"Yeah, well," Grace said, a smirk on her face. "Had to make sure it happened right, I suppose." She paused for a moment. "Have you told Bailey yet?"

Sam shook her head, standing. "Actualy I'm going to his office once I fill you full of gossip."

"Gossip?" Grace looked at her with a mock-hurt look on her face. "Is that what you think of me?"

Sam laughed. "You and George, yes."

Smiling, Grace pulled Sam into a warm hug. "Congratulations, honey." Pulling away, she added, "I'm sure you'll be very happy."

"Thanks, Grace." Grace turned to leave, pausing when Sam spoke again. "Thanks for everything." Grace nodded in acknowledgment and walked out of the office.

A few moments later, Sam knocked on Bailey's door. "Come in," Bailey called out from inside.

Sam opened the door, pushing it closed behind her. "Hi, Bailey."

Bailey looked up. "Morning, Sam." Seeing the smile on Sam's face, he smiled in return. "Why are you so happy? Have a good birthday?"

Sam nodded, and walked over to stand in front of Bailey's desk. She held out her left hand. "I guess you could say so."

Seeing the ring and the expression on Sam's face, Bailey smiled and stood. After walking around the desk he gave her a hug. "Congratulations, Sammy."

"Thanks, Bailey."

Bailey pulled away, still smiling. "I'm sure you'll be very happy together." Sam nodded, but didn't say anything. "So, when is the wedding?"

"We're thinking in about six months."

Bailey nodded. "An early spring wedding then. It'll be beautiful here that time of year." Bailey paused, turning serious. "What does Chloe think of all this?"

"She knew he was going to propose before I did. In short," Sam laughed. "She's thrilled."

"I'm glad, Sam. I'm happy for you."

Sam's smile brightened. "Thanks, Bailey."

***

"You finally did it." George looked at John with an unbelieving grin on his face. When John nodded, George clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Congratulations, man. About time, I might add."

John laughed. "I'm glad you and Grace were so secure. I can't say that I shared that feeling."

"Ah, there was never any doubt, other than the question of if you'd ever ask." George replied with a smirk. "So, when is the wedding going to be?"

"In about six months, but she hasn't picked a date yet."

Sam, having walked up from behind John, asked, "And what she would that be?"

John was startled by the unexpected comment, but recovered quickly. "Chloe, actually," John answered with a baiting grin.

"By all means, then." Sam laughed. "Seriously, though, how about the first part of April?"

John managed to not roll his eyes, but just barely. "Whatever you think works best."

"Wow, you weren't always this agreeable." She kidded John, play-punching him on the arm.

George grinned. "Yeah, this is doing wonders for your personality, buddy. Maybe you should've done this years ago."

Sam looked at George, smiling at his jesting comment. "Did you ask him?"

"Ask him what?" George asked, looking from John to Sam and back to John.

John grinned sheepishly at George. "Well, it would seem as if I'm in need of a best man."

"Me?" George asked, disbelief written on his face.

Shrugging, John did roll his eyes then. "Yeah, you. That so bad?"

"What about Nate?"

John's smile dimmed somewhat at George's mention of Nathan. "Nathan won't be able to make it. It's a long story." Forcing a grin, he added, "Probably take exactly two hours to tell."

Recognizing the diversionary tactic, George smiled and nodded. "Then I'd be honored."

John turned to Sam. "Did you talk to Grace?" 

Sam nodded. "I've talked to her, but I didn't get a chance ask her yet." She took John's hand in her own. "Want to come with me?"

"Why not," John commented, already following her, George laughing behind them.

***

They found Grace in her office, as they usually did. Walking into the controlled chaos, Sam smiled. "I've got a question for you."

"Shoot." She smiled as she watched Sam and John approach together, hand in hand.

"I was wondering if you would be my maid of honor at the wedding."

Grace smiled, her surprise showing. "I'd be delighted, but what about Angel?"

"She can't make it," was Sam's simple explanation. Before she had left, Angel had again tried to convince Sam that John was bad news, and they not had parted on the best of terms.

