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Thanks: to Nix for the beta. Boy this seems familiar... ;)

Disclaimer: Marvel, Fox - they own 'em.

I hate the heat, always have. The way the sun beats down and your clothes stick to you. Even before, when ice and cold weren't as natural to me as breathing, I hated the heat. All the other kids in school longed for summer break, but not me. Never me. Oh sure, I was glad to be rid of homework and tests for a while. Who wouldn't be? But the summer itself, that's just... foreign to me.

Didn't mean Ronny and I didn't make the most of it, though. We'd run all over the neighborhood, causing trouble and staying out too late, making mom mad when we missed dinner. Ronny was one of the only things that made summer bearable, especially once my powers -- my longing for all things cold -- began to emerge. We were something else. Were, anyway.

God, Ronny. Why'd you do it?

So much has happened. So much has changed. It's almost funny; in the middle of everything else that went wrong I'd almost forgotten. Or maybe I just wanted to forget. Who wants to remember staring up at their family, knowing they could never go back? That nothing could ever be the same?

It's not like I'm the only one who's lost something. Even with everything that happened at my parents', the last place I wanted to be was on the Blackbird. When Dr. Grey... I can hardly think about it, about what happened. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about a lot of things.

The heat, now that's something I can face. The heat is a comfortable complaint. Even still, I desperately wish it were winter. I wish there was ice in the trees and snow on the ground. I could get lost in the winter. Maybe even get lost and never come back... No, I couldn't do that. Not to Rogue. Not to any of them. We've already lost Dr. Grey. And John. I might not be so important but I know they'd at least notice if I disappeared.

That doesn't stop me from hiding though. From everyone, myself included if I was truly lucky. If my blasted brain would just stop for a while. Figures, all the jokes about my brain and the one time I want it to just shut up and play stupid, it won't. I can't help but sigh, my head dropping to rest my forehead against my knees.

Typical.

The sky's grown dark while I've hidden by the lake. The temperature's dropped, too, or maybe it's just me. I don't know how long I've sat, huddled in a ball, when someone sitting next to me startles me. Judging by how he shivers suddenly, I'm guessing the cold really is just me.

"Bobby."

I blink slowly, staring. I can't imaging what he's doing out here. I mean, I don't think anyone's even seen Scott since we got back. Except maybe the Professor and Logan. Rogue mentioned something about that the other day.

I must look as clueless as I feel 'cause he doesn't wait for me to say anything. "What are you doing out here, Bobby?"

He shifts his weight and I see him shiver again. Scott's not dressed for winter, but why should he be? I would lay off the ice, but my heart isn't in it. Looking at him, I mean really looking at him, I'm not sure his is either. I'm not sure he cares about the cold, anyway.

Shrugging, I turn to stare across the water. It's only now that I realize there's a thin layer of ice over that closest to me. "Thinking." I can't keep my eyes away from him, though, and soon I turn to look at him. "Why are you out here?"

"The Professor thought you might need someone."

"I'm sorry." I interrupt him before he can say anymore. And I've surprised him in the process, gauging by how his eyebrows raise. Sighing, I shake my head. "Don't worry about me, Mr. Summers." Yeah, I've known the man almost half my life but I still can't seem to call him Scott to his face. Someday. Maybe.

I can tell I've confused him. It's rare, but not altogether unheard of. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Fine is sitting alone, in the dark, freezing the lake?" I want badly to imagine a hint of humor in the words. The way there would have been -- before. But I know I'd just be hoping, not believing.

I try to grin, although I fail miserably, and uncurl my legs. "I'm Bobby. Nothing gets to me."

"What happened?" he asks quietly, and I know he's looking at me ever so intently behind those glasses. I don't need to see his eyes to know that.

You lost the woman you love, I want to answer. I almost blurt it out, actually. Biting my tongue I thank whoever might hear me for helping me keep my mouth shut for once. Geez knows I don't do that often enough.

Instead I take a deep breath, reveling in the feeling of cold air biting my throat. "Nothing important." I can tell he's about to say something, so I stall. "Seriously, Scott, go back inside." I'm so intent on releasing him from whatever obligation the Professor's sent him after I only belatedly notice that I'd used his first name.

What was the Professor thinking anyway? Scott just lost Dr. Grey, right in front of his eyes. Right in front of all of us. Saving us. Why is he bothering him with me?

