July 6th, 2002
It's gonna be a long one today...........so bear with me. First off, I did try to update but Geocities was being a little bitch yesterday. UGH! Well, how do I describe what i'm feeling today. In shock. I'm down 99 pounds. One more to the holy 100. Less than 6 months. Holy shit. My body used to be my prison. Now it's becoming my vessel. I used to loathe life, waking up hopeless. I used to think, oh I wish I could do that, fit into that, go there, try that. Now i'm fitting there, trying that, doing that. I used to get sick all the time, my body used to fail me. Now, I can ask it for a little bit more. Not without fear tho, because my mind still thinks it will fail me. As Tori Amos says, It's been a pretty good year. Let's rewind to July 4th and my amazing day. The man and I went up to my Uncle's for a BBQ and fireworks. I love going up there because I always have a good time. I missed my dad a lot tho. Seemed like something was missing. I made some jammin fruit salad (with cottage cheese mixed in for protein thank you very much! LOL) and some deviled eggs (good protein too). We played free throw and I made it from the free throw line before my man and my uncle!!! I laughed my ass off because you know.......i'm just a girl and all that! ;) LOL My cousin's girlfriend and her family were there too. The doggies were running around playing with my little cousins having a blast. When it came time for fireworks my man helped my 2 little cousins pick out the fireworks they wanted to see and then lit it for them. Watching him give my cousins the biggest smiles warmed my heart. I had both my puppies curled up next to me as we watched the fireworks display. My uncle then leaned over and said to me, "You have a good man Kimberly, a REALLY good man." My heart was full of so much love at that point. I looked around at my family and the smiles and love and thought to myself, I am one damn lucky woman. My uncle has an inversion table. It's one of those tables that you lie down on and then flip upside down. Well, he looked like he was having so much fun. I really wanted to try it. Instead of telling myself next time because i'm too fat I asked what the weight limit was on it. He told me I was fine (and gave me that shut up look) and got me on it. I flipped upside down and hung there, then started to rock myself back and forth. I extended my arms out and just rocked........feeling so free. Here I was, upside down swinging hanging by my ankles......me........it was just so amazing. I had a blast. I can't describe to you what that moment and feeling meant to me. Such liberation in that moment. Such self love and pride. I fucking did IT! And I wasn't too heavy, and I wasn't too scared, and no one made fun of me. Now, all I want to do is everything I couldn't do before. I want to go go cart riding and horseback riding. I want to go clubbing and dance for hours. I want to move around. I want to live and eat healthy and make mistakes and learn. So on Wednesday i'm going goth clubbing with Carrie. I'm so very nervous and excited. I haven't gone goth clubbin in 5 years (since I left Sacramento). It's gonna be a big day for me. :) Here's my only bitch. On the 4th the cousin's girlfriend's father (uncle's cat rabbit dog......ha ha ha) made a fat comment in front of me. I guess i'm no longer fat to strangers. We were talking about flying and leg room. This guys says (in all of his beer gut glory I might add) that he hates it when a 400 pound guy sits next to you. In that voice.......and all my sisters and brothers know that tone. My man just grabbed me tight like honey.......it's okay. He must of known my blood started to boil. I let it go because I decided for my cousin's sake it wasn't worth it. Next time I don't think i'll be that polite tho. I have a chance to educate, and I don't think i'll ever let that chance slip by me again. Well.......i've talked everyone's ear off. Much love to all. Have a great weekend! :) |
