What it feels like for a girl

I feel like a recovering cancer patient. You get your chemo, doctor says your clear, and you go about your life. A while later…….you forget. The people around your forget, and the world begins again. Then you turn on some TV channel and it slaps you in the face. It was your fight, your disease. My disease is morbid obesity. It’s a chronic, life threatening illness. I am in remission, but I am not cured. All of the sudden my sense of reality is dampened thanks to the Discovery Health channel. I had my surgery, and I have forgotten my struggles. I have forgotten that I have an illness. One that kills. Like a cigarette to a lung cancer patient, I eat carbs and sugar. I am moved to a point of action – so I go to Starbucks for coffee. I might as well light up. Hell, I even quit smoking over a year ago so I could be skinny/healthy. A year later I’m addicted to sugar and coffee. Great trade. Guess I’m full of bright ideas. I’m mad and ashamed of myself. I fell into the stereotype. I can only blame myself. Well……….at least now I enjoy fitness. What a difference 9 months make. Sometimes patients need to relapse to remember now bad things can be. Time to make myself a doctor’s appt. You see, I’m real sick. I have this life threatening disease called morbid obesity……………..

Q. Did you have your open or lap?

A. Open, I had no choice with my insurance.

Q. Where did you go to find out more information about your surgeon?

A. I went to www.obesityhelp.com and PB’s website to find out more information. I did not have a choice who my surgeon was, Kaiser picks it for you.

Q. How do you determine which is the best type of surgery you should have?

A. Usually your insurance company just chooses like in my case. If I could of chosen, I would of thought of things like my starting weight, recovery time, scarring, and pain management.

Q. What side effects am I feeling?

A. It depends on the situation. I can dump on excess sugar, but very rarely. My biggest problem is the “bubble” from eating too fast or not chewing enough. It’s a severe pain that locates in your chest. It stays there until you throw the food up, or it passes thru your anastamosis. Its one of the worst pains I have ever felt in my life.

Q. What can you eat and not eat?

A. I can eat everything and anything. I stay away from rice tho. It took a LONG time to work up and introduce foods into my diet. If I overdo sugar tho, I will dump.

Q. Did your hair fall out?

A. Yes, it happens. It is a side effect of the surgery and most likely will happen to you too. Deal……..it sucks. But in respect what is a little lost hair compared to death by obesity?

Q What was your recovery time?

A. Physically, I had sex 11 days out. After about 2 weeks I was fine. The first week I thought I wanted to die. I was feeling mostly normal about a month out. Mentally, I’m still trying to recover. It’s gonna take a lot of therapy to get me into a state of normal living.

Q. Do you have loose skin?

A. I weighed 315lbs, would I not have loose skin? It sags and it’s ugly………but I’ll take it over not being able to wipe my own ass.

Q. How has your life changed?

A. In everyone wonderful, scary, amazing, terrifying way possible. It’s such a unique journey, and it’s made me a changed woman. It’s just not easy ;)

Q. What do you do for exercise?

A. I work out at least 4 times a week. I do about 45mins of weights and then about 20-30mins of cardio. It feels great. When I was first post op, I just walked. It was key in my recovery.

Q. Would you do it all over again knowing what you know now?

A. HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!