25 Ways For A Southerner To Annoy A Yankee
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the
left."
4. Talk REAL slow and ask them to speak more slowly so you
can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's
ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it,
raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names.
(e.g. Lisa Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in
conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", interject
that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's
"Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For "New York" Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New
York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from
upstate New Yoik!", say "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted
to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a
box of Moon Pies, preferably the banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba".
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to
school.
20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions.
"Now drive down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at
where the Chevron station used to be. I think they
turned it into an Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway,
turn right there. . ."
"You said left."
"Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see
a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish
used to be on the other side of town.."
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went
driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call 'em a yankee. Works every time.