Grace nodded, understanding the truth behind her words. "I'm sorry."

Before Sam could respond, Grace's phone rang. "Hello?" she said into the receiver. She glanced at John. "Just a minute. He's right here."

"Who is it?" John asked, taking the offered phone.

"Someone from Doctor Jordan's office. You didn't forget about your physical, did you?"

John shook his head, and covered the mouthpiece. "No, ma'am. I went like a good little boy."

Sam and Grace continued to speak while John ducked off to the side to speak with the nurse. During the conversation, Sam kept casting sideways glances at John. He walked back over to them when he got off the phone. Sam looked at him, concnerend. "Is everything all right?"

John nodded. "I'm sure. They just want to go over some of the test results." This sounded odd to both Sam and Grace, but John brushed it off. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Sam tried to smile, and he squeezed her hand.

He shook his head. "No thanks, you stay here. I shouldn't be gone that long."

Grace stood off to the side and watched as they spoke in lowered voices. She could see the concern on Sam's face as they spoke.

"I'll be back before long." John gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I love you."

"Love you, too," she whispered, watching as he walked away.

After John was gone, Grace walked over to stand beside Sam. "Are you okay?"

Sam glanced at Grace's concerned face. "I've got a bad feeling about this, Grace."

"I know, sweetie." Grace gave her a hug, trying to be supportive. "But I'm sure it will be okay."

Sam nodded, but didn't say anything.

***

Upon arriving at the doctor's office, John was shown into an examination room and asked to wait. Several minutes later, Doctor Jordan stuck his head into the room. "Agent Grant, I'm glad you could come."

"The nurse made it sound important." He had been nervous ever since he spoke with the nurse, even though he had done his best to keep it from Sam.

The doctor nodded. "It may be, it may not. The truth is we need to run another test. Your blood work returned some odd results."

John's mouth was dry, and he swallowed fretfully and cleared his throat. "What kind of results?"

"You need to understand that it's entirely possible that the blood work is misleading. That's why we need the additional test," the doctor reiterated.

John took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "What do you think it might be?" 

The doctor sighed. "I'm afraid I need to refer you to an oncologist, Agent Grant."

He froze, hoping he had heard the doctor wrong even while knowing he hadn't. "An oncologist," John repeated, blinking slowly. "But those are the doctor's that deal with cancer."

Doctor Jordan nodded gravely. "It's possible that you're suffering from a form of lymphoma."

Shock broke through the frozen John's frozen features. "What?" he asked, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"There is a good doctor here in the building, Doctor Thompson. I've spoken with him. He's agreed to take on your case, should there be a need for it. He'll have to perform a lymph node biopsy to determine whether or not you are actually sick. Please understand this, Agent Grant."

John nodded, his face pale. "When?"

Doctor Jordan glanced at the clock. "He said he could see you in about fifteen minutes if that's all right."

"Okay," John replied, nodding quickly. Standing, he grabbed his jacket. "Where do I need to go?"

"Right this way." Doctor Jordan lead John from the office.

***

Once he had been shown to Doctor Thompson's office by a nurse, he was led to an exam room. A few minutes later, a middle aged man entered. "Agent Grant," he said, holding out his hand. "Doctor Thompson."

John nodded, and shook his hand. "Doctor Thompson." He paused for a second before asking, "This won't take long will it?"

Thompson shook his head. "No, I can take the sample rather easily."

"Will it show?" John asked, not meeting the doctor's gaze.

Confused by the question, Thompson asked, "Excuse me?" 

John rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Will it leave a mark? I don't want anyone to know."

Doctor Thompson shook his head. "No, I can take the sample without leaving a noticable mark."

His jaw clenched, one muscle along his chin quivering. "Then let's get it over with."

The doctor nodded. "I'll be back in just a moment then."

When Doctor Thompson returned, he was accompanied by a nurse carrying a tray of equipment. "I'll have to apply a local anaesthetic, Agent Grant." Guessing John's next concern, he amended his statement. "However, nothing so extreme as to cause you any trouble functioning after we're done. You will be able to drive yourself."