"I need to know you're okay, Bobby."

His words startle me and I look at him out of the corner of my eyes. "What? Why?"

"Because I can't lose anyone else." His voice is low, scratchy, and I see him swallow twice before opening his mouth again, only to close it without speaking.

Suddenly there's a lump in my throat and I can't stop staring at him. "Neither can I." The words are out before I can stop them. At his sharp intake of breath I curse myself for the slip. Damn it.

I fumble for an apology, anything, but he beats me to it. "What happened, Bobby?"

"You shouldn't have to worry about me," I whisper, desperate. "Not now. Not after..." I trail off, fighting the urge to just jump in the water and freeze it around me and be done with it. His jaw tightens and I find myself hoping he'll turn around and leave. That way maybe I won't do any more damage than I already have.

When Scott finally speaks his voice is raw. "You can say her name." I shake my head, jerky motions from side to side that almost make me seasick. "I am sorry about your parents. Your brother."

My head stops moving, though my stomach takes up the cause. I stare at him, mouth opening and closing like some beached fish. "What?" I finally ask, though it's more like a strangled gasp than anything else.

"The Professor told me what happened."

"How'd he know?"

"Logan."

I half-laugh. Only it's one of those hysterical not really a laugh things, you know? "Damn. Nothing is a secret around here."

Scott shakes his head. "No. Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's to talk about?" It's a familiar tactic. If I can't joke my way out of it, I'll just deny feeling... anything. Deflection and avoidance are good friends of mine.

"Bobby."

"Why'd he do it, Scott?" I can tell my question surprises him. Hell, it surprises me even as I whisper the words. "Why'd Ronny do it? Why did they? He's my brother. They are," I bite the words off, cursing the slip. "They were my family..."

My chest hurts and my eyes are stinging. I blink hard, gasping for air and scrambling for control. The last thing I need to do is break down in front of Scott. How selfish is that?

I don't see Scott move. I don't realize he has until I feel his arm circle my shoulders. I don't realize I'm crying until he tightens his hold, my face pressed against his shoulder. Then he whispers, "Just let go."

All of a sudden all I can think of is Scott on the Blackbird, screaming and falling against Wolverine after we'd lost Dr. Grey. It's too much, me treating him like this. It wasn't so long ago it was him. He doesn't need the reminder. I put my hands on Scott's chest and try to push away but his other arm is suddenly around me as well, refusing.

"Bobby." His voice is oddly close to my ear. I suck in a breath and risk a look. For a moment I imagine I can see through his visor, to the eyes beneath. I wonder if his eyes looked anything like mine right then -- a bit wild, a bit lost. He waits a beat longer before shaking my shoulders slightly. "I won't break."

"I can't..."

He almost smiles then. Only it's too sad to be a smile. "You have to. You have to let go. You have to accept it. All of it."

I look at him then, trying to read all the signals he's giving off but failing. When you can't read someone's eyes, and you're not a telepath, sometimes you have to take a chance. "What about you?"

He looks up then, staring off into the stars. I was glad for the clear sky, rather than the snow clouds I'd longed for before. Perhaps he might see something there to help. "I'm trying."

"You should..."

"Be right here." He interrupts yet another attempt at sending him away, payback for my cutting him off earlier I suppose. "I should be here. With you. Just... coping. Together."

"It's not the same." How could it be? My family isn't dead. They hate me, but they're alive. She's not.

But Scott shakes his head. "It's far too similar, Bobby. The people we love most made choices for us, choices they took from us. Everyone loses."

He stiffens a bit at that, again looking upward. I can only wonder what he sees through his glasses. I didn't see any answers there for all my trying but maybe he does. There's so much he seems capable of that I can't even imagine. Sitting here, being consoled by the one of us most in need of comfort, it only drives that point home even more.

Fearless leader, they call him. Some the time it's not exactly a compliment. They don't know the half of it. I don't think I did either, until now.

I choke back another sob, hearing his voice quiver just a bit. I hug him impulsively. Not one of those one-arm, half hugs guys do, either. Although I'll probably deny it later. I've known Scott a long time, years even. I've seen him pissed. I've seen him upset. But damn I never imagined I'd see him lost.

"Scott?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry."

"So am I, Bobby. So am I."

fin