March 23, 2003
Howdy folks! Tons have been going on, but mostly now it's just life. I had a pretty emotional weekend. I'll start off with everything about my parents right now. First off, there's my father. If you read back to July you'll see we aren't on speaking terms. My father is very abusive and has a liking for crank. He got clean a few years back and I decided to give him one last chance. I was glad because it turned out he was a cool guy. We grew very close and had a very strong relationship. Well, he moved to Las Vegas and when I saw him in July he was no longer that guy. I ended our relationship and although I remember the short loving relationship we had fondly, I can no longer give him anymore chances. Well on Friday I found out he's back in the bay area. He has probably fucked up his life out in Vegas and now he's beggin the family to love him. Oh poor Jim. FUCK HIM! He's a damn bastard. The thing that really pisses me off is that they will forgive him and now my relationship with them will become strained because he'll be over at my uncle's house, etc etc. I lose my family because I can't forgive a hurtful, self centered, hateful man. I feel shafted. I'm still not talking to my mother because I again always forgive and i'm sick of being ran over by people that have put drugs, booze, and sex over me and my feelings. FUCK HER! I don't want my child growing up having part time grandparents that come in and out of her life. I had enough of that when I was growing up, I refuse to have my child go thru that. Now the only family I have (or want at this point) live two hours (and two states) away in Sacramento. Friday night I was so upset I was even entertaining the thought of moving back there to be closer to them. My honey says that one of the things he loves about me is my forgiving nature and my loyality. I live to love.......but i'm done hurting. Okay, so now that i've gotten that ramble off my chest I feel a tad bit better. On to better topics: like my baby. If you haven't seen the pronouns yet, I'll confirm. We are having a girl! *hooray* We have a ton of pictures of her but my scanner isn't working for some reason. I know, get a damn digital camera. Trust me, if I had the money i'd be all over it! So far we've bounced a ton of names around and my favorite is Anya. I think it's pretty and a little bit different. I went out and bought a book of Disney short stories to read to her. Last night I read her Snow White and then we dozed off to nite nite time. I've bought some really cute outfits for her already. I'm so excited. We are doing the nursery in a fun, femme way. We are painting each wall a different pastel color and then we are painting clouds on the ceiling. We got color swatches on Friday night and I think we found our colors. Basically we are shuffling the house around to get the rooms ready. My honey moved my office into our dining room area which actually works really well. Then we touched up the paint in the office, and then ripped out the carpet in the hallway and that room. Then the man is refinishing the hardwood floors underneath which are in great condition. It's gonna look killer when it's done! Then he's moving his office into that room and then we repaint the nursery and rip out the carpet in that room. Once her room is done we'll finshed the carpet in the other two rooms (bedroom and living room). Then we'll have hardwood floors all thru out the house! Yeah! It's really gonna look nice! Another piece of cool news is that the man and I eloped two weeks ago! I'm not Mrs. Berry! Hooray! :) We just decided to say screw it and get married. It was cool, my family was there and it was a day to remember to say the least. So like I said, lots goin on. The new job is great. I'm so very happy to be there! It's busy as all hell tho but I totally dig it! I don't dread going to work anymore! It's so great! :) So that's the long and short of life right now. In all reality life is great and i'm very lucky. I have an amazing husband, good friends, great job, wonderful home, and a little girl on the way. Take care everyone................of yourself and each other! :)
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