John nodded, but stayed silent. Within moments the procedure was complete. "I'll have this run through the lab. I should know something by the end of the week."

"Thank you, doctor," was all John could think to say, trying not to think about the wait for those results.

Knowing that Sam would be anxious for him to return, John did his best on the drive back to work to act as normally as possible. He wasn't sure what to tell Sam. He wasn't sure when to tell her. 

Finally, when he was almost back to the office, he forced himself to admit that he wasn't sure if he should tell her at all.

***

When John got back to work he headed directly to Sam's office. Knocking on the door, he walked in before Sam could say anything.

"How did it go?" She didn't missing the pale, shaken look he carried.

John shook his head. "He just wanted to go over a few things. Nothing vital."

"Then why do you look upset?" Sam asked, her professional eye trained on him.

"I think he just spooked me more than anything." John shrugged, managing to smile. "So how were things here while I was gone?"

"Just the usual routine," Sam said, still suspicious. "Bailey asked why you weren't at the meeting, but I cleared it with him."

John nodded. "Thanks, Sam."

"You don't have to thank me," she said, "we're here for each other. Like we're supposed to be."

John smiled, and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm glad." Pulling back, he grinned. "Now, I have to get to work."

Sam nodded, still not convinced, but willing to play along with his game -- for the time being. "Okay, I'll meet you for lunch."

"I'll be there," he said, and walked out of her office.

Sitting at his desk, John did his best to look as if he were searching through reports and papers. Inside, however, he was trying to sort through boiling emotions. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was more than obvious that Sam was suspicious of what was really going on.

A quick glance back at her office and he immediately felt horrible. Keeping it a secret from her for the week was going to be one of the hardest things he had done in as long as he could remember. Yet all it took to steel his will was to think of how much Sam had been hurt when Tom had been taken away from her.

He was going to be damned if he caused her that kind of pain, too.

***

During the week while he waited in a personal hell for the biopsy results, John's saving grace was Chloe. She distracted him whenever he grew too somber and allowed him an out when the burden of his secret became too heavy.

At work he was able to stay busy enough to forget about the test for hours at a time. It was a similar distraction that came over him whenever he and Sam would spend time together. As scared as he was about whether or not to tell her, he was even more determined to enjoy every moment with her.

"You know what I want to watch?" John said with a grin late Thursday night.

Sam smiled. As the week had progressed, the nagging concern in the back of her mind had lessened. Although it was still there, it had faded. "What's that?"

John smiled, almost embarrassed. "Little Women."

Sam laughed in surprise. "Are you serious? I thought you hated it."

"And here I always thought of it as our movie," John retorted dead-pan.

"Not Star Wars?" Sam asked, laughing.

"Nah." He settled down on the couch next to Sam. "That's mine and Chloe's movie."

Sam stood up and walked over to the entertainment center. She found Little Women in the video case and plugged it into the VCR. Walking back over to the couch, she settled down next to John as had become their habit. "I can't believe you want to watch this," she said with a laugh.

"Life's an adventure," John kidded with a laugh, kissing her on the temple. "This is just one part of it."

"I never thought of watching Little Women as an adventure." She couldn't help her continued laughter. 

John laughed deep in his throat, the sound echoing against Sam's ear. "That's because you're a girl."

"Oh, well, then," Sam said sarcastically. "I guess that explains it."

John smirked. "Sure it does." 

They stayed up late that night, cuddled together on the couch - John's arms wrapped around Sam's shoulders. First watching first Little Women, then they watched whatever happened to be on television. 

In the calm quiet, neither moving nor speaking, John suddenly found himself not wanting to go to sleep. He longed to stay as close to Sam as possible, for as long as possible.

She fell asleep, her head resting against his chest. John sat there, motionless, except for steadily brushing her hair with his hand. For the moment, he was content to stay there and watch her dream.

***

The next morning, John was sitting at his desk when the telephone rang.

