Eversince I can remember I was very spiritually inclined. I was fascinated by all faiths. Now, I believe in never putting down any faith. I believe all faiths are true paths and are all needed as no one religion could fulfill all the needs of every person on earth. There are too many different dispositions,etc. So, I am not putting down any faith saying this. I was brought up as a Christian, although we weren't real church goers. My parents basically left it up to us whether we wanted to be confirmed (Protestant) and never forced us to go to church. But, I kept going back to reading on the Eastern religions and philosophies. I was particularily attracked to Indian and Asian culture and arts also. I read alot on Hinduism and Buddhism. This continued the rest of my life. Then, after getting married and having three beautiful children, I became ill and had to stop working. I started spending alot of time reading again and I read alot of books dealing with spirituality. Again, I felt myself coming back to Buddhism over and over again.
All my life I have been looking for my spiritual path and somehow, I knew when I found it. I knew it wasn't in Christianity. I tried. I tried very hard. But, I couldn't help but feeling I was an orange mixed in with a bunch of apples. I had alot of questions that no one could answer either. I was told simply to believe, that it was God's will, He worked mysteriously, etc. For many people, that is how they perceive faith. And, of course, there's nothing at all wrong with that. I just wasn't like that. I needed something that made sense to me. I wanted a spiritual path and home.
One day I was reading a book written by a woman much like me - who had been struggling her whole life to find a spiritual niche. She had many teachers. Many of them were Buddhists. As she talked about them, Buddhism and the Buddha, everything just seemed to fall into place. The clouds that obscured my path, it seemed, suddenly lifted and I felt an inner joy and peace I never had before. Here was my faith; may path. I had come home!
And, Buddhism answered, for me, all those long unanswered questions. I could relate to the Buddha. He was born a regular human being like the rest of us. Okay, maybe not like all of us as he was born a prince, but he experienced the same things as I did. He received an education, married and had a son. Then, with the feeling that something could be done to alleviate the suffering of every sentient being, he left his palace and took up the religious life. And, after a long, difficult 6 years, he achieved nirvana....full enlightenment. From that point on, he was called "the Buddha"; "The Awakened One." The Buddha said we were all buddhas. We all had the Buddha-nature in us. We just had to peel off all those layers to get to it. He did it and so could we and he spent the next 45 years teaching on how it could be done.
I had always also believed in rebirths, not just one shot at life and that was it. I also had begun meditation long before as a way of relaxing and centering and calming my mind. So, converting was the most natural thing in the world to me. In fact, I feel that I really never converted, but I have been a Buddhist since the day I was born in this lifetime. Even my Rinpoche confirmed this along with the fact I have been a Tibetan Buddhist for many past lives. Since then, I have taken the Three refuges with one teacher and was presented with my Buddhist name, Kalyana "spiritual friend"). I also took the Bodhisattva Vow. Several years ago, I was so blessed to have met my precious root teacher, The Venerable Shyalpa Rinpoche, on my birthday. I knew right then and there I had found my teacher. I had a hour long private interview with him. He generously gave me, for my birthday, one of his own precious possessions. It was an amulet, a garuda, very old, for me to wear at all times around my neck. The garuda protects me. Since then, I have taken refuge with Rinpoche and he gave me the Dharma name of Sangye Dolma, which in Tibetan means "Buddha Tara." He also, as a present, presented me with a Tibetan calligraphy of my name that he himself did. I am so fortunate beyond words to have met him and to be his student. Since I met him, I try to attend every talk and retreat Rinpoche has. He also initiated me into the Ngondro in December of 2001.
In June of 2000, the coordinator of our area's meditation and discussion group, which meets under the auspices of the Rangrig Yeshe Center, which Rinpoche established in 1989, moved out of the area. I was asked to become the new coordinator. I request I gladly accepted. We meet every Sunday in my home. It is free and open to the public. For a list of places and sitting scedhules all over the USA please go to Rangrig Yeshe Center I have read over one hundred books on my faith and I practice daily including mindfulness, meditation and the Dharma taught by the Buddha. Simply reading alot of Dharma books, without practicing will get you nowhere. You MUST practice or else you just have alot of book knowledge and nothing else. I have never been happier and there have been so many positive changes within me. I used to be a hyper type A personality, always fretting and worrying, but not anymore. My love and compassion for all sentient beings keeps growing. I have more understanding and patience than ever before. My life has a meaning. All our lives do. And, I will keep practicing to attain enlightenment for the sake of all sentient beings. And, I hope to someday have a heart like the Buddha's. A heart "as wide as the world".
This site is dedicated with all my heart to the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Much Maitri!
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