| August |
| August 5th, 2002 Howdy hello folks! See, i'm getting better at this updating stuff! :) So I was talking about self recognition. I think a lot of MO people detach from the reality of their physical body. It becomes too much to bear. I deluded myself into still seeing myself as thinner then I actually was. Like, I never became too big, things just got magically smaller and that was totally acceptable. It never dawned on me until about 2 years ago that I was simply just too fat. Well, not simply. So I was at this b-day party on Friday night and some digital pictures were taken. When I saw myself I started to tear up. I looked "thin" for the first time in my life. Lets face it, no matter what I told myself I looked like a picture never lied. For the first time in my life i'm seeing myself as thinner and now i'm a socially acceptable kinda fat. It's exciting for me. I've never been socially acceptable in many different fashions, esp this one. This has touched me so deeply. I feel so liberated. I'm at 208.5lbs now.........almost at my next goal of 199. So far away from that girl of 7 months ago. Struggling to walk, to breathe. At my new job I have to run up and down stairs at least 5 times a day. I do it with ease, no effort. I run around the office and do it breathlessly. What a total gift. I fit in my car now, in between boxes, between desks, etc. I don't have to master plan a navigation route to walk somewhere. When I think about it I cry because in my whole life this has never been the case. I'm finally free of the self hate obession and as a result all aspects of my life are beautiful. I even have 2 reiki clients! I'm able to help and heal people because i'm cleaner and more free. Happy, for the first time in my life. I actually LOVE my life with all of it's ups and downs. I never thought i'd EVER say that. It's amazing to me. I wish everyone sweet dreams tonight! :) |
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| August 6th, 2002 OMG 2 days in a row! Couldn't you just shit yourself? LOL I'm waiting for dinner to get done. The man didn't start the BBQ until almost 6pm. KILL! ;) Everyone at my new job is just so wonderful. I really like it there. When they ask me where I was before and I say corporate they all just look at me like "wow, at least she got saved!" It's so funny. They make anti corp america jokes all day. I really like it there! :) So I had something to say but I totally forgot. I suppose I don't always have to be profound. LOL My friend Kelly is flying in for my b-day party. I'm totally excited. I get to meet her and show her the town. I'm very excited. So here's a funny gift that the weight loss has brought. Skip if talk of my underware and wiping scare you or grosses you out. So, being fat you have to spread your legs rather wide to make sure all the places unmentionable are nice and clean after using the restroom. That usually means you have to drop your pants to the floor so you can spread your knees. Underware usually don't let you have that kind of spreading range. So I've noticed over the past few weeks that I no longer have to drop my undies and pants to the floor when I use the potty. I can spread and reach all the said places without dropping anything. It's very nice because we all know what lerks on bathroom floors. I had to hold my pants up that inch so nothing would get on them. What a fucking chore! Now I piss with ease..............*giggle* Thank you everyone that's been signing my guestbook. Although I don't have time to get back at everyone personally, know that it means the world to me! Have a goodnight everyone, my food is ready baby yeah!!!!!!!!!! :) |
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| August 9th, 2002 DSL was down. Hours later the man figured out that Halo chewed thru the phone wire. Brilliant! :) Work has been really busy and I totally love my new job. The woman I angel has her surgery set for the end of this month. Aug 28th......and I'm so excited for her. She's coming down for my b-day and I can wait to meet her. Her journey is going to be amazing to watch. She's so ready for this surgery and it's going to change her life in so many amazing ways. I'm so happy for her. Tonight is puppyplaytime and then i'm doing a reiki session afterwards. Other than that i'm just getting ready for my party. My mom comes down next Tuesday and will be staying with us for a week. Long story about my mom, but it's the relationship I love to hate. Isn't it always the way with moms and daughters. LOL It's hot as a mug out there today. ICK! Even losing weight, I still sweat ALL the time. Now I have nothing to blame it on dammit! ;) That's all I have to say today, just same ol same ol. I'm at 207.5 and holding! :) |
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| August 12th, 2002 Hey all! Life is just go go go...........but I can't say I don't love it. The man and I have been getting the house ready for the arrival of my mom and her boyfriend tomorrow. Also, we are getting the house ready for the party on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it! I think it's gonna be a blast. I still totally love my new job, more and more everyday. The people there are amazing. I've been busy there too which is good. I wanted to hit the ground running and I have. I think they are impressed, at least I hope so! :) I've been looking into holistic schools and whatnot. I am really diggin the evening spiritual healing stuff. I'm getting better and better and my correctness seems to be on target. I was even able to give a friend her surgery time frame. I told her in Virgo and her surgery is Aug 28th! WOOHOO! That excites me. I made a really cheesy website of which i'll be expanding. For now I think it works, it gets across the point. Click here if your interested in spiritual healing (shameless plug) :) Other than that things are things. I think i've actually gained about 2 lbs from eating crap. I'm not freakin but it's an alarm that i'm not doing things right. I am not getting in my protein and probably low on water too. I need to get better now that i'm working. Get into the groove baby yea! :) Take care everyone! |
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| August 16th, 2002 Mom has been in town, work is busy, i'm tired. Gearing up for the party tomorrow. I'm totally excited. I've up'ed my protein and now i'm back down to 208. Life has been life. Nothing horribly exciting yet chalked full of just stuff. They say like 7-8months post op the center of your life switches. I have to agree, because the focus of my life has shifted. Before it was ALL about the surgery and whatnot. Now it's about building my entire life and happiness. I know that it's a beautiful thing tho, because I truly love my life now. I couldn't say that 9 months ago, or even 7 months ago. Symphony will be here tomorrow too. It's gonna be a great time. I'm gonna go make some potato salad and stuff now. I'm sure i'll have TONS of party gossip come Monday! :) Much love to everyone and remember to love life for what it is and not what you wish it to be. :) xoxoox |