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Everytime I Close My Eyes 3 months have passed, and I haven't talked to Nick. I missed him, not our relationship...but him. Waking up with his arms wrapped around me, his smell floating around my house. Everything had changed. Nick still called me occassionally. Although we never actually spoke. Either he would call and hang up as soon as I said "Hello". Or I would pick up and listen to him breathe, never saying "Hello" or anything...just listening to him breathe. I was just really unsure of a lot of things. Nick couldn't be with me, the way I needed him to, because of his career. That alone was too much for me, not to mention Nick having to be followed by security, and our dirty laundry being spread all over the place. It didn't seem intimate...our relationship seemed to be EVERYONE's...Nick loved the attention, but it sort of annoyed me. I'm sure it annoyed him at some point as well...but this is what he wanted to do. I didn't want to interfere with his career, so I broke up with him. Maybe not the right thing, but it allowed me to escape without any bad feelings. "I'd do anything for one more chance..." Nick's voice whispered. He had called many times before, but now...this one time, he choose to speak. All the other times he had remained silent, I didn't know what to do or say. "You and I, we shared our lives together. Eachother were all we'd ever need." I could tell he was on the verge of crying. I let him say what he needed. "I thought that you would stay with me forever...but I took for granted the love you gave to me." He sighed. It was quite sad to see him in this state of desperation. "Everytime I close my eyes, you're all that I see..." Nick's words calming but still quite disturbing. "But I'll keep on trying, until the end. Baby, I need you back with me again." He seemed convince that "we" were perfect. I was overwhelmed by everything. Part of me wanted to take him back, but another part told me it'd never change, that everything would be just as it always had. "Girl, I'm going out of my mind. I miss you so much...I don't know what to do. They say it's just a matter of time, until I feel your touch...until you let me come back to you." His voice cracked...and I decided that we really needed to talk, because it wasn't healthy for either of us to live like we had the past couple of months. "I miss you too..." I said into the phone, my breath heavy. Even over the phone I could see him begin to glow. "I think about you....every night. I'm in love, and it feels so right." Nick said, I knew he had that cute smirk of his on his face. "Will you come over, so we can talk?" I asked, wanting to see his face...feel his arms wrapped around me. Nick said he'd be over as soon as possible. I can't remember what he said he was doing...I didn't pay that much attention to details, all I knew was that he was coming over. I got mixed feelings, I didn't know if I wanted to have him back or not. I decided I'd let my feelings do all the hard work. My doorbell rang, and I opened it to see Nick. Not the Nick I broke up with 3 months ago, a new Nick. For whatever reason he seemed taller, more muscular. Everything about him seemed new. He cut his hair...we had been dating for a year and a half...and I had NEVER seen his hair that short. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I needed Nick back, it was more evident now than it had ever been. I pulled him in, and he closed the door behind himself. He instantly brought his lips down to mine, our tongues colliding. Neither of us came up for air...we didn't need air, we just needed each other. Eventually I broke the kiss. "I've been thinking..." I whispered taking his hand and guiding him to the couch. He had his chance to talk on the phone, now it was my turn. "...I've been going crazy without you. I miss you." I smiled, and in return Nick smiled too. "But..." I sighed. "Being with you...isn't something I think I'm ready for. I want to, but it hurts...to have to be away from you. Nick sometimes you don't call for months. I know you're on tour and what not, but not ONE call?" Tears threatened to fall. He tried to speak but I put a finger up to his lips signalling for him not to speak. His eyes said everything he could possibly say with words. "I realize, that it's hard for you as well, but what am I going to do? Sit and wait for you to show me love?" I questioned. "I love you." Nick spoke softly. "Nick, saying it and showing it...are two different things." I sighed. Sometimes I thought Nick was too immature to grasp the concept of a relationship, and maybe he didn't "love" me in a "girlfriend" type of way, that I was more of a friend he needed. I looked into his eyes, his eyes only told the tale of desperation...I looked away. He leaned over and kissed me. His attempt to "show me love". I didn't return the kiss, a hurt look washed over his face. "Nick...do you love me? Or do you love how I make you feel?" Nick looked at me with a confused look on his face. "Both...doesn't one come with the other?" He questioned. I shrugged. "All I know is, sometimes I don't feel like you love me. You say it, but your actions contradict the words." I cried. I got up and walked towards the back of my house, to my bedroom. I left Nick in the living room to think over whatever he needed to. 20 minutes later Nick emerged in my bedroom door. He didn't say a word, he walked over to my bed and crawled under the covers with me. He kissed my neck, and ran his hands through my hair. I breathed in his cologne, something I hadn't done in a long time. Nick loomed over me, he looked down and nibbled on my lower lip. "Can I show you how much I love you?" He asked softly. I nodded. Feeling Nick again, felt good. We weren't driven by our hormones...we were truly "loving" eachother. It sent a chill up my spine, hearing Nick moan from the pleasure we both were creating. Nick's soft moans echoed in my heart. He was so careful and he took his time. My heart began beating fast...beating to the rhythm of our bodies. All at once these emotions were exploding in my body. Nick and I went at it for a while. Only stopping because we both were exhausted. We laid in eachother's arms...just like old days. He kissed my forehead. I wanted everything to be the same as it had been before the break up...but neither of us could deny the fact that something had changed. "I know, what we did...doesn't make everything better. I just need you." He looked at me. Stroking my hair. "I need you too. We have to work on the rest...but for now, we enjoy eachother's company." I sighed, kissing him passionately. < ---------2 Months Later--------- > "Hello?" I picked up the phone. "Did I wake you?" Nick's voice said on the other end of the phone. "Yeah...but it's okay. What's wrong?" I questioned. "Nothing...I just thought I'd call. We're in San Diego now."... Ever since Nick and I, "made up" that day 2 months ago, Nick made sure he called, even if at the oddest of hours. My birthday was 3 weeks ago, of course he was away, but he sent me flowers and a present...he even called. The day after my birthday I got a package from him. In the package there was a video he made. It basically was him declaring his love for me. It was sweet. Although our relationship changed...I think it changed for the better. |