"Grant," he said, putting down the paper he was reading. He listened for a second. "Thanks, I'll be there in a half an hour." A second later he hung up the phone.

Closing the folder he was using, John stood and walked to Bailey's office. He knocked on the door, and walked into the office. "Yes, John?" Bailey asked, looking up at the younger agent.

"I've got to go check into something," he said vaguely, silently hoping Bailey wouldn't ask too many questions. "I'll be back in an hour or two."

Bailey nodded, sensing that something was happening that John wasn't telling him. "Okay. Just take an early lunch."

John tilted his head, but wasn't going to pass up the easy offer. "Thanks, Bailey." He walked out of the office without a look back.

The drive to the doctor's office seemed to stretch out in front of him. After fighting the busy Atlanta traffic, John was feeling frustrated and angry. Arriving at the medical building, he was glad to be able to park the car and get out.

While he was in the waiting room, he tried to read one of the year old Time magazines but couldn't concentrate. When a nurse walked into the waiting area and called his name, John jumped in his seat. Quickly regaining his composure, he stood and followed the young nurse into the doctor's personal office.

"Agent Grant, please have a seat," Doctor Thompson said, gesturing toward a chair.

John shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to read anything in the doctor's face. Shaking his head, he walked over and sat in one the offered chair. "The nurse said you had the test results?" Even as he asked, John wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

The doctor nodded. "I knew you would want to know as soon as possible." The doctor glanced over the lab results printout on his desk. "I'm sorry," he said finally.

John thought his world had slid to a halt. He blinked and swallowed nervously. "It's positive?" he managed to ask, his voice dry.

Doctor Thompson cleared his throat. "The biopsy tested positive for non-Hodgkin's lymphoma."

"So what does that mean, exactly?" John asked. He paused. "And why has it never been found before?" Something close to anger was growing inside him, he needed to feel in control but couldn't.

The doctor closed the file and folded his hands together. "What you have is a highly aggressive form of lymphoma. It was most likely never diagnosed before, simply because it wasn't there."

"What caused it?" John asked, his eyes unfocused and staring at nothing.

"The current belief is that a leading cause is the toxins and pollution in air and water." John didn't respond and the doctor continued. "And as for what we do next, we have a few options."

John nodded, licking his lips nervously. "You mean like chemotherapy."

"That's one option." Thompson nodded. "However, I would like to take the Watch and Wait approach with you for the time being."

"You mean just give up?" John asked, his voice rising. He was holding onto the arm rests of the chair so tightly that his knuckles were white. "That there's no way to beat this?"

Doctor Thompson shook his head, hoping to reassured him. "No, it's a type of treatment. We wait until you reach a certain point and then attack the disease with chemotherapy. Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma is curable disease, Agent Grant. Although not one hundred percent of the time, the percentages are quite good."

"And this works?" John asked, disbelievingly.

"It has been known to." The doctor nodded his head.

John thought for a moment. His thoughts were racing between what the doctor had told him, and the future he and Sam had already began planning. "How long would we have to wait?"

It was a moment before the doctor responded. "It varies from case to case. Judging by the state of growth now, and I'll need to check you again today," he noted. "We'll compare the two results. Then we'll have a better idea how fast this is growing."

"Then do it," John said, wanting to get the procedure over with.

Doctor Thompson nodded. "Right this way, Nurse Simmons will show you to an exam room."

***

That weekend, Chloe was playing in a school basketball tournament, and again, John was able to push the worry over what Doctor Thompson had told him to the back of his mind.

"Way to go, kiddo!" John said, giving Chloe a high five as she rushed out of the locker room to find John and her mom.

Chole grinned. "That was fun!" Taking John's hand, she looked up at him. "Thanks for helping me with my shot a last weekend."

"You're welcome." John smiled with a wink. "Ready to go find your mom?" When Chloe nodded, he leaned down and whispered, "What do you say we go for ice cream to celebrate?"

"Can we?" Chloe asked, surprised. "We haven't had dinner yet."

John and Chloe were walking toward the bleachers when John said, "Sometimes you've just got to eat dessert first, kiddo."

