Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
- Malcom Forbes

These are just some quotations taken from professors at Carleton University.

"All descriptions are distortions."

"Argument is a form of love."

"Civilisation is a composition of the collective values in all our minds."

"Everyone has to find their work space. . . . I don't work here."

"Existentialism for the non existent."

"I could do it. Give me twenty minutes and I could have at least three of you kneeling on the floor in front of me."

"I don't think there are 29 days in January."

"I made my point. The operation was a success but the patient died."

"I think that of all Shakespeare's poems, this is the worst because it is most like a Bell telephone ad."

"I try to have a good time in life, but it's getting so damned dangerous."

"I want to be a popular ruler, but I still want justice done . . . so I bring in the RCMP and give them pepper spray."

"I would have given anything to be there during the burning of the Bank of America."

"If I was a good actor, I could do the chicken walk."

"If it was all said in the book, you wouldn't need me."

"It's amazing what the university is doing to try and be friendly this year."

"If you are one of those people whose just illiterate but brilliant . . ."

"May this class never end . ."

"Once an English Professor starts writing letters he can't stop, now, can he?"

"Once you make the choice to be rightist or leftist, pro-this or anti-that, your brain has shut down."

"Our problems in this world are a case of mistaken identity: it sounds like a Shakespearean play."

"People without choices are in deep, deep trouble."

"Put enough academics together and any subject becomes boring after a while."

"Refusal to accept the sign was death. Death by piano."

"So the burning question is: why are you all here and not at the Celine Dion concert?"

"That's a hat that can rival that bush."

"The more I tell you about writing, the less you'll evaluate me at the end of the year."

"The problem with this is that a) it's beautiful, b) it's a lie and c) it's a cliché."

"There are a lot of people out there trying to get your minds. And that's ok."

"There is a time when a good gentleman has to become a bastard."

"This is really important to learn if you're doing a close reading of the Quebec licence plate."

"This is what the CBC calls multi-tasking. You have to do everything yourself."

"We are not sure what essentialisms are anymore."

"We probably learned faster because no one every told us."

"We try to make our lives imitate romance to some extent."

"What's smooth about sensuous pleasure? . . . I'm not talking about the objects of sensuous pleasure."

"Why do married women where cosmetics?"

"You can only blame someone if they could have done something else."

"You need a map of the galaxy to find this place. You should just pass this course if you find the room."

"You're never finished learning how to write."

It is a lesson that awaits us all. So many years of schooling provide so little education.
- Sean Russell, "World without End"