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Some New Zealanders, I think, can only hack fairly light and happy-go-lucky commentary - so here it goes for this page ... (I apologize that some of my own adoption of such characteristics would be mind-numbingly insulting to others) ... This page is the one with photos for when a visitor cannot be stuffed reading much.
Circumstances had me wondering even more if I was nothing but a selfish, fragile, deluded and sheltered spoilt brat …
Excuse that I just seemed to have to drop everything for a long while, and do what I seemed to need to get a bit of life back into me.
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I think people are being shallow and tacky when they all want to see and show are photos for no particular reason. However, seeing people happy is a different matter. Appearance is really nothing, as long as an individual is clean and healthy - anything is fine with me if they're not likely to smell bad nor drop dead - then I become more worried about them. Visual ugliness I can handle ... (!). But if people are that superficial in thinking that appearance matters, I'm buggered if I'm going to argue about it - let them have their fancy colours and stupid graphics …
Much of this material seems to converge all on one predominate topic, but I hope reveals more enlightening features along the way.
This essentially became known as the illustrated menu page, and was intended to casually and very briefly, introduce the peripheral links not given precedence on the original main menu
which used to offer slightly better options for exploring my wider background of personal thoughts. However, perhaps this current page has it's own merits too.
The links to the peripheral pages are included in this present illustrated
menu after one of my most favoured main links is still given first.
Clicking on any of these links supplied below, if these do not return the reader here once the selection has been read through, would lead on further to the same set of pages sooner or later. Thus, if you get fed up with trying to make sense of this site, and do not return to this page again, any viewing of the subsequent pages would just be in a different order depending on the first link chosen here. Please just ramble through and get lost!
Feel free to consider the following
a poorly-cropped depiction of juxtaposed relations...
(This is just a lo res inconsequential space filler. Still, I am sorry if it's too small in dimensions as well, for visitors who have visual impairment)
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This is not to be taken as though I get off on "positivity" or "self-love". I believe that kind of shit is best left for yet another sort of weirdo, not the kind I am (if you're left wondering) ... !
Dysfunctional visionaries : Link to a passing personal reflection on what a political group mentality can sanction and contribute to without having encouraged the due ongoing ability of individuals to readily keep asking their own questions and have their interpretations respected. I, however, have concerns that this will sound far too overbearing ... [continue].
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One of the many papers I read to piece together what happened in the past was one that helped in terms of proposing a distinction that had been unclear to me and thus was really dragging me down :
Campbell, W. K., Rudich, E., & Sedikides, C. (2002). Narcissism, self-esteem, and the positivity of self-views: Two portraits of self-love. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28, 358-368.
I didn't want to forge ahead whilst becoming what I didn't want to be to others. The aforementioned reference would have been a good starting point for what I had felt compelled to look into. Their introduction, as well as their research, provided just a slightly different aspect to consider that I hadn't read elsewhere. |
Message to Potential Employers in the Future (originally written to put my mind at rest whilst still studying)
Otherwise click to a briefing of increasing texture and reconsolidation, depending on the initial approach (this gets tedious as one page of many on the same subject, but great for those who just want a succinct finalising summary without necessarily reading the rest) ...
... After almost ten years of weathering much, it was strongly implied to me that I just could not love. I go on about this, because either I really am a whackjob, or the prolonged situation really did have a severe impact upon me. I've tried to ensure that the lessons learnt could responsibly become part of a greater fulfilment to draw upon... [the textured link].
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I think this can lead to a sad piece that begins on Folded Notes, that has me standing on some pretty shakey ground with what I've written much earlier as I was recovering. Yet in a certain sense, the piece still turns out in the end as the best I have in describing such sadness - and this is for whatever the sadness really is about without intellectualising it. A lot of it is indeed just bloody loopy. I think it would drive most people insane and right up a tree if they're not expecting a journal-like narrative that is really only presented to have the details on such a perspective written down in text somewhere. Clearly it is only to be skimmed, if that at all, and skimmed as if the detailed references aren't necessary.
I hope other pages are read along with it in order to get some balance. I learnt to not give myself access all the time to what this really documents for me, but neither do I forget what I can still take from it beyond the particular listed events that are far outdated in purpose. Much of what I'd like to use to turn into humility, indeed makes me feel incredibly fucking stupid...
Another option is to continue to end up on the page, Regressive : what "independence" is not
- A page which I was glad to write, if only to get out of my way and onto other things with confidence that I can sound fairly sane and rational again.
Getting to all sorts of places
can became habitual, and the habits
formed alongside many others have
influences very far from being all bad …
The old and tired rationales sometimes take hold
(don't let the scrolling text
shown immediately
above
distract from the
overriding message below)
Return from overshooting the equilibrium
Find real and normal entwined
Sensuality earthed
Sensitivity unfolds
To be with all that remains
Rough Notes Against Method -
I can sound pretty insane
when my only focus is to get notes down
Pictured below is a noxious primate
usually found in New Zealand.
Visit
... "Of platitudes past again ..." (to select this,
please click the
picture to the left
- I thought the
light
contrast was
cool at the time)
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I told all those I was with that I was far too old to wear such jeans, and put the onus on them to help keep pulling them up for me - not good in mosquito infested bush either, but no one listened. O, how I lament that life is so difficult - complete with itchy ankles, itchy calves and assorted bellyaching. Actually, I had finally reached an area of the country that I had been dying to see, and was absolutely rapt to be there. |
Name/
Last modified Size
Description
raw.html
11-April-2006 21:34 1k
outlining the need
. for balanced
. esteem
(merges into
. the overall theme on
. letting defences
. down after much confused whining)
notjustpending.html
11-April-2006 20:08 1k
theoretical ecology research interests
.(another quick esoteric
.glance again, indicating what
.I really enjoy, still with the option of returning to a lighter page which is perhaps more
about how I'm not
trying to be insolent...)
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