"There you two are," Sam said, walking over to them. She took John's offered hand. "Chloe I was just talking to Amy's mom, she said to tell you that you played great."

Chloe was beaming. "Well, it's only because John helped me."

"Yeah, well," Sam said, a twinkle in her eye. Leaning down to Chloe she whispered conspiratorially, "He has his uses, doesn't he?"

As they walked to the car, John couldn't help the grin on his face. There were still times he was surprised by being part of a family again. Laughing he squeezed Sam's hand. "I guess there's a reason to keep me then, huh?"

Unlocking the car door, Sam laughed and turned to look at John. "I think the warranty is gone now anyway, I'm stuck with you." After Chloe climbed in the back seat, Sam closed the door. Getting in the passenger seat, Sam was surprised when John leaned over and kissed her. "What was that for?" she asked with a smile.

John cocked his head to the side. "Do I need a reason?"

"No," she said, pulling on her seat belt. "I suppose not."

Giggles erupted from the back seat. "Come on, John. You said we were going for ice cream."

Sam turned and looked at John, one eye brow slightly raised. "And since when do we eat ice cream before dinner?"

Pulling out of the parking lot, John grinned. "Since we're celebrating."

"Yeah, Mom," Chloe chimed in from the back seat with a laugh. "We're celebrating."

Glancing back at Chloe, Sam managed a serious look before laughing. "Then I guess I'm out numbered, huh?"

"Yep!" Chloe said, and smiled at John, who smiled back at her in the rearview mirror.

***

Monday John found himself again sitting in the doctors office. He had taken his lunch break to sneak away from the office to speak with Doctor Thompson.

The doctor waited untill they were both seated and began. "I think what I mentioned to you on Friday is our best bet." 

John nodded. "The test results?"

"It's growing at a rate about what I expected. My feeling is that the best course of action would be to wait and then hit it with the chemo."

"About how long until I would have to start?" 

Glancing over the paperwork, Doctor Thompson removed his glasses. "I'll watch the progression of the disease, but my best guess right now, is about four months."

"Four months," John repeated, his voice empty. The words echoed in his mind. "Thank you doctor," he said, standing up to leave.

"Wait, Agent Grant," the doctor said, standing. John turned around, and the doctor observed him for a moment. "You'll have to come back in for check-ups, so that we can monitor you. You can schedule them with Nurse Simmons."

John nodded, clenching his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. "Then I guess I'll be seeing you then."

John left the medical building and spent the rest of his lunch break in a park near the office. He walked around, trying to decide what to do. He knew he would fight it, he had never been one to quit and he wasn't about to start.

Sam was another matter. Most of the time he spent walking wasn't spent thinking about his health, or the chemotherapy that awaited him. Instead, he found himself discovering a renewed effort to make the most of the next four months. 

In that moment, he decided not to tell her for the time being. He was haunted still by the thought of hurting her the way Tom's death had. When the time came, he knew, he would make the choice that hurt her and Chloe the least. He just wished he didn't have to do it.

***

For the next few weeks, life went on for Sam and John. Using varied excuses, John continued to make his appointments with Doctor Thompson. Once a week, John went to the office and the progression of the disease was noted. It was all building up to the inevitable day when Doctor Thompson thought it was best to start the chemotherapy. The only real difference John could see, was that he tired more easily.

During the second month of John's waiting period, the caseload at the VCTF was steady, but not nearly as smothering as it had been while John and Sam had first been dating. For the moment, Sam, Bailey and George were in Nebraska working on a case, while John and Grace remained in Atlanta, helping out on a local investigation.

"How's everything at home?" Sam asked, her voice echoing over the phone. Since they had flown to Nebraska, she and John had spoken on the phone each night.

John shrugged unconsciously. "About the same as before. I'm not even sure why I'm working on it. The local boys are doing a pretty good job without a babysitter."

"I believe," Sam reminded him, "that you're there to help Grace." Sitting on the bed in her hotel room, Sam twirled the telephone cord around her finger. "Remember?"

