| Song I'm Listening To: Covenant - Afterhours |
| April |
| April 15th, 2002 I hate house shopping now, it's official. It's stressful and crazy and I found you can not trust ANYONE. UGH!!!! I just wish I didn't crave the american dream like everyone else. So otherwise besides the house thing.......life is going. I've realized how this surgery has affected all aspects of my life. So many things are becoming clearer and new and scary and fresh. It's really overwhelming some days. The little things make me happy, but my behavior doesn't sometimes. I get so emotional and so sad and so angry and so EVERYTHING! I love that i'm meditating every morning and trying to give myself balance, I love my relationship and my family, I love my friends, but I still hate myself in deep dark ways. It's hard to discover yourself and go thru that process. I thank the powers that be everyday for my boyfriend that holds my hand thru this whole thing. All and all i'm a very lucky person and I realize this, but it's just so hard sometimes. I have so much stuff to get thru and when I look at it I get so scared and I just want to RUN for my damn life. Of course, i've done that for years and it hasn't really gotten me anywhere. What a process.......what a day.......what a life! :) Today i'm trying to remember to focus on today and just deal with the matters at hand. Til next time....... :) |
| Book I'm Reading: Practical Aromatherapy |
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| I want apple trees in my yard, so someone please find me a house! LOL ;) |
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| Song I'm Listening To: Ghetto Day - Crystal Waters |
| Book I'm Reading: Practical Aromatherapy |
| April 16th, 2002 Well, here we are at another day. We are going to go with a new agent because we one we have sucks. UGH! Otherwise today has been totally uneventful. I haven't had a decent moment to myself to even think really. I'm just kinda disgusted with the whole real estate realm at this moment. People are DAMN GREEDY! Ah, the price you pay to live in California. FUCK! Well.......i'm sure tomorrow will be more insightful. Have a wonderful night all......much love! :) |
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| April 17th, 2002 Well, we got a new agent and I think she's gonna be kick ass. I feel hopeful about the house situation now for the first time since this whole thing started! I'm in a much better mood today thank GOD. I've lost another .5lbs which brings me to 249.5! WOW, under 250. I think I might have a heart attack! I was very happy to see that this morning. Today has been hopeful (cept Halo was a bad boy at the vet today...UGH). I had lunch with a dear friend of mine today and she's always inspiring. I adore her and it felt good to feel so real if that makes any sense. She's so down to earth and when I talk to her I feel....normal. It's always so nice! Today has been a good day overall. My thought of the day.......name your price of happiness. How much are you willing to put on the table. This is what i'm thinking about today, that and plastic surgery! LOL ;) Til next time! |
| Song I'm Listening To: Pop Will Eat Itself - X Y & Zee |
| Book I'm Reading: Practical Aromatherapy |
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| Song I'm Listening To: I Need You Tonight - Inxs |
| Book I'm Reading: Home Remodeling |
| April 18th, 2002 Happy 3 month anniversary to me!!! I weighed myself and i've lost more weight. I now weigh 244.5lbs, which brings me to a 70.5lbs loss! :) I'm finally getting excited over this. I feel good about it. I went walking this morning, over all a good day so far. So here is some of my list of what I can do now being post op: Cross my legs indian style when I sit on the floor I sit on the floor without struggling to get down (up can still be a challenge) Sit in boothes at resturants Fit in any car seat, and put on the seat belt Buy clothes at Lane Bryant again! I don't snore anymore My PCOS is going into remission I can feel more comfortable naked around my boyfriend SEX SEX SEX!!!! Oh how it all fits SO much better! Move my car seat up because my ass is shrinking I can wrap a large towel around me See and feel my collarbones and hip bones! :) Have room to navigate thru smaller places Comfortably tie my shoes Well........the house stuff is still going, i'll have more on that tomorrow. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! :) |
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| Ah, the joys of true love......... I love my baby more than I ever knew I could love anyone. Thank you for the most amazing gift i've ever received, the gift of chance. I love you! |