The Deer Hunt

1:00 am Alarm clock rings

2:00 am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed

2:30 am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up

3:00 am Leave home for deep woods

3:15 am Drive back home and pick up gun

3:30 am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight

4:00 am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent

4:30 am Head out into woods

6:05 am See eight (8) deer

6:06 am Take aim and squeeze trigger

6:07 am "Click"

6:08 am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill

8:00 am Head back to camp

9:00 am Still looking for camp

10:00 am Realize you don't know where the camp is

-Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries

12:15 pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back

12:20 pm Strange feeling in stomach

12:30 pm Realize you ate poison berries

12:45 pm Rescued!!

12:55 pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped

3:00 pm Arrive back at camp

3:30 pm Leave camp to kill deer

4:00 pm Return to camp for bullets

4:01 pm Load gun - leave camp again

5:00 pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you

6:00 pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp.

6:01 pm Load Gun

6:02 pm Fire gun

6:03 pm One Dead Truck

6:05 pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!

6:06 pm Supress strong desire to shoot partner

6:07 pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire

6:10 pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire

6:15 pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods

6:25 pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator

6:26 pm Start walking

6:30 pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud

6:35 pm Meet great big Bear!

6:35 1/2 pm Take aim

6:36 pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.

6:36 1/2 pm Lose all control of bodily functions.

6:37 pm Climb tree

9:00 pm Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree

9:03 pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone

9:04 pm Start climbing down the tree

9:05 pm Fall out of tree

-Midnight- Home at last

-Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions about what to do with it!!

Home Page/Chuckles/All Things Southern