"An explanation that makes no sense, but yes I remember," John said, a hint of humor in his voice.

Sam laughed softly, and changed the subject. "How's Chloe?"

"She's great. Although I think she is ready for you to come back as much as I am."

"What, is your impromptu slumber party getting boring?" Sam kidded.

John took the bait and laughed. "Well, we've already had the water balloon fight in the living room. And I think she's eaten all the chocolate I can lay my hands on." He paused, and glanced toward the upstairs before saying. "What else is left to do?"

"Sometimes I wonder who the grown up is," Sam joked, laughing.

John stood up, and began to walk around the quiet living room. It was after Chloe's bed time and his voice was the only noise to be heard. "That would be you, I believe," he replied, glancing out of a window. "You can't tell me you don't agree."

"You're awful." She laughed, just listening to the sound of his voice. She had stopped playing with the phone cord, and was instead absent-mindedly playing with her engagement ring. "But I love you," she said softly.

John could see his reflection in the windowpane, complete with a sad smile on his face. "I know," he said, almost in a whisper. "I love you, too."

Sam sighed, able to hear a distant air in John's voice. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm just tired of doing all the work back here by myself," he joked, forcing a laugh and avoiding her question. In truth, he wished she wasn't so far away while he was still feeling fairly well.

Sam laughed half-heartedly. "I'm not so sure Grace would agree with you."

"You women always stick together," he muttered around a laugh.

Sam smiled, glad to hear a true humor back in his voice. "And you men just love to complain about it."

John thought for a minute. "You haven't mentioned how your case is coming."

"I've come up with a profile, it's just fitting the name to the description at this point." Leaning back onto the pillows, Sam yawned before continuing. "Although George thinks he's got a lead. We should know more in the morning."

John let the curtains fall closed and walked back over to the couch. "It sounds like I should let you go so you can get some sleep."

"It's all right," Sam said, stifling another yawn behind her hand. "I'm fine. That is, unless you need to go get your beauty sleep."

John could hear Sam laugh, and smiled. "Are you implying I need beauty sleep, Sam?"

"Never," she kidded. "I promise. You're perfect."

Grinning, John began to laugh. "Well, I guess I have to trust your judgement. After all, I do love listening to my adoring public."

"Everyone needs a groupie, I suppose." She rolled her eyes, smiling. "Or an ego, and you've definitely got the second one covered."

Laying down on the couch, John propped the phone up against his cheek. "Ouch, she shoots and she scores."

They were both silent for a few long minutes, listening to little but the other breathing. "I better go."

John replied, a smile on his face. "Have good dreams."

"Love you. Good night."

"'Night, Sam. Love you, too."

John listened to the click on the line as Sam hung up the phone. After a moment, he turned the phone off and dropped it on the coffee table. Without meaning to, he dozed off on the couch.

The next thing John knew, he was hearing sounds coming from the kitchen. Alert, he sat up slowly. The first thing he noticed was that it was morning, the second thing he saw was Chloe, in her pajamas, standing in the kitchen doorway.

"I made breakfast!" she announced. "Come on, you've got to eat if you want to get to work on time."

Grinning, John followed Chloe back into the kitchen. "And what are we having this morning, kiddo?"

"Toast," she said, handing John a plate. "It's the only thing I can make." She took a bite out of a piece, a thoughtful look on her face. Chloe looked at John, who had sat down beside her at the table. "You've got dark circles under your eyes."

"Think your mom would mind me borrowing her makeup?" John joked, a grin on his face. The truth was, he was staying tired, and the circles seemed to be a result.

Chloe laughed. "Probably as long as you don't use her lipstick."

"Thanks for the warning," he replied, finishing his toast. "Now, speaking of being late. Shouldn't you get dressed, too?"

"I'm going, I'm going," she said, putting her plate in the sink. "You sound just like Mom." Giggling, she ran up to her room.

Half an hour later, Chloe had just left for the bus stop and John had just finished getting dressed. He was about to walk out the door when the phone rang.

"Hello?" he answered.

