Sitting in the medical lab next to the Professor, I am doing my best to try and ignore what is going on around me. It isn’t working, but I keep trying. Even if it only worked for a little while I would be happy. It isn’t my usual approach to things, but events of late have hardly been usual.

Jean left some time ago to try and sleep. Since then I’ve been alone with my thoughts and the muted chirping of medical equipment. Everything is too quiet. Normally I would be the one to prefer quiet, ask for it, occasionally lose my temper for it. Not now. Now the quiet seems to be pressing in on me, tightening like a vise.

I shudder when I look at the Professor and think back on what happened earlier at the train station. Things are spinning out of control. I do not like being out of control, I never have. Some say I am orderly to a fault, obsessive even. If I am, it is because I have to be. I almost want to laugh hysterically at the thought, somebody has to be in charge and for whatever reason it fell to me.

Remembering where I am - and why - quickly ends any urge for laughter. Suddenly I am the leader. Even though it is what I’ve trained for - lived for - these past years, the responsibility looms large over my head. For a moment, I rest my head in my hands and let my rigid control slip.

I did mean what I promised him. I will take care of them. Still, can I help it if everything in me longs for him still to be here to take care of all of us?

I think back on the last time we spoke and that in turn leads me to think of Logan. The newest addition to our ranks, I can’t bring myself to trust him - not yet. But the Professor was right, if we are going to have a chance at defeating Magneto, we are going to have to get past our problems.

I shake my head, at least until Rogue is safe and our mission accomplished we cannot keep bickering like children. I almost smile, but don’t. Something tells me that it won’t be him approaching me for a truce, however temporary.

A quick glance at the clock and I realize it is finally close to dawn. Even after four hours of supposed sleep, this has been the longest night I can remember - easily the longest since I lost my eyes for the first time.

Standing, I stretch my arms above my head. I can hear someone approaching and a moment later Ororo walks through the doorway. I try to smile, but only manage to press my lips in a line. She nods before turning her attention to the Professor. With a last glance at the unconscious man behind me, I leave the medical bay and head toward the sleeping rooms.

It’s time to go find Logan . . . Time to settle this.