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| April 8th, 2002 So my sister in law is being induced today and i'm so excited. I keep calling them, I hate being so far away. She's having contractions, but hasn't taken any drugs. She's one strong bitch cause you KNOW my ass would be all drugged up by now! I'm so excited for her, she's gonna be a great mom. Oh yeah, i'm happy for my bro too *giggle*. He's a dork but I love him. So, Stef FINALLY put up a link to my site on hers.......but I didn't wanna say anything *smurk*. Luv ya girl! :) Today I go for my attunement before I start my reiki classes. I CAN'T wait! I'm very excited. I also signed up for an astrology class today too. I love starting this new path of spiritual "stuff" for lack of better term. Although it's not the life I started out to make, i'm excited that I have the balls now to do what I really want to do with my life, be a spiritual healer. Of course, we may have to get a day job but oh well right? I got invited to go goth clubbing but I had to admit I still don't have the self esteem to dance around with all the other stick thin gothlings yet to go. I'm aching to go.......but alas i'm still way too body conscience. One day i'll come out and go crazy, say about 50 or so pounds from now. ;) Even tho i've lost 54.5lbs, i'm still so controled by my weight. I can't wait to be truly liberated physically, emotional, mentally, and spiritually. Such a process......patience.......blah blah blah. I'M ABOUT INSTANT GRATIFICATION DAMMIT, now can you pass that 1/4 cup of protein? I'm having a craving......LOL ;) |
| Song I'm Listening To: Altered Images- Happy Birthday |
| Book I'm Reading: The Healing Craft |
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| The symbol of this ever changing body and mind........of my journey to become a butterfly. |
| Song I'm Listening To: Duran Duran- The Chauffeur |
| Book I'm Reading: The Healing Craft |
| April 9th, 2002 So my sister in law had her baby! Yeah!! I'm so very happy for them! :) Please keep them in your thoughts for a safe recovery and journey! :) Last night I had the most amazing conversation with my boyfriend. He said he's finally starting to understand what it's like to be obese. He had to carry these large water jugs from his truck downstairs to our apartment last night. They weighed enough to put another 100lbs on him. While carrying them up to our place, he had to stop 2x. It was hard on his knees and his back. He understood what it's like to physically carry that much weight. I so needed to hear that from him, because I craved his understanding. The conversation went on from that about understanding the mental and physical tolls of obesity, and how it's just a struggle to do the simplest of things. I felt validated somehow, I felt understood. I felt liberated, and I cried. It's been hard to be in a relationship with someone so thin, someone that doesn't understand but can only too well see how i'm treated by society. This mixed bag of respect and wonderment from him. I couldn't even muster words to tell him what that meant to me. He'll never know how deeply he touched my heart last night, in a way no one has even tried to touch me. I have no idea how I will thank him for all that he's given me, but I figured i'd start out with some oral sex. HA HA HA, i'm terrible! :) Well, I got my reiki attunement yesterday too. OMG it was wonderful. Such an amazing experience to me. It's the start of my 21 day cleansing cycle. I've been mediating and thinking about things, life. I think that i've chosen a good path for myself which I like. I love this lifestyle of self improvement and self happiness. Granted, life is never perfect........but I can will my life into whatever I want. I have choices today......I will not take them for granted. :) *wish us luck on the house* Til tomorrow! |
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| This is kinda how i'm feeling today, like i'm starting to bloom into my own. What a gift this surgery has been to me, I will try not to take it for granted today. I will try to follow the guides of reiki, to let go of anger, sadness, ego. I will try to be humble and receive the gifts life has to offer. I will be open to the universe. I know, I sound like a total dork! :) |
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