"We've got another one," Grace said over the phone. "Can you meet me at the crime scene?"

"Just tell me where," he said, grabbing his jacket. "I'll be there in twenty minutes," he said after she gave him the address.

***

They had been at the crime scene for almost an hour when Grace glanced at the darkening sky. "It looks like it's going to rain."

After a quick glance skyward, John nodded his head. "How soon can we move the body? The last thing we need is something washing away."

"Give me ten minutes and I think I'll have it stabilized." She glanced around at the uniformed officers on the scene. "Have the local guys had time to go over the site?" she asked, kneeling next to the body.

"I think so," John replied. "Hold on, I'll find out where we stand." John walked through the officers, and returned after speaking with the officer in charge. "Jim thinks they're about done," he said, kneeling next to Grace.

Nodding, Grace stood. The rain that had been threatening finally began to fall. "I'll go tell them to bring the stretcher."

"What's that?" John muttered, spotting something lying not far from the body. Whatever it was, it was stuck. When John reached to tug on it with both hands, he felt a prick on his right hand. "Damn," he swore, his hand recoiling.

"What's wrong?" Grace asked, as the body was loaded up for transport.

John shook his hand. "I saw something, or I thought I saw something. When I tried to pick it up, something jabbed me."

Kneeling down, Grace looked at where John had broken the piece of metal free. "It looks like it might be something, but I have no idea what it was stuck to." Pulling out an evidence bag, she dropped it inside. Looking around for what had stuck John, she finally saw the culprit. 

She picked up an old syringe, holding it for John to see. "You should be more careful, John." Her eyes were open wide as she glanced up at John. "This could be serious."

John's eyes widened and his breath caught for a second. He found himself wondering if things could get any worse.

"Did it break through your glove?" Grace asked, referring to the thick latex gloves they all wore at crime scenes.

Looking closely at his hand, John nodded. "Enough to barely scratch me."

"When we get back to the office, I'll take a blood sample and make sure you're all right," Grace said, placing the syringe into another evidence bag. "Sam will kill me if I let something happen to you while she's away." Although trying to smile, she wasn't able to pull it off.

Realization struck John just as Grace turned to walk to her car. If she did a blood work up, she was likely to find out his secret. "That's okay, Grace," he said quickly, walking fast to catch up with her. "I'll just get my doctor to check it out."

Opening her car door, Grace replied, "There's no reason to go to that kind of trouble John, I can do the test just as easy. I can probably get the results faster."

"Grace . . ." Even while he tried to protest, John recognized the stubborn look on Grace's face.

Getting into her car, she said, "No arguments, John. I'll see you back at the office in five minutes." After another moment, she closed her door before John could respond.

***

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Grace asked, putting a band-aid on John's arm.

John smiled, silently hoping that she wouldn't do a complete work up on the sample she had just drawn. "Nope, little needle like that doesn't scare me."

Grace laughed. "I should hope not. It's the other kind that are scary."

Although he knew she was referring to the needle from the crime scene, it was yet another type of needle that he immediately thought of. The kind that Doctor Thompson used when he checked him every week.

Grace looked at John, who was lost in thought, for a moment. She patted his arm. "I'll get on this right away and let you know what I find. Okay?"

John nodded. "Thanks, Grace." With that, he picked up his jacket and walked back to his desk.

John was still sitting at his desk when Grace walked up and dropped a folder onto the desk's surface. "What did Doctor Jordan want to talk to you about after your physical?" Her voice was confrontational, her hands on her hips.

Glancing up at Grace, John rubbed his eyes tiredly. "So I didn't test positive for HIV?"

Shaking her head, Grace pulled a chair over from an empty desk and said, "No, and neither did the needle that stuck you. So you shouldn't have to retest in the future." Grace waited a moment, letting that news sink in. "So? Are you going to tell me, or not?"

John recognized the determined posture that Grace was presenting him with, but he also was able to read the concern in her dark eyes. "He called because of something that showed up in the blood work from my physical."

"And?" Grace asked, although she already knew the answer.

