Buck's Pan Fried Steak

ONE T-BONE STEAK
ENOUGH GREASE TO LUBE A SMALL CAR
SMALL CAST IRON SKILLET

Ask your wife where the skillet is. Ask your wife where the Crisco is. Ask your wife where a fork is.

Turn up heat under skillet as high as it will go. While the shortening is melting, run in the living room to catch the score on the ball game. When the smoke in the kitchen gets to the doorway of the living room, it's time to go put the steak in the skillet.

Try to knock several jars of spices out onto the counter-top while you are looking for the pepper. Pepper the steak....if you can still see it through the smoke. Place steak in skillet and run over to the sink to run cold water on your hand where you touched the skillet (which is by now so hot it is glowing red).

By this time the steak should be seared on one side, so turn it over. Run back into the living room to check score (try not to hurt yourself by sliding down in the grease on the floor. When wife screams at you that the neighbors have called the fire department, your steak is done. Serve this with 2 pieces of bread, a large enough onion to cause your wife to sit 3 pews back from you in church the next morning...and ketchup (optional). Make certain to leave the remains of the onion in the kitchen trash can, so that while your wife slides around the kitchen trying to clean all this up, she can enjoy the aroma therapy from the meal you just prepared.

After eating, try to fall asleep on the couch as soon as possible, in order to give the little woman the privacy she needs in the kitchen to pray through to victory over her temper. After faking loud snoring while peeking out of one eye at the television,(about 2 hours).....when the kitchen door slams shut and the car screams out of the driveway; quickly run and check the refrigerator to see what's for dessert, making certain it requires several dishes to eat it. Leave dishes in freshly scrubbed sink.

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