|
When Roses Grow Black Chapter 39 I sat in what seemed like eternal darkness for the next memory to wash over me. I didn't want to just float in the dark because that just gave me too much time to think, and I didn't need that. Things just kept becoming clearer and clearer and reality became blurrier and blurrier. Gerry's face was an old memory now, Krystal's unique, raspy voice was like an ancient whisper in my mind. I was forgetting about my life before this whole incident came up. The things I used to know became more and more dream like compared to this reality. I started wondering if maybe my family really was just something I only dreamed about nightly. I began thinking that I had always been this confused, and that I was always "Princess Rose". I mentally slapped myself. What was I thinking about? I was losing my mind, and I was way too young for that, at least that's what I thought. Just to prove to myself that my friends were real, and my life before this was real, I was going to call someone. But what if they weren't real? What if I was really going out of my mind and mixing fantasy and reality? Finally, a new memory started to fade into my mind.Candle light lit up the room I was in and I looked around. In the middle of the room was a large bed with flowing white transparent curtains surrounding it with its side facing me. Straight ahead was a large balcony looking out over what I believed to be a lake. To the far side of the room stood a dresser and a full length mirror. The room was beautifully decorated with tapestries of white unicorns and silver stars and moons. The walls were stone, and the floor was covered in thin, rough carpet. The sky out above the balcony was speckled with celestial objects, and the moon orbited the earth high over head contentedly. I knew this place. This was the place in my dream, but I knew it from another part. This was my room, the room I had all my life in the palace. I had chosen each of the tapestries myself and where to hang them. The bed used to be my mothers when she was a child. That's what I was in this place, a child princess. While I never needed to worry about being protected, for I had the magic, I always had a guard out side my door. Not exactly ideal for sneaking out late at night. I had begged and pleaded with my father to allow me to go out tonight, but he insisted I stay in my room until daybreak. His excuse was because the shadow prince was here and he didn't know what he could be up to. When I was smaller I would use the magic in innocence to sneak to meet Brian, but I was older now and understood it was not a toy, and it was very powerful. The magic which ran through my veins could cause the destruction of the entire world at my bidding. I looked out over the lake and sighed in frustration. "I am old enough to protect myself, now. Nothing is going to happen to me. Besides, I'll be with Brian," I said to myself as I gripped my locket. I wanted so badly to get out and see my friend that I neglected to foresee the consequences of my actions. I carefully climbed onto the ledge of my balcony, and took a deep breath. I had forgotten just how high it really was over the years. I felt the magic form its familiar bubble around me and before I could let out another breath, I was floating safely to the earth. The moment my feet touched the ground again, I took off into a run towards the abandoned church on the beach. I couldn't wait to see him. It had been so long, too long. I had so much to tell him and so much to ask. I wanted to hear of his journey and fill in the blanks Kevin never did. I remembered his laugh and his smile which made the girls in court melt. His pale blue eyes that told you immediately how he felt. As I reached the falling apart church I slowed my pace to a walk and began stalling and buying time. I wanted to see him, but I was afraid. What if he only had bad news for me? What if he had changed so much that we could no longer have our friendship? The rush of adrenaline in me and these thoughts caused tears to spring into my eyes. I let out one lonely sob as I stopped in front of our meeting spot. He wasn't there. He didn't want to see me. The only thoughts that ran through my mind were morbid ones which only made me cry harder. I dropped to my knees and sobbed. I leaned against the tree at my side and I looked at it. It was the tree we had inscribed our names into saying we would always be friends. My disappointment swallowed me up and I let it all out. That was what I had always gotten when I looked forward to something so greatly. I was only given heartbreaking disappointment. "Excuse, me Miss, But, are you alright?" came a strangers all too familiar voice as I wept into my hands. As my tears still flowed, my sobs subsided as I heard his voice. I slowly looked up and met his eyes. Those wonderful eyes that could always comfort me no matter what the problem. The blue eyes I had last seen three years ago. "Are you alright?" he asked again as he helped me to my feet. The tears of pain and sorrow turned to tears of joy as he stood looking concerned and dumbfounded in front of me. My hand went to my mouth to keep my jaw from falling to the ground. He was exactly the same except for a few minor things which came with age. "Oh, my God," I slowly let out in a half laugh half sob. "Are you okay, Miss, you look like you've just seen a ghost?" he asked wearily. I looked at him and laughed through my tears. He had absolutely no clue who the hell I was, "You don't recognize me at all, do you?" He slowly looked me up and down in the dim light of the almost full moon, and looked at me strangely. I could see his mind working, trying to register who I could be. Recognition slowly formed in his eyes, but he looked at me in disbelief. I don't think he wanted to see me this grown up. I don't think he was prepared for it, to except it. "Rose?" he asked in a shocked whisper. All I could do was nod a small yes and suppress a sob of laughter and joy. "Rose!!!" he exclaimed as he pulled me into a gigantic bear hug and swung me around happily. "Brian!!" I laughed with him before we became dizzy and we sat in the sand on the beach looking out over the water. "It is eternally good to see you again!" I smiled as I sat looking at him. "What? Do I have something on my face? Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked as he wiped his face with his hands. "I want to be able to remember what you look like so I will even remember you in our next lives," I sighed as I looked down at the ground embarrassed. I heard him chuckle and I looked back up, "Jeez, Rose, don't you think I should be the one doing that to you?" He took my face in his hand and smiled brightly. "Look at you, your all grown up. I didn't even recognize my best friend. You're certainly not the little tomboy I used to hang around with. Look, you even wore a gown here! Surely not what I expected." He looked into my eyes and I knew right then he was sincere. So much had changed, including us. "Time passes too quickly, and people change too easily. It's a wonder our friendship survived at all. I don't know what to say to you, I grew up. I learned to take on the responsibility of a princess of power. I really had no choice in the matter. We all grow up some time, I'm sure you went through it, right?" I sighed looking up at the stars. "Yes, but I was hoping you wouldn't do it with out me with you," Brian replied wistfully and I laughed. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was unaware I had to wait for you!" I playfully pushed him and that contagious smile of his spread across his face. I knew that I had found my best friend again. Although circumstances had pulled us apart and looks changed, our friendship never wavered. We always had each other to depend on, and nothing had changed. He was the one to help me through my rebellious time of life as a child when I wished to be anything but a princess. He was my third Guardian and I knew he would always be there for me. "So, what happened? I mean, who had the nerve enough to take you away from me?" I asked lightheartedly. "Yes, you were supposed to wait for me in order to grow up!" He laughed jokingly before answering. The story in which unfolded in his answer made my blood boil and disgust erupt through me. The king of the Shadow Kingdom had ordered him taken captive, and lied saying there were charges against him. So at the age of 23 he was imprisoned and sentenced to be in there for the rest of his life. He refused to tell me exactly what happened to him in there no matter him much I begged him too. He had told me that not even Kevin had heard the horrible answer to that question and that I wasn't about too. I wasn't stupid and had heard the stories of what happened in those dungeons. The tales of hourly beating and little to no food a week. Unclean water and food the rats got before the poor souls in prison. Many died from over excessive blood loss while others died from mal-nourishment. Others still died from hunger and disease. My throat closed up at just the thought of any of those tortures happening to my wonderful best friend, my only friend. Although Brian acted as he had those three years ago, I knew his traumatic experience had effected him deeply. As I struggled with grotesque suitor after miserable suitor, Brian was fighting to stay alive. It turned out that at the time of my 13th birthday, my father had been more powerful than that of the Shadow Kingdom, and Brian said the evil King had planned to send Vance then only to be turned away by both Brian and Alexander. When Vance had returned home so quickly, his father became enraged and lusted for revenge for his youngest son. Much weaker than our Kingdom, he couldn't wage war and cause his own slowly growing Empire to crumble beneath him. Instead, he snuck a spy in and captured Brian. As expected, Kevin had tracked him and followed the clues all the way back to the Shadow Kingdom's capitol and to the Palace. He went before the King and confronted him about Brian's disappearance while also presenting his evidence. After two and a half years of keeping Brian as prisoner, he cared little of what happened now. He let him go into the care of his older cousin, Kevin. On the journey home, Kevin carefully nursed him back to health. In this part, Brian carefully chose his words in order to keep me in the dark of exactly what he went through. As he finished the end of his story, the sky was a rainbow of pinks, purples, oranges, and a light blue. The sun was rising and I had been out all night. I sighed heavily, and swallowed the knot before forcing myself to speak. "I'm so sorry," I whispered softly, unable to meet his eyes as I began to get up from my sandy seat next to him. He quickly jumped to his feet before I could leave, "For what? Why are you sorry?" "If it weren't for me you never would have been taken away from your life here. None of that would have ever happened to you!" I cried out in self-hate. I felt at fault for his suffering, and the pain buried in his eyes. "It wasn't your fault, Rose. You, hell, no one had any idea of what could have happened by that one action back then. It happened, Rose, it's over with, done, and nobody is at fault. Especially not you. Tell me you don't blame yourself," he scolded as he rested his hands on my shoulders. When I didn't respond he turned my face so he could see it, and frowned at the building tears in my eyes. "I don't blame myself," I whispered looking at the ground. "Don't pull that on me. Now, I won't let you walk away thinking your at fault for this. Look me in the eye and tell me," he chided me and I sighed. Slowly, I looked him dead in the eye, "I don't blame myself. But know that that is one of the biggest lies I have ever told, and the first I have ever told to you. I will forever blame myself because you are my friend and I could have done something. Just like Kevin is going to forever blame himself because of the same reason. Now, I have to go before my parents discover my absence and decide to use the guillotine on my guard. I'll see you later." I quickly turned and left before the tears spilt over my eyes and I broke down in public. The sun was rising behind my back and I knew Brian was just standing there watching my retreating figure. It hurt to think I was responsible.The memory faded and I felt the ancient guilt settle on my shoulders once again as if it had never left in the first place. I was going to have to get used to carrying this feeling around again with out completely crumpling under the weight of my own heart. |