"And . . ." John looked at his hands for a moment before meeting Grace's gaze. "He sent me to an oncologist, Doctor Thompson, who did another test. Which came back positive for non-Hodgkin's lymphoma."

Although what she had seen in the blood sample she had drawn had told her this might be the case, she wasn't prepared to hear him admit it. "John . . ." Her mouth dropped open, and her hands fell to her sides. "I'm sorry." John nodded, but didn't say anything. "When do you go for treatment?" 

"In about two more months I should start chemotherapy," he said, sitting back in his chair, but keeping his voice low. "Until then, we wait."

"How's Sam taking it?" she asked. "She's kept as quiet as you have."

John smiled sadly and shook his head. "She doesn't know, Grace. And I intend to keep it that way."

"John Grant, how dare you!" Grace said forcefully and loudly. John made frantic shushing noises with his hands, and she dropped her voice. "How can you keep something this important from your fiance?"

"I just can't tell her, Grace," he said, shaking his head. "I'd do anything not to hurt her."

Grace blinked slowly, and took a deep breath, trying to calm down, before replying. "That includes lying to her?"

"She's happy." He tried to explain, but doubted Grace would see the logic behind his action. "I want her to be happy for as long as possible."

"That's sweet John," Grace said, her voice betraying her shock. "However, when is she going to find out?" She fought the urge to start pacing. "When you go into the hospital? When you come home with your hair falling out from treatment? This isn't something you can hide."

"I haven't thought that far ahead." 

Grace sighed, placing her hand on John's arm. "She loves you, John. Let her be there for you. You'll only hurt her more in the end if you shut her out."

Blinking, John said, "I refuse to hurt her the way Tom did, Grace. I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure that doesn't happen."

"It's not fair, John. To her, to Chloe or to you. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone."

John laughed humorlessly. "Tell me about it, Grace. I finally find a life I love and two days later I find out that I might lose it." He smirked, a cold humor in his eyes. "Life's a bitch, isn't it?"

Grace closed her eyes. "You should tell her." She paused, running a hand over her face. "John, now that I know, I should tell her."

"You can't." His voice radiating alarm, John half jumped out of his seat. "If anyone tells her, it has to be me."

Grace sat there a minute before nodding. "You're right about that. However, she deserves to know, and you don't plan to tell her. You're lucky that Sam's in Nebraska, or I probably would have brought this up with both of you."

John nodded, and sat up straight in his chair, with his elbows resting on his knees. "No one wishes she was here more than I do Grace. The longer she's away the more time I feel like I've lost."

***

"Hey there stranger," Sam said, walking up to John at his desk. It had been a week since Grace had found out about his being sick and the case in Nebraska had just ended.

Looking up, John's face broke into a smile. "Hey there, yourself." Standing, he pulled Sam into a warm hug. "I missed you," he said quietly.

Sam smiled, John's quiet side still surprised her occasionally. "I missed you, too." Pulling from the embrace, Sam asked, "Want to go to lunch?"

John nodded. "Just let me grab my jacket and we'll go."

"Good, meet me in my office, okay?"

As he watched her walk to her office, John smiled. He felt better just by having her back home. A few seconds later, John knocked on Sam's door. "Ready to go?"

"Let's go."

Conversation during lunch was light, each of them enjoying the chance to be together in person again. "I was thinking," John said, taking a bite of his hamburger. "Maybe you, Chlo and me should go out tonight. Kinda a welcome home thing."

Sam took a sip of her iced tea before responding. "I was more looking forward to a night at home, just the three of us."

John smiled. "That sounds great, too. I know Chloe will be happy you're home."

"I'll be glad to see her, too," Sam said. "But I'll admit I didn't feel as bad being away for so long since you were here." She took a bite of her caesar salad. "Did you two have a good time? Is the house still standing?"

"No, Mom, we didn't have any parties and the house is still in one piece," he said with a laugh, and took a drink of his Coke. "Sam, she's a great kid and we had fun. That doesn't mean we're not glad you're back."

Sam smiled. "Thank you."