The rain tapped steadily against the windshield of her Ford Taurus
as she drove down the busy interstate. Traffic was beginning to pick up,
and Dana Scully was hoping to make it to her apartment before the
overburdened grey clouds above released a torrent of rain upon the city.
It had been a long day teaching at Quantico, and a long bath
followed by curling up on the couch sounded very appealing to the former
agent. As traffic slowed down, she found herself playing with the radio
buttons, searching for something to distract her from the monotony of rush
hour traffic.
"Hey, all of you out there trying to get home, this is Bazooka Joe
with you here on WRQN 100.3. Coming up in the next hour we've got lots of
new stuff for you, and a request for an older song by Celine Dion."
The voice continued to drone on, but Scully had tuned it out.
Punching the scan button, she found an up tempo song and began to tap out
the beat on the steering wheel. Several songs later, she had reached her
apartment, narrowly avoiding the downpour from the skies.
On the way to her bathroom to draw a bath, she punched on the
radio. She recognized the DJ as the same one from earlier in the car. As
soon as the water was ready, she immersed herself in the warmth that it
provided.
As she soaked, her thoughts drifted back to a time not so long
ago. To when she was still assigned to the X-Files, when there was still
an X-Files division. A time when her best friend was still in her life.
She could still picture the last day she had spent with him . . .
*****
The morning had been uneventful, save for a few lighthearted
disagreements that were nothing new to the basement office of Special
Agents Mulder and Scully. Overall, the atmosphere had been almost jovial.
Ever since her cancer's remission, the two had become closer and closer.
Around 11:30 they had split up, she needed to run over to Quantico
to pick up some reports, and Mulder went out to grab a bite to eat. The
last she saw of him, he was sitting behind his desk with his glasses on
his nose, munching sunflower seeds absent-mindedly.
"See you after lunch Mulder, and don't forget to actually eat" she
called with a laugh as she was leaving.
"Uh huh. Me, forget to eat?" he asked feigning innocence. "I'll
be out of here in a minute. And don't you forget, as soon as we get back
we're supposed to go and see Skinner."
"Right," her response echoed along with the sound of her heels.
"Come on, Mulder. Skinner wanted us in his office ten minutes
ago," her voice ringing down the hallway into their combined office.
Silently, she cursed the traffic, causing her to be late enough already.
However, when she finally reached the office to look for him, he wasn't
there.
"How odd," she said to the vacant room.
She hurried to Skinner's office alone, none to pleased with Mulder
for making her deal with AD Skinner by herself, but not overly concerned.
Probably tried to pick up a lunch date, she laughed at the thought.
Scully was greeted by Kimberly, Skinner's secretary, and escorted
into the inner office.
"Agent Scully, please have a seat," Skinner greeted, not
mentioning the absence of her partner or her tardiness.
"Yes Sir, you wanted to see Agent Mulder and myself?" she queried
as she sat in one of the two leather seats in front of his desk.
"Speaking of Agent Mulder, why isn't he . . . " As he spoke,
Skinner's phone rang and he paused to answer it. As he listened his face
paled, and he glanced quickly at the lone agent sitting before him.
"Agent Scully, I have received some rather disturbing news," he
began, as he watched the color slowly drain from her face. Her features,
however, remained calm.
"Mulder?" she questioned her voice steady, forgetting the hostility she
had felt as his absence mere moments earlier.
"There's been an accident," he continued, "he's been taken to
Georgetown Medical," however, Agent Dana Scully heard no more, because she
was already sprinting down the hall. A concerned Assistant Director was
close at her heels as quickly as he could catch up.
The rest of the day was a blur; they arrived at Georgetown
relatively soon, heading directly for the ER. They learned that Mulder
had been hit by a drunk driver during the lunch hour rush. She was
allowed to see him, he was in intensive care connected to every machine
they had. But it was only that, Scully knew. It was not Mulder living in
that room, it was the machines.
For as long as they would let her, she sat by his side. She
talked to him, praying he might hear her voice and return to her. She
held his hand and played with his hair; willing herself not to cry, it
wasn't the time. Didn't he know it wasn't supposed to end like this? she
thought. Some drunk, in the middle of the day, wasn't supposed to
extinguish the light that was Fox William Mulder. He was her strength, as
much as she was his. The two were bound as one, more so than any two
lovers might ever dream of being.
Skinner hovered outside, afraid to interrupt the fragile space
between the partners, and best friends. He knew, as well as anyone, what
the two meant to each other. He had often feared what something happening
to Scully might do to Mulder; but it had never occurred to him that
something happening to Mulder might crush Scully. She was the strong one.
The sound of silenced tears reached out to Skinner, still standing
in the hallway. Hours had passed since they had arrived. It was dusk
outside, but there had been no improvement in Mulder's condition. It was
then that he had heard it, the ominous shrill call of a flat line.
He was pushed out of the way as a crash team raced into the room,
forcing Scully out into the hall with Skinner. Shaken, Skinner hugged
Scully, trying to stave off what he knew was coming.
"He's gone," she whispered into his shirt. Skinner barely caught
the muffled words.
"They're doing all they can. We just have to wait and hope for
the best. He's going to make it . . ."
"No, I can feel it," she tried to explain, interrupting him.
"He's gone. It's like a part of me has been ever so slowly pulled away.
Always before, whenever he had gotten into one situation or another, I
could feel him. Now . . . now, I can't." Tears coursed down her cheeks,
wetting Skinner's shirt.
As if to echo her words, the team exited the room, heads low in
respect to the mourning couple outside the door. Inside the room, lay the
body of Special Agent Fox Mulder, covered in a sheet.
*****
Her bath water had long since gone cold when she again heard the
voice of the radio DJ reach across the apartment.
"Sorry about this folks, I forgot to play this song earlier. So,
without anymore delay, here's "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. It's
for Bill, from Kate."
As he spoke, Scully had gotten up and put on her robe, but
something about the music made her stop and listen.
*****
Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.
Far across the distance and spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.
Near, far, wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on.
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart,
And my heart will go on and on.
Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime,
And never let go till we're gone.
Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to.
In my life we'll always go on.
Near, far, wherever you are . . .
*****
As the song wound back into the chorus, Scully found herself
collapsing onto the couch, a sheen of tears in her eyes.
"Mulder," she called quietly to her empty apartment. "I do still
miss you so sometimes. It was like losing a part of my own heart, burying
you that lifetime ago.
"But maybe she's right, you do still go on, inside me. Every time
I see your hazel eyes in my dreams. Or remember the one who will always
be my best friend."
*****
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on.
We'll stay, forever this way,
You are safe in my heart,
And my heart will go on and on.
*****
That night, sleep wasn't as hard to come by for Dana Scully as
some previous nights. In it's own way, the song she had heard had
comforted her. As long as she never forgot her dearest friend, then he
would never truly be gone from her life. She would never let go.
Wherever he was, he was there in her heart.
fin